A/N:

So I realize Glee is over and has been for years, but I recently started rewatching it and wanted to read some fanfiction for it. I wanted to read something funny and random but couldn't find anything that really fit the bill, so I decided to write my own.

The Bachelor Pad plot is one I've used 4 1/2 times already, for each generation of my original characters, so all I did was transplant the Glee kids into that world and it practically wrote itself. So this is the 6th time I've written a "Bachelor Pad" story and I wanted to keep it consistent with how I wrote it all the other times. That being said, it might not make a ton of sense sometimes lol.

I know the only people who will find this are people who are just browsing fanfiction . net for Glee stories because they still love the characters. So this is for you guys.

Haven't been on ffnet in the last 7 years also btw... Is xD still a thing?

I don't own Glee, Bachelor Pad, or any of the television shows that might be mentioned or simulated throughout the story. (Obviously if you've ever watched Bachelor Pad this might make more sense. If not, congrats on the brain cells you saved, for real.)

This takes place between seasons 3 and 4, before Finn and Rachel break up, because that's all I've rewatched. Nothing beyond that exists for me at this point.

Finchel, Klaine, Samcedes, Brittana, and Tike are the ships. Some Quick if you squint I guess.

Bachelor Pad: Glee Edition

The Dayton International Airport doors slid open as a motley gaggle of recent high school graduates wandered through, attracting a few stares at their bright, unique clothes. They looked decidedly out of place; they were out of place. They were from Lima, after all.

"This is going to be so exciting!" the group's self-proclaimed leader declared, clasping her hands together in delight and looking around the inside of the airport in amazement. "Isn't this the best graduation present ever, Finn?"

"Yeah," the other teen agreed with a tepid smile. "I mean, winning Nationals was pretty awesome, too."

"Still, it was so nice of Mr. Schue to send us all on a vacation as a reward!" Tina chimed in, beaming.

"Nice, and a little suspicious…" Quinn couldn't help but add, Artie nodding in solemn agreement.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Blaine inquired.

"That's just it, he won't tell us!" Rachel enthused in reply, and her smile slipped when she realized this did sound, in fact, very suspicious. After a brief pause, Kurt stepped in.

"We should probably stop standing in front of the door, guys."

The group arrived at the check-in desk, and Rachel tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Excuse me, we're the McKinley High Glee Club?" she spoke in proper nouns, her tone as if they were very well-known. The attendant just raised a skeptical eyebrow. "We're here to pick up our boarding passes. Everything should be paid for already." She gave Finn an indulgent smile.

"Destination?"

Finn and Rachel looked at each other. "Uh, we don't know. It's a surprise," Finn told the attendant with a clueless nod.

"Airline?" The pair exchanged worried glances again, and the attendant sighed. "Are you…are you at least departing today?"

"Yes!" Kurt answered brightly, happy to be of help. The attendant began typing resignedly.

"Maybe we should just wait for Mr. Schue to get here," Mercedes advised with caution, and the others turned to her. "For all we know, he and Ms. Pillsbury might have our tickets already."

"True, but where should we meet?" Rachel wondered, and Santana just shook her head and took out her cell phone, texting Will Schuester like it was in fact the twenty-first century. As she did, another airport attendant approached them.

"Excuse me, are you the McKinley High Glee Club?" he asked, and Rachel strode forward, straightening her posture and putting on a winsome smile.

"Why yes, we are!"

"These are for you," he said, and handed them an envelope before taking off. Inside were an assortment of boarding passes for their flight.

Mercedes nodded. "See, I told you Mr. Schue had it under control!"

"Uh, in case you didn't notice, that guy wasn't Mr. Schue," Sam felt the need to inform her.

"He probably paid some guy to make us feel like VIP," Rachel surmised, and Kurt mumbled something along the lines of "Of course you think that," while she headed off. "Let's go to our gate!"

"Speaking of payment, how in the world did McKinley High get the funds for this?" Puck asked, looking at his boarding pass upside-down for a beat before flipping it over. "There's no way we made enough from Nationals to afford a trip like this, just for us."

"Yeah, most of the money would go to something way more important, that probably actually has something to do with the school or education," Artie agreed.

Before Santana could reply, Brittany interjected, "Holy crap, this says we get our own private jet?!"

Understandably, every single person first looked at their ticket to confirm if what Brittany said was true and not some ill-informed fantasy, then erupted into cheers and exclamations of joy. Puck and Artie's concern was immediately forgotten.

At the gate, no one was there except them, confirming the private jet theory. "We really are getting the VIP treatment! It's like we're actually famous!" Rachel gushed.

Santana finally snapped out of her daydream and said, "Oh yeah, Mr. Schue texted me back and said he's running late. He and Ms. Pillsbury had to stop and get gas, but they should be right behind us." A few people nodded, but mostly her comment went ignored as people continued to delight over the private jet and newly established fame.

Kurt eventually calmed down as well and said, "So, I noticed we only have fourteen tickets here." He held up the extra one and looked around. "Do you think it's for Mr. Schue?"

"But, then that would mean Ms. Pillsbury wouldn't be going…?" Tina mused.

"Or, maybe they have their passes already, and this one is…extra?" Mike folded his arms in thought.

"If that's the case, is someone else coming with us?" Sam looked at everyone. "I mean, this is pretty much everybody in our glee club, all the regulars anyway. I doubt-"

Just then, a high-pitched scream emitted from behind them, and they all turned with varying degrees of trepidation. "Oh my god, guys! You get to go on the trip with me!"

Sugar Motta raised her hands above her head in rapture, then ran towards them while they stared on in fear. "Oh god no," was all that was uttered.

Chapter One: Jet Plane

Puck dropped his head back against the seat in the waiting area. "How is Mr. Schue still not here? Did he stop for gas in Indiana or something?"

Quinn smiled at him gently. "Well, it's not like our flight is boarding yet. There's still time-" The attendant picked up the mic and announced the boarding of their flight. "Or, well…I hope he gets here soon."

"That's our plane?!" Santana blurted out, glaring out the window as the others joined her. Their "private jet plane" was apparently nothing more than a hollowed-out heap of scrap metal with two off-kilter wings that truthfully didn't even look the same length.

Puck smirked in approval. "Now that's more like what I'd expect from McKinley."

"It's beautiful," Brittany whispered, while by her side Rachel was near to tears.

Finn wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Well, look on the bright side! It may not be the most glamorous thing, but-" Some piece of the plane fell to the Tarmac, unidentified but likely important. "Okay I'm scared."

"No, Finn's right!" Blaine cheerily replied. "As long as it gets us from point A to point B, we have nothing to worry about!"

"But that's just it, Blaine!" Kurt cut in. "I don't think that contraption can get us from A to B! We're all going to die in a horrific crash before I've even had a chance to become a legendary success in New York!" Rachel burst into tears at the sound of this, and Blaine looked contrite. "Face it, that plane is a death trap. Honestly, I…" Kurt glanced at his ticket again. "I'm not sure I even want to get on that thing."

"You mean you don't think we should go?" Tina asked, as the call resounded again for boarding.

"But…vacation," Brittany murmured, crestfallen.

"We came all this way," Mercedes started up, taking a step forward. "Look, Kurt, I get that you're scared. A lot of us have never flown on a plane before."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Have you seen that thing? This has nothing to do with being a first-time fl-"

"But if it goes down, we all go down together, at least." Mercedes shrugged, and everyone stared in horror at her morbid conclusion. "Well, except Mr. Schue. Where is that guy?"

"I'm with Lady Hummel on this one," Santana sighed, strolling over to them. "As tempting as a vacation with all you ingrates is, it's not worth losing my life over. I have too much to live for to go down in a fiery plume with you guys being the last ones I see before I meet my untimely end." She scowled and sashayed back over to the window.

Rachel drew in a shaky breath, then squared her shoulders. "No, I agree with Mercedes."

Finn gaped at her. "You think it's fine if we die as long as we-?!"

"No! I mean…I agree with Blaine!" she finally decided. "And besides…Mr. Schue wouldn't have booked us this trip if he just wanted us to die on the way there, would he? We have to trust him. We always have, up until now, and look where it's gotten us?" The group all looked at each other, and she took Finn's hand. "As long as we're together, we can do anything."

"Even survive that?" Santana looked again at the plane, but the final boarding call came over the PA. "Ugh, fine. Let's just go!" They all headed down the jet bridge, except for Puck, who boarded 10 minutes ago.

The plane was even worse inside. It was small and cramped and had seemingly no AC running. It took them all several minutes just to get Artie's wheelchair situated before they could take their own seats.

"This is my first time in an airplane…" Finn admitted to Rachel, who gave him an uneasy smile back. "How about you?"

"Yes, although I never expected it to be quite like this…" One of the overhead compartments fell open of its own accord as she looked around.

"Maybe taking a bus to Nationals all those times was actually a blessing in disguise," Mercedes grumbled, edging into the seat behind them as Sam took his spot beside her.

"It's still exciting to be getting out of Lima," he added. "Hopefully Mr. Schue is taking us somewhere exotic and not like, Dallas or something."

"Speaking of, is he still not here yet?" Kurt looked down the aisle towards the front of the plane, Santana nearly braining him with her carry-on in the process. "This plane could leave at any minute."

Santana gave him one of her trademark evil smiles that betrayed absolutely nothing. "Relax, this plane wouldn't leave without him. They're probably calling him over the PA in the airport right now. 'Last call for William Schuester,'" she snickered.

"And Ms. Pillsbury, don't forget," Brittany chirped.

But even as they waited, their teachers never boarded, and the hatch closed. The pilot began making opening remarks, and the glee students once again looked at each other in surfacing confusion. The plane was beginning to taxi away from the jet bridge when Finn finally stood up, banging his head on the overhead cabins.

"Um, excuse me!" he called to the stewardess, who regarded him with a blank smile. "We're still waiting on a couple of people, could you…hold the plane for a few minutes?"

"I'm sorry, but if we're to depart on schedule, we have to leave now," was her bland reply, and Finn grasped for something to say. Rachel kicked him in the shin impatiently.

"Ow- please, they'll be here any second now. Oh- Look! I think I see them now!" He pointed emphatically at the plane's door, which was of course closed and revealed no view of the jet bridge, much less anyone rushing towards them. The stewardess didn't look, and instead told Finn to take his seat before walking off.

Rachel sulked at him and he just shrugged. "I tried."

Blaine smiled reassuredly at them from his seat across the aisle. "They'll just have to put them on another flight. We won't be on our own for very long." He turned to Kurt on his other side. "Though wouldn't it be fun to go somewhere unsupervised, without teachers? It would feel more like a vacation and less like a…school trip."

"That's true," Kurt breathed nervously. "But it could be dangerous without any adults."

"Well, maybe if this were Lord of the Flies…"

"With the way this plane is looking, it probably will be," Artie chimed in unhelpfully as they rumbled across the Tarmac.

"Not to mention we don't even know where we're going!" someone in the back panicked momentarily.

Blaine found he had no reply, so just beamed at Kurt again. "It'll be fine."

The engine roared to life with an unsettling groan, causing a few people to shriek in fear or excitement. Kurt was white-knuckling the armrest with his already pale hand, and Blaine set his own over it. "Are you alright?"

"Is it supposed to sound like that?" he managed in a thin voice, but Blaine just shook his head knowingly.

"I remember the first time I was in a plane. It can be a pretty nerve-wracking experience."

"Was it really anything like this though?!" Santana leaned around the seat to shout at him as the engine screeched and sent them forward with a rumble and grating that made it feel as if the plane were dragging itself across the asphalt rather than rolling.

Blaine looked up in thought. "Admittedly no, but-"

There was a severe jolt as if they'd run over something, and everyone called out in shock, grabbing whatever they could to stabilize themselves. "We're not even off the ground yet," Puck noted with a glance out the window, and Quinn rested her head back and resumed praying.

They accelerated down the runway and miraculously made it into the sky, which had everyone clapping until the plane tilted drastically to the side and they were back to screaming.

Finally they leveled out, and Blaine turned to Kurt. "See, was that so bad?"

Kurt was silent, then blinked. "I'm sorry, what? My life was flashing before my eyes."

"You're infuriatingly optimistic, you know," Santana groused at Blaine. "Even Finn has given up." Indeed, the former quarterback was ashen with fear.

Rachel stood grandly and turned to her friends, snapping Finn out of his funk. "Whoa Rachel, it's way too early to be taking off your seat belt," he reminded her, but she strode down the aisle anyway.

"Well, I think it's about time we broke into songs about flying or air travel. We are the Glee Club after all. Any requests for me?"

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow!" Kurt immediately brightened.

"I think Tom Petty has one about flying…" Finn contributed with an easy smile.

"Freebird!" someone (Puck) shouted.

"Can't we just ride in peace?" Quinn said under her breath, and Mercedes uncharacteristically agreed with her. "Yeah Rachel, we just cheated death, so I'd like a little quiet time instead of listening to you belt out something irrelevant from Broadway. Sorry Kurt."

Rachel hmphed and turned to Sam. "Then Sam, you sing something. Your tastes are much more…pedestrian. Maybe that would please the masses."

Sam raised an eyebrow, unsure of whether to be offended, but eventually pulled his guitar from nowhere and fired up John Denver's Leaving on a Jet Plane. The masses were appeased and some even joined in. Will would've been proud.

A few more rounds of fogey, even-more-irrelevant-than-Broadway classic rock songs about flying had Rachel asleep, and there were high-fives all around.

"Is it weird to anyone else that we have no idea how long this flight is?" Mike posed.

"Or when we'll touch down. We might almost be there for all we know!" Sugar peppily agreed. They were not almost there.

Tina looked out the window but it was just clouds. And one of the plane wings didn't look right so she promptly closed the cover. "I think our best bet would be if we all went to sleep. Then we'll be sure to have energy if we do land."

"Did you just say 'if'?!" Santana asked hastily, and they all agreed they should go to sleep before another bout of panic set in.

The aircraft did make it to the ground, and Blaine was standing at the front of the plane as everyone came around. "Come on, we're here!"

"Did you sleep?" Kurt asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Do you sleep?" Santana added in a wary tone.

Finn stood, hit his head a second time, and shuffled out with Rachel. "Do we know where we are yet?"

"Have you heard anything from Mr. Schue?" Mercedes asked Santana, who shook her head. They disembarked from the plane with their luggage and stepped out into insufferable humidity.

"God, I thought the plane was bad, what with the no AC and all," Puck grumbled, pulling his T-shirt from his damp body. "Where the hell is this, Thailand?"

"Please don't be Thailand," Artie pleaded, rolling down the jet bridge with the others.

Tina, Mike, Sugar, Puck and Brittany went to procure airport rations for everyone, while Blaine, Finn, Kurt and Rachel went in search of some kind of map. Santana, Mercedes, Artie, Quinn and Sam hung back to await a reply from Mr. Schue.

"Why don't you just call him?" Sam asked finally, and Santana rolled her eyes.

"Because Guppyface, if we are in Thailand, a phone call to the US would cost me like, a million dollars. All we can do is wait for a reply to come through, if he answered while we were on the plane."

"You probably won't get a reply any time soon," Rachel came back with the others, sighing loudly. "There's apparently a huge storm coming."

"Explains the humidity," Blaine said to his hair, which had doubled in size and volume since they arrived.

Santana clicked her tongue and lowered her phone. "You're right, I'm not getting a signal at all."

Finn looked at everyone carefully. "Guys…this is kind of bad."

"Why, because we're stuck in the middle of nowhere, separated from our adult supervisors who planned this trip with no way to contact them and an apparently giant tropical storm moving into the area?!" Kurt shrieked, and Finn recoiled.

"Dude, chill…but yes."

"You did find out where we are, didn't you?" Mercedes pressed.

"Yes, it's a remote island in the Caribbean, part of some larger group of islands," Rachel waved it off, beginning to pace.

"So it's safe," Blaine reassured them. "Or…inhabited at least."

"We think," Finn added unhelpfully.

"Wait, you mean to tell me that thing made it across the ocean?" Santana jerked a thumb back towards the plane, and Kurt paled into sheer white at the thought.

Just then, the food squad returned with burgers and fries in tow. The others updated them on the situation as food was dispersed, and they started walking at Artie's prompting. "We might be able to get a signal if we move through the airport, who knows."

"What about a hotspot," Brittany spoke up tonelessly.

"Yes, Brittany, it is extremely hot in here, thanks for the reminder," Artie snapped, desperate to remove his wool cardigan. "But I don't think this is a geographical hotspot."

"Wait, are you talking about like, volcanoes?" Sam asked, wide-eyed.

"What?!" Rachel screeched at the sound of more impending danger. "Are we cursed?"

Quinn waited until the expected panic and misunderstanding blew over, then said, "I think what Brittany is talking about is a mobile hotspot."

"Oh so volcanoes move now." Sam stopped walking, clearly angry to learn this.

"You know, like Wi-Fi?" she stopped as well and faced him. "It wouldn't help with the phone signal, but we'd at least be able to contact Mr. Schue. Like, through e-mail."

"E-mail?" Puck pronounced, as if she'd made it up. She turned to him, but Santana held her hand up.

"Wait I've got a signal right here!" She held her phone up like in the movies and walked around, watching the bars climb from one to two, and eventually three. She was standing on top of a dolphin structure in the middle of a fountain when Will's replies started coming in. "I've got it!"

"Awesome! Just…be careful."

They all watched as her phone dinged repeatedly, and with each message that came in, her expression morphed from surprise to confusion and eventually, fear.