I'm just going to say beforehand that I don't own Oregairu. Welp, you guys got lucky. I was actually thinking of deleting the story, since nobody seemed interested. Thanks to CarolusMagnus1's comment, I'm continuing the story. I did rely on the light novel quite a bit. It was way harder to write than expected. Anyways, what can I say, I'm a simple man. If you guys want a story, then I'll be damn sure to write one you guys can enjoy. Let's do this.

"speech"

Essays/things that are written down

Youth is a lie. It is nothing but evil.

Those of you, who rejoice in youth, are perpetually deceiving yourselves and

those around you. You perceive everything about the reality surrounding you in a

positive light. Even if you make a life-threatening mistake, it would still be seen as

proof of your youth- etched into a single page of your recollections.

I'll give you an example. If such people are to dabble in criminal acts such as

shoplifting or mass rioting, it would be called 'youthful indiscretion'. If they fail an

exam, they would claim that school is not only a place for studying. So long as

they are in the face of 'youth', they'll be showcasing a distortion of any commonly

held beliefs or social norms.

Under their discretion, lies, secrets, crimes and even failure are nothing but the

spice of one's youth. And in their corrupt ways, they discover something peculiar

about failure. They conclude that while their own failures are generally a part of

relishing in youth, others' failures should be shot down as just failures and

nothing more.

If failure could be seen as proof of one's youth, wouldn't it be strange not to

consider those who fail to make friends as experiencing the height of their

youth? Of course, they wouldn't acknowledge it.

It amounts to nothing. The whole thing is nothing but a result of their

opportunism. Therefore, it is a sham. Full of lies, deception, secrets and fraud that

ought to be condemned.

They are evil.

That is to say, ironic as it is, those who do not glorify their youth are the truly

righteous ones.

In conclusion, Riajuu,

go blow yourselves up.

During homeroom I was reading in one of my many books. The book was big and contained a lot of pages, but I didn't mind. The book itself was written in a language unknown to most of mankind. For me, it was as easy as reading Japanese. I had to learn a few languages to even read these books. From English to just some new language in that was translated from another language. It was a pain in the neck, but I as loner was able to do it rather quickly, with the help of one my 108 skills.

Summer was coming. It was obvious by the annoying sound of extra loud Riajuus. I shot a glare at the Hayama clique. Tobe, the idiot of the group, was being loud while spouting nonsense again. My glare towards the group was noticed by a certain fire queen and glared right back at me.

'Scary. What is it with this world and scary women. First Hiratsuka-sensei and now her! Speaking of Hiratsuka-sensei, she is glaring at me right now. The temperatures in the room decreasing quickly!'

Hiratsuka walks over to Hikigaya and slams her hand on his table, with a piece of paper under her hand.

"Say, Hikigaya, what was the assignment that I gave your class?" The tone of her voice was dangerous, you're going to stay single for the rest of your life if you keep that up woman!

"…Erm, it was about your school experience or something, right?"

I never bothered actually looking into my school experience or anything like that. It was not anything I was going to be looking back on anyway. Youth is a lie and school is directly connected with youth, it was disgusting how youth and school gave people a false sense of security.

They thought they were save with their friends and that the teachers will watch over them, and so they believe that youth is innocent. Said innocent would be shattered the moment something bad happened. The worst part about it was that it didn't even take much to shatter it in the first place.

The moment that you stick your neck out, youth cuts you off and throws you away like garbage. The worst part was that cutting your head, would be merciful compared to what you have to through after that. There was always a place where you had to keep in line, so youth wouldn't cut your head.

And school is that place.

Source: Me

A loud voice stopped my train of thoughts

"Stop spacing out! Sheesh, can't you even focus for one second?"

"The topic of the essay was 'Looking back on High School life'. So, I wanted to ask you something. What is this? "

She points at the piece of paper on the word. I recognize the words, it appeared that the sheet of paper was actually my essay.

"That is my essay."

My comment was met with a glare.

"I know that, you idiot. I'm indicating towards what you have written down on this essay, if you can even call that. So I came here to ask why you wrote a threat letter instead of an essay. Are you a terrorist, or just an idiot."

She sighed deeply pulled her hand through her hair, vexed.

'Now that I think about it 'Mistress' sounds a lot more erotic then 'female teacher'.' Grinning to myself, I was met with a bundle of paper that struck my head.

"Pay attention!" another deep sigh leaves her mouth.

"Well Sensei, I did what you asked. I reflected on my school life, didn't I? It was actually pretty accurate compared to what normal school life is these days." I said with a matter of fact tone.

Talking to people makes me nervous, but more uncomfortable then anything. I'm a loner at heart, conversing is like making cats swim. They hate water as much as we hate social events! Before you even ask, no, alchemy does not work on social situations.

Source: me

"Usually these essays require your own personal experiences." She then says.

"Then uhm… preface the question by saying so. It wasn't in the assignment, so you can't say I've done the assignment wrong, yeah. If you had done that, then I would have written a different essay from this one. It's truly your fault for giving me a misleading question. I retorted.

"Uhm… Sensei?"

"Stop being so pedantic kid."

"Knowing you, you would have written this tasteless essay again, but with an example out of your life."

She gave me a look. She was more like studying my face, if anything.

"Your eyes look like that one of a dead fish"

"Do they look so Omega-3 rich? Makes me sound smart" I replied with a smirk.

Her lips curve upwards and points at the book that was on my table. She tried to look at what was on the pages, however she didn't expect me to directly close the book the moment she looked at the pages. This book is mine woman, go find your own!

"You're always seen with an extra bag, containing one book. To be fair, the book is quite large, but it is still an odd sight to see. What is so interesting about the containments of the book that you are always carrying it around? Teachers from other classes are complaining about you reading during their lectures."

She has a curious glint in her eyes, but this was not something I felt like giving up on. Ever.

"Nothing that concerns you, sensei"

She wasn't pleased with the answer and tried to grab the book, but I was faster and put it in my back. She was about to say something, but the bell rang. I put the book in my bag and stood up. Before I left the room, I was halted by the teacher's voice.

"Hold up Hikigaya. You are coming with me."

Now feeling a fair amount of fear in my body. I waited next to the door and let everyone pass me until the final person left. Now I was alone with the teacher, and she did not look pleased with my attempt to escape her.

"You know that I'm not mad, right?" Oh she is doing that thing. The thing that people always do, saying that they aren't mad and that you should just tell them. However, she actually didn't seem mad. Alright, that is a big relief if I ever seen one.

"I wanted to talk you some more" She said with an unreadable face.

The statement left me confused. Never mind, either I was in deep shit or she genuinely wanted to talk to me. Fearing for my life now, I hoped it was the second one.

"Come, let's go to the office. I need to be there anyways."

As we walk inside the office, she sits down in front of one of the computers. She looks at me for a second before asking something.

"Say, Hikigaya, are you in a club by any chance?"

"Nope, and I don't want to join one either." I answer quickly.

The question was quite odd, given the situation. Realizing something was going on here, I immediately was on guard. More so then before, that is.

"You are not in any of the clubs?"

"Yes, just like I said."

She takes out one her cigarettes and lights it with a 100-yen lighter. Woman, stop feeding yourself those cancer sticks!

"Do you have any friends?"

She asked me like she had already assumed that I didn't have any.

"Well, I- I'll have you know that I live by the virtue of impartiality, and as such, am unable to have particularly intimate relationships with people!"

"…In other words, you don't have any."

"…Well basically, if you put like that the-"

"So you are saying that you aren't in any clubs, nor have any friends." Her face brimmed with excitement, as if she knew what I would answer.

"Say…. Do you have a girlfriend or something?"

Wait, what was up with the whole 'something'? What were you going to do if I had said that I have a boyfriend?

"No, I don't have a girlfriend yet."

The 'yet' was there for my small hope in the future, that I would ever get one.

"I see..." This time she gazed at me intensely, with misty eyes. I really hoped it was because of the cigarette smoke irritating her eyes.

Hey, stop that. Don't pity me with that soft gaze.

In any case, where are all these questions going? Is Hiratsuka sensei one of those enthusiastic teachers?

"Now for all serious, let's get back to business."

There it was.

"First of all, you are going to rewrite this piece of garbage. Don't give me something like this ever again. I'll grade your essay after you've gotten me a new one."

Alright, that's completely fine. God, I'm lucky she is being merciful. Although I'm a bit upset about her rejecting my hard work like that! That woman can't even appreciate the essay that I've written down for her subject.'

"Second of all, I've got a choice for you."

'Now that wasn't disconcerting at all.' I thought to myself.

'Oh god, if this is something stupid like joining a club…'

"Because you dared to give me an essay like that, I've decided that I couldn't be as merciful this time. So here is the deal; either you show me what is inside the book, or you'll have to join a specific club."

I stared at her for a moment. She stared back at me. This continued for a good minute or two. Eventually I break the silence.

"Despite your looks, you really are an old witch."

My comment was met with a fist, which I avoided with little trouble, but was still scary. Shizuka-sensei, you're a scary women.

"You should know by know that you don't talk or mention a woman's age." She spat with venom.

Feeling like living another day, I quietly nodded.

"Good, now, for your choice? It's quite an easy one for you."

Welp, here goes nothing. Let's get this over with.

"My choice is…"

After a few minutes we reach an empty classroom, or should we say almost empty. It looked like it was more used as a storage then anything. There was nothing in written on the doorplate, nor was there anything special that set it apart from other classrooms. The only difference was the piled up chairs and tables in the back of the room.

Sensei has a pout on her face, because she didn't get to see the insides of the book.

"We're here." She said.

"I still can't believe you choose some stupid book over doing something that you didn't want."

"I do." I snarked back.

She glared at me before she turned to the door of the classroom.

Shizuka-sensei barges in to the room, much to someone's dismay. The person that was sitting in the room was clearly disturbed by the new people entering the room. She put a bookmark between the pages of the book and closed it.

"Hiratsuka-sensei. I thought I told you to knock before you enter..." she said.

"That's because whenever I knock, you never respond." She responded

Elegant features. Long, flowing ebony hair. Wearing a uniform that should be the same as the group of girls from my class, but still looks entirely different.

"That's because you enter before I have time to respond." She gave a disapproving look in response to Hiratsuka-sensei's words. "And who is that person with you?" She gave me a quick once-over with a cold look in her eyes.

Wait a second, I know that girl. She is Yukinoshita Yukino - Grade 11, Class J

Obviously, I only knew her by face, not personally. She was exceptionally smart, even among the greatest of students. It didn't matter whether it was an entrance exam or just a regular test, she'd always was on top of our grade. It was quite impressive, but my interest are nowhere near academic performances, oh no. The thing, maybe even the only thing, I can say that I'm passionate about, isn't something you can learn here. Well normally that is the case.

I'm just a mediocre student amongst the student body. Therefore, I'm not offended that she didn't recognize me. I could do better, but it would stand out a bit too much. Attention means social situations and social situations mean distractions from my actual focus. Actually it might be for the better that she didn't know me, since that would also cause attention. Loner-kun doesn't like social obligations, which directly correlates to attention. Attention is dangerous, especially for me. May there never be a sketchy person that would be interested in me, but not for romantical reasons or unwanted romantical reasons.

"This is Hikigaya Hachiman, he wants to join your club."

Oi. Why you always lying.

Prompted by Hiratsuka sensei, I nodded in acknowledgement. At this point it's probably time to segue into a self-introduction.

"I'm Hikigaya Hachiman - Grade 11, Class F. Um... hey… Do I really need to do this?" I said while wishfully hoping I didn't actually have to join the club.

"Oh no, as penalty for insulting me and turning in that essay of yours, you will have to join this club. Besides, you caused this upon yourself. I won't allow any disagreement, objection, protest, questions or retorts. Cool down for a bit. Reflect on your actions!"

Having no argument against her logic, besides her childish reasonings, I shut my mouth. Not that I could argue now anyways. A deep sigh escaped my lips, as I thought about how bad this was. My time was valuable you know!

"With that being said, you can probably tell by looking, but his heart is considerably corrupt. As a result, he's a pitiable, lonely person."

Oi.

Sensei turned to face Yukinoshita and said, "If he could learn how to be sociable he might just clean up his act a little. Can I leave him to you? I'm requesting that you straighten out his corrupt, reclusive disposition."

"If that's how it is, I think it would be a good idea if you beat and kick discipline into him," Yukinoshita replied grudgingly.

...What a scary woman.

"I respectfully decline. That boy's lecherous eyes are filled with hidden intent that makes me feel that my life is in danger." Yukinoshita set about readjusting her collar, which was not particularly out of place to begin with, and glared at me.

"Don't worry, Yukinoshita. Since his eyes and heart are both corrupt, he is quite adept at self-preservation and calculating the trade-off between the benefits and risks of doing something. He would never do something that would result in a criminal charge. You can trust his petty thug nature. Besides, he's always reading. Can you get rid of that habit of always reading during lessons and conversations while you're at it."

I'm not a petty thug thank you very much. Is a teacher even allowed to say things like this about her pupils? The only thug here is Hitsuka-sensei herself! She literally almost punched me in the face!

"A petty thug...I see...," Yukinoshita said.

Never mind, you are just as bad.

"Well, if it's a request from sensei, I can't very well refuse...I accept." Yukinoshita said with incredible distaste.

Sensei smiled with satisfaction. "Okay. Then, I'll leave the rest to you." And with that, she left the room with haste.

She left me standing alone in the room.

Honestly, I would be feeling a whole lot less stressed if they had just let left me by myself. Being in an isolated environment, as I usually am, would make me feel more at ease. The sound of the clock's second hand was so dreadfully slow that I could hear it tick loudly.

Yukinoshita glanced at me like I was a piece of trash. She narrowed her large eyes as if to half-close them and let out a cold sigh. Then, with a voice like the murmuring of a clear stream, she spoke to me.

"...How about you stop standing there and just sit down?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry."

I grab one of the piled up chairs and sit down, on the other side of the room. I grabbed the book out my bag. I could finally continue reading in peace. Or so I thought…

The giant book was able to earn a look from Yukinoshita. She stared at it for a moment, much to my discontent. She kept looking at it with interest and didn't say anything. I tried continuing reading, but the stare was really distracting. Eventually I managed to ignore the stare and continued reading, however this didn't last for very long as I heard footsteps approaching me.

The moment the footsteps got even remotely close to me, I closed the book. This wasn't appreciated by the curious person in the room.

"…It would be a great help if you were to talk, instead of reading your book." She said.

This woman was telling me to interact with people, rather than read this book? I think not!

"I thought you were just insulting me about my looks and stuff…So umm… I thought I'd help you out by not talking…" I responded.

Man. That sounded way better inside my head then actually saying it out loud. In the end, I decided to throw her a bone so we could finish this as soon as possible.

"Aren't there any other members besides you?"

"No there aren't besides you now." She responded.

"Explains a lot."

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked with a cold tone. Calm down woman, drink some tea so the words won't come out as cold as they do now.

Now that I think about it, I don't actually know what kind of club this is. It was quite odd that a teacher would ask a student to help another one, rather than doing it herself or look for a professional who has studied to fix these kind of situations. Wait, scratch that. I don't need a therapist.

A sound broke my train of thought. "Let's play a game." I heard a certain ice queen say.

I look up and to meet her gaze and look her sharp in the eyes. "Sure, got nothing better to do."

It was obvious she didn't like my answer, but I don't care. They are forcing me to be here against my own will… sort of.

"Alright, you're going to guess what kind of club this is. I'll help by answering yes or no to certain questions." She said while walking back to her

I nod and start thinking out loud. "Well this can't be a club that requires tools such as a hammer or a paintbrush or anything like that. The room we are in is almost empty besides the chairs. Since you are the only member and the club is still alive, it must mean it is something you can do alone. That, or this club is so dead it's forgotten by everyone else."

I look at her for a second, only then to realize my mistake. She was glaring at me with her cryokenesis stare. Are you a real ice queen?

"Sure, this club is not the most known amongst the other, but it isn't dead." She spat out with venom. "You have yet to make a guess on what this club is though."

I sighed "Does it matter? In the end you are going to tell anyways or you won't make any progress with 'helping' me. To be more exact, you are going to tell me, because I would be in the way of the club activities since I don't know what they are."

Her eyes soften a bit, but she keeps on looking at me. "I suppose that is true. This is the service club, if you didn't know. Tell me, when was the last time you talked to a girl?"

I don't think the word service should be used casually. It should be used only in restricted areas, in my opinion. That or in a sentence where the meaning of the sentence can't mean anything else. Besides those two cases, it really should not be used.

"What has that question to do with this conversation?" I say to her with a tone of curiosity.

"Those that possess much are motivated by charity to give to those who do not. People call this volunteer work. Providing development assistance to developing countries, organizing soup-runs for the homeless, allowing an unpopular boy the opportunity to talk to a girl. Extending a helping hand to those in need. That is what this club does. The service club helps people out who make a request here. Hiratsuka-sensei made a request to rehabilitate you into society, because of your rotten nature." She explains. "Since you were able to hold yourself in a conversation with a good and normal person such as myself, I can say you are still able to be saved."

…This bitch.

"You know, you shouldn't be calling the kettle black. That and I'm perfectly fine the way I am. So because you don't like me, that makes me a person that should be changed. If that was the case, then people shouldn't even be allowed to be called people." I said with clear anger in my voice. If someone was going to think I was going to sit here and be insulted for the rest of the school carrier, they are dead wrong.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" She spat with an icy glare.

"Oh you damn know well what that was supposed to mean." I said while standing up in anger.

This was met with a short silence from both sides. Something I wished that would last, so I didn't have to deal with her anymore. I sat back down, since the conversation ended. Sadly, it didn't.

She simply shrugs off any word I just said and goes for another attack. "Well it is clearly that you're rotten through and through, but I suppose that was clear from the start. To start with, eyes such as yours which emulate those of a rotten fish, would invariably leave a bad impression. I'm not criticizing your facial features but rather your facial expression, which is unattractive. It is proof of your considerably twisted nature. This alone should have made it obvious that you were rotten through and through before even starting the conversation."

At this point I was ready to stand up again and leave. I could think of 100 things I could be doing, rather being insulted by the same girl.

Suddenly a certain teacher came into the room while slamming the door open utmost rudely. "Coming in!"

"So, how are things going in here" said teacher said. Hiratsuka-sensei walks into the room after slamming the door open for the second time of that day. "What is your hypothesis on him Yukinoshita?" She asked the local ice queen.

She sighs deeply and says "Yes, he's still savable. The problem here is that he is not aware of the fact that he is a problem."

Hiratsuka-sensei shrugs "Yukinoshita. It appears that you're having a hard time straightening him out. Never said it was going to be easy. He's always reading in that book of his or speaking about that rotten philosophy, if you can call it that anyways."

Oi. Can you stop talking like I'm not here in this room.

"I see. He seems even more trouble then I originally thought. Maybe he is better of somewhere locked up." She says with a huff.

Suddenly Hiratsuka-sensei turns towards me. "Say Hikigaya, what is your opinion on Yukinoshita?"

I stared at her with the upmost unimpressed face I could make. "If putting me with the worst person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting with in the same room with me to try and make me bargain my way out by showing you my book, then you might have found the loophole for getting a sneak peek." I said grudgingly.

She gave me a look "I see. So, you'll let me have a sneak peek?!" she asks with a hope filled voice.

So you were planning this all along. Damn you woman!

"No." I snap back.

She pouted, which was admittedly cute. Yukinoshita wasn't having such a comment however. When I turned to look at her, I was met with a cold glare. Hachiman took a lot of damage, where is my esthus flask when I need it.

"Well sensei, it is clear that the normal requirements to change him are not enough for this creature." She says while making a small hand gesture towards me.

"Um...you've been saying nonsensical stuff about straightening me out and improvement and reformation and revolutionary girls and whatnot for a while now, but I never really asked for any of it… Actually I think I made it clear by now that I don't want to be changed and that I like myself the way I am." I said while getting annoyed. Was this person really going to try this again. Over my dead body.

"But if you don't change, then you'll never have it easy fitting in society. Don't you want that? She says while trying to make her argument sound like it was completely justified and correct.

"No, I don't… Look, I'm going to be real with you and say that I don't want to be changed. Changing by another person's word is the same as denying yourself for other peoples pleasure. In some cases, this might be important. Cases like actual criminals or murders, a category I do not belong in… And these cases have nothing to do with personality either. It is about the crimes they have committed and that they will stop committing those crimes. If you didn't know, I haven't committed any of those kind of crimes, so tell me why we are with having this conversation. I think my self is-" I was suddenly interrupted by Yukinoshita.

"Your self is not something that a person can judge objectively by the person self."

"The fact you are calling this an objectual matter worries me more."

I was not known as a person who got easily agitated or had a short fuse. This girl however, did things to me that I did not like. Although I doubt anyone unless they are some reincarnation of Buddha would be able to stand such insults without feeling some kind of way.

"Don't try to change to the subject. The fact that you are trying is just prove that you are running away from the problem." She snapped at me with harsh words.

"Changing myself would be running away. I'd run from the problems I now have by changing myself, since I would just turn away from the problems I have with my own personality now. Before you even bother saying something among the lines of 'So you admit you have a problem' yes, I do, but everyone does. Running away from these ones will only cause others to appear. So, who is running now? Can't you just accept the way I am and the fact that I'm happy with myself." I spat back with venom. This conversation was getting rather ugly, but I wasn't going to change the way that things are going right now.

"If that was the way things were, it wouldn't solve any problems nor save anyone." She said a bloodcurdling anger and spat out the word 'save' with lethal venom. I was almost scared of the woman in front of me, but no. This person needed a serious reality check and if nobody was going to give it to her, then I will.

"Cut it out both of you." We were suddenly interrupted by the third person in the room. She was trying to prevent the atmosphere getting any worse that it was. Her calming voice did help, so good job sensei. She had a grin on her face and was full of hopefulness and satisfaction. "Things have become rather interesting, didn't they. It is just like out of one those manga! I love developments like these." she said with almost childlike enthusiasm. Seriously, is your job so boring that you seek amusement in students like we are toys? Are you some kind of grown-up child?

Sensei then made an announcement to us two with an amused laugh. "Alright, let's do it like this. You two will compete in a competition. I'm going to send every person that makes a request to me from the student body to you two. You two are going to help the person who knocks on the door in your own ways. The person who helps the most people wins!"

"I refuse" Yukinoshita directly said after the announcement was made. The sheer bluntness from her answer and the cold gaze she gave me a while ago made it very obvious that she did not want to do anything with sensei's proposal. I found myself agreeing with the ice queen so I nodded in agreement.

Sensei got a bit nervous and bit her nails at the response.

Yukinoshita directly follows up with words to calm down our teacher who was acting somewhat akin to a grown-up child. "Sensei, your acting childish and hyperactive, which is quite unbecoming of someone your age. Please act like a responsible and calm adult like you should." She said with a cold tone. I swear that woman can make ice cubes one day with her words.

However it was quite obvious that sensei wasn't going to take no for an answer. She gave us a look and said "I won't allow no for an answer. Both of you are going to participate whether you like it or not. Hikigaya, you can blow off the whole thing if you let me look inside that book of yours." The last part was wishful thinking at best on her part. However, a little trolling is more then justified right about now.

I grabbed the book out of my bookbag. Hope filled the eyes Hiratsuka-sensei as she saw the book. Yukinoshita also looked somewhat interested in the book, but didn't say anything. Most likely too prideful to admit that she was interested in it. I held it high up, waggled the book for a bit, slowly opening it, but not any further then one centimeter. I then closed the book again with a loud 'thud' sound and put it away again. I was met with a salty sensei and a mildly annoyed ice queen.

"…Let the games begin." I deadpanned.

AN

That's all for this chap. Yes I admit using the LN for some text, but I wanted to stay somewhat true to the original story. I love this series a lot and I felt like making a story that was kind of different. Alchemy was always interesting and there was not just magic. It was much more logical and it stays true to its original rules. I felt like adding my own twist to alchemy, so that is something you'll see in later chapters. I won't make up BS powers, just something more fun, I guess… Anyways I felt like something which stayed true to its rules and the logicalness would be perfect for Hachiman's character. That is why I gave him alchemy abilities with a personal twist. With that all being said, Cya peops!