Hermione's eyes opened earlier than usual, according to the muggle clock hanging over Lily's bed, it was only six in the morning. She wasn't used to waking up so early, but she didn't feel she could go back to sleep. She got up from the snug comfort of her bed, and pulled a jumper over her tank top and shorts.
She quickly brushed her teeth and attempted to tame her curls with a few glamour charms she had learnt. She grabbed Advanced Potion Making by Libatius Borage from her bedside and made her way down to the common room. She planned to read for an hour or two until her roommates came down for breakfast.
The first thing that she noticed when she reached the bottom of the stairs, was that the common room was not empty, Sirius could be seen in the far corner, sitting on a chair, wrapped in a cloak. The second was that he was not awake, his snores reverberating around the room.
She tip toed over to him, planning to wake him up and drive him out of the room so she could get some quiet. But a look at his sleeping face, and she forgot everything else. His expression was so...pure, he looked so at peace, that Hermione sat down next to him, not having the heart to wake him up. His hair was all mussed up, his eyebrows furrowed as if in thought. Hermione suddenly felt a little uncomfortable, there was something so intimate about seeing him when so ungaurded and innocent. But she didn't look away, she liked this. Not in a creepy way, but she liked to be the one who saw him like this.
It felt so special. You're being stupid, this isn't that important, I bet loads of people have watched him sleep. But she liked to think that it was, even though she barely knew him, even though he probably didn't care, even though she knew having these feelings wouldn't pay because he was dead in the future, even though he might be a dickhead, she liked feeling special.
Sirius suddenly started to squirm in his sleep, and the moment was broken. Hermione sighed and turned away, reprimanding herself for being so foolish, and picked up her book.
"Don't do...it."
Hermione looked back at Sirius, He talks in his sleep? But no, Sirius seemed to be in great pain, he was trembling and whimpering, his face troubled. He appeared to be having a nightmare.
"Please...don't hurt him."
Hermione shot to her feet and kneeled down in front of him.
"Sirius? Wake up."
She was scared. She'd never seen him like this, and the sight of him so... vulnerable, made her frightened. He groaned loudly and turned on his side, still shaking.
"He's just a... kid, it isn't... his fault, mother."
"Sirius, get up. Come on, it's just a dream. Sirius. Sirius, wake up!"
She was desperate now, tears falling from her face. Looking at him like this-no- looking at anyone like this was truly a terrible sight, and she didn't really want to know what had him so disturbed. She shook him hard, but he was deep in sleep, showing no signs of getting up.
"Mother... please. What? No, please, it was a mistake-" He'd suddenly started screaming, his face contorted in pain. Hermione started sobbing, begging him to please wake up. He yelled louder and louder, drowning out her pleading. In the back of her mind, she wondered how nobody was listening to him. He shouted for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a few minutes, and then abruptly stopped. He took a deep, shuddering breath and his eyes shot open.
By now, Hermione was sitting on the floor in front of him, sobbing with her head in her hands, still repeating herself over and over again. She hadn't noticed that Sirius had gotten up now, when she felt warm, strong hands around her.
He had his arms around her waist, and was sitting her down on his lap. She vaguely noticed all this happening, but didn't stop wailing.
"Shh, Calm down, Hermione, calm down. Everything's going to be alright, shh."
He murmured into her hair, stroking it, his voice hoarse from all the screaming. Hermione felt safe, and warm with his arms wrapped around her and stopped crying. She sniffled and pulled back to look at him. He looked terrible, his face looked all... wrong. His usually twinkling eyes were red and puffy from crying, his lips, normally stretched into a wide smile, now only allowed her a small smile which looked more like a grimace. His expression was dismal and broken and a little scared, though she probably looked pretty much the same.
She brought up a trembling hand to cup his cheek and sighed. She had been so frightened and was so glad he had woken up. His eyes widened just a fraction, surprise clear on his face, and he arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Oh, shut up. Can't I even touch your face? Afraid i'm going to ruin your skin, Princess?" She teased.
He let out a small laugh, though it was more like a wheeze,"No, I was just worried about your snotty hands," But then his eyes softened, and he put his hand on hers,"Why did I wake up to you crying yourself raw over my trousers?"
She winced,"Was it really that bad? Me crying?"
He nodded,"You sounded like a dying goat, but I want to know why, Hermione."
She looked down, pretending to be interested in her cuticles,"It was really nothing, I mean-"
"Hermione."
She looked up and sighed, his face was stern even with the puffy eyes and runny nose.
"You-well, no- I came down here to read and then I saw you asleep here, and-and..." She broke off, not wanting to tell him that she had seen him in the middle of a breakdown.
He rubbed her arm,"You can tell me, I swear I won't get angry, I never get angry."
She exhaled noisily and looked away,"You started shaking and crying, it was terrible," Her voice wavered a bit,"And I tried to wake you up, but you were saying something about-about your mother and you weren't waking up and then...you started screaming and I didn't know what to do, and you were trembling and crying and-" She took a deep breath to compose herself,"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice.
She looked up, and looking at his expression, she immediately regretted it. He had a look of great pain and fury on his face. He looked as if he might hit her any second but also seemed to be very disconsolate. And even though it wasn't as if nobody hadn't ever looked at her like that, she didn't expect him to.
She started to get up, a little scared of him,"I-I knew you wouldn't like-no-this is m-my fault, I'm so sorry, Sirius. I s-swear I won't tell anyone. I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"Hermione."
"-mean t-to see you like that. I-I probably should just go. Y-yeah, I'm going to go back to be-"
"Hermione."
She stopped trying to disentangle herself from his body and looked at him. He didn't look angry anymore, just despairing and tired and a little broken. He sighed.
"I'm not angry, Hermione, and neither is this your fault. Just... sit down for now."
She was still scared and didn't really believe he wasn't angry, but she sat back down on his lap without a word.
He nodded,"Thank you. And I assume you want me to explain?"
Hermione wanted to say yes, but she wasn't sure whether she should know what he dreamed about. It just seemed a little too personal, and him asking her whether she wanted to know was already very...strange. She didn't want everything to get too personal because of a lot of reasons. She wasn't sure she wanted to get into something too intimate which could possibly lead to a relationship, because she would feel guilty over Ron, she'd liked him for two years now. She also didn't want to get attached to him because of the reason that she could still potentially go back to her time and he and she both would be heartbroken.
And the most obvious one, he was Harry's godfather, who was currently (at least in her time) dead and had been at least twenty years older than her when he had been killed! But, for reasons unknown to the universe she said,
"Yes. If you want to, of course."
He gave her a small smile,"Yes, yes, I suppose I do."
He took a deep breath and leaned back in the chair, not meeting her eyes.
"I was a disappointment to my family. A big one. I didn't believe in the whole Pureblood thing, which was something the Black's were famous for, being one of the oldest Pureblood families in the history of Wizarding England. I didn't get why everyone in my familywas so against Muggleborns and Half-bloods, but I went along with it for a while, not wanting to dissapoint my... mother."
"Walburga Black, you might've heard of her. Beast of a woman, she treated me like dirt only because I wasn't a Pureblood fanatic like her and didn't even take the slightest interest in 'purifying the world' by killing, excuse the slur, Mudbloods. Not like my brother did."
"Brother?" Hermione interrupted softly.
He smiled ruefully,"Ah, yes. Regulus Black. My little brother. He's the one who made my family proud. Took in every idiotic thing my parents said to him."
He paused.
"He's planning to get the Mark."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. My parents are delighted. They think Voldemort's got the right idea wuth all those Muggleborn killings. They would love for their little Reggie to be on his side. Turned out a right git, he did."
"Were you... close with him?"
"When we were smaller, I was. It all got ruined when I got my letter, though."
"Your Hogwarts letter? What happened?"
He didn't answer her question, in fact, he didn't speak at all for a while. Hermione didn't say anything either waiting for him to be ready.
Finally, he spoke.
"My mother wasn't a happy person. She didn't have anything to be happy about. She didn't have actual friends, she just kept up appearances, I guess. She didn't love her family, not really, not even her wealthy, Pureblood husband or her obedient, Death Eater son. Least of all me, of course."
"She liked to take out her frustration out on me and Reg. She enjoyed it. And she had... ways to do it. Sometimes, it was fine and she would just beat us, though I would have to sleep to sleep with Reg for days after in case he had nightmares, but it didn't really affect us, you know? And then sometimes..."
He had fell silent again.
"Sirius? Did she... starve you?"
He snorted,"I wish. My father would've seen, and he was still halfway decent, wouldn't have allowed it. No, my mother liked us to experience a little Crucio now and then."
Hermione looked up, startled,"Did you mean...?"
"Yes, I did mean the Cruciatus curse, Hermione and yes, I know it was illegal but, well, my dear mother had her ways."
Hermione didn't know how to respond to that. 'I'm sorry' wouldn't convey what she felt at the moment. No words could describe what she felt when she thought of Sirius and her brother, both of them less than ten, having to endure an Unforgivable cast on them. How could a person, let alone a mother, cast such a... traumatising spell on children? Mere children? She felt sick. Sick. Sirius didn't say anything, he just looked at Hermione while she decided what to say. Finally, when she couldn't think of anything, she leaned forward and hugged him. Hard. Trying to tell him everything going on in her mind by hugging him.
Sirius stiffened when she wrapped her arms around his neck but then relaxed and chuckled, hugging her back. They stayed like that for a while, arms around each other and then Sirius pulled back. Hermione instantly felt the loss of warmth and almost groaned, but stopped short when she saw the look in Sirius's eyes. It was very... intense, but she didn't have time to see what it was, because at that moment, Sirius leaned forward and kissed her on her cheek. Well, it wasn't really a kiss, he had just brushed his lips lightly against her cheek, just enough for them to be there, and she melted. She felt a strange swooping sensation in her stomach, and she felt heat rush to her face. She was pretty sure she was as red as a tomato, and Sirius pretty much confirmed it when he pulled back and actually laughed out loud.
Wait.
Sirius still had her mouth on her cheek, and he certainly didn't laugh, did he?
"Am I interrupting something?"
James.
Writer's block tends to make me run away from my responsibilities like making sure my readers are satisfied. IM SORRY, I HATE ME TOO. Love the reviews, thank you so much!
Padfoot'smyMan- I'm not sure what to do with the Marlene thing, but i swear that jackass is gonna get punished. And I knew charlie wasn't supposed to be at Hogwarts then, but he actually has a role later on, so I needed charlie Weasley's personality for the role. And don't worry, snape is out. I ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY LOVE YOUR REVIEWS THANK YOU SO MUCH.
And obviously thank you to everyone elsewho's bookmarked or liked or reviewed on my story, I LOVE YOU.