January 5th, my birthday.

It's my 18th birthday actually… which is exactly why my house is filled with some rowdy high schoolers and college students that are still around for the holiday. I invited friends of friends and people I could stand to be around. Well, at least until they return to school.

Like Scott Mack for example, whom I've hit it off with all night and who will be leaving after the weekend. Meaning that whatever this is, it isn't serious…

Which is exactly why I can't seem to keep my hand to myself as he pulls me onto his lap and into one of the chairs on the small deck outback. I hold one the other away from us with a lit cigarette as one drags across his chest… he's fitter then Steve, but lacks the chest hair.

Dammit; how am I still thinking about Harrington?

Who, as I recall is inside flirting with whatever her name is… Karla? Or is it Marilyn, maybe?

Apparently his mission to get over Nancy is hook up with anyone else but me…

Scott pulls me from my thoughts with his mouth on my neck, trailing kisses from my collarbone to my jaw. I hum, discarding the smoke and shifting to straddle him. Our eyes lock as I hover him, breath tangling while I slowly look him over. My eyes landing on his mouth last.

Honestly, he's not who I want to be kissing at all. Am I going to use him for a distraction again?

Especially when I know it's wrong that I feel no spark? Last time we were in this position in a crowded hall and very drunk… I was grieving too. This time it's different. A warm sensation fills my stomach.

Hormones, dammit.

I want to say 'screw morals' and have fun with this guy. Kind of like that time with Billy in his car.

Well, before Hopper saved me from that terrible mistake. Though tonight he isn't around to stop me from any rash decisions.

In fact, no one that actually cares about me, other then Steve is around. The kids left long before the party started, and so did Nancy with Jonathan, who both opted out after 11.

Scott scans my face with his lips parted, waiting for me to do something. His hands continue to roam over my thighs and ass as I chew the inside of my cheek in contemplation.

Screw it; I want a release and Mack is the perfect answer.

I grin, moving forward to kiss him roughly. It's all he needs to get the memo; his larger hands pulling me closer as I grind my hips, eliciting a moan from him.

"Danny…" he murmurs as I bite his lip playfully. "Maybe we should find somewhere a little more private." He suggests, eyes trained behind me just as the door swings open. I tilt my head back thinking I'm about to find Steve, instead and unfortunately my eyes find Billy Hargrove.

Fuck my life, I glower, sighing as I climb off of Scott and adjust my clothes.

"My, my, my… this is familiar…" the troublemaker drawls. "Though, I was the one you were straddling last time Danny-bear." He remarks, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his jean jacket and lighting one up.

"I still think about what would have happened if the pig didn't show up…" My eye twitches at the rude term he uses for Hopper. "You were already half naked by that time; an image I'll never forget." Hargrove says, eyes shifting between Scott and I trying to gauge our reactions.

Chuckling, I shrug off his words. "Timing is everything, or so they say…" I return with a drawl much better then his, and looking back at Scotty Mack; whose remained silent while observing the situation with a cool demeanor.

"You want to head to my room and see me fully naked instead of listening to what Hargrove has got to say?" I offer with a seductive smile and eyebrow raise.

Scott laughs, pushing himself up and throwing an arm over my shoulder. "I'd like nothing more." he admits, tugging me past the mullet haired teen.

"Night Billy boy." I chimed, stepping into the small house ahead of the college student. I'm positive I hear something break but choose to let it be; my mind elsewhere at the moment. A few people pass us by, heading out to have a smoke more then likely.

Music is still playing as I survey the chaos. A few are people still scattered around drinking and talking. Then I feel Scott's breath on neck as he presses his mouth there again, his hands holding my waist.

I hum, taking one last look around. I fail to see the person whom I was hoping might stop me from taking Mack up to my room.

Leading the older guy through the hall and up the stairs and pulling him into the biggest bedroom. It's empty of people. I warned everyone the second floor was off limits.

Surprisingly, it worked… which is a miracle as drunken people usually do what they want most of the time.

As soon as I lock the door behind me, Scott takes the opportunity to slip his hands under my shirt and trails them over my stomach. Again he kisses my neck as he moves his hands downwards, unbuttoning my jeans with one while the other slips further inside.

I moan when he finds the right spot, leaning back into him as he touches me. He continues to assault my neck with his mouth while his fingers begin to make my legs weak.

Not being able to handle it anymore, I pull away and face him instead. My hands making quick work of his shirt before tugging open his belt.

There's nothing passionate or romantic about the moment. Nothing sweet either; just lust as we fight for control of the situation.

The liquor in my system numbs the thoughts of how wrong this feels and enables me to enjoy the moments of pleasure.

It goes on for a few minutes, ultimately ending with us both breathing hard, naked and satisfied next to one another.

"Can I ask you something?" Scotts' voice breaks the silence. I roll over to face him, nodding once our eyes meet. "Why the hell are you screwing around with me when it's obvious you have a thing for the Harrington kid?"

I snort in response, making him raise his eyebrows in question. "I'm trying to get past that by screwing you instead."

He laughs, his eyes roam over my body. "Is it working?" I hum in nonchalance, choosing not to answer which brings his eyes back to mine. "How about we go again? Maybe you'll have a better idea after round two."

Before I have a chance to reply, he's already hovering me, mouth meeting mine and our bodies pressing flush together again. I close my eyes, letting him once again distract me from the thoughts that are lingering on a brown haired, bat wielding idiot that I can't rid my brain of. Scott manages to achieve numbing the thoughts for a few more minutes… until it's all over and we're getting dressed.

It's almost 2am and I begin to wonder what the state of my house is in by now…

I wonder where Steve is.. I wonder if he even questioned where I disappeared to…

"I'm right in assuming that you don't expect anything more to come from what happened tonight?" Mack asks, now pulling on his socks and watching me button up my pants.

"Your assumptions are correct… I'm hoping that isn't a problem?" I raise an eyebrow in his directions and pulling on my socks too.

"It's not." He says quickly, and then pausing to decide on his next words. "I just didn't want to be the ass that says it was no strings attached to a girl who just lost her father… especially one I've come to genuinely like." He shares, standing up and strolling over to me.

"If that idiot doesn't marry you by the time I'm done college, I'll come back to do it myself." He jokes, swooping down to give me a chaste kiss and a lopsided grin afterwards. I shake my head and laugh, lightly pushing him away and unlocking the door to leave the room.

"I'm just saying my Dad would lose his shit; he goes on about how cute and smart our kids would be." He reveals a step behind me. I hesitate at the corner by the stairs and shuffle to the side to let him pass by, earning a confused look by the older boy. "you embarrassed to be seen with me or something?"

Rolling my eyes I nod to the bathroom a few feet away, "I drank my weight in beer and my bladder is a minute away from bursting." I chuckle as he looks abashed, realizing how ridiculous he sounded. "I'll catch up in a minute." I say, motioning for him to rejoin the party downstairs.

"Right. I should probably find Luke too… he's definitely loaded at this point." He mentions, disappearing from my sight as he rounds the corner and heads down the stairs.

I take a deep breath, crossing the hall to the empty bathroom and closing the door. Using the facilities, washing my hands and drying them before surveying myself in the large mirror.

My swollen lips and hair is an obvious give away to my recent activities. There's no smile or happy look on my face… even after the few minutes of pleasure Scott gave me, it didn't make a difference.

Everything that I'm feeling internally shining through the cracks.

Disappointment in myself for hooking up with someone who means nothing to me.

Heartbroken that the guy that means everything to me disregards my feelings for him.

Devastated that it's my eighteenth and my Dad didn't get to be here for it. Angry that I feel more alone then ever while my house is filled with people…

I should of went home with El and Hopper; why the hell did I let Steve convince me to throw a party?

Oh right, it's because you love him and can't seem to grow a pair and say no. Fuck.

I glare at my reflection wanting nothing more than to smash the glass. Before I get the chance, a soft knock at the door snaps me out of it.

"Danny?" Steve's voice calls out my name of the other side.

Dammit. Dammit.

I take another look at myself and turn on the faucet to splash some water on my face and running a bit through my hair to tame it. Nothing will hide the scattered red marks on my neck, or the rest of the obvious gives about my latest activities.

Screw it, who cares if he knows… I'm moving on, I tell myself.

Putting on a determined look, I turn around and open the door. "Hey. What's up?"

He looks surprised at the suddenness of my appearance, but manages to recollect his thoughts. "Oh uh… I was just checking up on you.. haven't seen you in a while." He says, glancing over me.

"Hargrove showed up, spouting some crap about you and Scotty Mack… you know, the usual." He shrugs, a serious look crosses his face. "He's always trying to start shit. Man, I wish I could of got a few more swings in last year."

I chuckle, "Me too… What'd he say?"

Steve shrugs again, running one of his hands through his hair like always. "Oh uh, it's not important. Anyone cool won't believe that hot head." He says, eyes flicking from my face to my neck. He squints while in thought, coming to a realization. I assume anyway by the way he shifts and stands up straighter, "is that a hickey?"

"That is from a drunken accident…" I muse, playing it off.

Why am I the way I am? Seriously? A drunken accident? He won't care anyway, he practically had what's her face sitting on his lap earlier.

He furrows his brow in disbelief, "right…" he breathes, face pinching a little; clearly wanting to say something else, but refraining.

"Anyway…." I mumble, motioning for him to step out of the doorway. When he does I shuffle by him giving him a convincing smile, "ready to finish off this party? I think my bed is calling out for me down the hall."

"Yeah it's time to wrap it up… Nina left with her friends a few minutes ago anyway."

Nina? Man I was way off with the name… I sway in place, Steve reaching out to steady me.

"How much have you had to drink?" his eyes rest on my face.

I shrug him off. "Too much. It doesn't matter right now. I just want everyone to go home or to go where ever. Just out of my house."

The moment in the bathroom cleared my head. Once again I'm regretting caving into throwing a party.

Hopper is going to be disappointed as shit.

I warned my neighbors and they were alright with it, just told me to keep it down. News gets around this town in a minute, so the Chief finding out is only a matter of time. I rather have the place cleaned and in order since he'll be by first thing in the morning to lecture me and to pick me up for my second day working at the station…

I better drink some water and eat so I can function in a few hours.

"So you want to kick the remaining out?" he says.

"Pretty much. I'll be cool about. Watch and learn Harrington." I say heading downstairs and leading the way to the living room.

The Mack twins are sitting on the couch, laughing at something with two girls I'm sure I talked to half of the night… maybe this is Karla and Marilyn. There's a few more in the kitchen who're hovering the remaining punch and chatting.

I lick my lips and whistle using my fingers, catching the attention of the young adults lounging around my house. "I'm calling it guys. I work first thing in the morning so it's time for you guys to head home or wherever, just can't be here any longer." I announce.

There are a few groans but everyone begins to get up and head for the door slowly.

"You call that being cool about it?" Steve chuckles next to me.

I shrug, looking up at him. "My birthday is officially over and I'll face the wrath of them over the Chief any day."

"The Chief?" Scott's voice asks from nearby. I find him a few feet away with Luke, who's leaning on the wall as he waits for his brother.

I nod, "Yeah… he's coming by in the morning to pick me up for work."

"Work?" both brothers ask simultaneously.

"Yup." Steve answers for me, then throws an arm around my shoulder, "Danny here, is Hawkins first lady cop. Started today actually; has the uniform and everything."

"I'm not an actual cop." I shrug him off and roll my eyes. "I'm interning basically. Jr deputy stuff at the moment." I tell the twins, glaring back at Steve momentarily. "It's not a big deal, which means it's not worth talking about at the moment."

Scott gives me a sly grin, "a uniform huh?" I shake my head at him, walking past the brothers to head to the front door. I pull it open giving them a pointed look and hoping to dodge this conversation fully.

"You sure you don't want to go back upstairs and give me a preview of Deputy Newby." Scott pouts a few feet away from behind his brother, whom exits quickly once putting on his shoes.

I laugh. "Not a chance; the uniform is sacred and frankly, the material is too cheap for any of the real fun stuff." Steve let's of a choking noise nearby, drawing my eyes away from the Mack boy. I wink at him seeing his bewildered expression before looking back at Scott.

"Tonight was fun. Make sure you and Luke get home safe, yeah?" I offer the college student, still holding the door for him.

He nods, stepping past me to leave. He hesitates for a moment, turning back to me with a shit eating look. Oh no. "Ya know, for a high school girl you're really not all that bad." He teases. "Definitely in my top three for sure."

"Oh yeah? Top three huh?" Guess that's slightly better then being rated." I drawl sarcastically, shoving him the rest of the way out of the doorway. He looks shocked momentarily, but then sees the smirk on my face. I shrug, "I won't rank you, but you got the job done so considering most guys don't know shit about women, props to you college kid."

He laughs, stuffing his hands into his coat pocket and glancing over his shoulder to make sure Luke didn't wander off, before meeting my eyes again. "Guess I'll see you around then? Good luck on the cop thing. Maybe during spring break I'll get the chance to see you in uniform."

"Maybe I'll sneak some cuffs out of the station." I joke, earning another laugh from him. "Night Scotty. Get your brother home before he passes out in the driveway." I end, nodding at Luke whose leaning heavily with his eyes close on my car.

Giving a final way, I step backwards into my house again and closing the door. I sigh, dragging my hand over my face and wishing I was passed out at Hoppers beside Eleven in bed.

"Danny?"

"SHIT!" I yell, jumping slightly at Steve's voice and turning around to find him nearby, leaning against the wall with a garbage bag to collect the bottles and cups.

I forgot he was still here. Man, I'm still in a haze from the liquor.

Smiling in appreciation, I smile walking over to him and reaching for the bag. "I can clean up if you want to head home and sleep… or there's the spare room upstairs too." I offer, taking the trash and moving through the rest of the rooms to continue cleaning. I hear him follow behind me doing the same.

I've kept to my word and stopped with the sleepovers with Steve. Considering I've spent most nights crashing at Hoppers, it wasn't hard to do.

But since it's the middle of the night and I rather not be alone in this house again, I hope he'll stay.

We haven't been on our own together lately… I've spent most of the holidays with my new and strange little family. Plus, I've been somewhat avoiding him since the night my mother made a appearance.

Can you blame me though?

"What would the Chief say if he found me here in the morning?"

I pause in pulling a few empty bottles out from tucked in between the couch cushions and raising my head to look at him. Shrugging, "I'm an adult and this is my house. Who stays over is my business. The only thing Hopper will be upset about is the condition I'm in."

"Well… is he really one to say something concerning that?" he asks. "He spent how many years drinking his life away?"

"You know, he's already not a fan of you Harrington men in the first place, so he'd definitely write you off hearing you say that crap." I point out.

"Besides, it's not like were sleeping together or anything. So, the only one who should worry about getting a scolding from Hopper is me." I remind him. "Right now I need to clean this place up and get sober or I'll never hear the end of it."

"Right, right, right…" he scoffs, "so he definitely wouldn't be a fan of Mack Jr then, huh?" I lick my lips; hesitating and end up choosing to look away.

Only took him half an hour to put that together, yet the amount of time we've spent together these past few weeks and he still doesn't realize the extent of my feelings for him. Unfuckingbelievable…

"So, you guys an item now? Going to do the long distance thing? Phone calls and roads trips and all that shit?" Steve continues, a hint of bitterness to his voice.

I can't help but chuckle, making him gape as I we meet eyes again . "Sorry." Chuckling some more at his expression. "It's just that you sound jealous when you have no right to be."

He falters, "I'm not jealous.. I just… think you can do better then a guy like that."

I snort, moving to the kitchen to clean it next. "Right… it doesn't matter anyway. It was just drunken, meaningless and somewhat satisfying sex. End of story. No feelings, no future phone calls and definitely no relationship." I divulged while pouring out the punch bowl and washing it as Steve gathers the empties on the table.

"Is that cause the sex was only somewhat satisfying?" he wonders from behind me.

Laughing, I tilt my head back to look at him. "If I say yes, can we drop this subject entirely?"

"We can drop it if you answer my next question."

"Let's hear it then." I motion with my hand for him to go on as I start a pot of coffee.

"Do you regret it?" Instantly I falter, pausing in filling the pot with water. "No bullshit either. So, do you?" He repeats.

I sigh while finishing up the coffee and turning it on. Spinning around I plop myself on the counter and pull out my pack of smokes, lighting one up. I eye my long time crush for another minute while breathing in the bad habit; he wears his usual eyebrow raise and exasperated look; fidgeting slightly too. Probably getting impatient for an answer.

"Honestly, right now I don't care about what happened… but tomorrow, when I'm sober and my mind runs at normal speed, then yeah, I'll probably regret it… I always do." I shrug. "Until then, I'm going to keep busy and pretend tonight wasn't a complete screw up."

"Wasn't a complete lost. No one puked anywhere…. I think." He jokes, leaning against the counter across from me and taking the cigarette.

I roll my eyes, "I hope not… I'll vomit and then it'll be a chain reaction of never ending puke cleaning." Gagging thinking about it. Steve laughs, probably picturing it.

Asshole.

I glower, taking the smoke back and giving him the finger. "If there's puke you're cleaning it Harrington. You practically begged for a party so, it's a fair trade off."

"I didn't beg. Besides, having a eighteenth party is a right so I'll take the punishment." He says, now shuffling to grab two mugs from the hooks over the sink.

"If I didn't convince you, you would of holed up out in the woods with the Hoppers instead of celebrating properly. Plus, now that you're working weekends as a cop too, this was like the last big bang. Right?" he maintains, grabbing milk from the fridge after spooning sugar into both cups.

"I guess… its just that…"

"Just that?" he prods, nudging my knee with his elbow as he places the mugs by the coffee maker.

Sighing again, I close my eyes and lay my head back on the cupboard. "My dad's suppose to be around to guide me through all this shit that comes with adulthood… Jim is trying to do and it's great… it's just that… he's not him." I take a moment to gather myself, feeling the itching of tears behind my eyelids.

"I miss the cheesy jokes and the motivational speeches. The classic advice with a ridiculous story to support it… all of the little things he'd do to make me laugh or lift me up." I share, picturing memories in the back of my mind.

"Hot chocolate at the end of a long day or watching bad movies. Sitting around in our pjs on the weekend and watching cartoons… real conversations about what's going on in our lives." My voice trembles and I'm holding back the urge to cry by squeezing my eyes tighter. "I miss him… so fucking much."

Steve's smell suddenly overwhelms me, along with his warmth as he joins me on the counter. Pulling me into his side, tucking my head under his chin and holding me. He doesn't say anything.

Nothing would help anyway…

His warmth does for a few minutes; at least until the coffee is ready and I pull away to get our mugs. I fill them, handing the first to my friend and then taking a long drink of my own. I scan my surroundings to avoid his eyes, taking in the still lingering mess and placing the coffee down.

Better get back to it, I decide grabbing the garbage bag again and continuing to clean. The silence continues as he joins in helping me.

For the next thirty minutes we go through the house gathering empty cans, discarded plastic cups and other trash left by the party guests. I sweep and mop the floors as Steve washed down the counters, tables and other sticky surfaces.

The last place I tidy up is the back deck where cigarette buds and empties are littered. Now that it's clean any evidence of a party is erased from existence; other then the sluggish feeling I have as the booze slowly wear off.

"You hungry?" his voice breaks the quiet as he's now leaning against the doorframe. Nodding I tie up the now full bag and tuck it away in the corner of the deck before I follow him inside.

"I made grilled cheese. I doubt it's as good as yours, but I did learn from the best." He says handing me the plate as I sit at the small table.

"If you screwed up grilled cheese I'd be thoroughly impressed." I mused between bites and also sipping at the coffee he puts down in front of me. He joins me after grabbing his own sandwich and mug. "Thanks for sticking around to help me… and… for just being here."

He nods while chewing his food across from me. "You doing okay?"

"I thought I was… but tonight just showed me how much I've been numbing." I confess. "I think I'll try talking to Hopper about it; since he can relate… ya know?"

Steve nods again, "right… well since he's MIA, is there anything I can do? Other then feed and sober you up obviously."

"Well, you can tell me I'm not a slut for banging Scotty Mack upstairs during my party... twice." I say sarcastically, trying to make myself feel a bit better about my actions a few hours ago.

"-ack." he chokes on his beverage mid drink, hitting his chest a few times. "Twice?" I hum, looking away embarrassed, chewing my lip anxiously. "You're not a slut… you're hurting." He says carefully.

I chuckle dryly. "So that justifies me sleeping with someone I don't even remotely like?" I ask. "He wasn't even who I was thinking about during it." I mutter, the shame internally eating at me.

"Bet my old man is rolling in his grave right about now. He certainly wouldn't approve of my drunken activities." I admit, closing my eyes and hearing his voice in my head.

"Danny-bear, just 'cause you're hurting doesn't mean you can go around messing with people's feelings. You know darn well that manipulating someone is wrong. Sex, especially, isn't to be taken lightly. It's meant to be between two people that love each other. It is not as an outlet for your anger, sadness or any other negative emotion your burying." I berate myself, mimicking him almost perfectly.

Across from me, Steve runs his hand through his hair in contemplation just as I reopen my eyes. "I doubt Mack is complaining." He notes.

"That's not the point Steve." I say exasperated; groaning lightly in frustration and throwing my head back.

"Well… what is the point then?" he asks.

I stare at the roof as I sort through my jumbled thoughts for a moment…. Oh right, glancing back at Steve.

"The point is that I'm a wreck and the last thing I should be doing is drinking, skanking around and having heart to hearts with you since you really have no idea how to." My voice coming out a little stern. Now feeling angry all of a sudden. The tone brings a frown to Steve's face and he hesitates to say something else. Ultimately shutting his mouth and choosing to continue eating his grilled cheese.

Why am I so mad though?

I furrow my brows, dropping my eyes to my hands in contemplation. Is it because I blame him for somewhat pressuring me into partying?

Or is it the fact that I gave in so easily since I feelings for him… could it be because he has his power over me and uses it to his advantage? Is it consciously or does he actually not realize still…

Maybe I'm just mad at myself for my earlier actions and now I'm resorting to placing the blame since he's the only one here. He's here; isn't that all that matters? Out of everyone, he's the one who's here. It's well past midnight and he's still here, being a good friend.

How could I blame him for any of this? My choices may have been influenced, but when it comes down to it, I had a choice. I could of made any other one, and yet I rolled with it.

I'm to blame.

Tears begin to build behind my eyes as I come to the conclusion that I'm not okay. Nothing is okay. Drunk, crying and heartbroken. Ashamed too… I want my Dad. Without him I keep repeating the same behaviour to rid myself of this pain… the same drunken sob story as usual.

I need to quit. The drinking needs to go and so does Steve. I need space and time to get myself right. To be around someone who doesn't drive me up the wall with mixed feelings. Mine for Steve only ever end in pain.

At least it seems that way…

"I don't know what to do or what to say right now… you sound pissed but you look so broken." He, who drives me crazy says; bringing me back to the moment.

Blinking away the tears I can't help but chuckle, choosing to refocus on him. "I'm broken and I'm pissed about it Harrington. It's nothing new."

"Well, more then usual... was Mack that bad in bed? Is that why you went for round two?"

Seriously? I just got that off my mind. Why is he bringing this up again?

"I think you should go home Steve."

His face drops. "What? Why? I was just joking! Lighten up Newby!"

I shake my head at him, pushing away from the table and getting up. Quickly grabbing both empty plates, I place them in the sink and make my way to the front door. I face the brown eyed man, who trails slowly behind me confused and forcing myself to hold the door open for him.

"I need time to get myself right… I can't do that around you."

"Why not?"

"Because you infuriate me, yet you make me want to throw all matters aside and kiss you till I can't breath." The confession out of my mouth before I stop it. My gut tells me to be honest, so I step closer to him as he stands in place. "I need space because being just your friend isn't working for me and no matter what I do you're always on my mind Steve."

He shuffles, licking his lips and running his hand through his hair. "I…. I'm--"

"—still in love with Nancy? I know… and you don't want to screw up what he already have, right?" I finish for him.

"Yeah.. yeah… I mean.. I think you're great Danny…" My gut should of just kept to itself. "Beautiful too.. funny and smart! Way smarter then me. I'll somehow mess everything up and I don't want to lose you too…"

It sounds so cliché and I understand where he's coming from. But…

Stepping away, I clear the path for him to leave. "I get it. That's why I need time.. so, I'd like to pause our friendship and focus on myself for a while… can you handle that?"

The brunet looks like he wants to argue with me. His mouth is turndown and hair a mess from constantly running his hands through it. His brows are furrowed and expression is pinched.

Eventually, he shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs. "Whatever you need… I guess I'll see you around."

I thought he would be mad…

"You're good to drive right?"

He scoffs, pulling out his keys while stepping by me to leave. "I'm fine. You on the other hand, nailed Scotty Mack twice, upstairs during your birthday party. Worry about yourself Newby."

Oh, there's the anger. He always has to be a fucking asshole whenever he gets hurt. Stay calm Danny. Don't react. That's just Steve being Steve; he will understand why I need some space once he takes the time to think about it.

"Also, if you were really that into me, you wouldn't be screwing around with other guys. It's trashy." He adds on his way out the door.

My calm façade breaks instantly. "Fuck you Steve. Once again you can't help but take things too far… maybe you will end up becoming like your Dad." He hesitates on the door step, twisting to glare at me.

Now I did it.

"Yeah well, it beats becoming an alcoholic slut who'll end up knocked up with some losers kid and still be alone."

I want to cry and yell, maybe break something too, yet I keep my voice steady. "You know, getting over you won't be so hard anymore Harrington… why I ever thought we could have been something great is beyond me. You're a shallow, blind, insensitive and most of all, a moronic jerk. Get lost asshole." Slamming the door as my final word.

Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuck.

Once it's locked, I shut my eyes tightly to fight back the tears and force myself to turn around and head back to the kitchen. Pouring myself another coffee, I take a sip and walk through the house to make sure everything is done before I can try and sleep. I know the moment I stop distracting myself, I'll cry over loosing someone else I love.

At this rate, I really am going to end up alone…

Finally confess how I feel and this is what happens. How can I have been so stupid… I should of just avoided him as much as possible and focused on other things instead of pushing him away.

I end up in the master bedroom, looking around at the crumpled bed sheets and condom wrappers left on the side table. I feel nothing good when thinking of the events that transpired earlier in here.

Trashy and alone. He was right on the money.

Quickly, I get rid of the evidence and remake the bed before shutting off the light behind me as I leave. I peek into the other two rooms to make sure nothing is off either, then I return downstairs to crash on the couch. The tears flow freely as I lay back and pull a blanket off the back to cover myself with.

Was that the end of us… After everything we've been through these last months, are we really going to stop being friends…. Just like that…

Clack. Clack. Clack.

Banging at the door snaps me from my slumber and I sit up far too fast, causing my head to spin.

Fuck. I still feel the effects of alcohol throughout my body. Hopper is going to flip.

The banging continues, this time along with a deep growl telling me to open the door. Definitely the Chief.

Pushing myself off the couch, I head to the door and comply with his orders, pulling it open. Hopper leans on the door frame with a disappointed look.

"I know. I know… give me five minutes and I'll be ready."

"Naw, don't worry about it." he says, eyes scanning me.

"What? Why?"

"Other then the fact that you smell like a brewery?" he drawls sarcastically. "I decided last night I rather have you come in after school for a few hours everyday instead. That way, you can have weekends off to still have a life. At least for now anyway."

"Oh… okay." Is all I respond with, turning from him and heading to the kitchen.

"What? You want to work weekends?" he snorts, following me inside and shutting the door behind us.

"Not particularly, but it would keep me out of trouble." I shrug, beginning to gather the needed supplies to start a pot of coffee.

The older man pulls a chair out from the small round table and taking a seat, humming in agreement. "Suppose it would… truth is, I'm hoping you'll spend them with Jane. Help her catch up with school, give her more time with another girl... that sort of thing." He admits.

"I've been doing that already Hop…" I point out. It's his turn to shrug, his hand scratching his beard out of habit. "You're planning on letting Mike come over more and want me around to keep an eye, huh?"

He neither admits, nor denies me, choosing to change the subject. "So, what time did you finish cleaning this place up at? Is the Harrington kid passed out upstairs?"

Knew he would know.

"Barely a few hours ago…" Sighing in exhaustion. "And no… Steve's at home where he belongs." My voice bitter.

"Is that so?" his eyebrows raised. "You want to talk about it, or can we both agree he's a dumbass and move on to something else?"

I laugh, shaking my head at the man in front of me. "A huge dumbass… but I'm a bigger one for thinking he was more then that."

Hopper chuckles. "Nah. You're not dumb Danielle… Newbys tend to believe the best in people." I furrow my brow at that.

"There's nothing wrong with it.. just usually leads to you getting hurt. Happened to your old man a lot, back when we were in school. But, he was still a positive caring man through it all." He adds. "You're a lot like him... Embrace it. Just, maybe find someone better to invest your time in."

"Like Eleven?"

"Well yeah. Besides, you're eighteen; you got a shit ton of time ahead of you to find a boyfriend or whatever… focus on more important things."

I can't help but wonder, "other then El, what kind of important things?

"For one, your health. The drinking problem has improved, but now that your birthday has come and passed, time to cut it out for a while." He says.

I hum and nod, motioning for him to go on while fixing the both of us a cup of coffee.

He continues, "School should still be a priority. Keep up your grades for college and all. You might end up not liking this job."

"So, El, school and health?"

"Gotta balance all that while working with me and the police department five times a week. Don't sound like much, but it'll keep you busy kid." Sighing and taking a long drink of coffee I consider his words.

No more drinking. I pretty much decided that last night anyway… just need to busy myself by taking El under my wing and helping her prepare for her teenage years.

Continue to go to school and put some effort in too... possibly start jogging or taking classes in the city a few times a month for self defense like I've been meaning too.

"I can manage that." I say, nodding. "Plus, more time with El is something I'll always enjoy. She's special in so many ways.. I'd be happy to show and teach her anything she's interested in. That's what sisters are for, right?"

He's not Dad.. but he's here, and he seems to care.

"Right. Well then kid, how about you get cleaned up and we hit the road. Ain't no reason to be moping around here all day." The police chief points out.

"I can drop you off at the cabin, run and do what I need to, then be back in time for lunch. We can work on finishing off the add on." He offers. "Hopefully have it done next weekend. I'm sure you're getting sick of the couch by now."

"Not really. I think I spend more time crashing with El. But, a room of my own would be nice... I don't want her feeling like I'm taking over hers. She deserves some stuff of her own. After everything she's been through, I think it's well deserved..."

"You're worrying to much Kid... she's happier with you around. Last night she paced the living room mumbling non stop about you not being there. She nearly convinced me to come get you... but, I got the call about the party, so I figured I'd let you be." Hopper informs me.

"Oh... well then, let's not keep her waiting any longer then necessary... I'll get cleaned up and be back in a jiffy..." I say, getting up.

"Also, I have a box of stuff in the spare room that I think she'll enjoy. Posters, pictures, knick knacks that she can decorate her room with. A kareoke mic too . Do you mind grabbing it and throwing it in the truck?" I ask. When he nods, I head upstairs to go shower.

After I'm finished, I grab a few articles of clothing, stuffing them in a bag and rejoining Hopper in the kitchen. He gets passes me another mug of coffee as we both head for the door.

The ride out to the cabin is filled with idle chatter about our next steps concerning the bedroom; insulation, drywall and electrical for lights is what we have left to do. Planning on going to get the materials needed throughout the week after we're done at the station in the evenings.

We pull up to the small house shortly, finding El on the porch waiting. Her face lights when I get out, bringing my bag of clothes and the box if miscellaneous items along. The Chief honks the horn, lifting his hand up to wave and departing.

Apparently he has some paperwork that no one else at the station can handle, though he said he should be back by noon.

"Danny-bear!" The younger girl greets, giving me a hug. "You are going to stay now?"

I smile at her, "you bet Enchantress. How about I make us some breakfast too?"

"Grill cheese?" she asks, making me falter.

The thoughts of last night with Steve cloud my mind, a heavy feeling settling in my stomach. Luckily, Eleven snaps me out of it by tugging on my hand and pulling me towards the cabin.

"How about grilled cheese and bacon? Then afterwards we can decorate your room with some of this stuff I brought?" I offer, balancing the box between my hip and arm.

She turns to me, "I can help?"

"Of course! Maybe in a few months when winter has passed we can paint your room too? I'll bring samples from the hardware store and you can pick a color?"

We enter the wooden house I've made home the past few weeks, heading to the small kitchen. I put the box on the table, letting her look through it, while I search the fridge for ingredients.

"Yes please. I like blue... like the dress from the dance."

"Then blue it shall be. Maybe we can find a nice bedset to match; something with polka dots or pinstripes." I suggest as I start on food. "It will look great and you'll finally have a room that you've made your own. Be a somewhat normal teenager. Not too normal though, that's boring."

"Normal is boring?" she repeats, joining me at the counter to help.

I nod, handing her the cheese and bread as I start the stove top. "Oh yeah. Normal is overrated. Being different, strange and unique is sooo much better. But, more importantly, just being yourself is what matters. That and loving who you are too..."

"Be myself... and love myself?"

"Exactly. Everything seems to fall into place once you have that pegged; friends, family, happiness..." I pause, trying to find the right words.

"I guess what I'm saying is never change who you are for someone else. It's alright to want to change if you aren't happy concerning something, as long as it's for you... in fact, I think people change everyday. In small ways, sometimes in big ways too, some for the good and some for the bad... you can't avoid change, you just have to roll with it and make due.." I am rambling now, she is going to be so confused.

"Did you change... for Steve?"

Shaking my head, I glace at the brown eyed girl next to me. "No... I'm more of myself with him than I am with a lot of people."

"I want that... with Mike. He makes me happy." she reveals.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you could dye your hair green, dress in drag, grow ten feet tall, and still, Mike would like you... You're special El, he'd be an idiot to ever lose sight of that." I tell her, throwing the food in the pans and letting it cook.

The younger girl giggles, moving back towards the table to sit down, while I monitor the food. "Drag?" she wonders with an eyebrow raised.

"I could explain it, but it would be much easier to show you... I'll rent The Rocky Horror Picture Show and let you see what it is for yourself... let's just not tell Hopper when I do, okay? I don't think he'd approve of that movie to be honest."

She nods, "keep a secret?"

"Not so much a secret, more of a 'off the record' sort of thing." I clarified, flipping the sandwiches and bacon.

"Off the record. Got it" Eleven nods again.

"Look at us, already bonding over hiding a movie choice from Hopper..." A smile on my face at the warm feelings of belonging in my chest.

I thought I would be a wreck after the disastrous night I had... But I'm not; I'm alright because I'm exactly where I need to be, with who I need to be with to sort myself out again.

Though, I'd be lying if I said I'm over it and screw that pig headed jerk... he's still on my mind, clearly.

"Danny-bear?" El's soft voice pulls me from my thoughts. I hum, turning to her after shutting off the stove, bacon and grilled cheese cooked.

"You look sad... are you?" she wonders. Faltering, I leave the food where it is and join her at the table, hesitating in what to say. She reaches for my hand and holding it. "You talk happy.. and you smile... but your eyes are sad..."

"You have good eyes El... I am sad... but I'm also happy too." I admit. "I didn't think I'd find another home for a long time. At least, not one that makes me happy like this. You're the little sister I never had, and well, the Chief is ... well he's who he is... I may have lost Dad, but I gained a family and you guys make me happy..."

"Why sad then?"

My bad habit makes an appearance as I chew on my lip, thinking about last night. Ultimately sighing at the memories of the fight. "I'm sad because Steve and I had a bad fight last night... I'm not sure if we'll recover from it."

"Recover?" she repeats slowly, unsure of the meaning.

"Get better.. or heal.. or make up... there's a chance we might not be friends anymore." I explain, hopefully clearing up her confusion.

The younger girl furrows her brow, "Not friends? But.. you like him.. He makes you happy" she reminds me.

"I know... but sometimes that's not enough. We both said some bad things to each other, stuff we can't take back..." I shrug.

"Besides, I liked him a lot more then he liked me. Which caused a lot of problems between us. When I say it outloud it sounds stupid, but I guess Steve and I just weren't meant to be. I'll be alright, it's like I said, I got you and Hopper now. More time spent with you guys will wash away any sadness I have left over Harrington." I grinned, hoping to ease her worry. It seems to work as a small smile lights up her face.

Squeezing her hand and letting go to return to the stove, I serve up breakfast. We both enjoy the food and continue random conversations as we spruce up her bedroom afterwards. Finishing one of the many movies I brought earlier this week, just as The Chief returned home.

The rest of the day passes by as the three of us keep busy, getting the remaining measurements needed for the new bedroom while listening to some old records.

Then we cooked dinner together, and ended the evening by watching Ghostbusters; which in turn led to me showing El a picture of the boys in their costumes that I had tucked underneath the couch I've been sleeping on. Jonathan gave it to me a few days prior, with some other photos he'd knew I would like. All scattered in a small album he made me for Christmas.

It was my second favorite gift...

The first being a silver bracelet with a 'N' charm on it; for 'Newby'... guess who got me that one?