The Needs Of The One

by wuemsel

"Honey, I'm home!"

Leonard put the paper bags of groceries onto the kitchen counter in Jim's apartment. "We're having fish tonight, don't care if you like it."

As he started unpacking vegetables and herbs, he heard footsteps behind him. A slight breeze from the water wafted in through the open balcony door. "And real ice cream," he added without turning around. "You can have some, if you unlock the liquor cabinet."

"The Captain's alcoholic beverages are on open display."

At Spock's words, Leonard turned around. "Hi." He smiled. "Well, no ice cream, then, I guess, since he can't unlock any cabinet."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "A logical conclusion."

"Mine usually are," Leonard said. "You staying for dinner?"

"I hadn't planned to."

"There's veggies," Leonard said in a mock seductive tone, indicating for the heap of greens he'd placed on the counter.

"Correct," Spock said.

Leonard snorted. "Jim outside?"

"He was called to Starfleet Headquarter," Spock replied.

"Ah. Yeah, they keep doing that. Just to mess with him, I think. Bastards won't let him get out of line ever again." Leonard opened the fridge to grab a beer, tilting his head at Spock questioningly.

Spock shook his head at the wordless offer. "Judging from his reaction at the call, I believe that is Jim's assumption also."

Leonard twisted the cap open and took a swig. "He's smart, that's why." He put the wrapped fish in the fridge and closed it. "So what brings you here?"

"Originally, a social visit to Jim," Spock said.

Leonard lifted an eyebrow and his beer. "How emotional."

Ignoring the comment, Spock added, "But I stayed after he left, because I want to talk to you."

At the uncharacteristical hesitation in Spock's voice, Leonard raised both brows, amused. "I see. Whatever it is, it's not my fault." He smirked and took another gulp from his beer.

Spock swallowed as if nervous. It was a most unusual sight. "Indeed it is not."

"Jesus, Spock, dramatic much?" Leonard said, frowning. "So illogical. What is it?"

Again, Spock clearly hesitated. Leonard was sure that had he been human, he would have picked up a tomato off the counter just to have something to fiddle with. As it was, he stood immobile and straight, hands clasped firmly behind his back.

It seemed like he was searching for the right words to begin. Leonard didn't think he'd ever seen that happen before.

He put his beer down and leaned against the counter across from Spock, folding his arms in front of him. "Goodness, that bad? Fuck, what did I do?" he asked, worried in earnest now.

He hadn't seen much of the Vulcan, since he had temporarily moved into Jim's apartment in San Francisco, so he could be near the Starfleet Medical Center. Surely he hadn't had enough time to insult Spock that badly. He couldn't even think of what it might have been that he'd done or said to cause that reaction.

Spock raised a brow, surprised. "You assume it must be some error on your part?"

Unfolding one arm to reach for his beer, Leonard replied, "It's been known to happen. C'mon, you're making me nervous. Just spill it."

Spock straightened his posture even more. He looked as tense as Leonard had ever seen him.

"I had assumed," he started, "that your staying with Jim was due to assignments at Starfleet Medical Center. I was not aware you were in treatment."

Confused, Leonard frowned. He hugged his beer. "It's just a circle of routine check-ups," he said.

"Routine would imply your treatment was for something common, though," Spock said.

"Well... yeah, obviously no doctor has ever had the chance to study a de-katra-ed human, so there might be some tests just done for curiosity's sake involved," Leonard said. "Also, you're a smartass." He took a sip from his beer. "And what about it has your ears in such a twist, anyway?"

Surprisingly, Spock failed to react to that at all, but just continued, "The Captain has also informed me of your initial difficulties in obtaining your legal paperwork."

Leonard felt himself blush slightly. He cleared his throat, studying his bottle. "Uh... yeah, but that's all fixed now. They were pretty understanding once your father got involved. Thanks, actually. I don't think I said that before."

"It wouldn't have been appropriate," Spock said, "since I wasn't made aware of Sarek's involvement in your case."

Leonard looked up. "Oh. Huh. I thought-"

"I wasn't made aware of any of the difficulties my action resulted in for you."

"I'm..." Leonard put the beer down again and grabbed the counter behind him to lean on his arms. "... not following," he finished.

"It has come as a rather... distressing reveal to me, all that you have experienced that I didn't know about."

Leonard stared at Spock, at a loss for words. He opened his mouth, closed it again. "Uh..."

"I have always valued our friendship," Spock said. "Despite our differences, I have enjoyed our conversations, even our mind is one of the most interesting I have ever encountered and the realisation that I harmed it – harmed you – for selfish reasons has made me feel ashamed."

Leonard was about to ask Spock to pinch him, please, when Spock added, "I hope you can accept my sincerest apology, Leonard."

"Okay, time out." Leonard pushed himself off the counter, holding his hands out as if trying to calm a spooked animal. "This is nuts. What in blazes did that idiot tell y-"

"Earlier today, Jim thanked me for convincing Sarek to contact Starfleet on your behalf. He was as surprised as you were to hear that I hadn't been aware of any need for that. After that, understandably, I had questions regarding the reasons for your difficulties and Jim provided the answers."

Leonard ran a hand through his hair. "Right. Because from how you're behaving, it looks more like he exaggerated the whole thing beyond recogni-"

"You were admitted to a mental institution," Spock interrupted him. "You were deprived of the right of decision in your absence."

"And Jim was charged with kidnapping a mental patient and stealing a starship and we both know that's not what he really did, either. I mean, he did steal the Enterprise, but-"

"You were arrested trying to obtain an illegal shuttle ride to Genesis. If you had succeeded in your endevour, you would most likely be dead now."

"Stop fucking interrupting me!" Leonard snapped. "What's all this got to do with anything, anyway? You don't apologise for giving us the chance to bring you back from the dead! My god, Spock, you..." He shook his head. "Idiot hobgoblin," he said in a gentle tone and smiled. "You can apologise for neckpinching me, okay? Cause I hate that. Gives me a headache."

"I would think it was a minor grievance compared to the distress your body went through in the aftermath of Fal-Tor-Pan," Spock said softly.

Leonard slumped back against the counter and absenly picked up his half-empty beer. "Jim tell you about that, too, huh? What for? What good did that do?" He shook his head again and took a sip.

Spock's right brow shot up. "I believe he found it relieving to share the emotional effect seeing you suffer has had on him."

Leonard frowned. Jim hadn't said a word to him about any "effects". They hardly ever spoke about the whole affair at all these days. Most of the time, they were too busy praising 23rd century amenities or whining at each other about Starfleet making their lives hell.

"You seem very surprised," Spock said and tilted his head slightly, "at my desire to apologise for having violated your mind in the most unforgiving manner. I would have thought you'd find it highly appropriate."

Snorting, Leonard shook his head. "Violated... Jesus. No, Spock," he said with a sad little smile, "I don't find it all appropriate. If anything, it proves you're not quite back to being the old you, yet, or you'd know I don't want an apology for you trying to survive. Sure, it would have been nice to know what you were gonna do and you could've left a manual or something, too, but from what I gathered, if it had worked like it should've, I would've known exactly how to proceed, right? So that's hardly your fault. Though – you could've expected that I'd be allergic to your soul." He winked and finished his beer.

Spock watched him quietly. He seemed to have relaxed a little, his posture wasn't as painful to look at it as before. It had become harder to read him since he'd returned, almost like back when Leonard had first met him, but he was still sure he could spot the confusion hidden in the forcefully expressionless face.

"Did you really think I was mad at you?"

Spock opened his mouth, but it became clear after a moment he didn't know how to respond.

Leonard put the empty bottle onto the counter and walked past Spock into the living space to flop down on Jim's couch facing the windows and the balcony.

Looking after him, Spock hesitated a moment, then followed him, but remained standing. "I have offended you," he said, looking down at Leonard with what for a Vulcan passed as horrible regret in his eyes.

Leonard sighed. "No. No, just... Spock..." He considered his words, wiped a hand over his face. "If you had told me it was possible, I still would've done it, risks and all. I thought that's why you did it. Cause you knew it was understood I'd be okay with it. I never thought of it as a violation, I considered it a... gift." He looked up at Spock. "An annoying gift, sure, but that's to be expected, coming from you." He smirked, then grew serious again. "But I thought you trusted me to save you against all odds. I've been wondering why you didn't say anything at the time and all I can come up with is that you knew I wouldn't have believed it and tried to stop you, anyway... And I would've and there was no time for that. So it was... logical to proceed as you did."

Spock's mouth twitched. "That is precisely what I was thinking."

"Then why would I be mad at you for that?"

"You could have died."

"You did die!" Leonard exclaimed. Unconsciously, he dragged his legs up onto the couch, hugging his knees with one arm. "You died for us and it broke my fucking heart, it broke Jim... all of us. It was like..." He shook his head. "Like the heart of the Enterprise had died. We're all just useless without you. That fucking bullshit memorial ceremony Scotty and I organised..." Huffing a humorless laugh, he let his head fall back against the headrest. "And seeing Jim like that..." He cleared his throat, sniffed briefly. It wasn't a memory he liked to revisit. "He and I would've gladly given our lives to have you live. I'm sure we weren't the only ones. So – no," he looked at Spock and gave an apologetic shrug, "apology not accepted."

Spock didn't say anything. His face, for once, was truly utterly unreadable, as he unclasped his hands behind his back and sat down next to Leonard on the couch. A few moments of silence went by.

At last, Leonard cast Spock a sideways look. The Vulcan was sitting unmovingly straight, staring ahead at nothing.

"If it weren't completely illogical, because coins aren't part of Federation currency and it is also impossible to obtain another person's thoughts, I would-"

" - offer a penny for mine," Spock finished and looked at him.

Leonard grinned. "Let's do that again when Jim's there, it'll freak him out." He giggled.

The ghost of a Vulcan smile rushed over Spock's face. "I was wondering if you would accept my deepest gratitude instead."

Uncurling, Leonard beamed and slapped Spock's shoulder affectionately. "That's more like it. Yes, I will accept that."

Spock gave a small satisfied nod.

"Of course," Leonard added, "it is about time I get a thanks. You could've at least bought me a drink."

Spock watched him, thinking. "I could have," he said. "But I think having provided you with the opportunity to be the first doctor in history to have cured death should be considered an appropriate substitude for an intoxicating beverage."

Leonard suppressed the urge to laugh and forced his face to remain stoic, pretending to think. "Nah," he said at last and wrinkled his nose as if unconvinced. "I'll take the drink."

"Very well," Spock said. "I shall provide it next time we meet."

"You better. The good stuff," Leonard added with a warning gesture.

"Naturally," Spock said.

"What I just don't get is why did you never say you had a moveable soul?" Leonard blurted out suddenly. "I've been meaning to ask ever since you came back, but then whales happened and all that." He dragged his legs up again, turning on the couch so he was facing Spock. "I've been your doctor for the better part of 20 years; do you know how many hairs you caused to go gray on my head by almost dying? And you didn't think to just once say, 'Don't worry, Bones, I'm immortal' ?"

"It would have been untrue."

"Don't wiseguy me, elf ears."

"I only learned about the possibility of transferring one's katra during my time on Vulcan after the Enterprise's 5-year-mission had ended. Sarek and I studied the old texts referring to it together."

Leonard nodded. "That's why he was so sure you'd have done it before you stepped into the chamber."

"Indeed."

"So, but... bear with me here," Leonard said and got up to walk to the fridge. He returned with two opened beers and held one out for Spock. When the Vulcan didn't take it, Leonard all but shoved it at him, until Spock had to accept it. Leonard touched his bottle to Spock's, took a sip and sat down again, feet on the couch. "You and your Dad discovered an ancient and - shall we say whacky? – ritual no one's performed in thousands of years and in your hour of death you figured, Might as well try it?"

"It would have been illogical to perform it at another time."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Right." He cast Spock a level glance, lifting his beer in a toast. "Well, I'm glad you did it. Here's to giving death the finger."

It took a moment, but eventually Spock followed suit, so Leonard could clink their bottles. The Vulcan even took the tiniest sip, before he put the bottle on the coffee table.

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat, by the way," Leonard said, "just so you know. However, that being said – let's never do it again. You die before me again, I will expect you to apologise. Got it?"

Spock gave a curt nod.

"Good." Leonard patted his knee and stood. "Now go buy me that drink and be back for dinner, doctor's orders."

Spock looked from him to the barely touched open beer on the coffee table, took it and held it up to Leonard with an innocent expression.

Leonard almost choked laughing.

"Yeah, okay," he panted, when he could speak again and took the bottle from Spock, "that's that done. Come help me in the kitchen, then" He looked over his shoulder to make sure Spock was following him back to the kitchenette, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Has Jim tried talking you into that camping trip he keeps rambling about, too?" he asked as he opened the fridge to take out the fish.

"Indeed he has," Spock replied.

"You gonna go?"

"I have considered it."

Leonard nodded. "He says he wants to climb a goodamn mountain. One of us HAS to go with him."

Spock placed a tomato onto the cutting board. "I've reached that conclusion also."

"Wanna go heads or tails on it?" Leonard unwrapped the fish and handed Spock a knife with the other hand.

"We would need a coin for that," Spock said, "and as you've pointed out earlier-"

"Ah yes. Guess we'll both have to go, then."

"It would appear so," Spock said, cutting into the tomato.

Leonard gave a long-suffering sigh. "Great. Camping with Jim Kirk will do wonders for my blood pressure."

Spock shot him glance but didn't say anything.

"A fucking mountain," Leonard grumbled under his breath and started cutting into the fish.

THE END