A/N: *EDIT*

Do you believe me now?

Do you want me to cry that badly? Because I am.

Look at the reviews. DO YOU SEE THE TROLLS NOW?!

Just look at the reviews, they're making me tear my hair out.

Some people are saying I care to much about the trolls, and don't care. But. Their words. HURT!

Lack of reviews really hurts ya know, it tends to drive me right back into hibernation and away from everyone.

Well, I did take a break from my Fate stories for a bit. I Updated some Game of Thrones, a bit of Justice League, other odds and ends. And I got. Bloody. Bombarded. Complaints! Threats! Angry fan mail! Its only been three days! Yeesh! Fine, fine, here's another chapter.

Speaking of which! If all the Naruto incarnations meet-and they will, sooner or later-we'll refer to them by their classes.

For example! This Naruto would be addressed as Pure!Naruto by most. Because thus far he most embodies his canon counterpart.

Furthermore, this chapter is meant to be emotional, and show just how messed up the shinobi world as a whole is in general. In other words, a lot.

This chapter also reveals why Beast is so desperate to have this Naruto dead and gone, erased from the timeline altogether. Of course, Beast is a bloody idiot and doesn't realize things don't work that way. But hey, when you're literally a savage wholly incapable of long-term planning like Beast, events tend to spiral out of control.

As ever, Snatcher!Naruto is inspired by Snatcher from A Hat In Time, of course.

He's just...a bit less surly in that regard I suppose, but still grouchy.

And yes, he's quite capable of using Install and Include.

Minor timeskip here for the matches.

Peace, peace, aaaaand out~!

"Who the hell are you?"

"If its names you're after...call me Snatcher."

~a conversation.

A Most Unlikely Encounter

Naruto was going to destroy Neji.

No, young Uzumaki thought to himself, simple defeat was too good for the Hyuuga prick. He wanted to humiliate him; grind his pride into the dust until nothing remained. Was this what it felt like to hate someone? He had never truly hated someone before-Haku's deception didn't count in his mind-until this moment. Yes, he decided, this must be hate. The mere thought of Neji Hyuuga was enough to turn his vision red. He would be fighting him in a month; he needed a way to get past that tricky taijutsu. He didn't want to end up like...Hinata.

Yes, he had made a promise.

Yes, he'd sworn to crush him in the finals.

Yes, come hell or high water, Uzumaki Naruto kept his word.

Try as he might, he couldn't forget what that Hyuuga bastard had done to his cousin. The sight of that final blow had been carved into his mind's eye for him to relive over and over again whenever he closed his eyes, a scene unfolding in slow motion when he dared dwell on it. He'd punctured Hinata's heart, struck her out of spite when she refused to fall. That had been yesterday. Now the medics said she might not live to see another sunrise. Bastard. Well, now Neji Hyuuga was firmly at the top of his shit-list with Gaara and Sasuke. That raccoon-eyed freak had just been cruel to Lee. And as for Sasuke...well. He wouldn't say no to a chance to knock his rival down a beg.

Unfortunately said rival had been spirited away by Kakashi, leaving him with naught but wind for a plan. The "tutor" he'd promised him had never shown up.

Left to his own devices, Naruto was forced to find alternative methods to raise his skills. So he did the only thing he knew how. He worked.

With bright Determination roaring in his heart, young Uzumaki Naruto made his way to the training grounds to prepare.

The attack came out of nowhere.

"Gack?!"

One moment the young Uzumaki had been strolling peaceably down the street in comparative silence, his mind focused on the month ahead and the finals that would come with it; in the next, an unfamiliar arm looped out of an alley and hooked around his neck to haul him away. To say they outright clotheslined him wouldn't have been an understatement. When the young jinchuuriki attempted to cry out a strong hand immediately clamped down on his mouth and hauled him all the harder. What the hell?! Was he being kidnapped or something?! Frantically, he bit down the hand on the hand, to no avail.

His teeth didn't penetrate the glove, though his efforts did earn him a stinging smack across the back of the head.

"Not so loud, you shitty brat!" someone groused at him. "If I let you go, will you stop struggling?"

Naruto hesitated a moment, then nodded weakly against the tense hand restraining him.

In an instant he was freed. Unfortunately, they hadn't told him to be quiet.

He soon found his answers as his captor spun him around.

It was the same masked bastard from the preliminaries, but he looked decidedly...different. Clad in light silver-blue plate draped over azure cloth, he looked more a knight then some hapless Anbu wandering about waiting to be pranked. The sole blight on it all was that glaring mask. Now, Naruto liked masks. Downright fancied them if they were orange. But that mask just did not match.

"Who the hell are you?"

"If its names you're after, Snatcher will do."

Despite himself, the boy snickered. "That's a bad name. You should feel bad-

THUNK.

A blade wedged itself into the wall, less than inch from his snickering face, shattering brick and mortar alike.

"I'm sorry," a silken purr emerged from behind that stoic facade, "There was a fly buzzing around just now. I wanted to swat it."

Urk.

"Look, its none of your damn business what I call myself." the stranger addressed him stoically as he extracted the burning blade. "But that girl of yours? The one you sucker-punched back in the preliminaries? You need to drop her. Like a hot potato. She's a brainwashed plant for Orochimaru. A spy, if you didn't understand the last word. An obvious one at that. That snake freak you fought in the forest? Yeah. She works for him. He all but scooped out pieces of her past just to make her seem harmless."

Naruto's jaw clicked shut in stubborn defiance.

He thought of that sad and lonely face, her hand in his as he led her to the infirmary.

"Kin, right? Are you...okay?

...no thanks to you. That last hit hurt."

"We fought once. That doesn't make us enemies."

"I don't understand you. Why take care of someone like me?"

"Why not? I scared you in our fight, right? So here, lemme help you...

Something in him hardened and he grit his teeth, fists balling stubbornly at his sides.

"No." he growled. "I don't believe you."

"NO?" The masked man-why did he sound so damn familiar?-scoffed, jerking away from him as though he'd been struck. "Buddy, I'm not giving you a choice here; believe it or not You think she's your friend? She isn't. She isn't even her true self. Not really. She doesn't matter in this timeline. She doesn't count at all. Do you understand?" A hand drifted to the saber resting against his right hip, a gleaming golden weapon that seemed to swallow the darkness and emit light. "Either you leave her be...or I'll take care of her."

"The hell's that supposed to mean?" Naruto squinted.

"You deaf?" the masked head tilted. "I'll kill her."

He choked. "You wouldn't!"

"Yes, I would. My hands are soaked with blood, kiddo." Snatcher sounded almost...annoyed by his anger. "Everything I do, every act, no matter how violent, how atrocious, has been and always will be for the greater good as a whole. I've let worlds fall and civilizations burn, just to keep the peace. Compared to that, what's one more body on the pile?"

He snagged the man's sleeve when he turned to leave.

"I won't let you!"

For the second time that day, an arm wrapped around Naruto's throat. In a single movement he found himself jerked upright and off his feet. Another slammed him against the wall with such force that he heard something pop in his back. That masked face loomed large before him, and for a moment-just a moment-he thought he saw a glowing pair of blue eyes beneath. Then he was too busy trying not to choke to death.

"You and what army, runt?"

The standoff held for a moment more.

His world began to go black around the edges.

Then, as suddenly as he'd attacked him, the stranger let go.

"Alright, alright." he grumbled, stalking away. "I'll leave him alone. Jeez. Your girls never let me have any fun."

"Um...who are you talking to?"

"None of your business. Have it your way, you little jagoff." the last word emerged as a silken hiss, only slightly muffled by the menacing mask. "You think you're hot shit?" a hand snapped out, seizing a whiskered cheek to deliver a harsh pinch. "Lets see how well you do without my protection. Do you even know that you're already being hunted by his minions? No?" another scoff as the boy struggled. "That bland expression of yours says it all. I give you less than twenty-four hours before you come bawling to me for help. Maybe a few resets will knock that stupidity out of you...if you survive."

"Survive what?!"

Naruto blinked furiously.

Little more than a brief fluttering of the eyes.

When he opened them again, he found himself alone in the alley.

Somehow the shadows seemed steeper with the Stranger's absence. Colder. Harder.

And in that moment, the young genin-stubborn though he was-realized he was well and truly alone.

(...Minor Scene Break...)

The walk home was an eerie one.

Though it was well into the afternoon by the time Naruto ceased pounding a training post into a pulp, the sky had darkened ominously, threatening ran. He tucked is arms deeper into his pockets as the wind began to rise by the time he raced back the way he had come, dark clouds rolling in to blot out the sun. A mighty rumble of thunder rippled in the distance, promising a storm. The air held a strange bite to it now, one that hadn't been there before, as though the very atmosphere were charged, waiting to erupt into rain at the slightest provocation.

Stranger still...the streets were empty.

Even for a shinobi village, there was almost always someone out at this hour. And then there were the Exams to consider. He'd seen no shortage of foreign dignitaries the other days, men and women, shinobi and civilian alike. So where had they all gone? It wasn't particularly late by his reckoning

Surprisingly, he found the door to his apartment open when he returned.

Unbidden, the stranger's words flashed through his mind.

"Do you even know what's hunting you, brat?"

Had he left it that way?

Edging the worn frame open, he fumbled for the light switch-no dice-and nearly jumped when he heard footsteps. At this angle with the clouds obscuring the rapidly setting sun, he could scarcely see anything. Irritated, he slapped at the light switch again-which actualy worked this time!-and dared out a hesitant:

"Hello? I-Is anyone there?"

A clatter from the kitchen caught his attention and he jolted away, arms, pinwheeling.

Instead of a stranger, a familiar head of dark hair popped up over the counter.

"Oh! Welcome home~!"

At first he didn't recognize her, if only because she'd abandoned her headband and combat attire for a pair of blue jeans and a green shirt. But the bold black musical note emblazoned upon said shirt-as well as those inky midnight eyes and raven hair-gave the intruder's identity away long before he could think to don a kunai. Was...was that an apron? Why was she wearing an apron? Where had she even found the damn thing? His bleak confusion only mounted as he beheld the pot on the stove and the array of ingredients assembled on the counter. What in blazes?

"Kin?"

A beatific smile bloomed across her pale face. "I thought I'd cook you something as thanks for helping me earlier."

"How did you even get here, anyway?" he muttered. "I didn't tell you where I lived...?"

She blinked. "A man in a mask told me where to find you...why?"

He sighed. "And that's totally not unusual at all...

"Hmm?" the little blackette tilted her head.

Naruto felt the hackles on the back of his neck rise and willed his smile not to waver even as his face twitched. That armor-wearing, sword-swinging bastard! Just what was he playing at here? Only a few hours ago he had stated his willingness to kill the kunoichi for reasons that were, frankly, unknown to the boy. So why would he go out of his way just to tell her where he lived? It didn't make any sense. Why bring her here if he wanted to keep the two of them apart? No, he was missing a piece of the puzzle here, but try as he might, he couldn't see it.

"Nah, its nothing-

And the shadows boiled.

All at once a nearby window shattered with a rush of white lightning, sending the two teens whirling toward the sound and exploding glass. One such shard slashed just below Naruto's left eye, eliciting a pained gasp from the blond. He scarcely noticed it. Outside the storm gave a ponderous shriek, and thunder rolled through grief-stricken clouds. But try as he might, Naruto couldn't bring himself to look away from the window. There was something out there. Lurking in the dark. Just outside his sight. And.

It.

Came.

Through.

Dragging itself over broken glass, its was only vaguely humanoid. Its face was all wrong and ghastly and twisted in the worst of ways; it might have been a young woman once, but its eyes were black pits of soulless suffering, its mouth a grisly gaping tear. The tattered remnants of a worn robe clung to a horribly emaciated body, all but hanging off their pitiful frame. And yet he couldn't bear to look at them. Wrong, wrong, wrong! They looked wrong! They felt wrong.

Another wore his face.

He knew it because those were definitely his whiskered cheeks and blond hair, but...older. Clad in little more than a dirty brown cloak, it climbed in after its companion, shuffling soundlessly. Though its eyes were bound by a tattered cloth its head snapped toward him the moment he moved. At some wordless command, the female started forward.

Saw him.

Reached for him.

Its groan turned to a yelp as Kin promptly upended to the pot over the abomination's head. Her noble efforts earned her a crushing backhand that left her crumpled in a heap against the wall as she struck it headfirst. The kunoichi collapsed dead away; without thinking Naruto thrust himself between her and the onrushing menace.

"Leave her alone!"

Desperately, he swung at her with all of his paltry might.

And yet when he touched her...there was light.

It was a sight to behold really; the poor creature jerked back as though it had been burned, collapsing to the ground with a shriek. Its body writhed and spasmed as the light splayed over it, corruption peeling back as foul gaunt flesh filled out and regained a healthy sheen. That corroded robe became pure and white once more, as the shadowy woman writhed and shrieked upon the floor, their once ghastly restored before his very eyes, like time flowing in reverse. Even the other Shadow Servant seemed taken aback by the site.

In a matter of moments they first one was hale and whole and healthy again, their once mighty spasms ceasing all but ceasing as they finally fell still.

"Um...are you alright?" Naruto couldn't help but croak.

Wide eyes turned up at him, round with wonder.

"I...you healed me." she stammered out. "You brought me back. How?"

Naruto offered a helpless, mute shrug; in response she all but flung herself at his feet and began to grovel.

"I am sooooooo sorry, my pharaoh!" she wailed! "I failed you! I tried to fight, but I was consumed like the others and fell instead! Forgive me, I beg of you!"

The boy could only sputter helplessly. "Pha...?

Her ears twitched as she gave him another once-over. "Hmm? Aren't you a little younger than I remember?"

But then the other creature-the one with his face-came surging forward and barreled into the strange woman, sending her tumbling away. She snapped out a curse and a black staff manifested in her hands as she shouted at him to run, too late to make a difference. Three swift blows crashed down on her, sending her to join Kin in cursed slumber. The entire time, he'd stood there. Helpless. Frozen by fear. He still didn't move when that odd creature turned and drew a knife. It was smiling, displaying entirely too many teeth. He needed to move. Create a clone. Something. Anything. And yet all he felt was fear.

Sneering, the false creature started toward Naruto.

"Aaaaaand that's enough."

It never made it.

A blur burst through the door to to seize the shadowy creature by the throat-why did he always do that?!-and promptly levered it into a wall. Not a heartbeat later his savior appeared, phasing through the wall. When the creature with his face tried to escape, Snatcher closed around the nearest Shadow Servant's head and slammed the ghastly doppelganger into the ground before it could attack again. The ruined thing shrieked a wordless gurgle before as that same golden blade from before came down on its head. A wash of blinding light and it fell still.

"Good 'ol Excalibur." the masked man hummed. "Still works wonders on the undead."

"I...you...what the hell was that?!" Naruto sputtered! "That thing...it tried to kill me! It had my face! What's going on?!"

"You," Snatcher purred with silken menace, "Are one lucky little brat. If I hadn't been nearby, if we'd just let those things swarm you from the beginning; you'd be dead right now. We wouldn't be having this conversation at all, you uppity little orange twi-persistent bastard!" Quick as a flash he cut down at the corpse when it tried to rise again, dismembering it. Once. Twice. Thrice. This time it burst into harmless dust and didn't rise again from the ruined ashes.

"I nearly was, you jerk!" relief burst from the boy in a sob.

"Bah!" Snatcher scoffed. "Only five got past me. You would've been fine.

"Five?"

"Well, my...companion is dealing with the other two." Snatcher hummed. "As for the last one-ahathereyouarebrat!"

Snatcher calmly walked to the window and jumped through it into the bushes below. A yelp greeted him.

"Honestly, even as a Shadow Servant you're still lazy as ever, Osakabehime!"

Compared the heart-pounding tension of only a few minutes before, the scene that followed was almost comical by comparison. Someone leaped out of the brush Snatcher had dove into, eyes rolling with terror. Clad in the in the moldering garb of what might have been a kimono...a long time ago, she'd clearly seen better days. Tainted golden eyes saw him and widened in triumph as she raised what might have been an origami creature of some sort, smirking all the while-

"There you are!" she sneered. "Now would you kindly die-HYEEK!?"

Not a heartbeat later, the blond bounded back into the room and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck.

Dangling his prize aloft he held the young woman up and delivered a sharp kick to her rear, drawing forth another yelp.

"Wanna run that by me again?"

"I serve a power greater than you, faker!" She snarled. "You may stop me, but youHe will devour you! Swallow worlds! You only prolong the inevitable-

THRUK.

A quick chop to the neck rendered her insensate.

"Now that we've gotten that out of the way, c'mere kid." he hefted the now-slumbering Servant for inspection. "Give her a whack just like you did Nitcoris back there and she'll be right as rain."

Tentatively, the boy approached.

He poked her arm once. Twice. Thrice.

Finally, it took and Snatcher grunted in satisfaction as a glimmer of light crept across her form, then laid her next to the slumbering Caster.

"See? Just like that. Now do you understand why you're so important? Why so many want you dead?" when the boy shook his head, his fellow blond swatted him for it. "Idiot! Pay attention for once in your life! You're the light to that bastard's darkness, the antithesis to Beast's existence. His complete and utter opposite in every way. The one thing that can destroy him for good. He is cruel where you are kind, almost to a fault. Hideously selfish, while you would all but give a stranger the very clothes off you back. He would gladly cut off an arm to spite an enemy but you...

The smile that followed wasn't very nice.

"You'd probably give up an arm just to save your worst enemy, even knowing it would be lost forever."

"Well, yeah." Naruto blinked. "Wouldn't anyone do that?"

Behind the mask, Snatcher's jaw popped open.

"Not anyone, no." he uttered.

For a moment he feared that the masked man was going to shake him again. He would've welcomed it. That last remnants of fear formed an icy core in his gut that refused to melt. He'd been powerless. Frozen. Unable to move so much as an inch as those...things came after him. Not again. Never again. He'd thought himself past that; that he'd dealt with it against the Demon Brother so long ago. Apparently not. The knowledge that he'd failed to do something-anything!-galled him more than his own brush with death itself. If he couldn't fight...if he couldn't keep his word...what good was he? He was just...weak.

Remarkably, it was Snatcher who delivered him from that depressing hell.

"Hey!" a hand shot out, settling against his blood-spattered hair. "'None of that. You survived. Look at me."

He did as he'd been bade.

"Look, if he gets you, corrupts that potential of yours, then we lose. All of us. He could use that power in reverse, turn anyone he touched. Do you understand?" a hand wrapped around his shoulder and shook it. "I don't know why, but for some reason you were born with this gift. And now that he's coming after you, the universe is literally bending the rules of reality just to keep you alive. So do me a favor and don't do anything stupid, alright? Its annoying enough to keep an eye on you as is...and I'm no good with this touchy-feely stuff."

With that said, he gave him a shove and stepped back.

"You mentioned someone else...?"

"Hmm?" Snatcher barely deigned to look at him. "Oh, her. She'll be joining us shortly."

As if waiting for that very cue, another window shattered.

And someone came flying through.

"NOT AGAIN!"

She was beauty and grace personified; a peerless creature with red eyes and pale blue hair. Massive spiraling horns curled from either side of her head, only further enhancing her majesty. Her clothes-and he hesitated to call them that!-were little more than scraps of blue scales, glinting gems barely preserving her modesty. Naruto might be dense as a brick, but even he couldn't ignore that kind of smoldering sexuality. Then he noticed the weight of what she was carrying. In each hand she clutched the remnants of a Servant. No, she dragged them behind her, as if they were trophies for her to collect. Worse, each wore his face, though hideously warped and twisted by blackened mud and insanity.

"Tiamat," Snatcher sighed, "What did I tell you about playing with your food?"

Full lips quirked in an adorable pout as she gazed placidly at him.

"Fine, fine," he waved at her. "Just get rid of them."

The crimson cadavers didn't fade or burn away as Naruto expected them to; rather they simply melted into the floor as the strange woman...what the actual hell. Had she absorbed them? No, she'd clearly turned a portion of the floor to mud just now, and as he looked on they vanished through the murky portals, never to be seen again. Something in his very soul cried out at what he'd just witnessed. Whomever-whatever!-this woman was, she commanded powers unknown to him. She'd dispatched two of those...things with nothing but her bare hands. Nope. That was it. His brain quit.

"Just who the hell are you guys?!"

"Was I ever this noisy?" Snatcher sighed. "Well, I guess I better be blunt about it...you're totally screwed. No point in keeping this secret now that things have escalated this far."

And the man removed his mask.

"EH?!"

Naruto looked up. And up again. Up. At first he couldn't quantify what-who!-he was looking at. With a soft sigh, the stranger reached up and plucked off the orange spiral facade they'd been wearing until this very moment. His own face gazed down and back at him, blue eyes hardened by years of service. That was him?! He grew up to look like that?! Perhaps gleaning the awe in his eyes, this towering stranger with his face knelt down and ruffled his hair as a big brother might towards a younger sibling.

...welcome to the multiverse, kid."

His companion's reaction was...another matter.

The horned woman scooted forward, approaching him as one would a skittish rabbit. Hands at her sides, stoic gaze fixed upon him, yet he couldn't bring himself to look away. Despite the blood on her face and the stains on her hands, she radiated a strange innocence that prevented him from trying to scuttle away. Closer she came. Closer still, until she was naught but hairsbreadth away. When she crouched down, he nearly jerked back solely out of habit. This close he found his head at a rather...awkward position, though he remained pinned by her eyes.

Tiamat grinned.

Then she lunged and crushed his head into her bosom.

"SO SMALL! SO TINY! HE'S ADORABLE! SNATCHER! WE HAVE TO KEEP HIM!"

The man who had thus far only identified himself as "Snatcher" bopped her head.

"No! Bad! Tiamat! You'll break the brat! We've been over this! He can't be a legend if you crush him to death!"

The divine entity paid him no heed and only squeezed the object of her affections ever tighter. It was, all things considered, a rather ignominious end to what had already proven itself to be an overwhelming day for poor Naruto. What had once seemed like a noble goal this morning now appeared paltry by comparison to the harsh reality he'd been faced with. But more than that! Arms! Crushing him! Can't breathe again! Needless to say, the beleagured boy found himself collapsing out in short order.

It was the beginning of something mad; a feud between two blonds that would see the world swept up in madness.

But for now...passing out via nosebleed was really quite the explosive way to go.

"Bah, you little lightweight!" His-future?-self guffawed openly at him.

Naruto groaned. "I swear...I'll get you...for that...

Then the blessed black of sleep took him.

A/N: Now you see.

What Snatcher and Beast fail to realize is that this timeline no longer matters. The "Naruto" one wanted to protect, and the other, destroy, is already in the throne. After all the Throne of Heroes isn't so easily tampered with. But now their meddling has already created something-someone!-new, a Naruto so pure he literally punches the darkness right out of you. As contrived as that sounds, I'm sure you realize what this means.

He cannot, however, save corrupted incarnations of himself.

Still, this means Pure!Naruto-working title-is an absolute BANE for Shadow Servants, Alters, or anyone Servant with darkness in their heart really. Sadly, he can't control it all that well and this ability doesn't work on living people, but he's got the good 'ol Talk no Jutsu for that. Meaning, if Beast keeps sending out Shadow Servants...his army is going to be right depleted real quick. Well, that's all I've got for now.

I'm off to work another double again, looking forward to chatting with you all when I get back.

Reviews are Love. Reviews are Life. Reviews keep me Alive.

Lack of reviews sends me right back into hibernation.

So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly?

And enjoy the previews!

Potential ones at that!

Get ready to laugh!

Which do ya like?

(Previews!)

"Congratulations. You have two big sisters now."

Naruto nearly choked on his ramen. No. Wait. Actually, he did. "Um?! What was that?

"Nitocris and Osakabehime, of course." Snatcher hummed. "Their timelines were destroyed. It only seems right to let them rest here."

"Who is...?"

"Oh, Tiamat?" A nostalgic grin crept across Snatcher!Naruto's face as he watched the horned woman cur lay into another enemy. "You wouldn't believe what I had to go through to win her over. And I was only a little older than you are now. But it was worth it. Remind me to tell you sometime. She's actually quite the good cook."

...eh?"

"Ordinarily, if you die, you start over. From the beginning of this wretched little exam."

"But if Beast gets you, or one of his cronies...

...its game over."

"Um...you alright there?"

She flew at him with a squeal.

Before he could think to protest, she kissed him.

"So what you're saying is...

"I'm you but stronger. Better. Smarter. Good looking, too-

...and you've got a stick up your ass just like Neji. Good to know."

"Congratulations. You fucked up the timeline. How in the hell am I supposed to fix this?!"

Naruto dithered awkwardly as Snatcher glowered at him. "Sorry...?"

Snatcher blew out a harsh aggravated, suffering breath.

"No...its fine...I'll just have to...pop off a few heads."

"What?! No! What is it with you and killing?!"

"Genocide all the way, brat!"

R&R~! =D