Fresh Start

It was a busy day at the beach with adults and kids of all ages playing in the water and on the sand as far as the eye could see. It wasn't a holiday or even the weekend for that matter, but the temperature was hovering in the nineties, and that was reason enough for the masses of adults to head toward open waters to cool down and tire out their young children.

The sand was practically white in color, but pieces of dried black seaweed were generously sprinkled on top of it too. She sat down on the sand beside her brightly colored beach bag and just people watched for a few minutes. She spotted a woman with a ginormous red hat on, making her stick out from the crowd for miles. A dad carried three ice cream cones towards his little family sitting on towels. There were so many people here in this beach town. It had been easy to slip in as a native. She supposed she was a native of sorts, having lived in a similar town when she was a kid twenty summers ago. Beach towns were all basically the same. It was good to be back in one. It felt normal.

When the heat made thinking seem like a chore, she slipped her feet out of her flip flops and stood up. The warmth from the sand felt good on her small feet and she squeezed the miniscule grains between her lavender painted toes. There had always been something therapeutic about being at the ocean, and today was no different.

The sky was an exceptional blue today and almost perfectly clear. There were a few small white puffy clouds taking their time to lazily float across the sky. A slight salty breeze whipped her hair in every possible direction. Instead of it annoying her, she let the wind do its worst. She'd brush it out later. Wind whipped hair was the least of her worries these days. Rain wasn't in the forecast today and she was relieved to know it. She probably would have come to the beach today even if it was raining though, truth be told. Very few things kept her away from it in the past, but today was a special day.

The water was aqua in color and seemed to be crystal clear as far as the eye could see. The waves with their white frothy tops rolled towards the sand with a soothing, repetitious, hypnotic display of majesty. The moment the water crashed onto the firmly packed sand, it was dragged back out, only to be pushed back to shore once again. Olivia found herself smiling as she watched it for quite some time. She knew that seashells of all sizes and colors, mixed in with debris and more sand were being pushed on the shoreline as effortlessly as breathing. The scene greeting her appeared to be that from a postcard.

Off to the left from where she stood with her toes in the warm sand, there was a long wooden pier. She put her hand on her brow to shelter the sun's bright rays and looked to see if anything was happening there. She could see that it was lined with dozens of men who either had a passion for fishing or who were actually skilled in the art of catching them. Most of them had on ball caps and cargo shorts and kept an eye on the thin line that ran from the end of their poles all the way down into the water. An image of her father popped into her mind, bringing a smile to her face. Seeing the fishermen there was a comfort for her.

She started walking towards the water with a purpose in mind. The warm, dry, loose sand turned cooler and more compact the closer her toes got to the water. The ocean was warm and inviting, and before she realized it, Olivia was standing knee deep in the aqua colored water. She halted all movement and took a moment to just breathe. Closing her eyes, Olivia tilted her head up towards the sun, and blocked out all of the sounds around her. She simply focused on breathing in and out. There was something calming about the ocean in Olivia's opinion. It was the place she went for clarity or peace or to do heavy thinking. It offered her solace, and she willingly took it.

While she enjoyed her serene moment, a child let out an ear piercing scream and Olivia's brown eyes flew open and her head snapped in the direction the sound had come from. A girl of around five or six was being splashed by what appeared to be her mother. In a flash, both of them were laughing and splashing each other giddily. The word seemed foreign to her, but it would be a new one to define her by the time fall arrived.

Mother.

Olivia brought her hands up and put them on her belly as she took another deep breath in. She looked down even though she knew her stomach was still smooth and flat. There was no roundness there. No proof that she was in fact pregnant. Ten weeks pregnant to be exact. There may not be anything to see yet, but she knew there was a life growing inside of her.

Whispering to her belly Olivia said, "this is the ocean. One day we'll look for seashells here and build sand castles together. I'll teach you how to swim and ride the waves all the way to the shore too. The ocean is a magical place. That's why we moved here."

Two weeks ago, at the age of twenty three, she was starting over all by herself. She had packed all of her possessions and moved to a beach town just like the one she had lived in as a child. Olivia had gotten lucky and found a job working the front desk of a decent hotel. She was by herself and didn't have the luxury of being picky about where she worked. She had to make enough money to buy food, pay the rent for the tiny one bedroom apartment she had landed the day before, and keep her car in operation. The baby's father had given her more than enough money.

It had been a mistake getting involved with him in the first place. He was older than Olivia by fourteen years. The fact that her family didn't like him should have been her first red flag. She had blinders on whenever she was around him and didn't notice things that should have bothered her. He saw her as a play thing. Someone to flaunt as eye candy in front of his co-workers for functions away from the office as well as someone to satisfy his physical needs.

Olivia had a hard time blaming him because she used him too. He was older and knew what he wanted out of life and that appealed to her. The guys her own age that she had dated in the past didn't seem to know what they were doing, or what they wanted to do. There was none of that with him. He was an older man who had been at his job for quite some time and was already settled in his profession. He had nice things, good taste, as well as plenty of money. He bought her expensive clothing and fine jewelry every time she accompanied him on a work related outing or weekend. While he was in meetings on these outings, he gave Olivia plenty of money to keep herself occupied.

He treated her well and they enjoyed each other's company, but both of them knew it wasn't a long term relationship. It was something that benefitted both of them in different ways for the time being. When Olivia found out she was pregnant, she was in shock for quite some time. She was on birth control. This wasn't supposed to happen to her.

She recalled the day she told him about his impending fatherhood. Olivia called him to let him know she was on her way to his apartment just as she had done practically every evening before. He told her he was cooking dinner, and for her to let herself. She called out his name from inside the front door. "Still in the kitchen." he yelled back.

Olivia followed the odor wafting from the other room and found him standing in front of the stove turning chicken breasts in a pan. Her face crinkled at the smell of the food, or the grease, or the combination of the two. It was one of her favorite dishes, but this time it smelled horrible. She went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and taking a long drink.

"Hey pretty girl." he said grinning and kissed her cheek.

"Hey yourself." Olivia tried to ignore the stench in the pan and focused on him instead. "How was your day today?"

He put his hands on her waist and pecked her lips. "It was great. We closed the deal."

Her eyes grew wide. "You did? Really?"

He giddily nodded and pulled her into his arms. "Did you doubt me? You know what this means, right? This is huge and we've got to celebrate."

"Okay, but ummm..." she began.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. As he thumbed through the large bills he said, "buy yourself a dress for dinner tomorrow night. Maybe something red this time? And buy something sexy to wear for after dinner too. We're going to be celebrating long into the night."

Olivia knew what he was saying. What he was asking for. And she had no problem going shopping for new stuff. But they had something to discuss first. Smiling it him, she said, "can we talk for a minute?"

"Uh oh. That's never good." He let go of her and went back to the stove. "Let me get this chicken out of the pan first. The macaroni and cheese is in the oven. I made all your favorites tonight, pretty girl."

He turned his head and gave her a sexy smirk. "I'm counting on you to give me my favorite later on."

The foul smell coming from the pan couldn't be avoided any longer. Her stomach turned and she knew she was going to vomit. Without answering his question, Olivia covered her mouth and bolted from the room.

Ten minutes later, after emptying the contents of her stomach while listening to him pound on the other side of the door and yelling for her to open it, Olivia emerged from the bathroom. She knew her face was pale and that she looked terrible. She felt terrible too. "What the hell was THAT?" he demanded.

"I'm not feeling well." she answered meekly.

"What's the matter with you? Are you getting sick? Did you eat something bad? What's going on?"

There was no easy way to tell him, so she just said it. "I'm pregnant." She lifted her head to look at him and gauge his reaction.

His eyes were squinted, and his nose was crinkled. "What did you just say?"

"I'm pregnant. I don't know how far along I am, but I did two home tests this morning and both of them were positive. I'm sorry."

"I thought you were on the pill?" he accused.

"I am." she said defensively. "but it's not one hundred percent effective. Even I know that."

He sighed and opened his arms. Olivia went into them and began to cry. "I didn't plan this to happen. I'm really sorry."

He smoothed her hair and spoke gently to her. "I know you didn't, pretty girl. It's okay."

Olivia sniffed loudly and looked up at him. "It is?"

"Of course it is. Accidents happen. It's no one's fault." He wiped her tears with his thumb and smiled at her.

"I'm so relieved to hear you say that. I thought you'd be mad at me. I couldn't stand the thought of that. It was hard enough the last time you were mad at me." There was something in his eyes that didn't settle with Olivia. She had to ask. "Are you...sure it's okay?"

"Absolutely. We'll get it taken care of in a few days. By the time next week, you'll be feeling more like yourself."

Olivia pulled out of his arms with confusion all over her face. "Taken care of? What do you mean?"

"I mean that you'll get an abortion, pretty girl. It's the only sensible thing to do."

"Why can't we keep it?" she asked. Olivia felt like a five year old asking to keep a kitten she had found in the rain instead of the baby growing side of her body.

"Are you out of your mind? We are not keeping a baby!" he exclaimed. "We aren't baby people. We are party people. Stay out til three a.m. celebrating people who come home and have wild and crazy sex for hours afterwards. That's the kind of people we are!"

"Yea, and that's how we got to this place in our lives. We are having a baby."

He pointed a finger in her face and again reached for his wallet. "NO! We are most definitely not having a baby! Take some money and get it taken care of. Tomorrow is Friday and that will give you the weekend and next week to recover. If you're up to it, we'll go out the week after that."

"What if I want to keep the baby?" Olivia asked.

"You aren't cut out to be a mom, pretty girl." he replied, placating her. "You're cut out for five star restaurants and hot off the runway clothing. Why would you want to give all that up?"

"Can't we talk about this? Please?" Olivia felt like she was begging and hated herself for being reduced to that.

His answer was a simple one. "No. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want a baby. Not now. Not ever."

It seemed that he had made up his mind. Well, Olivia had made up hers too and she was keeping her baby. She knew she would have to get far away from him. The plan he had laid out would give her plenty of time to get out of town undetected as she "recovered". She didn't want to take his money. She really didn't want anything to do with him, but Olivia also knew she didn't have much of it herself and that it would take a decent amount to find a place to live. He wouldn't have to pay for diapers or clothing or anything his baby would need, and that immediately relieved all the guilt for her. "I'll need some money."

He kissed her through smiling lips and then handed her some large bills. "That's my girl. Five hundred will cover it."

Knowing how to play the game, Olivia smiled at him and replied, "I'm going to want to buy something new for my first night back here with you. Something special. You know how shopping cheers me up."

"I like it when you think ahead." He handed her a few more bills. "Make it extra special."

He offered her something to eat and gave her a sympathetic look when she declined and told him she just wanted to go home. He put his arm around her and walked her to the door. "You probably should go home and rest tonight. You'll be sleeping a lot after you get this taken care of too. But I bet you'll feel better in no time at all."

Olivia wondered how he knew how much an abortion cost and how he also knew that she would be sleeping a lot once it was over, but she didn't ask him. She gave him a smile at the door, knowing it would be the last time she would see him again. "I'll text you soon."

"Take care of my pretty girl." he pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "I can't wait to see you in ten days.

Instead, the next morning Olivia had packed most of her stuff into her car. She was going to use the money he had given her to leave town. She went by her parent's house and told them that she had gotten a job offer in a town a few hours away. She hyped it up telling them it was a great opportunity for her. She was vague about the details but also told them that she would be in touch once she got settled into her new place. They had been blowing up her phone with calls and texts, and while she had text them to let them know she had made it safely, she hadn't spoken to them yet. She had been in the small beach town for over a week.

The man had text and called her too, wondering where she was and why she wasn't answering him. The first few days Olivia ignored him. Once the voice mails turned ugly and were filled with him shouting at her, Olivia blocked his number. When she realized that she was using the phone he had bought her and that he could probably track her whereabouts if he wanted to, she wrote down her parents number and turned off the phone for good. She bought a phone the next day with cash and programed one number into it. Her parents.

Shutting out thoughts of the unborn baby's father, Olivia recalled the plan she had written down with fresh determination. She still had a list of things to do. Finding an obstetrician here and setting up an appointment was at the top of that list. She planned to buy baby stuff a little each week. Diapers too. She had to find a crib and a few other things her unborn child would need when it arrived. She would do it a little at a time. It would be hard, but Olivia knew she'd make it work. She had to. There was no other choice.

She was suddenly brought back to reality as the waves gently licked at her legs and warm water sprayed her thighs. Taking one final deep breath in, Olivia knew the future seemed uncertain and definitely a lot more difficult than it had been a week ago, but there was some measure of peace about it too. She was determined to make sure that both she and her baby were going to be fine.

Taking a few steps out into the deeper darker water, Olivia dove into it. She swam a short distance before she broke through the surface and wiped her eyes. She could taste the salt on her lips and the promise of better days ahead; even if they were filed with their own challenges. That was the magic of the ocean. Olivia swam for a while and rode the waves as far as they would carry her towards the shoreline.

She walked out of the ocean and back to her beach bag. Wrapping the towel around herself, she sat down in the sand and reached into her bag for the only other thing inside of it. A brightly iced cupcake she had bought at the little grocery store. She lifted the plastic dome lid and inhaled the scent of the tasty confection. She gingerly lifted it out of the container between her thumb and index finger. With a huge smile she whispered, "happy birthday to me" and took a big bite.

I was stuck on what to title this story. For some reason the song At Last popped into my head, but I didn't want to use that. It's their wedding song. I Googled the names of all the songs on the album with At Last. Etta James has a song on that album titled Trust in Me. I listened to it once and knew that was the one. It's perfect for what I have in mind to write. Also, just to clarify...The baby's father isn't Fitz.