"I believe I am in hell therefore I am."

~Arthur Rimbaud

Valerie jerked suddenly when the Camaro came to an abrupt halt. She lifted her head and glanced at Billy but he didn't look at her. He got out of the car and slammed the door so hard that the glass in the frame rattled. She sighed and looked out the window up at the house in front of her.

It was October and her mother had just moved her and her sister to Bumfuck Egypt in the middle of Nowheresville America following her wedding to Valerie's new step-dad, Neil Hargrove. Neil had an infuriating son, Billy, who had gone to school with Valerie in California. They had been close before the wedding. To say the marriage changed things was a bit of an understatement.

The marriage had been a bit of a surprise. One minute Billy and Valerie are enjoying their time together, their respective parents ignorant of their after-school activities when Susan asked her and Max to dress nice because they were having dinner guests.

Valerie was surprised when her boyfriend and his dad showed up with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine. Billy's face betrayed very little but Valerie had gotten good at reading him in their time together. He was just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.

Susan had ushered them in and they sat down for a lovely, if somewhat tense, dinner. During dessert, Susan had stopped eating and reached over to hold Neil's hand. Valerie felt her heart rate pick up at that and could hear her blood pumping in her ears. She felt the hairs on her arms stand on end. She tried to keep the apprehension off her face but she didn't think she did a good job.

Susan announced that she and Neil had been seeing each other for several months and were ready to announce their relationship to their children. Max was the only one who expressed herself verbally. She told her mother she was happy for her when her face expressed pretty much the opposite.

The rest of the night had been tense and Neil and Billy left soon after. Several hours later, Billy was knocking on her bedroom door, ranting about his father and his sudden desire to date again. Billy's mother had been gone for nearly seven years and in all that time Neil Hargrove hadn't dated a single woman. Not one woman until now and it was Valerie's mom. The universe must've been playing a dirty trick if this was their lot.

Valerie had shushed him and held his face in her hands. He had a new black eye and hers started to burn. Billy brushed her off was tender hands and settled them on her bed. He held her until she was asleep and he was gone when she woke up that morning.

Six months after they announced their relationship, they announced their engagement. Valerie cried every night after that. Billy would come to see her sometimes but he never stayed long. They spent most of their time together at school but even then it was few and far between. It was like the engagement created a rift in their relationship.

Susan and Neil made quick work of a wedding. Four months after they announced their engagement they were wed in front of their closest friends and family. Less than one hundred people. The reception was held in the basement of Neil's country club with even fewer people.

Life moved pretty fast after that. Neil and Billy moved into their house and within two months they announced their move nearly halfway across the country. Some podunk town in Indiana.

Valerie had never been angrier at her mom.

They sold their house and backed their things in record time. The new school year had been in session for almost two months and Valerie just knew that she would be treated like some rare oddity, some hidden treasure newly discovered to be gawked at and observed. She was from California, after all, and, if she had to guess, she bet that no one in this tiny town had ever left.

She heaved the last of her boxes into her room. Neil and Susan had at least had the decency to purchase a four-bedroom house so that she and Max wouldn't be forced to share. That had been a nightmare for the few months they did it in California.

She turned to the door and watched Billy stalk by with his own box, a set of headphones draped over his neck blaring Metallica. He ignored her.

She took a deep breath and swung herself outside her room, heading towards the end of the hall to Max's. She leaned her shoulder against the door frame and watched her sister toss various comic books and cassettes on the dresser. All her boxes labeled 'clothes' were stacked in the far corner and all her personal possessions were currently being rifled through.

Max looked up and met Valerie's eyes. Neither of them said anything, content in the shared displeasure that arose from their situation.

Valerie shoved off the door frame and ventured back to her room. She glanced in Billy's room as she did and ripped her eyes away quickly.

Life was already painful enough.

.

Valerie hated Billy's music.

She didn't mind it when they were dating but now it was next to insufferable. It might have had something to do with the fact that he listened to it at near-deafening levels but she wasn't one hundred percent sure.

It was Monday morning at hers and Billy's first official day at Hawkins High School. Max was attending Hawkins Middle School just down the street and brought her skateboard along to ride down the block.

The engine rumbled as Billy pulled into the high school parking lot. It cut off with a stutter when Billy killed the engine. Valerie turned to him but he was already out of the car before she could speak. She huffed and glared at his back.

She turned then to Max and gave her a forced smile. Max rolled her eyes and pushed at the back of her seat. Valerie stayed put and turned in her seat.

"Do you have everything you need?" Max rolled her eyes again and nodded. "I'll get whatever books I need today. Mom got it all set up with the counselor." Max's tone was exasperated.

Valerie nodded and pushed out of the car. She pulled her seat forward and Max leaped out, dropped her skateboard and pushing away down the broken pavement. Valerie watched her go and slammed the car door shut.

She shuffled around the front of the car and eyed the girls oogling Billy's ass.

Admittedly he had a nice ass but she felt a certain possessiveness. He hadn't been hers for a while what with their parents' marriage but they hadn't exactly broken up either. Mutually, they came to an understanding that being together while living under the same roof was not a good idea, especially with Neil's temperament. They agreed that it was best for them to ignore their feelings for each other.

To call what she felt for Billy 'feelings' was a gross understatement. What she and Billy had was beyond basic teenage emotions. They understood each other. They complimented each other. He brought out the best in her and she in him. For life to come and rudely rip it away from them was cruelty in its truest form.

There were lots of tears shed during their agreement. She had cried for days and Billy had started multiple fights at school.

Neither one of them had been happy since before the wedding. Hell, really since before Susan and Neil announced they were dating.

Valerie pulled up alongside Billy and tried not to be hurt by his refusal to acknowledge her. She knew that this was hard on him but it was hard on her, too. He wasn't making it easier.

They stopped in the office first thing and got their schedules, locker assignments and combinations. As soon as they were done in the office Billy walked in the opposite direction as her even though their lockers were in the same hallway. She watched him go and felt tears rush to her eyes. She turned with sharp precision down the hall and headed towards her locker.

She twisted the dial with shaking hands and stuffed her back inside, pulling out only a notebook and a pen. She jumped when a load shriek echoed four lockers down from her.

A petite brunette had a tall boy pressed against the lockers. His dark hair was styled in neat swirls across his forehead and along the sides. He was cleanly shaven with broad shoulders and long legs. He held himself with an ease and a confidence that was foreign to most high school students.

Billy had it and it was largely what attracted her to him. His confidence with his surroundings and the general high school drama. Both acted as if nothing could touch them. Everything just slid right off their backs like oil in water.

She knew that with Billy it was largely an act, a front he put on to protect himself. She wondered if this boy was the same.

The girl glanced over and saw her looking. Valerie blushed and looked away, into the depths of her locker. She closed her eyes when she felt a presence come up beside her.

"Hi! I'm Nancy. You're new, right?" Valerie turned her flushed face to Nancy and nodded, taking her offered hand. "Yeah, I'm Valerie." They shook hands and Nancy turned slightly to gesture to the tall boy she was swapping spit with earlier. "This is my boyfriend Steve." Valerie shook his hand as well and continued to admire him.

He had an angular face and the shadows dipped in all the right placed. He had a long sloping nose that accented the sharp lines of his jaw and cheekbones. His forehead was strong and framed his eyes in a way that made him look older. He had deep-set brown eyes that looked like they'd seen a lot in their short time. Valerie wondered if he and Billy were so different.

Physically so, yes, quite a bit. Billy's hair was light were Steve's was dark. Billy had hard eyes and Steve's were soft. Billy was shorter but broader, compacted with muscle. Steve was taller and leaner.

She could appreciate Steve's beauty but he wasn't Billy.

She sighed and shut her locker. "So, maybe you can help me find something to do in this town." Nancy smiled and glanced up at Steve. "Actually, I might have something that'll interest you." She watched Nancy pull a bright orange sheet of paper from her binder.

.

The car ride home was tense. Valerie could count on one hand the number of times Billy had spoken to her since the move

Once. One time and it was to tell her to "Get in the fucking car or you can walk home!" She felt a rage so potent simmer beneath her skin that she was sure he could feel it.

Max hadn't said anything when she got in the car and Billy peeled out of the parking lot, speeding down the road to their house.

Valerie glared at the side of his head until he looked over at her. "What?" She snorted and shook her head. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel. "Goddamnit! What? Why are you staring at me?"

She scoffed. "I'm just trying to figure out why you're being such an asshole." He glared over at her and intentionally jerked the car to the side. She gasped and had to grab the Jesus handle to keep herself from hitting her head. Max cussed.

Valerie shoved his arm and he gave a malicious laugh. "Baby, I've always been an asshole."

Her nostrils flared and she reared back.

It was true. He hadn't been particularly nice in California but it was familiar anger. Something that was seen often at their old school in their old town.

Here, in this place, his rage was unfamiliar. It was new. There were new reasons for it.

She shook her head. "Not like this. We used to be," He gave her a sharp look when she started that sentence. Valerie glanced briefly to Max in the back seat but she was focusing too much on trying to stay still from his dangerous driving habits to pay attention to their conversation. Valerie amended her statement anyway.

"We were friends. At least then I could tell why you were angry. Now you're just cruel."

Billy smirked at her and gave her a mocking kissy-face before speeding up and flying over the hills. Valerie shook her head and turned away from him. If he saw her tears he would laugh.

.

.

.

.

Following...events...of Season 3 I couldn't deal with less Billy in this world so I starting writing more. I started writing "Beautiful Trauma" shortly after Season 2 but never got around to expanding it and posting it. I felt that Billy needed someone who understood him and I thought the best way to represent that was to have a character who knew Billy before Hawkins. I gave Max an older sister, Valerie, who loves Billy in spite of who he is and what he does.