Hai guys!

So, this is my first Batfamily fanfic, please don't judge!

Also, I'm getting the stories from this book I have called "100 Classic Stories." Thats it.

There no author or anything.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

I b linebreak

When the Batfamily (sans Alfred and Bruce, who were either in England or at work) heard the oldest say he was bored, they went into bat-mode. A bored Dick Grayson was worse than a normal Dick Grayson, and he was enough to handle when he wakes up in the morning, deprived of his coffee with 5 tablespoons of sugar inside instead of any milk or creamer.*

"Why are you bored?" Barbara asked. Start with the safe questions, she thought to herself.

"Dunno," Dick said with a shrug. "You guys wanna hear a story?"

This took them all by surprise, and once again, they were in bat-mode.

"What kind of story?" Stephanie asked, willing to hear one. Anything other than a prank was fine by her.

"How about the classic ones?" he asked with a smile. "Excpe they'll have my own little twist."

"Classic ones?" Damian repeated, honestly confused.

"Yeah, you know, like, Tortiose and the Hare, Frog Prince, The Little Mermaid-"

"Grayson, if I wanted to know those stories, I could just watch Disney movies," Damian said. Dick's smile grew wider.

"Maybe, but I'm talking the original stories. Example, in the original version of Red Riding Hood, the wolf actually ATE the girl!" *

Damian looked skeptical, so Dick sighed and started telling a story.

"Alright, how about this: I retell 3 different stories, just to help me with my boredom," he proposed.

"Tell 100," Tim dared. Dick's smile grew even wider (impossible for the average human.)

"Deal. You sit here and listen to me retell 100 different classic stories, or I get even more bored and start pranking you."

Everyone shook his hand, insinuating a deal.

"Alright, this first one is called the 'Magic Oatmeal Pot'."

It was a day before Christmas, and a poor old couple had absolutely no money. They decided to sell their last cow. So, the man, Bruce-

"But father is rich," Damian pointed out. Dick smirked at him.

"Yeah, but I've always thought it would be ironic if he was the poor old farmer in this story," he said.

Bruce went down to the market with their cow, looking for someone to sell it to. He ran into a crazy old man with an amazing white beard that went all the way down to his feet. He was carrying an oatmeal pot.

"That sure is a nice cow," said the old man. Bruce just shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess so," he agreed. The old man kept eyeing the cow, and Bruce may or may not have felt tempted to leave.

"Are you selling?"

"What?"

"Are you selling? The cow?" the old man asked. Bruce stepped back a little but nodded.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll trade you the pot for the cow," the old man said, shaking his pot around so Bruce knew what he was talking about. Bruce started walking away, thinking how many other people would buy his cow and give him actual money, but the old man stopped him again.

"Take me, take me!" the old man said.

"I thought he was giving the pot, not himself?" Tim asked.

"Wait a little longer, then you'll see Bruce's inarguable, logically logistic logic," Dick said. The others were starting to wonder how much coffee he had consumed today but continued listening.

Bruce turned around to tell the man that he was psycho, but the pleading wasn't coming from the man. It was coming from the pot!

So, Bruce decided it was a magic pot, and traded it for his cow.

Dick looked at everyone's faces, looking for a reaction.

"Well... here's to inarguable logic," Jay said, miming drinking some wine. They laughed and Dick continued the story, sensing everyone's eagerness.

The old man set the pot on the ground, and Bruce handed him the cow, bending to pick up the pot. When he got up again, the old man was gone.

When he got home, he stopped just outside of his house. Bruce facepalmed, wondering what he would tell his wife.

"Oh, yeah... I forgot about her," Cassandra (Cass) said.

"She's not going to be happy," Damian said. Stephanie nodded in agreement.

"Oh, she wasn't," Dick said.

In fact, she was so angry, she went to throw the pot away!

"Is this story sounding a little like Jack and the Beanstalk to anyone else?" Tim asked. No one answered, so he took their silence as a yes.

But, much like Bruce, she heard the pot talk.

"Take me inside and clean me up! The you'll see what you see," the pot said. She was dumbstruck, but she did as the pot demanded.

"Taking advice from a talking pot... sure, why not?" Barbara muttered. Dick laughed.

"So, who's the wife?" Steph asked. Dick scrunched his eyes shut for a moment, thinking. Finally, he said "Silena."

"So, Batman is married to Catwoman?" Tim asked incredulously. Dick shrugged.

"As long as it isn't mother, I'm fine," said Damian. Dick winked at him.

"Oh, just you wait, little bird. Talia will appear in the future!" he said.

So, Silena cleaned the pot, but as soon as it was clean, it jumped out of her arms and ran outside.

There were a couple of sympathetic faces for the poor farmers, but Dick laughed at them inwardly. Things were about to get good.

There was a rich man who lived down the street named...

Dick paused here for a moment, thinking of who to throw in here.

Ozzie, who spent all day counting his money, and all night eating food. (Ozzie is the Penguin, btw.)

Well, tonight, the pot snuck into the kitchen, where a cook was busy making Christmas pudding for Ozzie. She realized at the last minute that she didn't have a pot to cook it in, so she found the magic pot and dropped it in. As soon as the pudding was secure, the pot took off again, running back to Bruce and Silena's little house.

All Ozzie's dogs, and all Ozzie's butlers, couldn't figure out what the heck had just happened!

"Is that a Humpty Dumpty reference?" Tim asked, laughing about the fact that a magic pot had just stolen food from the Penguin.

"No idea what you're talking about," Dick said.

The pudding lasted the couple for three whole days! How that happened, I have no idea, but when Spring came, the pot told Silena to clean it again, and she did, and it ran off.

Well, it ran back to Ozzie's place just as he was counting his money. The pot ran up to him, nudging him in the leg.

"Ooh! Now I have somewhere to hide all my money!" he said, throwing large bags of it in the pot.

As you can guess, the pot hightailed it back to Bruce and Silena. They were ecstatic to see the money and they spent it in small amounts so no one would question where it had come from. The pot sat still by the fireplace for years after that, then one day, it jumped through the window, skipping down the road. They never saw the pot again.

"The End. Of the first story," said Dick.

"So... no one ever questioned the pudding?" Cass asked skeptically.

"Nope," Dick said, popping the "P."

"Or the money?" asked Damian.

"Apparently not," Dick said. Stephanie whistled appreciatively.

"Wow... cheeky pot," she said. Everyone laughed at this.

"What's next?" Jay asked Dick. He smiled.

"The Twelve Dancing Princesses," he said.

The linebreak Rises

So, that was the first story.

Ok, so that's actually how I drink coffee. When I first tried it, we didn't have any milk or creamer, so I went with 5 spoons of sugar, and now that's how I drink my coffee.

This is actually true. I think. Maybe I should double check, but I'm pretty sure that in the original version of Red Riding Hood, there was no woodsman who saved her.