Chapter 14

Swirling around a tortilla chip in a jar of salsa, Abraham sings to himself.

"Feels like we're on the edge right now.

I wish that I could say I'm proud.

I'm sorry that I let you down. Oh, I let you down.

All these voices in my head get loud.

And I wish that I could shut them out.

I'm sorry that I let you down.

Oh, I let you down."

He looks over to the bed to see Lemy continuing to stare up at the ceiling of the penthouse.

Setting the salsa down on the table, Abraham speaks.

"Oh, what? What's with you, man!? You haven't said anything for… like… 20 minutes. What the hell's your problem!?"

Lemy sighs deeply. "This life."

"This life!?"

"Why do I have this life?"

Abraham picks up the bag of chips. "Come over here and have some chips. You'll feel better."

Lemy ignores him.

"My dad is my uncle. My mom is my aunt. My sisters are my cousins. The noises from my parent's bedroom keep me up every night. One of my older sisters is dumber than a first grader, and another sister is playing along with it. I get turned down from every job that I apply at. And I KNOW I just saw the most beautiful thing in the multiverse and now I can't remember it anymore."

"You were trying to get the rest of us to look at it." Argued Abe.

"My life's in the SHITTER right now, and if you don't mind, I'd like to stew a bit."
"Wow. Talk about the BS life of Lemy Loud." Thought Abe.

"Nah, that's all bullshit, man. You know what the REAL problem is?"

"I was born."

"You should shit or get off the pot."

"I should shit or get off the pot?"

"Yeah, you should shit or get off the pot."

Lemy raises his head up from the pillow.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this thing you have. This inability to improve your station in life."

"Oh, fuck you."

"IT'S TRUE! You lay down there and blame life for dealing you a crappy hand. Never ONCE accepting responsibility for the way your situation is."

"...WHAT RESPONSIBILITY!?"

"Alright, if you hate the fact that you live in a large family of inbreeders, and the noises keeping you up at night, and your annoying sister slash cousins, AND the pedophilia… why didn't you call CPS back when you were… ten?"

"Hmph. Like it's THAT easy!" Lemy said sarcastically.

"IT IS!" Continues Abraham. "All you really HAVE to do is use one of your younger sisters as BAIT!"

"WHAT!? Now I KNOW YOU'RE LYING AGAIN! BAIT!?" Yelled Lemy as he gets off of the bed.

"I'm being honest here, Lemy!" Continues Abraham. " Child protective services would have been to your house in less than fifteen minutes and would have caught your dad red handed. You could have sent him to the Michigan Bootyhouse Facility under 23 hour lockup with Big Bubba keeping him company.

Hell, you could even LIE during the trial! It's HIS word against YOURS anyway! Pile on 50 or 60 more years. I don't give a fuck! So what was stopping you!?"

"Just… leave me alone."

"Because you were COMFORTABLE, right? You felt like you were the smartest one in your family even though one of your aunts won a nobel prize shortly after she was potty trained! Man, if you weren't such a fucking coward!"

"I'M A COWARD!?" Shouted Lemy. "You know, it must be so great to have this ability to SIMPLIFY things the way you do!"

"Am I right or what?"

"YOU'RE WRONG! Things happened the last two days, alright! Things that made me desire being born into a normal, not-inbred family MORE! The multiversal traveling DIDN'T HELP!"

"Yeah… things have happened, alright." Thought Abraham.

"Hey, you'll get over the feeling of not having a normal, not-inbred family. Shit, my dad grew up in one of those normal, not-inbred families… they locked him out of the house because they thought he was bad luck."

"WHOA!" Said an astonished Lemy, now wondering if HIS dad had to face the same thing only for him to fuck his sisters in the future. "Umm… SHIT! I don't know what to fucking say!"

"Hey, don't get me wrong." Continues Abraham. "I'm HAPPY he was thrown out! My ass would have never been born if that shit never fucking happened in the first place!

So… are you just gonna stand there feeling miserable or are you actually gonna DO something!?"

Lemy takes a deep breath. He knows Abraham is right.

"I'm gonna… travel the multiverse a bit more… Just until I have the desire to go back home."

"Well… if you're gonna travel some more, you'll need this."

Abraham reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, blue stone.

"My dad had been using this for years to help him with traveling the multiverse. It should help you out too."

He hands the stone over to Lemy, along with another Multiverse Traversing Device that was on the table.

"Thank you, Abe. I'm happy that you… consider me family."

He nods at Abe before using the device to travel out of the universe.

"Bye."

Abraham then looks at you.

"And then there were two."

He pulls up a chair and sits down.

"You know, I was originally appointed to be the judge of the Sin Kids… but I think I'm gonna judging a different group of people instead.

People who read and write fanfiction.

Did you know? All universes are made up of subatomic particles. Each of their movements are set and stone and are predictable.

YOU GUYS… and by extension… ALL PEOPLE… THREEBRANCH TOO!

In one way or another, you all make yourselves believe that you possess the power to change… well… ANYTHING!
Your minds act faster than lightning, searching for that consonance for you to justify your personal thoughts.

You want to wake up in the morning and want to have breakfast. But some of you don't want to read 'No Such Luck' fanfics.

You go to campus or to the office. To the canteen or even to dating places. But for some of you, the thought of you opening up a story only for it to include sexual intercourse that involves underaged characters, sickens you to your very core. Those are plentiful in the Loud House fandom.

You all want to feel comfortable, you want freedom, you want your LIVES to go on.

It makes you think, doesn't it. But you didn't come here to think, did you? No.

You're all… without exception… bound by the laws of quantum physics, biological needs, and unending stimulations.

OH! And… by your impulsive wants and needs, too. Can't forget about those!

You cry when you were born! But all the while, the only thing that you are capable of doing is merely consoling yourself that everything should turn out fine.

Are you sure?

Do you believe in free will? If so, at what point does GOD come in!?

If HELL is… heh heh… If HELL is… HA HA HA!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

JUST KIDDING!

I can't resist lying to the AUDIENCE! I got some of that shit from a HENTAI that I read that was published in 2013!

But seriously, you MADE it to the END of the story!

Hear that? I'm clapping right now! Congratulations!

I'm not lying if I say that I ENJOYED this journey that Threebranch has kindly offered me…

HOWEVER, I'm sorry to announce that there WON'T be a 'Things are Happening 3!'

Shrek 3 and Kung fu Panda 3 were mediocre at BEST… so there won't be an actual SEQUEL to this.

'Death Race 2010' however, is still a go.

The first chapter of the spin-off story is scheduled for release on October 22nd. You can look for it in the rated M section of X-overs on the site.

Alternatively… you can check out the author's profile page!

I hope you guys enjoyed 'Things are Happening 2' just like Threebranch enjoyed writing it.

Don't worry about all the shit I said earlier. Have fun with your life like I'm about to have fun with mine. Enjoy your life. I was just lying earlier…

OR WAS I…"

Abraham, 'Death Race 2010' was a colossal failure. I'm scrapping it!

"Hmm? Wait. What?"