SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY CAFETERIA, DAY. THE STUDENTS ARE EATING LUNCH. IN THE BACKGROUND, AT THE ENTRANCE AND EXIT TO THE KITCHEN, MR. DERP IS SERVING STUDENTS.
CUTS TO: BOYS TABLE. STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN, KENNY AND THE OTHER BOYS ARE EATING SCHOOL LUNCHES; CARTMAN IS EATING LIKE A PIG. KYLE GETS ANNOYED, BECAUSE CARTMAN IS GETTING CRUMBS ON HIM.
KYLE: Dude, eat with your mouth closed, please!
CARTMAN (Rolls his eyes): Fine, Kahl.
CARTMAN EATS WITH HIS MOUTH CLOSED. STAN BITES INTO A PIECE OF CHICKEN, BUT SPITS IT OUT.
STAN: Bleugh, this tastes terrible. (Turns to Kyle) I'm telling you dude, Mr. Derp is not the best cook around. If Chef were alive, this food would be much better.
KYLE: I agree Stan. But we have to accept the fact that Chef is dead. Anyway, I don't see Kenny complaining about the quality of the chicken.
THEY LOOK AT KENNY, WHO'S SITTING ON STAN'S RIGHT; HE HAS HIS HOOD OFF AND HE'S EATING WITHOUT COMPLAINT.
STAN: That's because all he eats is frozen toaster waffles and baloney sandwiches without condiments.
JUST THEN, THE DOORS SWING WIDE OPEN AND BUTTERS COMES RUNNING IN, SHOUTING TO EVERYONE. EVERYONE STOPS EATING AND LOOKS AT HIM.
BUTTERS: Fellas! Fellas!
JIMMY: Hey Butters. Wh-wh-wh-what's u-u-up?
BUTTERS: What's up?! I saw Chef!
THE WHOLE CAFETERIA IS SILENT FOR A MOMENT; STAN BREAKS THE SILENCE.
STAN: You can't have Butters, because Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and I saw him die.
BUTTERS: But…. He can't be dead. I saw him, I swear.
STAN: Dude. He died right after we saved him from the Super Adventure Club. We were escaping, then before Chef could reach the other side, the bridge collapsed. He fell, and had his leg impaled on a rock. Then a Puma and a Bear appeared and mauled him right in front of us. He shat himself right after he died.
THE STUDENTS HAVE THEIR HEADS DIPPED IN MOURNFULNESS, AS STAN FINISHES TELLING THEM HOW CHEF DIED. JUST THEN, THE BELL RINGS, AND EVERYONE LEAVES THE CAFETERIA.
HILLTOP OVERLOOKING SOUTH PARK: SEVERAL FIGURES ARE STANDING THERE. THEY ARE THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB, INCLUDING DARTH CHEF. WILLIAM CONNELY SMILES AND TURNS TO CHEF.
CONNELY: You have done well Chef. You've travelled the world with me, molested children with me, and now, you have led me to your town.
DARTH CHEF: Thank you sir. Now, to the school.
CONNELY: Sounds like we struck the Jackpot. Let's go, and fuck some kids!
OTHER CLUB MEMBERS: Yeah!
CONNELY AND THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB FOLLOW DARTH CHEF INTO THE TOWN.
MAIN STREET: WITH DARTH CHEF IN FRONT, THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB MARCH THROUGH THE TOWN, WHILE UP ABOVE THEM, DARK CLOUDS GATHER.
CITY PLANNER BUILDING: WENDY'S MOTHER, DEBORAH, IS AT HER DESK. SHE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW AND SEES WHAT SHE BELIEVES TO BE CHEF.
DEBORAH: (Gasp) It…. It can't be! He's dead, yet, he's alive!
SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY HALLWAYS: STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN AND KENNY ARE WALKING TO CLASS WITH THEIR BOOKS.
KENNY (Muffled): You know something Dudes? I believe Butters is telling the truth.
CARTMAN: Why would you believe anything that Butters says?
KENNY (Muffled): I don't know. It's just a feeling I have, that Chef came back from the dead, just like I can.
STAN: Kenny. I know how much you miss Chef, but everyone's gotta move on. Let me remind you loud and clear: Chef, is, dead. End of Story.
KENNY SIGHS.
KENNY (Muffled): Yeah, you're probably right. Butters was probably seeing things again.
THE BOYS ENTER THE CLASSROOM; THEY STOP SHORT WHEN THEY SEE AND HEAR THE ENTIRE CLASS TALKING ABOUT CHEF BEING ALIVE. EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN THEORIES.
KEVIN: I think he was put into a life support system like Anakin Skywalker was at the end of 'Star Wars Episode III'.
BEBE: I believe now that he's a paedophile, he travels the world and takes children's lives by fucking them to survive.
THE BOYS TAKE THEIR SEATS.
CARTMAN: It sounds like everyone believes Butters.
MR. GARRISON ENTERS; HE'S ALREADY PISSED AT HIS CLASS BECAUSE THEY WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT CHEF.
MR. GARRISON: Class, please SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!
THE CLASS TAKE THEIR SEATS AND CEASE FURTHER CHATTER.
MR. GARRISON: Now class, I understand how much you Miss Chef, but you have to accept that Chef is dead, boom, gone; accept it.
CLASS: We Accept Chef's passing, and we know he's never coming back.
MR. GARRISON: Good. Now, we can continue on with the life of Robin Williams.
Ext. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY: THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB ARE AT THE DOOR OF THE SCHOOL.
DARTH CHEF: Well, Connely. Here is South Park Elementary.
CONNELY: Excellent Chef. Now, it is time.
CONNELY KNOCKS ON THE DOOR TWICE.
MR. MACKEY'S OFFICE: MR. MACKEY IS ON HIS COMPUTER. AS THE NEW VICE PRINCIPAL SINCE STRONG WOMAN AND PC PRINCIPAL QUIT, HE'S GOT MORE RESPONSIBILITIES NOW. HE HAS JUST FINISHED PAYING THE BILLS FOR THE ELECTRICITY, WATER AND GAS.
MR. MACKEY: M'kay, that's the bills for this month sorted. Now I can go to the Teacher's Lounge, and get that last slice of New York Cheesecake.
HE EXITS HIS OFFICE AND STARTS OFF DOWN THE HALL, WHEN HE HEARS KNOCKING. MR. MACKEY TURNS AROUND.
MR. MACKEY: Huh? Who's there, m'kay?
MISS CONDUCT AND PRINCIPAL VICTORIA COME OUT OF THEIR OFFICES TOO.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: Is there someone at the door, Mr. Mackey?
MR. MACKEY: Maybe, I should go check it out.
MR. MACKEY APPROACHES THE DOOR; HE OPENS IT. PRINCIPAL VICTORIA AND MISS CONDUCT JOIN HIM; THEY SEE THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB STANDING AT THE DOOR.
MISS CONDUCT: Who are you?
CONNELY: We are the 'Super Adventure Club'. Can we come in?
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: I wasn't notified about your presence! Leave right now or I'll-
BEFORE SHE CAN FINISH HER SENTENCE, SHE GETS SHOT BY A TRANQUILLISER DART; SHE FALLS TO THE FLOOR. MR. MACKEY AND MISS CONDUCT HUG EACH OTHER IN FEAR, AS THEY TOO, ARE SHOT WITH TRANQUILLISER DARTS.
CONNELY: You should've said yes.
THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB ARE IN THE SCHOOL.
CONNELY: Everyone, split up; we'll scour the classrooms until every student is rounded up. Now move out!
THE CLUB SPLIT UP. IN MR. GARRISON'S CLASSROOM, HE IS STILL DOING HIS LESSON.
MR. GARRISON: And in 2014, Robin Williams starred in his final-
BEFORE HE FINISHES HIS SPEECH, HE HEARS LOUD NOISES FROM OUTSIDE.
MR. GARRISON: Class, could you hold on? I swear I heard something outside.
HE OPENS THE DOOR, AND INSTANTLY GETS TRANQUILLISED. HE FALLS ONTO THE FLOOR, UNCONSCIOUS. A SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB MEMBER ENTERS. THE CLASS GASPS.
JENNY: Oh My God! Mr. Garrison's dead!
SHE FAINTS; CLYDE, HER BOYFRIEND, CATCHES HER. DARTH CHEF ENTERS, AND EVERYONE IS SILENT.
DARTH CHEF: Hello, children.
CLUB MEMBER: Alright everyone! Follow us!
THE CLASS OBEYS AND FOLLOWS THE MEMBER AND DARTH CHEF TO WHERE THE OTHER STUDENTS ARE BEING ROUNDED UP; THE GYMNASIUM. ALONG THE WAY, THEY SEE TRANQUILLISED TEACHERS LYING LIMP ON THE FLOOR.
STAN: Butters was telling the truth. Chef IS alive.
KYLE: Butters, we owe you an apology for not believing you earlier.
BUTTERS: I forgive you fellas. No-One believes me anyway.
End of Act 1