—AFTS—
I thought returning to Arizona was hard. That was nothing compared to taking Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela to Los Angeles. But like I needed see the parts of my life before a mad-man stole me away and left me alone, they needed to see the world I'd grown up in, where I'd spent the fourteen years of my life they missed out on.
The day after we found ourselves confesses our true feelings at the edge of the very park that had haunted me for months, my family and I once again found ourselves at the airport waiting for yet another plane. This time, however, we were preparing to go to L.A., and not back to Forks. As he always was, Edward was at my side, holding my hand, reassuring me that everything would be okay. I was so thankful for him.
"Bella Cullen," he murmured, lowering his lips to my ear. I smiled and shivered, and I felt his lips curve upward into his usual sexy smirk.
"What?" I asked, breathlessly, doing my best not to look at him.
"Bella Cullen," he whispered again, and once more, I resisted the urge to look at him. It's what he wanted. He was luring me into his little game of cat and mouse. "Baby, don't make me play mean."
"I can't make you do anything, love," I murmured, but I shifted my eyes to him. Just as I expected, he was looking at me like I hung the moon, like I was his everything, and he didn't see anyone else. My breath caught in my chest. "Edward."
"I love you," he whispered, closing the distance between our lips.
"I love you, too," I echoed.
"Flight 3455 to Los Angeles is now boarding."
Blowing out a deep breath, I shifted my eyes to my family, all of whom were waiting for me to make the first move. One by one, they stepped forward. Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice first, followed by Garrett, Kate, and Angela. Carlisle and Esme joined the line, leaving just me, Edward, Charlie, Renee, Miranda, and Marcus, who was watching me intensely to see how I'd react, see if I'd have another panic attack. I wasn't sure I wouldn't, but Charlie and Renee needed me to be strong for them, so I put the biggest smile on my face, tightened my hold on Edward's hand, and stepped in line behind my father.
Marcus leaned down and placed his lips just outside of me ear. "You're stronger than you think you are."
"I hope so," I murmured, because I was terrified about my two worlds colliding. In Los Angeles, I'd always just been Isabella Cullen, the girl who was found abandoned. In Forks, I'd become Isabella Swan, the girl who had once been lost but was now found. I just wanted to be Bella. Just me, just a girl finding her way in the world.
Marcus and Miranda slipped to the front of the line and watched as the rest of us filed past the flight attendant, down the tunnel to our plane. Charlie and Renee seemed almost as nervous as I was to be going to California, and I hated that they would once again be reminded of the years they'd lost with me, the years that had turned them from being my mommy and daddy to being my birthparents.
As we buckled into our seats, Charlie reached across the aisle, wrapping his hand around mine. "Do me a favor?" he murmured, and I was vaguely aware that everyone was watching us.
"Depends," I said, causing him to smile.
"Going to Phoenix was hard on all of us, but especially on you because it was new and different. There was so much pain mixed in with the happiness, and I know it was a lot to ask of you. But now I'm going to be selfish and ask that when we get to L.A., that you don't hold back." Charlie reached over with his other hand, wrapping his fingers around Renee's, who had shifted her body so that she was facing both of us. "We love you so much, and this is our chance to really get to know you and the life you had before Forks."
"I can't promise that I won't struggle to hold back parts of my life there, but I will try to be open and honest with how I feel," I offered. "Is that good enough?"
"Always has been, always will be," he murmured, giving my hand a squeeze before releasing his hold.
Our flight from Arizona to Los Angeles took just over an hour, and I spent the entire trip clutching onto Edward's hand. He, on the other hand, did everything he could to keep me distracted. First by whispering in my ear and reassuring me that everything was okay, that he loved me, that my family loved me, and then by simply kissing me. The single act had me blushing bright red, like I always did around him.
As we had done when we landed in Phoenix, the minute our plane stopped at our gate, we gathered our belongings and walked into the airport. Dozens of people milled around us, some chatting to each other casually, while others were rushing to their gates, muttering about being late. However, it was the person standing ten yards from the gate that had mine and everyone's attention.
Angela threw her carry-on bag to the ground and took off running, leapt into Ben's arms, and wrapped her body around his. As we stood back and watched them, I noticed the way her shoulders shook, and I could hear the muffled cries coming from my sister.
"What are you doing here?" Angela asked, leaning back just enough to look at him.
Ben smiled. "I'm here for you."
"But your mom . . ." She trailed off and shook her head. "I thought she wouldn't let you come."
"Well," he started, looking embarrassed, "after Marcus called, she and I had a long talk. Once I explained her exactly what the trip was about and everything, she relented. Of course, there are a few stipulations, like we can't be left alone, but here I am."
"Wait!" I said, shifting my attention from Ben and Angela, to Marcus, who looked smug. "You called his mom?"
He nodded.
"Why?" I asked.
Marcus smiled. "Because Angela needs him."
"I really do," Angela whispered, and when I looked over at her, I saw her with her head resting on his chest. Where Edward was my rock, my salvation, Ben was that person for Angela. She'd grown up in my shadow, or Isabella's shadow, and it hadn't been easy for her to let go of her anger, just like it hadn't been easy for me.
"You okay?" Marcus asked, eyeing me closely.
Nodding, I bit my lip and did my best to blink back my tears. And I was okay. Marcus was looking after my sister, trying to make this as easy on her as he could, and for that, I was thankful.
—AFTS—
Once again, I found myself too nervous to sleep. Leaving Alice, Rose, Kate, and Angela asleep in our hotel room, I slowly made my way out into the hallway with my music book and iPod, prepared to attempt to lose myself in a song, but stopped short when Charlie walked out of the room across the hall from mine. He smiled as he looked over at me.
"Can't sleep, either, huh?" he asked.
I shook my head. "Too wired, I guess."
"Same here," Charlie laughed. "Had too much caffeine yesterday. The older I get, the harder that crap is on me." He paused. "I was going to check out the gym for a while. Do you, maybe, want to go with me?"
"Um, yeah, okay. But if air hurts me, I'm blaming you," I said, lifting an eyebrow.
Charlie's lips twitched as he fought a smile. "Deal."
Together, the two of us made our way down the hallway to the elevator. I'd fought so hard to keep him and Renee out of my life, determined that I could live without them. And if I hadn't found them in Forks, hadn't learned that they were my birth parents, I could have lived the rest of my life being almost happy. Almost because there was so much about my life that only they knew about. Now, I didn't wonder when my birthday was, what my middle name was, or if I was at risk for heart disease. I'd finally learned who I was, which helped me know who I am now. I finally felt like I'd come full circle.
"You coming?"
Shaking my head, I realized that Charlie was holding the doors to the elevator open, waiting for me to follow. "Yeah."
I followed him across the lobby to where the pool, sauna, and gym were located. The gym was empty. There were a couple of treadmills, an elliptical machine, a few exercise bikes, and two racks of dumbbells.
"So, what are you starting on?" I asked, looking over at him.
He pursed his lips together and looked around. "Think the treadmill is safe?"
"I don't know," I admitted, warily. "I mean, it could be air trying to trap us into a false sense of safety just before it springs its evil trap on us."
Charlie nodded. "I think I'm going to risk it, though. How about you?"
"I suppose so," I said, dramatically. "But if I get hurt, I'm telling my mom it's your fault."
Giving me a smirk, he said, "Go ahead. Esme won't believe you."
"No, she won't," I murmured, knowing he was right. Though it had been difficult for Carlisle and Esme, they'd become very close to Charlie and Renee. At one point, their close friendship had been excruciating for me to handle, but now, I was glad they had each other. "Okay, let's get this shit . . ." I threw Charlie a sweet smile, ". . . I mean, crap over with."
"That's the spirit!" Charlie cheered, choosing the bigger of the two treadmill. While he set a fast pace, I wasn't stupid. I set mine at barely a trot, knowing that if I fell and got hurt, he'd never forgive himself. Charlie needed to keep me safe, just as much as I needed him to always be there.
—AFTS—
Tanya and Seth were waiting for us in the lobby when we came down. I hadn't seen them since Easter. Their heavy workload always made it impossible for them to spend Christmas with us. There was something about the holiday season that caused them to have more kids who needed them, who needed someone to save them from whatever obstacle life had thrown in their way. Tanya had been that person for me when I needed her, when I found myself lost without anyone knowing who I was. She'd brought me to my family.
Smiling, I rushed across the lobby and threw myself in their waiting arms. The moment they were holding me, the damn broke and I found myself weeping.
"Shh, sweetheart, it's okay," Seth soothed, his lips finding the top of my head.
"I know," I wept. "I've missed you."
"We've missed you, too," he said, and when I lifted my head up, I saw a smile on his face. "Are you happy, Bella?"
I nodded. "I am."
"And are you sure you're ready to do this?" Tanya asked.
I looked over at her. "No," I admitted. "But like I needed to know my home for the first three years of my life, they need to know about my home for the next fourteen."
Tanya smiled. "They do." She shifted her eyes over my shoulder at everyone. "Looks like I finally kept that promise, huh?"
Once more, I found myself nodding, because she had. It had taken her longer than we expected, but she'd found my parents — both birth and adoptive — but more than that, she'd found my family. I had brother, sisters, and friends who cared about me, who just wanted me to be happy. It hadn't been easy, but for the first time in my life, I didn't feel lost anymore.
"Well, are you all about ready?" Tanya asked, clearing hear throat as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder.
A general murmur of agreement trickled throughout the group, though I noticed the way Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela were tense and awkward, clearly unsure if they were ready for this or not. I understood their feelings. I'd felt the same way as we found ourselves back in Arizona.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled away from Seth and Tanya and walked over to Charlie and Renee, offering them each one of my hands. They looked from my hands up to my face, tears filling their eyes.
"Come on," I whispered.
Slowly, almost to the point of it being overly-dramatic, they wrapped their fingers around mine. Without looking at the rest of my family, without relying on them to hold me and sooth away my frazzled nerves, I led Charlie and Renee out of the hotel and out to our cars.
The drive from the hotel to our first stop was tense and awkward. When we made the decision to travel to Arizona, Marcus told us that it was important for them to see my life in L.A., too, which meant starting at the hospital where I'd been left. In all the years that I'd lived in the city, I'd never returned to that hospital. A part of me had been afraid that if I did, I'd lose my mom and dad, lose my brothers. Carlisle and Esme understood my fears and never pushed me to confront the building that changed my life. Maybe if they had, I wouldn't have had such a difficult time accepting Charlie and Renee, or maybe not. I'd lived in the vicious circle of 'what ifs' for too long, and I refused to go back to that place. It'd almost cost me my life, almost cost me the family I'd longed for but struggled to accept.
We parked in the visitors' lot and climbed out, following Tanya through the hospital into the emergency room, and out through the ambulance bay doors. Stopping just outside of the doors, she brought her hand up against the side of the building and looked over her shoulder at me. "This is where you were found. This exact spot."
Blowing out a heavy breath, I walked over to her, placing my hand on the building. The tears I'd been fought all morning broke free and fell carelessly down my face. "Tell me more," I whimpered.
"Reagan, the nurse who found you, had come out for a smoke break. She told me that she found you curled up against the wall, that you were crying. She said it took her a few minutes to convince you to let her take you inside. It was cold that night, and all you had on was a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. You didn't even have shoes on."
"We'd taken them off at the park," Renee murmured, and I looked over at her. "You wanted to bury your feet in the sand, so we took them off. And when it was time to go, you refused to put them back on. I was too tired to fight you about it, so I left them off and put them in the seat next to you. I guess he didn't think about leaving your shoes, too."
"Reagan did say that her feet were dirty and we found sand between her toes," Tanya murmured, placing her hand on my shoulder. I looked over at her. "Are you ready to go inside?"
I nodded, unable to speak.
She smiled as she led us back through the set of automatic doors. The nurses and doctors standing behind the counter watched us with piercing looks, and I suspected that Tanya had briefed them about our visit before we arrived. In the back of the group, however, stood an older woman with short gray hair and large blue eyes. She walked around her co-workers, her hand coming up to cover her lips. There was something oddly familiar about her, almost like from a dream.
"Is this her?" the woman asked, tilting her heard toward me, but directing her question to Tanya.
My aunt smiled and nodded. "Bella, this is Reagan."
I inhaled a sharp breath as I looked back at the woman who had found me that night. "Oh."
"I've thought about you so many times over the years," the woman said, walking over to me and taking my hands in hers. "Your aunt would come in and tell me about you, tell me how you were. I always wanted to meet you again, but I didn't want to push you."
I wasn't sure what to say. Here was the woman who'd saved my life, saved me from getting lost. "Um, I . . . um," I trailed off and shook my head, unable to organize my thoughts enough to actually speak.
"It's okay, dear," Reagan murmured, keeping my hands in hers as she reached up and placed her other hand on my cheek. "Would you like to see the room I took you to?"
My head bobbed up and down, and tears sprinkled across my cheeks. Smiling, she wrapped her arm around my shoulder and led us down the hallway, past her co-workers, who were still watching us with bated breath. She stopped in front of room number six, and with a look back at me, she pushed it open.
I took a deep breath as I stepped inside and looked around. It wasn't any different than the emergency rooms I'd been in before. There was a bed, a couple chairs, a cabinet that held supplies, a trashcan, but at the same time, it felt so different, so personal. I could almost picture myself laying on that bed, imagine the blanket pulled up to my chin as I cried and begged for them to find my mommy and daddy.
"It was late," Reagan said, drawing our attention to her. "When I found you, it was late. Nearly two in the morning."
"Some might call that early," Charlie murmured, and when everyone turned and looked at him, he blushed and added, "She wasn't hurt, right? Just cold and tired?"
Reagan smiled. "No, she didn't have a mark on her. Once I talked her into coming inside, she wouldn't let me put her down, so I held her while one of the doctors —" Both Charlie and Renee inhaled a sharp breath, "— a female doctor," she amended, "did a quick check-up. She was freezing, so we got her a warm blanket, and she was hungry. I ordered a pizza. There was this little place about four blocks away at the time, and they were open all night. They had the best pizzas." Reagan paused and laughed. "She ate three slices! I had never seen a child eat so much."
"She always liked pizza," Renee whimpered, and I turned and grabbed her hand, knowing how difficult this had to be for her. "What happened next?"
"She was tired, and it was so late. She fell asleep in my arms. I tried to lay her down, but she refused. Every time I tried, she cried." Reagan shifted her eyes to me. "So I held you for hours while you slept. When my shift was over, I just couldn't bear to leave you alone. Tanya hadn't gotten here yet, and you were so fragile. I called my husband and told him that he had to get our girls ready off to school, that there was a little one who needed me."
"Was he mad?" I whispered.
She shook her head no. "For a moment, he didn't say anything. Then he said, 'Hold her tight, darlin'. I've got things here.'" Reagan wiped a tear from her cheek. "He was an amazing man, who understood that sometimes, my patients needed me."
"Was?" I whimpered.
"Greg passed a few years ago after a long battle with cancer," she explained.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, feeling like an idiot for bringing him up.
"Don't be," she said, smiling. "He lived a good life. He got to see our girls grow up, get married, start families of their own. I miss him, but I know that one day, I'll see him again." Taking another moment for herself, she turned her attention back to the room. "Tanya arrived just after nine, along with the police."
Clearing her throat, Tanya pulled our attention to her. "When I arrived, you were barely hanging on, Bella. It took nearly three hours before you'd speak to me, and the police kept asking you what your name was, where you were from, anything that could lead us to where you'd come from, but you couldn't tell them anything."
"Except that my name was Isabella and it was hot," I whispered. "I remember that much."
"We put together all the information we had and put out an all-points bulletin, but we didn't get any solid hits. A lot of attention seekers, but nothing real. And after a very long day, I knew that Bella needed stability, she needed comfort," Tanya said, placing her hand on her chest. "I knew she was special, that she wasn't like the other children that I'd been called to help. She wasn't being neglected, and there weren't any signs of abuse. She was different, and I couldn't bring myself to send her to group home, or an overcrowded foster home. Esme and Carlisle had just been approved to take in foster kids, so I made the decision that — if they agreed — I'd take Bella to them."
"And of course we agreed," Esme added, causing everyone to look over at her. "How could we not? She needed us."
An awkward silence filled the room, and it was clear to me that nobody was sure what to say next. This room had changed all of our lives.
—AFTS—
You know how when you're little, everything seems so huge? Trees look to be a hundred feet tall and the road seems twice as wide? That's how I felt standing in front of the house I'd grown up in. It had only been two years since we left Los Angeles, yet the large, brick house seemed three times as big as when I watched it fading away in the rear view mirror.
"This is just . . ." Emmett shook his head and looked over at me. He had his arm wrapped around Rose's waist. "Weird?"
"It is," I agreed, smiling at him.
Jasper pulled away from Alice and walked across the front yard to a large oak tree. Running his hand over the bark, he smiled. "Bell, Em, come look."
Stepping away from Edward, Rose, and the rest of our family, Emmett and I joined Jasper. Etched into the tree were our initials: EC, JC, and IC. I was almost nine when Jasper, who had just received his first pocketknife for his birthday. It was hot outside and Esme had kicked us out of the house, saying that we needed to get out from in front of the television and get some fresh air. We grumbled and laid out in the grass, whining about the heat and how we were bored when Jasper stood up and started carving into the tree. When I asked him what he was doing, he just shrugged his shoulders and said he was leaving our mark. Every time I walked past the tree, every time I found myself struggling with who I was or who I wanted to be, I found myself standing under the tree, letting our initials remind me that I had a family, that I wasn't lost and alone anymore.
"Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?" Jasper murmured. "Back before Alice and Rose and Edward, back when it was just the three of us."
"Remember how pissed we were about moving?" Emmett laughed softly.
"Yeah," I whispered, reaching up and dragging my fingers over the letters. "I was scared. You know how I am with change."
"We do," Jasper muttered.
"The unknown, new people, knowing that they'd be curious about us." I paused and blinked back my tears. "About me. I didn't want to leave here. A part me wondered if I'd get lost again, and I did for a while. I found myself away from the sun, hiding in the shadows because I was too scared to see that there were people who loved me, people who wanted me. I was afraid that I would lose the only family I had. Still am, sometimes."
"We were supposed to go to Forks, though." Emmett bumped me with his shoulder. "You were supposed to find them, find Edward. Just like I was supposed to Rose."
"And Alice was meant for me," Jasper added, causing us to look at him. "I love her."
I smiled. "I know you do."
"It's been a rough couple years," Emmett admitted. "I wasn't ready to share you, Bella. Not with Charlie and Renee, or Garrett and Angela. And certainly not with Edward," he added with a frown, and I knew how hard it was for him to see me needing someone else. I'd relied on him and Jasper for so long. "But if I've learned anything over the last couple of years is that you can never have too much family."
"Even though you're both assholes sometimes, you know I love you, don't you?" I murmured.
"Of course we do," Jasper laughed, slinging his arm around my shoulder.
"Yeah, Bell. We've got you, remember?"
"It's your jobs, right?" I asked. "As my brothers?"
"Fuck yeah!" they cheered, loudly, but when Esme cleared her throat, they both flinched and looked over their shoulders at her to where she was standing with a frown on her face, even though Carlisle was struggling not to laugh. "Sorry, Ma."
"Whatever," she scoffed. "I've given up trying to keep you three from cursing."
"Sure you have, Mom," I said, turning and walking back over to them. "But the next time Emmett drops an f-bomb, or Jasper calls someone an A-hole, you'll be chewing their ass . . . . I mean, butts out."
"Probably," Esme admitted, nodding. She shifted her eyes up to the house. "Are you ready?"
I inhaled a deep breath and looked over at Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela, all of whom seemed as terrified to be standing here as I did when I found myself standing in front of their house in Arizona. "I don't know."
"You know, I've imagined this place so many times," Renee whimpered, and Charlie automatically had her in his arms. "There are so many memories locked way in there. You losing your first tooth, first day of school, Christmas, birthdays, nights spent watching the stars. I want those memories," she cried, wrapping her fingers around the front of Charlie's shirt.
"I can't give them to you," I wept, bringing my arms up around my torso. In a heartbeat, Edward was behind me: holding me, keeping me from falling off the ledge of despair.
"I know, but I was supposed to be your mother," she blubbered.
"But you weren't," Marcus said as he walked over to her, placing his hand on his shoulder. "You weren't her mother. Esme was. And I know that's hard to handle, hard to accept, Renee, but you have to."
"That's right we're here, right?" Renee asked, sniffing back her tears. "To find closure on that part of our lives?"
Marcus nodded. "And?"
Though his question was directed to Renee, it was Garrett who spoke. "To share in this part of her life."
He dragged his hand over his face and through his hair, and I knew he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. While Garrett had wanted nothing more than to be my brother, he'd begged me to at least be my friend first. It was hard, and making the decision to be his friend almost cost me my brothers, and the aftermath had me standing on a cliff fighting against the urge to step off.
Garrett looked over at me. "This is you. You were the little girl who chased fireflies, right?"
I shook my head. "Fireflies scared the crap out of me."
Everyone laughed.
"Seriously," I said, shuddering. "Anything that glows in the dark is creepy as fu . . . crap," I amended, shifting my eyes to Esme. "Sorry."
She rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything.
"I've never seen fireflies," Angela whispered. "But I was afraid of grasshoppers."
"Skeletons on the outside of their bodies?" I asked. "What's not to be afraid of?"
"And frogs," she added.
"Warts," I whispered.
Marcus let out a loud, boisterous laugh. "Okay, now that we've admitted your odd phobias, which we will be exploring during one of your sessions, are we ready to go inside?"
Taking a deep breath, I slipped my hand into Edward's and nodded. "As ready as we'll ever be."
The walk up the path to the front door was difficult. Regardless if we wanted to admit it or not, everything was going to change once we stepped inside. The walls held my laughter, my tears, and my pleas for someone to find me, to love me, to want me. I both hated and loved this house.
"The people who bought the house from us foreclosed a year ago," Carlisle explained, pulling a key out of his pocket and unlocking the door. "The bank was reluctant to allow us in, but since we'd been customers for years, they agreed."
Nobody acknowledged what he said, and I knew it was because we are all too nervous. He pushed the door open and looked at me.
"Sweetheart?" he murmured.
Though my heart was racing and my lungs felt tight from my labored breathing, I found myself walking past him and into the large house. Two years had passed since I'd found myself standing there. I hadn't been happy about the move, and more than once, I had to inwardly stop myself from panicking about leaving everything I knew, the only place I'd known. I knew my life was going to change, I just had no idea how much.