Come – Gendo.
Shinji looked at the letter briefly and then at the photo of the woman, showing off a bit of her cleavage. He found some spare paper and a pencil and began to write.
"Sir, there's a letter for you."
Gendo raised an eyebrow but accepted the letter without comment. He opened the envelope and pulled out the message.
No – Shinji.
Attached to the letter was page torn from an issue of Playboy showing a naked women. Gendo looked at the letter and the picture once more before he pulled out a piece of paper and began to write.
This isn't a joke. Come. Now – Gendo.
Attached to that letter was a picture of himself looking imposing.
Are you trying to flirt with me? – Shinji
A page ripped from the phonebook that Gendo deduced was a list of phone numbers to call for a good time. His right eyebrow twitched.
No. Stop sending porn and hook-up numbers and just be here! – Gendo.
You started it. I thought I was supposed to send it back – Shinji.
I started it?! – Gendo.
You sent the picture of the woman showing her cleavage – Shinji.
What – Gendo.
The picture that came with the letter – Shinji.
Oh – Gendo.
Is that all? – Shinji.
No. Come – Gendo.
The next letter came back half an hour later in the hands of the frazzled delivery man. The message inside said the following:
I need an adult – Shinji.
Gendo scribbled furiously before handing the new letter to the messenger.
NOT THAT WAY! – Gendo.
Shinji sent the next letter back with another picture enclosed.
Which way do you want me to, then? – Shinji.
The picture showing Shinji flipping the camera the bird.
Gendo was near frothing at the mouth. They needed a Pilot ASAP, Rei was in no condition to do anything. He wrote again.
I need you to make your way to Tokyo-3 at once. It's an emergency! – Gendo.
Shinji's letter was a blow to Gendo's hold over his temper and another blow to the trees that gave their lives to be made into paper.
No – Shinji.
The photo of Captain Katsuragi was returned. When Gendo requested a word with her, she had gone from pleasantly tan to porridge-white by the end of the discussion with the photo held in her face.
"Never. Send. Pictures of your breasts. To my son. Again!"
In desperation, Gendo decided to be more concise and detailed in his letter, wanting to end this migraine before the extent of his son's trolling abilities were fully discovered and he be shot dead as consequence.
Shinji, I need you to arrive in Tokyo-3 promptly. This is a matter of life or death for everyone on the Earth. Monsters known as Angels will be arriving soon and you are one of the select few that can pilot our ultimate weapon against this threat. The Evangelion. This is classified information and I absolutely forbid you from sharing this information with anyone. I also wish to apologize for sending you away to live with your teacher, that was wrong of me to do that when I should have kept you close by. Also, you have a half-sister, Rei. Long story and no, I didn't cheat on your mother. If you don't arrive at Tokyo-3 and get in the fucking robot, she will have to pilot in your stead. Want that on your conscience? Then get your ass here, NOW! – Love, Father.
Satisfied that a crisis had been averted, Gendo was getting ready to leave and possibly make love with Doctor Akagi when another letter came at the last minute. The messenger was never seen again.
The letter said this:
No. Enjoy dying, you sick bastard. I hate you and only regret not being there to watch you die horribly – Love, Shinji.
P.S. I have a half-sister and I'm supposed to expect that you didn't cheat on mother?!
Another picture of his son flipping him off was attached.
Gendo flung his chair through the glass, shattering it upon impact. He then screamed until he fainted.