Joey's Diary

CHAPTER 7: Foolish Heart

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, but I wish I did – especially Joey! Nor do I own the song used in this piece, which is "Foolish Heart" by Steve Perry – yes, another one of those "I Was A Teenager In The 80's" selections.

THE PREMISE: What if Joey kept an online diary about his relationship with Rachel?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This will probably be the last chapter of "Joey's Diary" until Season 10 begins. There was very little J/R interaction after episode 913 until TOW Rachel's Dream. Since that episode and the ones that followed were all from Rachel's POV, I can't figure out a way to write about them to fit the diary. I'm going to do an entry about the season premiere if it doesn't totally destroy the J/R romance – which it possibly could. But if it doesn't, I'll keep up the diary for S10, from Joey's POV of course.

So, for now, this is it – until S10, this diary is on hiatus! Check out my other J/R story, "Past & Present" for some summer reading. And finally, a question for you readers – I have an idea for a short J/R high school story. I was thinking about writing it when "Past & Present" is finished. I know high school fics are sort of a love 'em or hate 'em thing, so I don't know if you guys would be interested in reading it. Let me know what you think, and if there's enough interest, I'll make it my next project.

~*~*~*~*~

I need a love that grows
I don't want it unless I know
With each passing hour
Someone, somehow
Will be there, ready to share

I need a love that's strong
I'm so tired of being alone
But will my lonely heart
Play the part
Of the fool again, before I begin

Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore

~*~*~*~

I know I haven't written here in a while. There hasn't been much to write about. I've been working on DOOL, hanging out with everyone, dating again, stuff like that. But something has happened that I have to get off my chest before I explode.

She came home to me today.

Apparently she and Ross had some kind of stupid fight. She didn't seem to want to talk about it, and I don't really want to know anyway. Whatever happened, it was enough to make her feel like she couldn't live with him anymore. I was just sitting around doing nothing when she knocked on my door. I opened it and there she was, asking sweetly, "Can Emma and I live here for a while?"

My heart was beating so fast, I know she could feel it when she hugged me. I have dreamed about this moment since the day she left. Not a day goes by that I haven't wished that she would come home. Suddenly it was all happening.

Now I feel sort of confused. I want her here, there's no question about that. But how am I going to keep my feelings from getting out of control when she's right here all the time? How am I going to stop myself from saying the wrong thing or letting her know that I still love her? Because I do, you know. I never stopped. I don't think I can stop.

And so she had a fight with Ross. It doesn't change anything for me. It will be business as usual with the two of them by next week. Nothing ever really changes. They're on, then they're off. They're together, they're on a break. They had a baby, then they decide to be just friends.

I can't get my hopes up. I won't let myself think about something happening between us. I'm not going to do that to Ross. But sometimes I wonder how she really feels. Why did she come back to me? She could have gone to Monica's or Phoebe's. But she didn't. Maybe it's because she knows that I'm the one who loves her more than all the others put together. I won't let myself believe that it's because she wanted to be with me. I can't go through that again. Besides, it's not true. When she went looking for a boyfriend, she hooked up with that Gavin guy from work, not good old Joey. If she had any feelings for me at all, she would have come to me then, right?

I'm walking a fine line. I want to be her friend but I don't want to put myself out there and get knocked down again.

And it's not like I'll ever get a chance with her. She's going to go back to Ross eventually. Everyone has told me that over and over. They belong together, and she'll end up with him – won't she?

Feeling that feeling again
Playing a game I can't win
Love's knocking on the door
Of my heart once more
Think I'll let her in
Before I begin

Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before, you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore