Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned here. They are the property of Marvel.
You are here at the start of a moment
„I'm here."
The words, so simple yet at the same time so meaningful, felt like a promise and for the first time since they left Asgard behind them Thor found himself able to breathe again. A weight he hadn't known he'd carried lifted off his shoulders as he smiled at Loki. "Yes, you are."
"Well, there wasn't anywhere else for me to go, really," Loki said, trying to sound dismissive. Thor could see right through him, though, could see the truth in Loki's stare that was a little too forceful and fierce to be convincing.
"Wasn't there?" he challenged calmly. For someone like Loki the universe offered endless possibilities which meant that Loki chose to come back instead of going off on his own and turning his back on everyone and everything he'd known.
Loki held his gaze for a moment longer before he averted his eyes in defeat. "It's funny, you know?" he began, raking a nervous hand through his black hair. "For a long time, I only felt anger and rage when I thought about Asgard. Now that it's gone I feel only pain and regret."
Thor took a tentative step closer. "Asgard isn't gone, Loki. It's not just a place. Asgard is its people and they're still here, thanks to you."
"No," Loki said quietly, shaking his head. "To me, Asgard was spending time reading all the books in the library. It was playing hide and seek with you in mother's gardens. It was the Allfather's watchful gaze as we trained, even though I always felt ashamed at the end of the day because I could never beat you." His voice fell to a whisper. "Most of all, Asgard was mother teaching me magic and believing in me when no one else would." He wrapped his arms around his middle and turned away from Thor. "If Asgard is its people, then I have destroyed what I have cherished most and now you are all I have left."
Thor closed his eyes, feeling his brother's grief as if it were his own and in a way it was even though their stories were not the same. He realized that Loki had spoken the truth after all when he said that he had nowhere else to go. They were all that remained of their family, the only two people who still remembered what home felt like once upon a time ago before all the Allfather's lies corrupted them.
"It isn't your fault, you know?" Thor said, taking another step towards Loki. "You didn't kill mother and father."
Loki laughed, a brittle, ugly sound that sent shivers down Thor's spine. "Didn't I?" he asked. "I sat by uselessly when mother was killed and it was me that sent Odin away to Midgard. If I had made different choices, they might still be alive today. You might still have a home."
"Loki," Thor whispered, at a loss for words when it hit him that for Loki, home was something unattainable, a dream or a past long gone together with who he thought he was.
"It's true!" Loki exclaimed, turning around with wild eyes. "If I'd just chosen a different way to stop your coronation then none of this would have happened. Everything went wrong from that point on and you have no idea how gladly I would give my life if it would set things right again."
Thor shook his head, unwilling to allow Loki to talk like this about himself. He reached for his brother's agitated hands and held them gently in his own. Loki stared at him wide-eyed and froze.
"If there was a place and time where everything went wrong," Thor began, "it would be when father took you from Jotunheim and hid the truth from you. That was his mistake, Loki, not yours." He sighed. "I'm not saying that you are not responsible for your actions, but it was father who paved that road for you. It was his choice to lie to you that set everything in motion."
Loki's dull eyes looked up from their clasped hands. "Do you really believe that?"
Thor nodded. "You saw what he did with Hela. The moment she didn't fit his plan anymore he cast her aside. Just as he did with you on the Bifrost, and later after Midgard when he sent you to prison in hopes that mother and I would forget you and move on."
"Mother didn't," Loki whispered. A sad smile tugged his lips upward. "She sent me books and sometimes came to visit me."
"I know," Thor said softly. "I caught her visiting you, once. She loved you very much."
Loki's breath hitched in his throat and suddenly, Thor felt him holding onto his hands as if searching for a lifeline. "I was cruel to her the last time she came to see me and I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye and make it right."
Thor's eyes softened when Loki began to tremble in front of him. "She knew, Loki. I promise you she knew."
They were both quiet for a moment.
"Do you think I could get that hug now?" Loki asked in a quiet, choked voice.
Without hesitation, Thor let go of Loki's hands and drew him closer. His arms wrapped around Loki's lithe form until one of his hands buried itself in the curls at Loki's neck and guided his brother's head to rest on his shoulder. Loki's hands were trapped between them and twisting the fabric of Thor's shirt weakly as he held on.
"You are so much like her," Thor felt Loki whisper against his neck as his body shuddered with barely suppressed sobs. "Your kindness, your devotion, your heart – sometimes I can't even bear to look at you because it makes me miss her even more."
Upon hearing that admission, Thor closed his eyes and allowed his tears to fall as he rested his head against Loki's. "There is much of her I see in you, too. I see her in the way you fight, be it with magic or without," he shared quietly. "I know you are not related by blood but I swear you smile just like her and when you're nervous you wring your hands just like she used to. You might have doubted this in the past, but you are her son just as much as I am."
Against his neck, Loki sniffed once before he pulled back slightly to look Thor in the eyes. His smile was faint and a little shaky but honest. "Just think if she could see us right now," he chuckled, trying to hide his embarrassment.
"She'd be happy that we finally talked and found our way back to each other. That was all she ever wanted," Thor said, knowing it to be the truth. Then a thought struck him and he frowned. "We have, haven't we? Found our way?"
He almost couldn't contain his happiness when Loki nodded without hesitation. "I think we have. I am tired of fighting you, brother. I am tired of being …"
"Alone?" Thor asked quietly.
Loki's eyes snapped up to him. "On my own," he said finally, with a quirk of his lips. "So, where do we go from here?"
Thor thought about that for a moment, letting it sink in that for the first time in years Loki was asking him for guidance and willfully taking a step back. "I don't think that's a decision I can make alone," he said quietly. "But wherever we go I would have my brother by my side."
Loki smiled and Frigga's light shown through it, bright and clearly. "You have him."
The end