Author's Note: This story will feature different moments of Levi's young adult life living in the Underground, some of his years before and after Farlan and Isabel joined him, and a general attempt at exploration of how insuffrable living without some sort of criminal activity would be, and how much harder it would be to survive as a criminal. This starts when he's 15.

The idea for this was first encouraged/suggested by Killerwhale on ao3. Also, redcherryamber 's encouragement and The Agonist's unbelievably amazing new song 'In Vertigo' (whose lyrics named this fic) both worked to finally bring it to fruition.

Warnings: This fic will feature graphic violence descriptions throughout, of different natures and to many people. Other warnings will be added as we go. Bad language by children. This chapter also deals with some questioning sexuality and overall not too healthy views on the subject.

Disclaimer: Don't own Shingeki no Kyojin.

.

.

The man's nose had been broken and stepped on and was pouring out gushes of blood but Levi still kicked him again for good measure, even though the pained grunts and rounds of kicking behind him had stopped already. When the remaining silence was filled with moans and strangled coughing from the two men sprawled on the floor, Levi realized for a moment he wasn't even sure why he had continued kicking the man until his face was a puddled mess, and yet he knew he wasn't done yet.

"Let's go, c'mon!" Julius yelled, grabbing the heavy bag and securing it against his chest. Levi heard the hasteful scramble of their feet, looking down at the man coughing on the floor. He was twisting his body, barely able to open his rapidly swolling eye, not looking in defiance at Levi now but still not fully surrendered. Levi raised his foot and kicked him in the groin violently, making the man scream and curl into a weeping ball.

"Levi!" Rans called after him, and he finally followed them, running past the streets and buildings, running past a couple and a beggar decaying on the floor, reaching a dirty and destroyed alley where Julius stopped and turned the bag around in his arms, pulling the strips open and checking the contents.

"You're only confirming it now, you idiot?" Levi scolded him, rubbing at his forehead that still throbbed from the pain of the man's attack, but Julius just grinned widely.

"It's all here," he said proudly, showing it to both of them. A stack of mishelved smaller bags and tin boxes filled it to the top, and Julius opened one of the boxes to see white powder in it. "What's this for?"

"It's medicine, dumbass," Rans replied, pointing to the scrambled lines on the lid. "Can't you read?"

"How'd the fuck would I know?" Julius threw back, throwing the box back to the rest and turning his face to Levi. "What if we keep some? He doesn't know how much of it they were carrying, right? We could always sell it for ourselves and keep all that money!"

"No," Rans replied before Levi had a chance. "We're getting paid to bring back the whole thing."

"But he doesn't know how much is the whole thing, does he?"

"What if he does? What'd you think he'll do to us if we rob him?"

"I think we're the ones being robbed," Levi pointed out, frowning at the amount of portions in the bag, the number of which was making him start to realize they had been severely underpaid for this job. Not to mention they had given a bigass beating to those two merchants, by explicit order of their employer.

"No. Hold that bag tight and let's just hurry up. He said he'd be there after lunch time."

"How the fuck would I know what time lunch time is?" Julius complained. "I haven't eaten anything since yesterday! Every second should be lunch time to me."

Rans rolled his eyes and helped the younger boy up before they resumed their sprinting, only starting to slow it down when they returned to a residential area, still attentive for any unpleasant surprises. Rans walked ahead and guided them to a closed backery shop with dirty windows in which he knocked in a specific rhythm. They had all silently agreed on the way here that he should be the one doing the talk, as Levi was so clearly prone to lash out today. The door opened and a bony bald man let them enter and growled something that was supposedly their cue to pass through the door behind the counter. Levi had to glare at the balls of dust gathered in the corners again and felt his entire body itch, realizing he would be reluctant to eat anything prepared here even if he was starving for days.

Levi had gathered that the man who had been hiring them for some hits, who stood in the back of the shop smoking a cigarette impatiently and talking in hushed voices with a partner, was some sort of physician, or someone close to one. It was the third time they had stolen medication and never a stock as big as this one, and he imagined the man either sold it at a considerably favourable price to other businessmen, or smuggled it to MPs in exchange for favours. It wasn't as if the men Levi and the other boys stole from had acquired the medication by legal means either, hence why they had struggled so much and Levi had got so vicious on the guy that had headbutted him.

"Perfect job as always, boys," the man said with a smile, bringing that stench of smoke too close to Levi as he picked the bag Julius handed him and confirmed what was inside. "You know we'll be great friends. You know you can count on me whenever you need, huh?"

The partner placed small bags with coins into each of their hands. Rans and Julius smiled and tucked their shares safely in pockets while Levi was the only one who counted it, frowning at the clear lack of it.

"You're missing money," he said at once. It was not much in shortage, truth be told, but it was not what had been agreed upon. It could be a couple of cents for all he cared, it was still money he'd been robbed of otherwise.

The man widened his eyes a bit before scoffing loudly.

"Well aren't you a clingy little shit, huh?"

"What did you say?" Levi moved a step closer before Rans and Julius immediately grabbed him by the front of his shirt, crossing their arms over his chest to halt him. The man scowled at this and stepped up too, closely followed by the bulkier partner.

"It's alright, no one's arguing," Rans said appeasingly, turning to the man with a controlled smile. "It was just a mistake. It happens, right?"

"You said ten. There's only eight here."

"A mistake," Julius said louder, reinforcing Rans's words and toning down Levi's. "Easily fixed, right? We did a good job, the whole sack is there and everything's intact. Ya know we're reliable."

The man was still glaring at Levi before he scoffed louder and rummaged his pockets again, counting the remnants of coins before he handed them to Rans as if it were begrudged alms.

"Let's call it a day, boys," he said dismissively. "Remember, you don't know me and I don't know you. None of us wants those fuckin' MPs snoopin' around."

"Sure thing, sir," Julius agreed, and he and Rans more or less pulled Levi away as the man turned on his heels with his partner and stepped out by a back door. Levi shrugged them off of him, annoyed but silent as they exited the disgusting backery.

Stupid little shits who thought everyone else was stupid. Good enough to do their dirty work, but not good enough to get payed for it. Levi hated scum like that.

"You need to calm down, Levi," Rans started, immediately rolling his eyes when Levi glared at him.

"If I wasn't calm, I would've ripped him open a new one," he shot at the other boy, and everyone present knew it to be true.

"Yeah, he's a scumbag and we all know it, but he pays, doesn't he? You're too fucking steamy today, man. Let's just beat it, the MPs're gonna be looking soon."

While Julius headed back to the abandoned site where they'd be staying or off somewhere to start spending the money they got, Levi ended up helping Rans with the groceries he immediately went to buy at the marketplace, getting an extra as payment for the help out of the boy's own cut. He knew Rans's family well enough and he realized it had been a handful of days, perhaps a week, since he had been anywhere near their neighbourhood. He used to hang out there quite a lot when he was younger searching for odd jobs, when Kenny was still around, and was actually how he had first met Rans's sister and their mother when he helped them prepare the end of the year celebrations.

"Don't say anything, okay?" Rans reminded him, as if he needed to. Levi scoffed at the hypocracy, but if the boy didn't want his family to know how he got them money for food, Levi wasn't going to be the one to spill it.

"You must think they're stupid," he still added regardless.

"You don't need to be a criminal to earn good money," the boy pouted, looking stupidly childish and Levi had to scoff again.

"Yeah, right."

"My mom's never done anything illegal," Rans pressed as if convincing Levi of his point was essential for him, when in truth Levi couldn't care less. "I know I'm not doing the right thing, doing what I do. But I'm not as strong as her. Raising two children alone... who can do that?"

Levi shrugged.

"I'm sure it's not easy. That's why I don't see why it bothers you so much to help her."

"Of course it doesn't fucking bother me."

"So what if you knock some teeth out to do it? Aren't you still helping, and better yet, bringing more money than if you were getting explored by some bloated merchant? Even though that piece of shit isn't exactly paying us as well as he should."

"She wouldn't like it. We don't have to be criminals just because we live down here. That's acting exactly like everyone else expects us to, and justifies how they treat us."

Levi decided to give up on the subject as it was clearly getting them nowhere and they remained mostly silent through the rest of the way. He was the one to call out Rans on the blood he had on his boots though.

Although Shosana was not home when they arrived, their mother Alma was, who greeted them and marveled at the sight of the food they carried.

"It's good to see you, Levi," she said. "Thanks for helping Rans out. He's been working so much lately."

"Yeah, sure thing," Levi replied, biting his tongue against talking and quickly dropping the sack of potatoes on the table, dusting his hands on the sides of his hips.

"Do you want to take some with you?" she offered immediately. "It's the least we-"

"No, thank you. I'm good. I have money of my own, I can buy something to eat later."

"You're looking slimmer by the day. Are you sure you've been eating? Rans said you were staying by those abandoned complexes by the west."

Levi nodded a reply, shooting a glare at Rans when the woman had turned to stock the food. The boy cleared his throat and kept his hands busy as an excuse not to say anything further, hoping that Levi would grant him the courtesy of discretion he clearly lacked in return.

"I have to go, I promised to help someone else clean up their store," Levi made up, nodding towards Alma. "It was good to see you, Mrs Alma."

"Stay safe, Levi," she said, turning even before Levi had left and starting to talk with her son. Levi caught bits of their word exchange, nothing but ordinary and satisfied conversation between mother and son.

Levi had always liked the woman, but he had always also felt that the feeling was not exactly mutual. She had never been anything close to rude or aggressive, had always been polite and requested his help a dozen of times in the past in exchange of fair payment, but Levi felt something increasingly dismissive in the way she talked, in her fast easy smiles, the polished politeness that he grew to note how close to condescending it was. Perhaps the small pointless exchange with Rans earlier might actually explain it; maybe she saw Levi as a lost case since his younger days when they had first met, a thing of pity but that was still growing up to be a bad influence for her son, involuntarily branding Levi as the criminal she seemed to be so eager to distance herself and her children from. Seeing what the two boys had done on the past couple of hours, Levi couldn't help but admit she was probably right, even if he had not really pressured Rans to do anything. Opportunities just came up, and Rans accepted them.

He actually felt a spark of anger at his thoughts, how, together with the way the stupid-ass prick acted before, it all seemed fucking unfair and made him shut his fists and want to punch something. He was used to this, to be seen and treated this way, and that very fact was irking him now more than ever; how he had grown so accustomed to being seen as worthless. Not really working to prove them wrong, getting angry that they were right.

Pretty damn fucking pointless. If he really was just a piece of shit anyway, why would he bother with what people thought of him?

He heard the splashing of water coming from somewhere nearby and he turned his head to peek at the backyard of Rans's house, finding a girl bent over a large tank filled with water and soap, scrubbing and soaking a bulky load of clothes. Levi felt his humour was not really fully calmed yet, and he could always talk with Shoshana next time her prick brother paid him to help with the food he brought home as a good hardworking son rather than a thug who had beaten merchants to a bloody pulp and stole their business over a handful of cash. He turned to keep walking down the street, but clearly it didn't really help.

"Levi!" Shosana called him, making him sigh and turn to her, seeing her rubbing her arm against her forehead to get sweat away from her eyes. "It's good to see you. How've you been?"

"Hey," he said in return, not really approaching her. "The usual. How've you been?"

"Same," she replied with a smile, sighing as her back seemed to ache and she pushed her hand into the spot. Levi looked down at the amount of clothes she still had to wash - their family's and several others alike, just another form of respectful income for their living - and reconsidered, walking up to her and picking the handful of pieces that were already washed, hanging them on the clothesline. "Oh, thank you."

"It's alright."

"You came by with Rans?"

"Hm. He brought quite a bit of stuff. You guys'll have a nice dinner tonight."

"That sounds great," Shoshana said and resumed her scrubbing against the rough edge of the washtank. "Have you considered doing some odd jobs for his employer too? He pays nicely, and it's never really that much of a hard job, no matter how much Rans complains it makes him ache all over."

"Yeah," Levi replied vaguely, biting the inside of his cheek and frowning again. She didn't seem to notice it, and they worked silently for a while, ocasionally talking about this and that. Levi noticed how Rans peeked from inside the house and saw him, but said nothing or came outside to them.

"I hope I didn't keep you," Shoshana apologized after he helped her through the whole bundle. Levi waved his head, suddenly remembering his own lie about having other stuff to do, but it wasn't as if keeping that lie was really that urgent.

"Do you remember that bird you gave me?" he recalled out of nowhere and Shoshana jolted where she stood.

"Did you lose it? I can make you a new one-" she asked, and Levi immediately waved his head.

"No, no, I still have the second one you made," he replied. He knew exactly where the first paper folding Shosana had given him was, together with a little poorly scrubbled note she had given him as a birthday present when he was eleven, so he had technically never 'lost' it. He had simply been unable to return it, after he had to leave the last safehouse he shared with Kenny after the man vanished. He never returned there for a variety of reasons; not least of all because of the three corpses he had left there upon his departure. "I've always liked how you do it. You got a lot better, and I already thought the first one was amazing."

Shosana smiled under her breath, blushing slightly and waving her head.

"Rans is always mocking me because he thinks the paper foldings are childish," she explained when she saw Levi's confused look. "He thinks he's such a grown up man just cause he's eighteen now."

"Well, we're not exactly kids anymore," Levi agreed, having forgotten Rans was actually older than him, though he added: "But I don't think that stuff's childish. I think it's great. You could try to start selling them in the future."

He did mean his words, although he had to wonder who would effectively want to spend money in a paper folded in the shape of a bird or a flower or a fish. He realized he would, and he shoved his hand on his pocket.

"I want you to do one for me," he requested. "How much would it cost?"

Shoshana blinked and waved her head.

"You don't need to pay me for that, Levi. I gave it to you because-"

"I know, but I want to see you do it. I want to learn. I remember I was mesmerized by the first one. I think I'd only seen a bird once or twice before, and then I had one for myself. It was pretty neat. Besides, I think it was the only birthday present I ever got until then. You're really good at it."

"Thank you," she said, smiling widely now and blushing even further. "But you don't need to pay me, I mean, you've helped me with all the clothes I had to wash. It was a birthday gift. I can always give you more if you want, I just thought you'd think I was stupid."

"Why would you be stupid?" She shrugged and he pressed. "Besides, my birthday's still months away."

"Then that'll mean you can always just come by more often then, right?"

"I come by often enough," it was Levi's turn to shrug. "Specially since your brother's... working so much."

"Don't you want to stay and eat something with us? I'm sure Mother-"

"No, thanks," he said. Neither Rans or Alma had made the invitation, so he knew he wasn't really welcome. Besides, food was too precious to just spend away on other people like him, even if he did have to ignore his growling stomach, who didn't seem to share the same reasoning as his brain did. "I'm good."

"You wouldn't bother us," Shoshana added as if she knew. "I'm inviting you, ain't I?"

"I know. Thanks anyway, Shoshana."

"Are you sure?" she insisted, a strained look on her face and making Levi feel uncomfortable in return. "I could teach you how to do it, the paper folding. You've helped me out, let me repay you."

"Next time, alright?" Levi promised, but she still seemed disappointed. He saw how she bit her bottom lip and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear as he turned his back.

"Levi..." she called him, and he turned back to see her approach swiftly and lower her face over him and her lips touched his, a clumsy dry little peck that made him gasp and immediately take a step back.

The look of panic in her face seemed likely to rival his own before she turned into all shades of red.

"I-I'm sorry! I don't know... I don't know what I-"

"No! No, I'm sorry. I just..." he tried, not really knowing what he was going to say next though. It was hard to catch his breath all of a sudden. "I just..."

"I'm so sorry, Levi, I... please don't be mad, I just..."

"I'm not mad. I..."

She was clearly having a bit of breathing troubles of her own and her hands twisted in a way that told Levi she was struggling not to cover her face with them.

"I... w-will you still come by next-"

"Yeah, of course, I said I would," he was fast to say, although it now made a quick shiver run down his arms. "I... I have to go."

"I'm sorry," she still said, but they wouldn't get anywhere like this so Levi ignored her and rushed down the street, trying to make it look like he really was just in a hurry and not that he was running away from her. He wasn't really sure which one it was.

He quickly found a cafe and shuffled inside, paying for a warm meal of soup that didn't taste like anything in particular and stiff bread that he bit hardously into before deciding to just soak it in the soup. He ate everything peacefully - or it at least it should have been, but of course it wasn't. Because even though no one came by to pester him and no MP stormed inside or anything, Levi couldn't stop thinking and it took him a while to grab a firm hold of his own hands.

What had he done wrong? What had he said or done to make Shoshana think she should repay him that way?

He liked her; why the fuck wouldn't he? She had always been nice, gave him the first birthday present he ever fucking got, or at least remembered getting (he was being utterly unfair, he just realized. His mother had given him presents whenever she could, and the best ones of them had been solid and rich food), convinced Levi to play tag and hide-and-seek when they were younger (because they were not children anymore now, Rans was right on that at least), still talked and laughed as they grew older. Why did she do that now? Levi tried to think back on times he recalled, tried to understand where he might have said something bad, or something mistakingly good, some of the words he had heard a million times being uttered by men trying to woo women into drooling into their mouths and bending them over any horizontal surface they could find.

Of course, he rationally knew there was more to it. It didn't always happen because of that. He had seen... sometimes. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened with girls before. Nevermind the times when he was a literal child and Kenny would tease girls and some grown up women into cuddling him and holding him in ways that were too close for anyone's comfort; after the man was gone, it happened more than once - women talking with him in suggestive or not-so-suggestive ways, touching his arm or his back for a moment after Levi had helped them out somehow, had two of them kiss him quickly like that before, and once not quite like that.

A violent shudder shot down his spine and Levi closed his eyes, pushing the heel of his hand against his right eye, pushing the memories of men doing that as well far back so that the Pig wouldn't even come close, wouldn't resurface. It was supposed to be a form of payment, of thanking him, not of abuse, of power. He had understood that for a while now, but still, he couldn't actually understand it. He knew people would be happy to accept it, mostly men - that so many of them were not only happy with it, they felt entitled to it - but he couldn't get his head around the fact that some women, girls his age, would want to do it. Without being threatened or pushed to it, just because they wanted to.

Shoshana had done it to thank him because she appreciated the help, because she wanted to retribute somehow. Right? She seemed so nervous about it, maybe she knew something was wrong in it... or maybe she was just scared that Levi would react the way he did, or worse. Did she like Levi too, but thought that was the way to show it? That confused him more. Had it been done as a form of payment or not? Why would she do it otherwise? His mother didn't do it as thanks for any help, she had to do it. Men paid for her, so they assumed they owned her. If a woman would willingly use that as payment, men would certainly be happy with it, but to be on that end himself, it was just wrong and confusing.

Levi just felt overwhelemed by it all and decided he had to occupy his mind with something else, getting out of the cafe and starting to wonder the streets of the Underground, evading MPs whenever he spotted them, coming by a middle aged man and offering to help him close up his shop and gather all the tables and stools scattered about if the man gave him money or food. The man called him off and Levi kicked one of the tables over, barely needing to do more than that before the man cowered back to his shop, not giving him anything but at least knowing not to fucking treat him like scum again. Levi carried down the street now more annoyed than before and snatched an apple from a stand he passed by, biting into it and scowling at the grainy taste. He still nibbled it to the core before he sighed, deciding to go home.

'Home' had been an abandoned building site for what was now close to three weeks. Levi had always prefered to be alone for a variety of reasons, but the last sneak-in he had made had resulted in the previous owners returning and catching him, which resulted in Levi getting a considerable beating, even if he left both of them just as banged up. He ended up crossing paths with two twins he knew and trusted somewhat, resulting in him crashing over on the two-story depilated building that, last Levi had counted, harboured a total of fifteen people. It was a flowing number though; the place had clearly acquired the label of safehouse for many thugs and homeless people, and they came and went as necessity or brawls required.

Levi had his miserable amount of personal things bundled against a wall in the first-story; a tattered bag with two tshirts, a pair of extra pants and two pairs of underwear and socks, covered by a brown quilt he had stole three weeks ago, like he had stolen everything else. He also had Shoshana's paper bird and a copy of a book he had found that he was hoping he'd be able to sell. All this was easily accessable to anyone in the building, and even though there were some basic rules and expected following violence if they were broken, with the flow of people, it was hard to keep it under check. Levi quickly surveyed it to confirm if everything was still in place. After having lost the previous money he had tried to start gathering, he had become quite relunctant of saving it again only to have it stolen, but unless he did, he would hardly be able to afford decent food. The idea of saving enough to rent a place of his own had never been an option exactly, not when the places he could find to live in the in-between were constantly getting raided, not to mention the MPs were a constant threat and hardly painted it reasonable to simply live comfortably in one place. And he was used to this, living without a home, living one day at a time without a prospect of a future, living without people who cared for him unless they thought they could gain something from it.

Levi threw himself to the quilt harshly, groaning as his stupid attempt at running from his thoughts proved completely useless. Of course they followed him here, even became worse as two of the people there got themselves busy, and loudly at that, causing rounds of complains and cheers in turns that didn't bother being discrete either. Levi closed his eyes to fight the renewed shiver he was unable to control and he pulled his knees to his chest, fighting the urge to cover his ears and curl himself tight like a child and knowing he couldn't do that.

"Oooh, check it out, Rosa and Johnny are fucking!" Julius yelled.

"Leave them."

"As if! They're getting louder each time!"

"Let's go peek!"

"Yeah, it's always better than just listening to them."

"Speak for yerself, I get hard enough as it is!" The kids kept discussing amongst themselves as they walked closer to the corridor and to one of the few structured rooms where the outrageously loud moaning was coming from.

"Aren't ya coming?" Big Theo asked him as he passed by, making Levi grit his teeth against screaming.

"Why the fuck would I?"

"Why the fuck wouldn't ya?" Small Theo asked in return, grinning widely and sprinting past his older twin. Levi pushed to his feet and started grabbing his things, facing Big Theo's frown with a glare.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," Levi threw at the boy, only managing to make him scoff.

"Where're ya goin' then?"

"Upstairs." He doubted the thoughts wouldn't cross a single floor if they had stalked him the whole way here, but the loudness would certainly diminish. He banged his feet angrily against the steps, his skin itching from all the dust and debris that no one but him bothered to sweep away, and did his absolute best to ignore the condition the upper floor was, preferring it greatly now over the overcrowded and overnoised first floor. He heard the soft steps following him and he glared harder at Big Theo, who sat down on the floor when Levi threw his things and curled up again, making it very clear he didn't want to be bothered. "Leave me the fuck alone, Theo."

"What happened?"

"I told you, nothing happened other than those fucking pigs squealing downstairs."

"Ya're gonna make me start guessing? We could stay here a while."

"You don't have to guess anything. Go drool over those two like the rest of them."

"Don't ya think I've seen enough people having sex?" Big Theo shrugged again. "So, what happened?"

Levi remained stubbornly silent, glaring at the other people who were occupying the second floor and hardly paying the two boys any mind. What good would it be to talk? He wasn't good at it. It felt wrong, as wrong as thinking about it in the first place, like tearing open wounds that weren't fully healed. He trusted Big Theo somewhat, and that meant he didn't trust him enough. You weren't supposed to trust people enough. Know people, yes, but don't trust them. Why would he say anything?

"Ya banged your head," Big Theo pointed with his chin to the growing bruise on his forehead Levi had been ignoring up until that moment, and Levi scowled at the boy's persistency. "Ya don't seemed too banged up overall though. Did someone grab ya?"

"Why the fuck do you care, Theo?" Levi shot at him, making the boy shrug again.

"I don't," he replied in earnest. "But my brother's downstairs and I have nothing else to do. So, did someone touch ya again?"

Levi cursed in his mind. For the third time in just one day, he was considering giving up entirely on trying to talk because it got them nowhere, only this time, he knew Big Theo would just keep hammering him with more and more colorful suggestions until Levi would be forced to either make up some lie to shut him up or kick him in the teeth. Big Theo had crossed his legs, his palms on the floor and his torso leaned back though his face remained just as serious, and Levi imagined how much better he'd feel if he kicked that relaxed pose out of the boy. He considered both options and ended up sighing and taking the third one.

"A girl kissed me," he said plainly and harshly.

One of Big Theo's blond eyebrows arched up. It took him a full second to decide Levi was being serious.

"Ya're like that 'cause a girl kissed ya? What the fuck, Levi."

"I didn't ask for your opinion, did I?"

"So, was she that bad at it?"

The frustration made him want to snap, but instead he scowled harder and pulled his knees closer to his chest again, wishing to have a soft mattress to sink into but having only the quilt that barely softened the hard floor beneath him.

"That's not the fucking point."

"What is the fucking point, then? Ya're pretty worked up about it."

Levi clenched his teeth and fell silent again. Big Theo exhaled softly.

"Ya didn't know the girl?"

"I do. I've known her for years."

"Then what the fuck, Levi," he repeated. "I bet ya gave her quite the scare. She probably has a crush on ya and now she thinks ya hate her."

"That's her problem, not mine." It sounded harsh even to his own ears, and the way Shoshana looked embarrassed and scared flashed back into his mind, making him feel slightly guilty and angrier at the same time. "What the fuck did I do for her to do that?"

"What d'ya mean? Why do ya think ya did anything?"

"I must have, otherwise why the fuck would she just kiss me out of nowhere without saying anything?"

"Because she probably has a crush on ya, ya dumbass. Some people think that way's better, just... not asking and trying it." Big Theo shrugged. "I don't mind, for instance, and it barely happens to me. I had to kiss a girl like that once to find out I don't really like them, but hey, sometimes ya can't be too picky. I can kiss ya so ya can compare and figure out for yourself."

"Leave me alone, Theo."

"What? Ya won't know otherwise. I bet I'm a lot better than her, and I'm already giving ya a heads up if ya prefer it that way." Big Theo was the polar opposite of his younger brother, and he rarely smiled, which made most people unsure whether or not he was joking. Levi had learned by now that he rarely joked. "So? Wanna try?"

"I don't want to know. I don't care. It doesn't make sense."

"Ya're the one that doesn't make sense. If people like each other, they kiss, they touch. They fuck if they want to."

"I don't like that."

"Well, I guess that's your problem then, not hers or mine."

"So you like the guys that fuck you?" he asked the boy. He wanted to try end the conversation, hurt Big Theo if need be, but his immediate reply was another shrug, and the indifference it showed instead made Levi's skin crawl.

"If it's for money or food, I don't need to like them. It's not about that."

"It's the same."

Big Theo frowned.

"No, Levi, it's not."

"Will you just leave me alone already?"

Big Theo only made things worse, now adding shame and confusion to the already confusing mess of thoughts. At some point, the other boy did leave him alone (without trying to kiss him, thankfully) and he curled in the floor for a while, the numbness of rest crawling into his limbs and weighting on his eyelids, even if it didn't quite work on his head.

So Shoshana liked him. As if that wasn't weird enough, she wanted kiss him, use that to let him know she liked him. Because people kiss, and touch, and fuck when they like each other.

He liked Shoshana because she didn't do any of that. Because that made him feel weird, and uncomfortable, and wrong. But he was the one that was wrong, apparently. He could see some logic in it considering what he had seen other people doing. And he could find none because he had seen how other people acted.

His thoughts - or restless half-sleep, he guessed, as his head felt dizzy with the sudden movement he made - were interrupted by a quick rustle somewhere outside; people starting to run in a hurry. Before the screams even carried in from the street, the kids were already standing up and exchanging glances, a girl running to the window to peer, Levi stumbling up to his feet, and then the loud roars erupted in the first-story and made everyone jump out of their skin. Levi scanned the entrance of the stairs for just one second before his heart squeezed and pumped the familiar adrenaline through his body, turning him on his heels and starting to run because the screams were from adults and those adults were yelling commands.

It didn't take long before panic settled and people started screaming the words 'MPs!' from the floor below, pushing Levi's feet as he grit his teeth and slided to one of the empty rooms, away from the main hall where the MPs would storm into. A younger girl who had been sleeping there yelped as Levi ran into it, starting to run ahead of him but soon getting behind Levi. He jumped through the half-built wall between the two rooms and then grabbed the edge of the window, his feet sliding in the ground as every word of the MPs' screams became clear and so did their shooting.

He cursed under his breath. They were shooting. That had become more frequent lately, with the escalation of violence; theirs. They had yet to shoot to kill, but a bullet is a fucking fast thing and most of their aims left a lot to be desired.

The younger girl grabbed at Levi before he could jump to the next building, making him lose balance for a moment before he jumped across the buildings. The distance was extremely short, the abandoned sites strangled next to each other, and he landed and rolled on his side, an entire coat of dust glueing to his hair and clothes. He barely had time to look behind himself to see if the girl or anyone else was following him through the quickest way out, starting to run through the new building which he didn't know, hoping the layout would be shaped similarly to the other one. He started to jump down the steps but then stumbled on his feet, freezing in place when he saw the back of the uniform, and the MP blocking the way of the first-story in front of him turned, eyes wide for a second before he raised his gun.

"Don't move!"

"Go back!" Levi yelled behind him and darted back up the steps. The gun blasted and the bullet missed his leg by an inch, making Levi's heart skip the next beat and almost throwing him to the floor.

"Motherfuckers!" the younger girl from before yelled the words in Levi's mind. "Where do we go?!"

"Levi!" Big Theo's voice barely managed to reach past the deafening pumping of blood in his ears, so instead the hand he grabbed Levi's arm with was more effective, pulling him out of the stairway and into another room where Small Theo had already rushed into. There was running downstairs, a second gunshot, and this time the sound it made was not of shattering concrete but of skin and flesh, and a scream of pain as the younger girl fell harshly to the floor. Levi's barely had time to look at her, her leg bleeding badly before Small Theo jumped to the next building and Big Theo pushed him to do the same.

"Sons of bitches, they just fucking shoot like that?!" the younger twin yelled before the older darted past him and away from the mirrored stairway layout, towards the back of the building instead, shoving his head outside an open window and his long hair whipping the air as he looked back at them.

"We can jump. There's a balcony, and from there to the floor, they're not here, they'll be rounding people on the other side."

"They're fucking shooting!?" Small Theo yelled again. "Why do they want to kill us?!"

"They're not killing us, Theo!" the older yelled back. "Shut up and move!"

Big Theo pushed Small first, ensuring he'd escape to most likely safety before any of the other two boys. The plan wasn't the best, but it was the only one they had and it went as well as jumping one-story down and from there to the ground could go. Big Theo twisted his wrist trying to reduce the impact of the final landing, but payed it little mind as they ran, away from the building site and from the other kids running and from the MPs that would soon be attracted by the commotion.

When they reached busier streets and people started to turn at them in confusion and startle, the twins turned to one direction and Levi ran towards the other. He could hear the youngest blaring out the warning to anyone that might need it.

Levi couldn't share that thoughtfulness. The only other word in his mind beyond cursing every single one Kenny had taught him was 'hide'.

Hide. He had to hide, he had to hide somewhere, anywhere the MPs wouldn't look, and his first thought shot to Shoshana and Rans and pushed his feet forward for the full second it took him to change his mind. Not really working to prove them wrong, getting angry that they were right. They would be in danger just because of him, and he couldn't do that to them. He couldn't show up with MPs on his heels. He couldn't prove them right.

His heart was pressing at his throat and making him gag, the sweat running from his hairline turning cold. He didn't know where to go. He didn't know where to go, he didn't know where to go-

Levi clashed against a passer-by as he turned a corner. The man stumbled back and looked stunned for a moment, not really complaining or threatening him, just understandably confused for having being tackled by a teeanger looking more closer to a child than an adult. The impact forced Levi stop to catch his breath and quickly try to assess where he was and where he should run to, if he should find a corner to hide and wait, but instead what he found was a MP. On the other side of the street, unarmed, alerted by the disturbance. Levi saw the frown growing on the man's face and his own grew pale, knowing he could not look unsuspicious, not right now, and didn't even bother with trying before jumping and running back the way he came.

"Hey! Stop!" the MP shouted. Levi heard a loud thud of bodies clashing, and looked over his shoulder, finding the man he had bumped against now doubled over and the MP sprawled on his knees, clumsily trying to get back to his feet, commanding the man to shut up and stop apologizing for stumbling in his way, but the man had nothing close to regret on his face as he looked towards Levi.

Levi was turning breathless, the man's intervention barely registing in his mind until it did, clashing almost as hard as they had done physically; people who helped them. People who didn't mind they were criminals, who didn't mind they lived in a way that justified how they were treated.

Suddenly, he knew where to go. The place he had been avoiding for the same reason he avoided Shoshana and Rans's house, but who he knew would not turn him down.

He turned on his heels one final time before running down towards his former home.

.

to be continued

.

.

Author's Note: I didn't really plan this to end in a cliffhanger of sorts because I had intended each chapter to feature a different scene through the years. I guess I can't keep to my plans huh. I do blame the time I spent on this and wanting to get it out of the way.

I have a bit of a struggle imagining several stuff from the Underground. But mostly I wanted to try to show different ways in which life sucks. As if it wasn't enough being a teenager and dealing with teenage stuff, there's also literally everything else.

Thanks for reading, feedback is very much welcomed. Actually, it's needed, because this fic is rather scary for me to write.