...he isn't here again.
Alone at dinner time again...I honestly don't remember the last time we even ate here together.
I get off my seat to put my dishes in the sink as I put away the food from the dinner I made. For awhile I have been only washing one plate every night when it used to be two. Mine and Oniichan's but now there is only just me eating at the dinner table very night. It would of been my parents and I but...yeah they don't really come visit often considering they decided work seemed more fitting to spend their time on. I don't blame them but...it stings.
After cleaning up in the kitchen, I clean up the table and head to bed to check on my phone to just browse around. I don't know but recently...my jumpy attitude isn't there anymore...I just feel...bored...no not bored...sad is more like it.
Thinking back to what I said about my parents, the only thing that really got me through was just...well hanging out with my big brother. I never really realized how much he really got me through the years. Honestly I think I would of been the lonely kid in the back of the classroom being bullied...like he was.
I think I figured it out though. Oniichan used to be happy and jumpy like I was when our parents were around spending time with us but when they spent more time on work...he kind of just...fell through. I didn't realize it though because he kind of fulfilled that role and really just...helped me along the years...and I really love him for that. But he didn't have someone to take care of him and such throughout his earlier years and now he is like...what he is now. During family holidays when they do visit they kind of look at him with disappointment as if it wasn't...their freaking fault. As if it wasn't their fault that because of...THEM. They led Onii-chan to become tortured throughout middle school.
But I'm not disappointed in what he became...not one single bit...and I cherish him. I...anyway...but recently he hasn't been here much to talk to me...to really love me like a big brother would do.
As I'm looking at my phone I see a message come from...Oniichan! I open it up happily only to see the same results that I have been seeing a lot lately.
Oniichan (Best Brother Ever) : Komachi I will be arriving soon. Tonight Haruno decided that she wanted to go to an event and forced me to go with her. It was all kind of a pain but its over. I'll be there soon. Make sure you left dinner you slight air head. I don't think Haruno plans on feeding me and has only been teasing at me with food all day. -Friday 8:43 PM
I look at the message with a stoic face as I read over the words again.
Haruno
I look over at the previous messages from this week as well.
Oniichan (Best Brother Ever) : Sorry, I got caught up in some things with Yukinoshita. She said there was an exhibit of pandas or whatever her obsession is and said it was club activities for us to go. Well it was just her and I, Yuigahama was too sick from yesterday. I'll be home soon you ahoge.- Thursday 9:32 PM
Yukino
Oniichan (Best Brother Ever) : I'll be arriving late like yesterday as well. Yuigahama wanted me to go to a sort of cafe with her as repayment for letting me copy her notes when I wasn't paying attention. Sadly her notes were below average as she really is an airhead. It's really is cold though..wish me luck Komachi, make sure the heater is working at home. Yuigahama doesn't have a sweater but I really don't plan on giving her mine. -Wednesday 8:42 PM
Yuigahama
Oniichan (Best Brother Ever) : Isshiki forced me to go to the mall with her. It has been forever but the pretty lights set up because of Christmas in the mall has gave her some sort of power to keep on going. She has blackmail on me but I can't really do anything about it. I'll tell you more about it later but I'm gonna be home a bit late. Sleep well I know you have been staying up late reading my manga you upcoming weeb. And I know you are currently reading this. Don't follow my path Komachi it will only lead into ruin. Please sleep, for your Oniichan's sake. Tuesday 10:23 PM
I smile lightly at what he said. We would have conversations like these and just mess around as I tease him and he would get all embarrassed but would still pat my head making me blush...but it was ruined when I remembered where he was at that moment.
Isshiki
I...told him to get involved with others more but...I didn't think it would lead to me feeling like this. I know if I could derail him away from this...I would...it's terrible to say but...I just want things to go back to the way they were. But...he has friends now...people he can hang out with. I want to spend time with him more...I want my brother back...I miss him...It's not as if I don't see him ever but...just the amount of time I see him now its...not enough. It may sound selfish but...I want more time with him...I want my Oniichan...
I scroll up more to see what else has been taking up his time.
Oniichan (Best Brother Ever) : Tell you're little bug friend to stop calling me Oniisan. If you haven't guess I'm at Kawasaki's house helping her study for her scholarship. Really its all bothersome considering Keika decided to come up and make me a babysitter now. All in all 7/10 wouldn't do again. But now I have to stay a bit longer considering we couldn't study much. Sleep well tonight Komachi and keep out of my Manga shelf. -Monday 9:12 PM
Kawasaki
To know Oniichan taking care of Keika as if she was something he deeply cared about was...it hurt me. It made me mad to know that I'm just stuck here knowing that Oniichan is somewhere else caring for others as well...and others caring for him as well. I should be there...it should be him caring for me and me caring for him but instead...there are others. I encouraged him to get along with others but...I really didn't think it would lead this far.
I fucking hate it.
A bit of anger slipped out of my mind as it surprised me a bit. I never really was the one to get angry and even to the point of cursing was kind of unheard of with me...so this really surprised me this slipped in my mind unconsciously.
But
It didn't feel out of place of what I was feeling right now. It was as if it told what I wanted to yell out and scream to the world. But I can't. Not only will Oniichan hate me for it, it might cause a rift in our relationship...And I never want that to happen. He cares for them whether he would like to admit it or not...he cares for them...
I grip my phone tightly as I lay in bed knowing this is a fact I can't just change.
A rift is already starting between us and he hasn't noticed...But I have for a while now. I grip on to my phone tightly as I continue to scroll up and up to see the other messages Oniichan has sent me.
Oniichan (Best Brother Ever) : You haven't waken up yet but I'm just sending a message for when you do to tell you that I'm gonna be spending the whole day with Miura helping her with her tennis stuff. I don't know how this came to be though...she kind of scared me into it but my body refused me to decline. Anyway that is pretty much it, I might arrive late, so just have fun the whole day in the house. No boys! - Sunday 7:23 AM
...Miura
A newcomer really but she just came out of nowhere and started taking up Oniichan's time as well. Guess she realized Hayama wasn't really was she looking for...but for her to realize she found gold...to take interest in taking Oniichan away...It angers me knowing she thinks she can just come along out of nowhere and try and take away Oniichan for herself. I'm also confused on why Oniichan keeps insisting on No boys. I promised him I wouldn't date now and I stay true to my word! I just care about him more than dating now I guess...anyway...Here I thought she was the final one but really this last one surprised me.
Oniichan (Best Brother Ever) : Komachi help call 911. Hiratsuka has her fist ready but for now I told her that we should get ramen so she could flaunt her young looks. I just stole this from a manga but now her face is red and I think i'm gonna die KOMACHI CALL 911. I have my stoic face here but really i'm just freaking out. I'm texting this in the bathroom KOMACHI SEND A HELICOPTER! -Saturday 8:34 PM
These silly messages...they really make me happy knowing Oniichan is still Oniichan but...the context of them...I despise it. But reading these messages in a mood like this it just feels like some sick joke. That he is my Oniichan but he is spending time with someone else, caring for other people...
I knew he was joking here but that first sentence gave me this kind of anxiety that just made me feel...like nothing is worth it anymore. That if something bad really happened then...really whats the point. I don't know...but it was relief to know Oniichan was safe but...still.
Hiratsuka
Really...I don't mean to be mean here but...I thought she would of gave up dating a long time ago. In fact, I don't think she actually ever went on a date, I'm sure that all of them have led with them not showing. I guess Hiratsuka decided to take a chance and try my Oniichan...really never thought this would of happened. I was sure she was gonna end up with someone considering her looks but...her personality...only a few can really handle her and still enjoy being around here...
Aah, I understand. Oniichan is the only one to really hang out with Hiratsuka and for both parties to enjoy their time...But...isn't she 25?
I look at all these messages and see how each of them take a day out of the week. And here I am...with no days with him...but tomorrow with be different...I will be sure of it...Hiratsuka shouldn't be free as Winter Break is gonna come and these days are busy so...Tomorrow, I can hang out with Oniichan again! But...this is only temporary...and...I don't want it temporary I want it to be permanent and in fact...I don't just want one rare days...I want them all...I lov-
...I don't think I'm in the right mindset now...I should go to sleep. I should try to put all of this behind me...Tomorrow I can hang out with out Oniichan again! I will make sure it won't be ruined!
I put my phone away to not look back at those messages and forcefully shut it off. Maybe I should rest up now, gotta wake up early tomorrow to prepare!
I finally sleep knowing that tomorrow is gonna be a big day for me and Oniichan. I rest my head on my pillow not worrying about the texts.
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Oniichan (Best Brother Ever) : Haruno took us to her apartment insisting that its too late for me to go home even though it barely 9. I guess I'm going to be sleeping here tonight. I'll be there tomorrow so don't worry when I'm not in my room tomorrow alright. You better not be reading this now by the way. Get some sleep! Also pray for me cause I don't think there is two beds in her apartment. I think I'm gonna make a makeshift bed though so I should be fine. Anyway goodnight Komachi. Tomorrow Hiratsuka might come over to make me help her on paper work so don't freak out if she comes early in the morning...I think that's all of it...I'm honestly trying to stall so I don't have to go back to talking to Haruno...I'm running out of words...okay goodnight. - 9:02 PM. Friday