Epilogue: Anticlimax

Tayuya had been on observation duty.

She'd been sent here to watch the Leaf's surroundings while he and his new pet did whatever it was they were doing. Now they'd left, but she was still on casing duty. No one had recalled her yet.

"Why the fuck does Orochimaru have me casing this place?" muttered Tayuya as she leaped from tree to tree. "Not like these Akatsuki are gonna still be hanging around after all this. Hang on, what's that?"

She slid to a halt, hiding her chakra as she slipped into the bushes. Looking out, she saw two members of the Akatsuki. They were a pale whitehaired guy and a tan-skinned person whose face was hidden. His lower face was shrouded by a mask.

The white-haired guy, Hidan, probably, was writing in the dirt with a stick while sitting on a log. The other, Kakazu she guessed, was warming his hands on the fire. Eventually, he looked up. "What are you doing?"

"Hey, shut up, Kakazu, I'm running some numbers," said Hidan, wiping out the dirt with a foot.

"What numbers, what are you talking about?" asked Kakazu.

Hidan leaned back onto the ground. "Ugh, all this thinking makes my head hurt. Kakazu, how much chakra and blood do you think we'd need to draw a curse seal around the entire village?"

"A lot," said Kakazu. "Why do you ask?"

"Jashin has a plan, my friend," said Hidan. "Soon, the Village Hidden in the Leaves shall be delivered to us."

"That doesn't sound very profitable," noted Kakazu.

"And Lord Jashin has declared that after we murder them all we can take their stuff," said Hidan.

"Fair enough," said Kakazu.

And then something strange happened. Many hundreds of pieces of paper began to descend down from the sky. They landed, one after another on the ground. Gradually they began to take on the shape of a beautiful, short-haired woman with blue hair. Her face was expressionless as she moved forward.

"Hello, Hidan." said the woman. That was probably Konan.

If these guys spotted her, Tayuya was fucked. Hell, even if she met up with the rest of the Sound Four and got spotted, she was fucked. Even Hidan looked worried because he stood up and accidentally put his foot in the fire. He howled and stepped back. "Um, Konan, we weren't expecting you out here-"

"Your leave has expired," said Konan.

"What?" said Hidan. "Now hang on, I haven't achieved the object of my quest."

"Irrelevant," said Kona. "You were given time to perform a religious pilgrimage and convinced Kakazu to walk with you. You have located the objective of your quest, and now you will be recalled."

"But I had this really great idea about painting a huge curse mark across the entire Leaf Village. I'd raid the hospitals to get blood supplies," said Hidan. "I could kill the entire-"

"No. Too late," said Konan. "Put out the fire, and let's go."

"Oh, come on!" said Hidan. "Kakazu, are we really gonna put up with this?"

"Just shut up," said Kakazu. "Where is Zetsu anyway?"

"On other business," said Konan.

"This is so typical!" said Hidan. "I had everything set up! Pawns in place! Archenemy located! I'd set everything up for a final climactic showdown with dream killings and blood rites!

"And the whole thing gets derailed because Konan can't give me two more days."

"Why don't you ask Jashin to take care of it?" asked Kakazu sarcastically.

"Huh, you know, that actually makes sense," said Hidan. "Okay, let's go. You know what they say, faith manages."

"Shut up." snapped Kakazu. "Or I'll kill you."

"Oh come on, you always say that, Kakazu!" said Hidan.

These two really needed marriage counseling.

Still, why did Tayuya feel like someone else was observing through her? As if some will was rising in the back of her mind. It was calculating the odds.

Not her fucking problem. It was probably to do with those experiments Orochimaru was doing. She could feel slight impulses, the usual sort of thing. Nothing too strong, though.

She'd made her own decisions. Tayuya turned and made for Lord Orochimaru.

Author's Note:

So consider this the comedic after episode thing. I felt I needed to make a conclusion for Hidan and Kakazu, but it didn't fit into the narrative. The problem is that Hidan and Kakazu are the physical villains of the story. But the story is about Neji's issues with his family. Having an epic climactic showdown that threatened the entire village would only cheapen the real climax of the story. That being of Neji establishing his own identity independent of the Main Family.

So we get this, which I use to round out the chapter numbers.