When the Sakura Fall.

Author's Note : My pre-teen has gotten me into manga(!) The first one I read was Itazura Na Kiss — although I had watched Boys Over Flowers and Playful Kiss I had not really known that Playful Kiss was actually a live action adaptation of a manga. So I decided to read the original, and THEN watch the Japanese live action version. This story is a one-shot taking off from episode 15 ("Goodbye Irie"). I was very conflicted about Kotoko's character and for me that episode was her ultimate redemption – she was so mature and I loved her! The rest of the time, I could actually relate to Naoki and his irritation at her ditziness ( hides ). When Shigeo Aihara tells Kotoko to leave the Irie home and let go with dignity — I cried so hard. So anyway, here goes nothing.

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Itazura Na Kiss related and not infringement is intended. I however, do own this particular story and plot. Just a fan girl at heart with impatient typing fingers.

The petals fell around her, their pale pink and white beauty unnoticed.

She was tiny slip of a girl — all big eyes that could sparkle like a child on Christmas eve and a mouth that could break out into a wide open smile so infectious that everyone around her felt like they had to smile too just to keep her company. But today, neither the sparkle nor the smile were in evidence and though it was spring, the wind still blew cold in the afternoons.

Aihara Kotoko walked home as slowly as she could, part of her dreading and yet another part longing to see the person around whom her life had evolved for the last four years at home.

Home.

Soon it would not be home anymore.

She had been living her life with blinders on for the last four years, seeing her life as a straight line, with Irie-kun in it at the end. But after Mr. Irie's welcome home party and the Oizumi's visit, what had seemingly been a straight road ahead of her had wavered, and twisted and turned — and she could no longer see Irie Naoki the way she had always dreamed.

And that night, after the Oizumis had left, Aihara Shigeo had spoken his heart to his daughter.

"You have to let Naoki go now. You also need to know when to bow out gracefully."

And she had been quiet, because she didn't know what to say.

"And you know, this might leave Naoki with a lasting good impression of you — and maybe someday, he will look back and say. — that Kotoko, she was a good woman too."

And she had been quiet, because she knew he was right.

That evening, when the family had gone to bed she had volunteered to do the cleaning up. Smiling a bit sadly as she realised this would be the last time, Kotoko did her work well and thoroughly, wanting to leave the kitchen sparkling for Obasama. The Irie-Oizumi formal betrothal ceremony was schedule for the next weekend. But before that event happened, her father had already told her of his plans to move out a few days before the Yuino.

She had just finished the last of the cleaning up and was about to head up the stairs when she heard the front door opening and closing — Naoki, she surmised, as he had driven Sahoko home and the rest of the family were asleep.

"Tadaima" Naoki said, startling her – she thought he had not seen her, hidden in the dimly lit doorway to the living room as she was.

"Okaeri." Kotoko responded. "You…that took a while…" she stuttered — and then cursed herself, realising how pathetic she sounded, so she turned away hurriedly not really expecting a response.

Most likely than not, she thought, he was annoyed by her words and thinking that she was stalking him again by waiting up for him. She lifted her chin and decided that she would live up to her father's wish — that she would bow out with grace and dignity. Even if she had spent the last four years of her life behaving like a pathetic fool, like a clown…like a beggar waiting for crumbs of affection and in her mind, romanticising his cruel put downs and sarcasm, this was not the last impression she would leave of herself.

As expected, Naoki ignored her and turning his back without a word, began climbing up the stairs.

But she wanted to say goodbye properly (even if he did not know that she and her father were leaving the next morning) — to at least leave him with that last and probably only, good impression of her, that she was a gracious in accepting defeat.

"I understand now." Kotoko said quietly, making Naoki pause midway up the stairs.

The soft, quiet voice was so unlike her. She had always been loud and boisterous, as full of life in expressing her little joys as she was in expressing her despair. This was not a voice he had heard before.

"I had a chance to talk to her earlier…and she is very nice. I understand now. Because…if you had someone like that who loved you, why wouldn't you marry them?" Kotoko continued, pausing as the truth of her own words dawned on herself as well — because OIzumi Sahako was everything she was not, nor could ever be.

"I hope you...I wish you two happiness. So, anyway. Gooodbye." Kotoko said, finishing what she came to say. And she turned away, wishing to hurry back into the darkness of the quiet house before he saw how much it had cost her to say those words.

"I hope you find a good man too." Naoki said not turning to her. (And secretly wondering who this strange, serious, quiet girl was).

She said nothing but he saw her nod, almost imperceptibly, as she walked away and he climbed the rest of the stairs to his room.

(And a part of Irie Naoki, heir of Pandai, genius of Tonan, wondered why he didn't hear the patter of quick footsteps hurrying behind him or why there was no small hand reaching out to clutch the back of his shirt, asking for attention. And for once in his life, Irie Naoki was not sure if he knew the answer).

The house was quiet after Naoki retired to his room and the small girl felt like the breath she had been holding tautly inside her chest could finally be let go. She ended up looking out over the garden lit softly by the moon, on the porch swing. Taking off her shoes, she tucked her feet under her and let herself cry, though she made no sound. The lone cherry tree in the corner was in full bloom and in the moonlight, the sakura glimmered pale, touched with silver, petals falling to the ground as the wind blew, like the tears running down the little girl's face as she said goodbye to her first kiss, her first love, the part of her life that had belonged to this house and this family.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Due to complications in the lease contract, the Aihara's were not able to move out of the Irie household on Friday as planned. Nonetheless, Aihara Shigeo had already spoken in advance about the planned move to his best friend and Mrs. Irie, requesting them to keep it amongst the three of them, at any rate Naoki was preoccupied with his upcoming Yuino formal engagement ceremony, Yuki would in all likelihood just be relieved they were leaving and he also wanted to minimise the toll such a discussion would take on Kotoko. Mrs. Irie had as expected, cried and tried to convince him that they should stay. He was touched by her protestations that she loved Kotoko as a daughter but his resolve was firm. In fact, in the last few weeks he had often berated himself for allowing this situation to continue as long as it had, when it was very clear to everyone except to Kotoko that Naoki did not, and would never love Kotoko the way she did him.

For all her shortcomings however, he was proud of his daughter — he knew that she wasn't the brightest girl, that she was oftentimes immature, that she often spoke before she thought, and was clumsy and awkward. But Kotoko had always been a sweet girl, someone who was kind and helpful, she was courageous and determined, she thought of others before herself and was always good natured and caring despite the way others treated her. And Shigeo hoped that one day, she would find a man who would see her as she really was.

In the last few days, Shigeo mused, Kotoko seemed to have taken his advice. Instead of hurrying home to be as near Naoki as possible, she had instead volunteered to work the tables in the restaurant. And although she did not cry or even speak about Naoki's impending Yuino, she had been quiet and serious. But unlike the previous times, when for example, the mistaken conclusion that Naoki was living with Matsumoto Yuuki had led Kotoko to stop eating or sleeping and to mope about dramatically, this time Kotoko simply became a calmer, quieter albeit sadder version of herself. While Shigeo's heart broke seeing his beloved child so dimmed, he realised that she had begun to accept the situation and from there, with time, he hoped she would move on.

"Why don't you leave early and go home?" Shigeo suggested, intercepting Kotoko on her way to the kitchen with a tray of dirty dishes. "You must have some last minute packing to do?"

Kotoko looked up at her father — her mind was miles away — and realised he was speaking to her.

"Yes Otousan, if you think you can manage without me?"

"Of course, of course. Be careful going home."

"I will" Kotoko replied, as she took off her apron and went to the utility room to change into her street clothes.

She was about to step out when Kinnosuke approached her.

"Hey." He said, awkwardly placing a light hand on her arm. She looked at him questioningly. "Are you ok?"

She nodded, giving him a small smile, thankful for her friend. Kinnosuke was loud, and brash, uncouth and awkward — but he had always been one of the few people aside from her father, Jinko and Satomi whom she felt cared for her unconditionally. His noise and clumsy but well meaning attempts to cheer her up had made the last few weeks bearable somewhat,

"So…I was wondering…if..if you didn't have plans tomorrow..would you like to go out with me?"

Kotoko paused, part of her feeling that she would be somehow unfaithful to Naoki if she went out with him — and yet, the rational part of her brain told her that Naoki had no claim, nor had he ever wanted to have any claim to her. And despite her misgivings, Kotoko gave him a small smile and brief nod.

"Great!" Kinnosuke exclaimed, clearly beside himself with joy. "Shall I pick you up at one?"

"No…no..that won't be necessary…I can meet you here in the afternoon… so you can finish your lunch shift.."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The house was quiet as Kotoko let herself in. Obasama and Ojisama were probably still out shopping for the gifts to be exchanged at the Yuino the next morning and there seemed to be no sign of Yuki. Mr and Mrs. Irie had tried to be tactful about it, avoiding mentioning their plans to shop while Kotoko was around. That morning, an awkward silence had descended upon the room as Mrs. Irie had paused midway through a question asking Naoki if Sahoko would prefer the traditional fan to be given as a gift symbolising prosperity at the Yuino to be in ivory or cherry wood, noticing as Kotoko had quietly entered the dining room.

Pretending she did not hear and pretending that she did not notice Naoki looking expectantly at her as if waiting for a reaction, Kotoko simply greeted everyone with a small smile and quietly finished her breakfast. Kotoko managed to give Mrs. Irie a reassuring smile and squeezed her shoulder as she sat down beside Naoki's mother at her usual place, avoiding looking at Naoki though he sat across from her. Later that day, she congratulated herself on a good job — she had smiled, she had even conversed (though she could not for the life of her remember what she had said) and most importantly, she had not cried a single tear. Long tortuous minutes later, she rose from the table and asked permission to leave for school, going as quietly as she had come in. She had spent the day in school, keeping to herself and avoiding even Jinko and Satomi, until it had been time to report to her father's restaurant and she had been there most of the afternoon.

There seemed to be no one else home yet and with a sigh of what she realised was relief, there seemed to be no sign of Naoki either — although it was still early.

Making as little noise as she possibly could, Kotoko went up to her room and began to pack away her things. What little furniture had survived the destruction of their house had lain in a warehouse for the last three years and would be sent directly to their new house so all that Kotoko needed to put away were her clothing, books and personal effects. There was not much despite having lived in the house for several years. Or at least, there were not many tangible things. Her memories were, however, a different story altogether.

Quietly and methodically, Kotoko gathered the clothing from her closet, carefully folding each item and even smiling a little upon realising how much of her clothes were in various shades of pink. She had very few clothes when she had first come — only her uniforms and the few things that had survived the house. But Obasama had been more than generous, excited to finally have another female in the house, she had frequently gifted Kotoko with girly clothing. Perhaps, she thought, it was time to change a little and to stop dressing like a little girl. Maybe after they moved, she could ask Satomi to help her look different, older as she was, and less like the flighty girl that she had been.

When she was almost done, the cabinet looked forlorn and empty, and with a sigh, Kotoko reached for the last items in the closet, her Tonan uniform in the rear corner. When they graduated, she had disposed of all her uniforms — except for this particular set, because it was the one she wore to graduation and the one she had been wearing the night Naoki had given her her first kiss.

For a few seconds, she thought of bringing it with her but with a small shake of her head, Kotoko decided that when she left the Irie house this time, and for good, she would also leave behind her unrequited love for Naoki Irie and everything that reminded her thereof. So Kotoko carefully placed the uniform in large paper bag and left it on the closet floor, leaving a note for Obasama thanking her in advance and requesting that the contents of the entire bag could be disposed of.

The closet was finally empty when Kotoko noticed that the room was getting dark. Getting up from the floor after closing the latch on the last of her suitcases, Kotoko rolled the suitcases into the closet and closed the door, switching on the small table lamp which cast a gentle golden glow over the room. She looked around, with the suitcases stowed in the closet, the room she had lived in looked exactly the same as it always did — and she realised it would not even remain this way for long. Once Yuki reclaimed his room, all traces of pink — and of her— would vanish and she would just be a memory of the stupid girl who once lived with them.

Kotoko moved to the desk, it was mostly clear of her things now, except for a picture frame housing the photo Obasama had taken of her and Naoki at graduation. Her little hands lifted the picture frame gently, a tender finger tracing the lines of a younger Naoki in the photo.

Kotoko felt tears threatening to fall again — it actually surprised her that she had held out this long before breaking down — and she thought, it was ok. She would let herself be sad and cry — after all, she was all alone and this was her time to say goodbye.

So letting the tears fall, Kotoko opened the desk drawer and gathered the few mementos she had kept there — a couple of photographs Mrs. Irie had given her of Naoki and herself studying together, a flyer for the tennis team tryouts, a small day book which she had used as a diary decorated with the hopes and dreams of a lovestruck girl, adorned with cute stickers and scribbles and at the very bottom, the little envelope that contained her confession to Naoki.

She remembered it so clearly — the hours she spent practicing her handwriting, checking drafts of the letter to make sure it would be perfect, writing down the final version on a pale pink sheet of paper embossed with her favorite cherry blossoms that she had bought especially for the purpose and finally, slipping the single, fragile piece of paper into the matching cherry blossom envelope along with a thousand hopes and dreams.

Taking out the few things, she stacked them on top of the framed photograph, not quite knowing what to do with them. She didn't know how long she had been staring down at the little pile — the little pile of useless memories which was all that Irie Naoki and Aihara Kotoko's one sided love affair had ever amounted to — when she heard a small knock and her bedroom door open.

"Tadaima! Hey Baka! Where is everyone?" Irie Yuki said, entering the room but not noting that anything was amiss — the room was always neat and clean, and too pink for his taste. Kotoko quickly wiped her face of tears on the sleeve of her sweater and plastered a fake smile on her face before turning to face the intruder.

Irie Yuki had grown much since she had first come to this house, at 13 he was now taller than her, his baby face now settling into sharper and more angular planes of young adulthood, looking so much like the Naoki she had fallen in love with on her first day at Tonan that it brought a pang to her chest. Come to think about it, Yuki was only a few months younger than Naoki had been on the day she had first seen him delivering the welcoming address at Tonan.

"Ah…okaeri Yuki-kun…your parents are out shopping for the Yuino…." Kotoko replied, willing her voice not to crack. "My father is still at Fugoyoshi and I don't think your onii-chan is home yet."

"What are you doing?" Yuki asked curiously, not quite sure how to deal with this new, quieter Kotoko. He had not said anything but since the omiai, he had noticed that Kotoko had changed significantly. He had been expecting her usual hysterics and drama but instead, she had seemed to had withdrawn. Even his cutting remarks had been met only with acquiescence and the occasional small smile. Yuki kept waiting for the real Kotoko to pop out — to respond to his teasing, to declare that she was going to stop this engagement, to cry — to…to do something. Anything. Anything but this pale, almost silent version of the Kotoko he knew. A genius like his brother, it bothered Yuki when things did not turn out as he logically predicted. And this new Kotoko was unlike anything he had had forethought…and if he were being honest with himself, he missed the old her.

He moved closer, his curiosity piqued by the sight of the small pile of things on the desk — particularly the fact that the big framed graduation photograph that used to hold the place of honour on Kotoko's study table was lying at the bottom the pile.

"Oh..well..that is..has Obasama told you?" Kotoko asked nervously. "We…that is…outosan and I are moving out soon…I was just clearing out my old things…aren't you glad you're getting your room back? It will look just the same once you get the pink things out..it will be like I was never here!" Kotoko realized she was rambling, but Yuki reminded her so much of Naoki that she could not seem to help herself.

She just needed to chatter long enough to irritate him so that he would leave her alone she thought, busying her hands with the needless task of organising the practically bare tabletop. Her hands were shaking, she wished he would leave already, reaching out again for the small pile in front of her, she re-stacked the things again — until Yuki reached out and placed his hand over hers, stilling her nervous movement.

"Baka…" he muttered, though this time it lacked the asperity that usually characterised the tens of thousands of other times he had called her stupid. And without another word, Yuki hugged her tightly and let go, almost just as unemotional as his brother, Yuki was immediately embarrassed, turning and starting to walk quickly towards the door.

Suddenly, without knowing why, Kotoko felt the need to do one thing — so she grabbed the small pink letter on the top of the pile.

"Yuki-chan?" She said, her voice steady and a small smile coming through despite her tears.

"Yes?" The young man asked, turning to face her.

"I never really got to do this properly…and be properly rejected…and I know you are not Naoki..but may I… will you help me?" the girl said, holding the small envelope with the sakura in both hands.

Hearing no objection from Yuki, Kotoko approached him and bowed.

"My name is Aihara Kotoko from Class F. I am in love with your brother Irie Naoki. Please accept this on his behalf." The girl said, bowing low and proffering the letter to the little boy — now a young man.

"Arigato gozaimas Aihara-san but he cannot return your affections. Gomen nasai." Yuki responded formally, taking the letter and bowing deeply from the waist as well.

Yuki turned and walked to the door, "Ja ne oneesan." He said, closing the door softly behind him, knowing that while she had not cared in the past, she would not want him to see her cry this time.

Author's Postscript:

Just something that has been sitting in my head and demanding to be let out since I discovered this series.

I hope you enjoyed this story. I have left this open ended just in case the muse visits me again and I am able to either create a spin off of this or continue.

Reviews would be very much appreciated.

Love, Daphne