Can't Get a Minute of Peace Around This Place

People like to describe Phoebe as flighty, whimsical, and out of touch with reality. They think that she is a dreamer who has her head in the clouds and does not focus her attention on what is happening around her. They claim that she lives in a fantasy world of soothsayers, spirits, fortune tellers and omens. Some people even use the old cliché that she plays to the beat of her own drum, although she actually likes it when people say that one. It makes her sound musical.

Phoebe thinks that it is so odd that people have this impression of her, since she has always only seen herself as someone with a deep, resonating connection to the world she lives in. She prides herself on how she can decipher the tiny vibrations of life's synchronicities unlike anyone else. To her, it is as if there is this secret, coded language that she shares with the universe and all the creatures that live in it, and it gives her greater insight into everything going on around her. Thanks to this special relationship, she is confidant in how observant she can be, with keen senses that pick up on even the slightest details; most times, she doesn't even know she is doing it. Yet, she certainly has a talent for discovering the truth and unearthing every secret about everyone she knows. Although, eavesdropping and reading other people's mail doesn't hurt either.

She imagines that people think she does not pay attention to anything because they cannot see the world in the way that she can. She knows that in truth, if they took in as much input as she does, they would also be much too busy trying to filter out all the signals and they would block out most of the mundanity of life, if for no other reason, then just to get a moment of peace. It would probably do her friends good to stop focusing on the day to day minutiae of their lives anyway. It would allow them to see the bigger picture around them and maybe they would be less caught up in their own small dramas. Less self-absorbed and more in tune with nature.

Phoebe prides herself on the fact that she sees so much more than she lets on, and it helps to keep everyone off-balance when she decides to share one of her little insights or springs some personal information on them that they had thought they were keeping private and hidden away from everyone else. She can tell exactly when Joey last ate meat by his dilated pupils and the glazed look the he gets in his eyes. She can see the rush of color on Monica's cheeks and the slight tangles in her hair, which are always a dead giveaway that she had sex within the last four or five hours. She can smell the specific stink of the subway on Ross's clothes and know exactly where he came from before he showed up at Monica's apartment. She can hear Rachel's words whistle through her teeth when she speaks as she walks in the door and know exactly how bad of a day she had at work. She can detect the dry patches of skin on Chandler's hands and immediately know if he did or did not wash them off before he exited the bathroom.

Because of her ability to pick up on all these non-verbal cues, she can get very frustrated with her friends and the self-centered way they live their lives. If anyone should be called out for daydreaming and ignoring the world around them, it should probably be the five of them, not her. They would never make it out in the real world where you can't sit around, drink coffee, and complain about your job and your exes all the time while being oblivious to everything else that is going on in the room. If her years living on the streets taught her anything, it is that you must be alert, aware of your surroundings, and ready for anything. No matter how wild and unpredictable it may be.

Anyway, who were they to look down on her for not being able to immediately recall some insignificant coworkers name during one of their long, boring stories about fossils or new clothing lines or spreadsheets. None of them could even remember Denise after all the times she had mentioned her in the past. Each of them acting surprised and shocked that she had gotten a roommate after her grandmother died. What did they think; that she was paying the rent all on her own? On a masseuse's salary? Not likely.

Yet, Phoebe knows that she can't blame them for thinking she is as obtuse as they are. Most days, she ignores a lot of the details they share and instead, stores all that information up in her subconscious somewhere, which then pops out from time to time, almost of its own free will. Her brain operating like a computer, where all of that white noise from her friends about their jobs, or whatever person they may be dating, or which relative they feel slighted by, gets sorted out in her memory banks, only to be recalled at the perfect time to disarm them and leave them muttering to themselves as they wonder how she could possibly know whatever it was that she just said.

Unfortunately, even with all her innate ability to read the invisible wavelengths that traveled around her, there were still some things that she just did not understand. Paramount among them were the romantic relationships and intertangling that swirl around her group of friends.

Take Ross and Rachel. Phoebe could not explain to anyone with certainty why they were not together. It was obvious to her that they were still in love with each other. Although, she did have to admit, that maybe they were not always in love with each other at the same time. But she knew that they were definitely, at times, maybe separately, sometimes, in love. As far as Phoebe was concerned, it made perfect sense. After all, Rachel raced off to London to declare her love for Ross. Ross refused to get their Vegas marriage annulled, against her wishes, because he was still in love with Rachel. Neither of them really entertained relationships with other people that seriously. Sure, maybe Ross was going to marry Emily, but that didn't last. Another clutch of details that eluded her, thanks to stupid London.

They were Ross and Rachel. They were lobsters. They were the great love story of their little group. The one's that had them all enthralled for years, as everyone experienced the highs and lows together. Each one of them invested in the outcome and acting like a type of Greek chorus (which come to think of it, reminded Phoebe to order a Greek salad on the way home after helping Rachel pack) that followed the two of them around and practically sang to the heavens about their courtship. The whole group cheered for them and cried with them. It was almost like, for a moment, the rest of them could feel that primal connection to the world like Phoebe can, and for a brief time, they surrendered themselves to it, experiencing emotions that were shared between them all like a psychic bond. And now, for the life of her, Phoebe could not figure out why Ross and Rachel did not just get over themselves and accept their fate and get back together. It would really be better for the entire group if they did.

An even harder coupling for Phoebe to figure out was Monica and Chandler. They did not make any sense to her, at all. Obviously, she was happy that two of her friends found love, and she celebrated every advancement in their relationship, but when it came to the two of them as a universal match made in the stars, she just did not see it. They did not have the same magnetic pull like Ross and Rachel did.

Where were the fireworks? The passion? Where was the back-and-forth tug of war that all great romances endure in order to be considered classic and stand the test of time? If this was truly a situation where two people had found their soulmates, then why did they keep it hidden for so long from everyone? Wouldn't they want to flaunt it in front of everyone if they felt the same fiery, undying love as Ross and Rachel had during those first few years?

They did not act like Ross and Rachel or Heathcliff and Catherine or Romeo and Juliet. They weren't driven mad by love. Obsessive and all consumed by their feelings for each other. They were more like, well, like they had always been. They weren't some surrogate of a classic, tragic love story. They were just Monica and Chandler. They were close friends who cared about each other, enjoyed being together, and accepted each other's faults. What kind of relationship was that?

Then, there was how incompatible they seemed. Monica was this dominating, sexy little creature who liked older, more mature men that were well-traveled and sophisticated. She wanted to get married and have babies. She believed in true love, and she always got so excited when she first met someone new and would obsess about her burgeoning relationship in those early days when it was new. She would so consumed by a new relationship, that Phoebe would sometimes avoid coming over until she was at least going out with someone for more than a few weeks. She was practically incorrigible in the early phases of love. Where was all of that with Chandler? Phoebe never saw her smiling to herself and dancing around the apartment like she had with other men.

Plus, this was Chandler. Chandler! He was not some hunky, mysterious, older man who could sweep someone off their feet. He made weird noises, and bad jokes, and he fidgeted a lot and could not sit still. He was awkward and self-deprecating to the point where it was no longer charming and was instead, bordering on pathetic. He laughed too loud at bad movies, and constantly had to fill the quiet moments with some lame attempt at wit. He was afraid of commitment, his skin crawled at the idea of marriage, and he did not believe in karma or fate. He never took anything Phoebe would tell him about her psychic abilities seriously. What Monica saw in him; Phoebe did not know.

However, Monica obviously saw something there. Something even Phoebe could not see, because when she watches them together, they seem happier than any other two people she had ever known. Even tonight, when Monica came out of her bedroom , ready for a night on the town with her girls, the two of them shared a moment. It was so tiny, that Phoebe is certain no one but her would have been able to pick up on it. They made each other laugh and smile as Monica squeezed in close to him on the big comfy chair. They eyes opened wide and their arms instinctively knew where to go in order to wrap around each other perfectly. They were so happy in that moment. Even Phoebe, with her doubts, had to recognize that they seem to fill in all those gaps that normally exists between people. They locked into place like two gears in a machine that were perfectly molded for each other. She does not understand why, and she does not know how, but they just fit.

So, despite how wildly incompatible she thought they were, and even if she still insisted that they would end in divorce or something even worse than that, foul play perhaps? Monica does have a lot of practice with knives. Another detail for her to store away for future use. Still, regardless of Phoebe's misgivings, these were two of her best friends, and she was determined to make sure that they were happy, even if what made them happy was incredibly difficult to understand.

Because even without understanding the how and why of Monica and Chandler, Phoebe knew it was real. Real enough for the two of them to decide that they wanted to live together. Real enough that Chandler was moving out and leaving Joey to fend for himself. Real enough, that it was threatening Monica's friendship with Rachel as they fought with each other and sniped insults that obviously cut deep. Phoebe even made a mental note to find out the truth behind each hurled offense as she still wondered what Rachel meant by "stumbling across the hall and sleeping with the first guy I find in there". That had to be juicy.

Phoebe knew what this spat between these two was all about. It wasn't about phone pens and lost messages. It was about the fact that ever since Monica and Chandler got together, everything was changing, and the entire paradigm of the group was shifting. Even Phoebe could feel it. They were no longer six friends who were each other's surrogate family. They were four friends and a couple. Monica and Chandler moving in together was just the crystallization of everything they all already knew.

Now, the two of them would have their own story, apart from everyone else, in a way that none of them had before. Not even Ross and Rachel. Every detail about every fight and every break-up they had was broadcast loudly to the group, sometimes before they even finished breakfast. Monica and Chandler though, keep things between them, for the most part, Like how they could have been dating and how they fell in love behind everyone's back. How they could make this huge decision about living together without seeking advice from everyone else first. How they could be so happy and so in love without anyone else being involved. It was practically unnatural.

Still, it was what they wanted. It made them happy. And they are two of Phoebe's best friends. And Rachel is one of her best friends. And no matter what Phoebe thought about her friends and their lack of a connection with the universe and their poor lifestyle choices, she was not going to let them pull apart. She was going to have to fix this, as per usual. She was going to have to figure out a way to get Monica and Rachel out of this fight and back to normal again. She would have to manipulate them and trick them into thinking they did it all on their own. Once again, Phoebe does all the work and gets none of the accolades. It's exhausting having to take care of the five of them all the time. She simply cannot get a moment of peace.

"Hey, you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, but, uh, I don't want to live with Rachel anymore."