Christmas of 1984 came fast. They put up a small tree with some ornaments but no lights.

Will tried not to remember the sensation of something wriggling up and out of his throat. He drank a lot of water to wash away the phantom sensation of slime but it lingered there in the background for the rest of the day, occasionally making him gag.

Will always drew pictures for people with no specific holiday attached to them so he wanted to do something different for Christmas gifts this year. Jonathan had taught him how to make a mixtape so he made one personalized for every member of the party, one for his mom, and then one for Jonathan that he spent the most time on. Jonathan had opened his present, seen it, and looked like he might cry for a moment.

Will's mom and Hopper had gone in together for Will's present. It was a set of oil paints, really nice ones, a few canvases, and some new brushes. Will looked over at the new art supplies for a few moments, speechless, before looking between his mom and Hopper. "You guys didn't have to-" he said, overwhelmed.

"We wanted to," his mom said with a smile, putting her hand on his cheek. Hopper nodded with a small smile tugging at his mouth.

Will hugged her and then, after a brief moment of hesitation, went to hug Hopper too. Hopper hugged him back and he felt warm and solid. Safe.

Will spent the rest of winter break experimenting with his new paints. After a few practices, the first paintings he did were for his mom and Hopper. He gave his mom pictures all the time and he felt like the end result was a bit rough from inexperience but the expression she had as she looked at the portrait he painted of her felt special. Instead of the fridge, she hung it up on her bedroom wall.

Will didn't expect to see Heather again after the Snowball but she caught him by the bikes one day after school once winter break was over. "Call me, Zombie Boy," she said, shoving a scrap of paper into his hands before rushing off with a wave. Will looked down at the paper in bewilderment. It had a phone number written on it, punctuated by a small heart.

"Looks like you didn't blow it after all," Lucas commented, getting on his own bike.

"Yeah, I guess not," Will said before shoving the paper into his pocket.

When he got home, he put it on his desk and avoided looking at it for the rest of the night.

Mike was over at Will's house, hanging out with him and El since the Byers's house was the one place besides the cabin that El was allowed to go to for now. Sometimes, Will found himself secretly thinking that letting him hang out with them was more of a formality than anything but he didn't mention it.

Jonathan was in the kitchen, fixing up some food for all of them, making sure that there was still enough so that there were leftovers for their mom when she got home from work.

The television was on, though Mike and Will were only half paying attention, idly commenting on what was playing more than actually watching it. El was enraptured. Occasionally, Jonathan would pop in for a few moments and El would tell him what he had missed, eyes still trained on the screen.

Though Will sometimes felt awkward around Mike and El, it was still nice to be around three of his favorite people.

At one point, Mike looked over at Will and asked, "So, are you going to ask Heather out or what?"

Will stiffened. It only got worse when Jonathan looked over and asked, "Who's Heather?" with raised eyebrows.

"She's nice," El supplied. "Pretty."

Will wanted to melt into the ground. Instead, he just glared over at Mike. "No."

Mike looked between Jonathan and Will, slightly bewildered at Will's reaction. Then he said, "Sorry, I thought he would know. You tell him everything."

Will looked away and shrugged. He didn't mention that he didn't tell Jonathan everything. "There's nothing to know."

"Why not?" Mike couldn't seem to keep himself from asking. "She likes you."

Will took a deep breath and then said, "I don't like her."

"That's just fine, Will," Jonathan told him suddenly, pointedly, a weight to his words. Jonathan talked like that with Will sometimes, like there was a hidden layer under what he was actually saying. Will wasn't exactly sure what to make of it. Then, Jonathan realized that he may have left the food for too long and hurried to check on it.

El had stopped being as absorbed in the show and was watching them curiously, Will especially. He didn't meet her eyes.

"I didn't mean to push it. I just want you to be happy," Mike told him, earnestly.

Will looked at El and Mike's intertwined hands. He remembered Halloween, Mike's hand on top of his. Warm and grounding. He nodded. "I am," he said, and it wasn't completely a lie but it wasn't completely the truth either.

The weather started to warm up again, slowly. Snow melted, the trees filled out with leaves, and wildflowers started springing up despite the still slightly bitter cold. Will went outside when the sun was shining and soaked up the heat, looked at the brightening colors. Sometimes, he picked flowers and brought them with him to Castle Byers. His safe haven was becoming a little cramped for him lately but he went anyways, relishing the comfort he got from a place so familiar.

Will dabbled with his new paints, creating pictures of rolling fields of green dotted in every color he could mix, the sky clear and blue.

Will kept the piece of paper with Heather's number in his backpack. He didn't want to look at it but he didn't want to get rid of it either. He wasn't sure what he wanted.

Heather waved at him in class or when he passed her in the hallways but didn't make any further moves. It seemed like whatever was happening was up to him now. So Will did nothing and the scrap of paper burned a hole in his backpack.

Will ended up caving one Saturday and telling his mom about it. They were watching a movie, just the two of them, when Will burst out, "A girl gave me her phone number."

Will's mom looked at him, mild surprise on her face that she quickly schooled back to neutrality. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Will shifted, rubbed his arm, looked back at the television screen. "I haven't called her. I think she likes me, though."

"Do you like her?" his mom asked him mildly. He wished he knew what she was thinking.

"I- no," Will said. He'd gotten better at lying but he never did seem to be able to do it to his mom, not directly. "She's nice but I don't want to, like, date her or anything." He cautiously looked over at his mom again.

Will's mom nodded and bit her lip before saying, "You don't have to date her if you don't want to. You shouldn't, in fact." She raised a hand and ran it through Will's hair, brushing it off of his forehead, a familiar old habit. "Just do what makes you happy, honey."

Will looked down. "Mike and Lucas have girlfriends, though. Dustin wants one. Shouldn't I want that too?"

Will's mom shifted closer to him. "Honey, you know you don't have to date girls if you don't want to. Don't force yourself to do something you don't want to because your friends are, okay?" Will could feel her gaze on him and as he looked back at her, her eyes were wide and beseeching like she was trying to tell him something. Like Jonathan, there was a layer under her words. It made Will feel vulnerable, like the Demogorgon was after him again and he had to go away, to hide.

"Sure," he said quickly, looking away. "Hey, I, uh, I just remembered. El wanted some help with her homeschool stuff, apparently Hopper's no help. I'll be back for dinner." It wasn't entirely a lie, not really. El did need help sometimes.

His mom nodded but there was a crease in between her eyebrows. "Okay, honey," she said slowly, pulling her hand away. "Make sure to-"

"Call you when I get there, yeah," Will said, rushing to gather his stuff. He considered not actually going to Hopper's and going somewhere else instead like Castle Byers where he could be safe and alone but he knew that his mom would call Hopper and they'd be worried and he'd just get in trouble with both of them.

As Will was about to walk out the door, his mom got up and stopped him with a hand on his arm. "You know you can talk to me, right? About anything."

"Yeah, Mom," Will said, his chest feeling heavy.

She looked at him a moment longer before letting go of his arm with a slight squeeze. "I love you."

"Love you too," Will said, quickly walking out before he spilled every one of his secrets to her right there.

Will ended up going up to Heather the following Monday. She was at her locker, pulling out some textbooks and talking with one of her friends when he walked over. He almost lost the nerve when her friend turned and glared at him but he knew that if he didn't do it now he never would and that wasn't fair to her.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Will asked, shifting. Heather nodded and her friend walked away with a quick goodbye to Heather and another scowl aimed at Will. With a slight grimace, Will waved goodbye at the friend awkwardly, not sure what else to do, before turning to Heather again.

Will swallowed. "You're a really nice person," he started and then winced as Heather seemed to clearly follow where he was going if her disappointed frown was anything to go by. "I just- I don't want a girlfriend or anything right now. Sorry."

Heather sighed and then nodded. "Okay." She started to turn and walk away but Will stopped her with a light hand on her arm.

"Wait. I- we can be friends, though. Like I said, you've been really nice to me."

Heather studied him for a few moments before nodding. "Okay, Zombie Boy. Sure." She paused for a second before asking, "You wanna hang out today after school?"

With the pretense of romance out of the way, Will found himself feeling lighter and he even smiled as he said yes.

Will started spending more time with just El.

Before he'd met her she was like a mythical being in his mind, powerful and untouchable, gone before he'd ever even heard of her but tied to him all the same. Now he knew what she was like when she got frustrated beyond the ability to communicate and that she liked Eggo waffles so much that she even ate them plain. He knew that she was a fiercely loyal friend, maybe to a fault, and he knew that she didn't always know how to deal with having an actual father figure in her life. She was still powerful but Will learned that she was also human.

El was not only human but like Will in a way he couldn't explain. Sometimes Will felt more connected to her than he did with the friends he'd known for years.

El understood him in a deep, unspoken way. Will, surprisingly, understood her too. He wasn't powerful like her and he didn't have the same awful upbringing but he still knew what it meant when her eyes glazed over and grew distant. He recognized himself in her when the wind was a bit too cold and she froze up. He knew why she got frustrated when people treated her like she was made of glass.

When they were together, Will felt a bit more at ease. He didn't feel like he always had to explain himself or hide how he was feeling. He could just exist.

Sometimes, however, Will thought maybe El understood him too well.

El's vocabulary was evolving but she still had a particular way of speaking. She spoke carefully; in short sentences, each word carefully placed. She didn't beat around the bush and she didn't like when someone tried to change the subject. She got straight to the point.

In some ways, Will admired that. There were so many things that were bottled up inside of him that he wished he knew how to express; wished that he felt like he could express them. El almost always spoke her mind and in the terms that she understood.

Sometimes, though, she had a way of cutting through to the bone with a single sentence and it terrified Will.

Sometimes, El would study him, intense, and it was like she saw through everything and right into him. He could hide from his friends and his brother and his mom, maybe even himself, but he could rarely hide from El.

"It's not getting better," Will admitted to El one day as they sat at the table and drew together. El still drew stick figures to represent people most of the time. Will figured, sadly, that she didn't get the chance to draw a lot before. She was determined, though, and rapidly improving nonetheless.

El paused and looked at Will. "What do you mean?"

Will looked intently at the paper as he carefully sketched out some guiding lines. "Everyone else is moving on. I can't. I want to. But it's like even with time, it just gets worse."

"Festering," El said, nodding. Her pencil dug into the paper a little. She said the word with a significance Will didn't entirely get but it made sense.

"Yeah. Festering."

"I don't think everyone is moving on," El remarked after a few minutes of silence, pausing in her own drawing and watching as Will filled in details on his. "Maybe more than us. But Mike tries to be too… grown up. Hopper is still scared. Joyce too. It's not the same as us but they're stuck too. Their wounds are still festering."

Will thought about it, darkening his lines once he got down the placement. "You're probably right. It just feels like I'm still stuck there while everyone else is doing something else. Like I'm here with them, but I'm not. It made sense when I'd go to the Upside Down but now the gate is closed and I still feel like this. Like I'm in a different dimension than everyone else."

El nodded and continued drawing. "Me too," she admitted softly. "The Upside Down never goes away."

They fell into a silence and Will leaned over, looking at her drawing. It was supposed to be Nancy, he thought, but the lines were heavy and dark. "Try loosening your grip on the pencil. It'll make your lines lighter and easier to erase, then you can go over them when you think you've got it right," Will advised.

El did, her brows furrowed in concentration. They didn't say much else for a while after that.

More time passed since the incidence with the Shadow Monster and Will still didn't go back to the Upside Down. He didn't even see flickers of it. Other than the flashbacks and nightmares, that was. He would still feel like he was there sometimes, though. There were times when his friends would be smiling and laughing and he would be too but then his own smile would slip and it would feel like he wasn't actually there with them anymore. Like he was a silent observer, a spy, watching through a red barrier.

He preferred it to actually being in the Upside Down but it was still frustrating because this was a hell of his own creation and he didn't know how to make it stop.

Spring faded into summer and with it came the heat. Sometimes Will relished it, felt like it drove away the darkness and cold that had made a home in him, but sometimes the sun blazing hot on his skin brought back other unpleasant memories. His insides on fire, the heaters and Nancy jabbing him with a fire poker. Warm water and a primal feeling of fear.

Despite the fact that the warmth sometimes made him shiver and feel sick, he ended up deciding that he preferred it. At least this way the Shadow Monster wouldn't be able to find a home in his body again.

Despite Hopper initially planning on keeping El a secret for a year, that summer he ended up letting it get around that he'd adopted a kid named Jane. She was a distant relative, a second cousin that had lived with her parents in Indianapolis until they died and left him as the closest living relative.

(Will had heard a few older people comment on how nice it was that Hopper had found a family again. They seemed to think that included him, his mom, and Jonathan and honestly, sometimes Will wasn't sure if they were wrong about that.)

With the secret officially out, El was allowed to spend the summer out in Hawkins. The members of the party eagerly showed her around town; they all pooled their allowance money and went to the arcade and the movie theater, ate at diners, and went swimming. El loved it all.

Sometimes, though, it would get a bit overwhelming for her so they still spent a lot of time at any one of their houses (except Max's), playing games and watching movies. In public they called her Jane but when it was just the party she was still El.

Max ended up winning El over and the odd tension between them faded into an easy friendship.

El was learning more and more every day. She was still behind the rest of them in terms of public school education but she was rapidly progressing. Every day it started to look more and more like she'd be able to join them at Hawkins High by sophomore year.

Summer winded down to a close and the terror of starting high school took away some of the power that the Upside Down still had over Will, if only a little bit. In the weeks leading up to it, nightmares of going back, of the Shadow Monster whispering to him without words but with feelings got replaced. Instead, he had dreams about going to school and realizing that he left his clothes at home or that he was late and the entire class laughed at him but he didn't get the joke. Sometimes, however, his dreams would mix and he had terrors about being yanked back to the Upside Down in the middle of taking the test, looking down and seeing the failing grade and hearing a chilling, disembodied voice say, "This is where you belong, see?"

The first few days of high school were scary and overwhelming. The school was bigger and the teachers were stricter. After the initial adjustment, though, it was still just school and everything fell into a familiar rhythm once again.

Will stayed after class one day to talk to a teacher, telling his friends to go on without him. He was just getting on his bike to ride home when he saw Max with her stepbrother Billy arguing in the mostly deserted parking lot.

The people who were still milling about either didn't notice or were actively ignoring it. Neither of them were being loud but Billy had a tight grip on Max's arm as he leaned down to snarl something at her. Max was turned away as much as she physically could be, scowling at the ground as she talked back at him with clipped words.

Before Will could even consider doing anything, Max wrenched her arm away and stalked off, saying something furious to Billy before she left. Billy just rolled his eyes but as he walked to his car he locked eyes with Will for a split second and Will froze in a moment of absolute terror. There was something awful in his eyes, something angry and tumultuous.

Will looked away before biking in the direction he saw Max head off to, heart still pounding. He found Max sitting, leaned against the wall of the school with her skateboard at her feet. She jumped a little as Will got off of his bike and approached her. Then she saw him and her shoulders relaxed. She went back to staring at her knees, eyes suspiciously puffy but only a little bit wet.

Will went to sit next to Max. She stiffened a little but let him. He wasn't sure what to say. He liked Max but he honestly didn't know her that well. She was Lucas's sort-of-girlfriend and a part of the party now but she still gave Will a sort of careful distance. He figured she wasn't sure how to treat him after everything she'd heard about him and what had happened last fall.

Max stayed silent for a few moments before saying, "You can go."

Will looked over at her. "Do you want me to?"

Max shrugged.

Will looked away. "I can walk you home."

Max sighed. "I don't want to go home."

Will thought about it for a moment before offering, "You can come to my house, then. If you want."

Max swung her head around to look at him then, face incredulous. "Your mom would be okay with that?"

Will shrugged. "Jonathan's working tonight so it'll just me and her anyways."

Max considered Will for a long moment before abruptly standing up. "Alright, let's go."

Will and Max made their way to his house, walking at first. Will rolled his bike beside himself and Max dragged her skateboard. She was still quiet. After a few minutes, Will said hesitantly, "My dad used to yell at me but sometimes he was more scary when he'd talk really quietly. That was when I knew he was really mad."

"Can we not talk about it?" Max snapped and Will flinched a little.

"Yeah. Sorry."

Max stared stonily ahead before relaxing a little and giving Will an apologetic look. "I'm sorry about your dad."

Will shrugged, looking at the ground. "I haven't seen him in a long time."

They lulled into another loaded silence for a few minutes after that before Will, feeling brave, said, "I'll let you ride my bike if I can ride your skateboard," which made Max look at him with raised eyebrows.

"Do you know how?"

"No." Will grinned slightly.

Max rolled her eyes but cracked a smile as she set the skateboard down. "Here. Just stand on it, see how it feels."

Will leaned his bike on its kickstand and went over the skateboard, slowly putting a foot on it. It felt dangerously unsteady, like it might go away from under his feet at any moment. He took a deep breath and rested his weight on that foot to lift his other one up.

Then he promptly fell over onto the sidewalk.

Will sat there for a moment, stunned, before laughing. It hurt and the split second of falling had been terrifying, but a normal kind of terrifying.

Max looked concerned for a second before she laughed too. She helped him up, then coached him more closely on standing on the skateboard. Will got to the point where he was even able to go a few shaky feet forward before he realized that he should get home soon.

Will biked at a leisurely pace to his house while Max rode her skateboard beside him, effortlessly cool. They didn't talk much but the tension had been mostly broken and Max looked happier. More relaxed.

When they got to Will's house his mom seemed concerned but she didn't fret too much. She welcomed Max in with a smile and Max ended up staying for dinner.

Afterwards, Will hesitantly asked, "Do you want to, um. Stay over tonight?"

Maxed looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Your mom is nice, but I'm not sure if she'd be cool with that."

Will shrugged. "I don't know."

Max sighed and shook her head. "No, I should get home." She paused, then added bitterly, "It'll just be worse the longer I stay away."

"Are you sure?" The thought of Max going to that house made Will feel sick with anxiety.

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Will nodded, and Max gave him a tight smile before she left, unconsciously rubbing her arm.

The next day, Max seemed down but during lunch she gave Will a small smile and shared a cookie with him. It was nice.

El soaked up information like a sponge; whether it was something people explained to her or things that she'd noticed on her own. She asked questions a lot. One thing she often fixated on was why things were the way that they were. She wasn't always satisfied with the answer.

Will didn't usually mind explaining things to El. It was refreshing, in a way, to talk to someone with a fresh perspective and it helped round out his own understanding. He preferred telling her about things relating to math or science, though. Indisputable facts with evidence backing them, things that made sense. One thing he didn't like explaining was any sort of social rule. Why certain things were "for girls" or "for boys" or why doing something was considered unacceptable. He'd try but most of the time El's brow would furrow and she'd keep pushing it, asking why, why, why. It would get to the point where Will had talked himself in circles and even he didn't entirely understand.

(One time, Will had been hanging out with El and the rest of the party when some kids from school who were nearby had called him names as they passed, laughing. A second later, the one in the back who'd jeered the most stumbled and spilled his drink all over himself and the others. El had turned and walked away then, wiping her nose inconspicuously with a napkin.

Then later, when it was just El and Will at Will's house, El hesitantly asked him what those words meant. The names that the kids had called him. He had told her, a pit in his stomach, that they were words that meant "gay". She asked what that meant. He explained, trying to keep his voice as even as possible, but he started to fidget. El asked him if he was. Gay. She just asked, easy as that. He told her no, his stomach twisting. That it was wrong, unnatural. Bad. El asked why again and Will said, "It just is, okay?" a bit harsher than he meant. It was hard to breathe all of the sudden. The air felt hostile, thick. El didn't try to push it after that but he could tell that she was working through all of it in her mind. Will ignored it and avoided eye contact until she left later that afternoon. He desperately hoped that she didn't bring it up later with Hopper or his mom or Jonathan. He wasn't sure what he would do if she did.)

It had been a long day.

There wasn't anything in particular that had turned Will's mood sour. The morning autumn air was crisp as he went to school and it cut right through his jacket, making him shiver. His teachers droned on and Will found himself unable to focus, doodling absentmindedly instead. The halls were loud, filled with students yelling and chatting and it grated on him, made him feel like his senses were overloaded. His friends laughed and talked around him and Will felt disconnected from it all. Even Mike's occasional worried looks set his teeth on edge.

By the end of the day Will was just ready to go home. That was, of course, when Troy and James cornered him as he was walking towards his bike.

They had nothing creative to say. Nothing that they hadn't been spitting at him since elementary school. They seemed to have built up courage again after what Will had heard El had done to them two years ago. Obviously they hadn't noticed her around town and thought that she was gone for good.

Troy called him names; fairy, fag, queer. All synonyms for the same thing, really. Will tried to ignore them but the words, the taunts, they rubbed at his already frayed nerves and he, horrifyingly, burst into tears before he even got to his bike. That only spurred them on.

Then, to make the situation even more awful, he heard Jonathan's voice. "What the hell is going on here?" Jonathan sounded angry. Will looked over at him, a hand covering his mouth as tears streamed down his face. Jonathan looked angry.

Troy and James made themselves scarce after that and then Will was left alone with his brother.

Will tried to stop crying but every time he thought it had died down, his chest would hitch and the sobs would start again. Jonathan put a hand on his back and told him, "Hey, buddy, you'll be okay. Alright?" as he led Will away from the school and towards his car.

Will got into Jonathan's car and shut the door. Jonathan got into the driver's seat but didn't start it. Will sat there for he didn't know how long, trying to breathe and get control of himself.

He felt utterly humiliated. One thing he'd dreaded about starting high school was being in the same school as Jonathan, that Jonathan would see something like this. Now here they were.

Once Will had mostly calmed down, Jonathan softly asked him, "Are you alright?"

Will shrugged back, looking out of the window. He'd settled into an odd and fragile sort of calm now and more than anything he just wanted to go home and rest.

Jonathan scoffed at himself. "Stupid question, I know. Wanna talk about it?"

"No." Will sighed but then he couldn't help himself. "You always tell me that being a freak is great. What if… what if it's more than that and I'm wrong, though? If the way I feel is wrong and I'm a freak in a bad way."

Jonathan had a funny look on his face as he looked at Will. He paused for a few moments, apparently trying to work out what he wanted to say in his head. Then he continued. "Will, the way you feel is never wrong. If those kids tell you it is then they're wrong, okay?"

"Did you hear what they were saying to me?" Will suddenly asked, voice unsteady, looking over at Jonathan again.

Jonathan paused, then nodded. "Yeah. I did. What I said is what I mean."

Will bit his lip. He felt nauseous, like something was crawling in the pit of his stomach.

"Look, Will, not everyone is going to understand you. Some kids, they're just jerks. Some adults too." The name "Lonnie" hung in the air, unsaid. "What they say is wrong doesn't matter. What matters is that you're who you are, no matter who that is. No matter how you feel. Me and Mom, we love you."

"So you wouldn't hate me, even if the things they were saying are true?"

"Of course not," Jonathan said emphatically, his gaze intense as he looked right at Will.

Will wanted to push it but if he said it out loud then this would be real. It didn't have to mean anything like this, with everything going unsaid. It was just another one of Jonathan's big brother speeches.

Will looked away and said, "I'm going to ride my bike home."

Jonathan looked at him, brows furrowed. "Are you sure? I can give you a ride."

"No, I don't need one. Sorry. Thank you." Will got out of the car, absently waving goodbye to Jonathan, and he felt empty. When he got home he stayed in his room for the rest of the night. It was too cold outside to go to Castle Byers.

Will didn't want his father and the bullies to be right about him, he didn't want all of the awful things they'd said to him to be true. He didn't want to give them more ammo to get at him so easily. He didn't want them to win.

More than anything, Will didn't want his mom to realize that Lonnie was right all along and that Will hadn't ever been worth the trouble.

October loomed ever closer and the Upside Down crept back in.

Not in a literal sense; Will still hadn't had even the faintest flashing back since the Mind Flayer was cut off. It was in the way the cold burrowed deep into his bones, the way certain Halloween decorations gave him a slight spark of fear, and how he'd zone out more and more often. How the world, even as the plants died and the sky became overcast, was suddenly too bright. Blinding, surreal.

Will tried his best to be present, to keep up with school and spend as much time as he could with his friends, but sometimes he felt like he was drowning.

"I want to change my character," Will said to Mike after a session of D&D once the rest of the party had left. Ever since they were kids, Will would sometimes hang back as the rest of them got ready to leave and talked with Mike alone for a few brief moments. Will found some small amount of comfort in that not having completely changed.

Mike looked over at Will, puzzled. "Why? You've had the same character since third grade."

Will shrugged. "That's… not who I am anymore. I'm not sure if it ever was."

Mike frowned. "What're you talking about? You are Will the Wise."

"That's not true. I'm nothing like him, not really," Will bit out sullenly. He didn't really want to say it- he wanted to keep those words under lock and key but they were escaping anyways, out of his control. "I'm not brave or strong. I'm not like you guys. I'm not like El." Will shut his mouth then, knowing that if he kept going, no matter what direction he went he would really regret it. He already wanted to take his words back. It had felt good to say it in a way, but now it was out there and there was nothing he could do about it.

Mike looked at Will as he talked, frown deepening. There was something like pity in his face. Will felt shame creep into him. He was sick of pity. Then Mike said, "Will, you're one of the bravest people I know."

"What's so brave about hiding?" Will asked bitterly. "Everyone's always told me how brave I was but all I ever did was act like a little kid. I didn't fight the monsters, I just hid. And then when I didn't run away, I was controlled. Used."

Mike's expression became serious, intense. "Will, you survived more than anyone should have to." He paused to take a deep breath and then continued. "You want to know something? Whenever I imagine Will the Wise, I don't see an old man. When he's brave, when he's kind to others and helps anyone he can, I just see you, Will."

Will closed his mouth. He didn't know what to say to that.

"Change your character if you want. But don't do it because you feel like you're not brave like him because that's just not true."

Will stared at Mike for a few moments and Mike's expression stayed unwavering. Will then nodded and said quietly, "I'll think about it." Mike reached out to squeeze his shoulder, once, and then Will said goodbye and left.

Dustin was outside waiting for Will. He had stayed behind to bike with him. Will wasn't sure if that still annoyed him or if he felt relieved that he wouldn't have to go down Mirkwood alone in the dark. Will and Dustin rode home, chatting idly about the campaign and school.

It was late when he got home. Despite that, after saying goodnight to Jonathan and turning off the light in his room, Will groped around for his pencils and paper as well as a flashlight and used his covers to partially block out the light that came from it.

He drew Will the Wise. He hadn't done that in a while he realized. He still drew stuff for D&D but more for the other characters than for his. Other than that, he'd switched to life studies and his own original stories. The Will the Wise he drew now looked tired, but still determined.

Will moved to a part of the page that was blank and tried to sketch a new character. Maybe a fighter. He hadn't really had an idea for a new character when he'd spoken to Mike, just something different. Now, all the sketches he tried weren't working out and Will felt frustration build up in him.

He looked back over at Will the Wise and thought about the last session when Lucas's character almost died. Will the Wise was able to save him from the brink of death and he remembered the glow of pride he'd felt and the look of relief on Lucas's face. He thought about being a cleric; a protector but also a healer.

Will put away his drawing supplies and then his flashlight. He didn't come up with a new character.

Will tried to avoid Troy and James, he really did, but they always seemed to be able to find him when he least wanted them to.

"Don't get too close to him, James, you might catch his zombie AIDS," Troy mocked as they walked near him and his friends in the hallway. James laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Will felt something in him snap.

Will the Wise was always calm and focused. He used his strategic mind to defeat the enemies. Will the Wise never got mad.

Will Byers suddenly felt like his blood was boiling.

Before he could help himself he whipped around and snapped, "Well then leave me the hell alone!" much louder and more forceful than he'd meant. Several people stopped and watched which just made Will feel more indignant.

The outburst made Troy and James do a double-take and then Troy just looked angry. He thinned his lips out before saying, "Fine with me, Byers. You couldn't pay me to get within ten feet of you."

"I don't care." Will turned back around and stalked off before the angry tears stinging in his eyes could escape, his friends walking fast to catch up with him.

"Will, that was awesome," Dustin said, breaking the silence as they left the school. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"Yeah, it was pretty great," Lucas agreed. Then, he asked, "Are you okay?"

Will stopped, closed his eyes, and took a few slow, deep breaths. He could feel his friends looming around him. Then, he opened his eyes back up and nodded. "Yeah. I think I'm okay."

As they continued walking, Max said, "It felt good to yell at them, didn't it?" with a grin.

Despite himself, Will felt a smile break out on his face. "Yeah, it kind of did."

Will was sitting with his mom in the living room one night, her reading a book and him sketching. Jonathan was out with Nancy. When he had told their mom that he and Nancy were going to see a movie, she had smiled and Jonathan had looked mildly embarrassed. "Have fun, honey," she'd told him before adding a quick, "And if you hang out after the movie, make sure to be safe," before he left.

That was basically what she always told Will before he went anywhere but the way she said it had made Jonathan scrunch his shoulders up and give a surprised and indignant gasp of, "Mom!"

Jonathan had left some time ago. Will sat next to his mom on the couch, his legs crossed with a binder on his lap that he used as a hard surface for the piece of paper he was drawing on. He was just sketching, really, little things that came into his mind like the curve of Dustin's smile or El's curls, Lucas's focused eyes as he aimed with his wrist rocket, the way Max stood as she balanced on her skateboard. He started doing a rough sketch of Mike's face but it wasn't coming out quite right.

As Will erased the bridge of Mike's nose again, Will found himself thinking about Jonathan and Nancy. He wondered if they were together together. Jonathan really hadn't outright said so yet but the way they were when they were around each other seemed to suggest that they were. Like magnets, pulled towards each other. Will and his mom talked about it sometimes and they agreed that Jonathan and Nancy were basically dating even if they haven't told people yet.

Jonathan hadn't ever had a girlfriend before Nancy. He didn't even really have friends at all before they started hanging out. Will wondered, suddenly, if maybe Jonathan hadn't actually liked girls before Nancy. He'd never really talked about them before that. Maybe that was it. Maybe for some boys, it just took a while. Maybe if he found the right girl, his Nancy, he'd stop thinking about-

The lead tip of Will's pencil snapped. It left an ugly dark spot where he'd been unconsciously digging in. Will tried to erase it to salvage the drawing that'd actually been turning out decently but that only made the graphite smear.

Will crumpled the drawing up, his movements a bit jerky and frustrated, before getting a new piece of paper. He sharpened his pencil again. It suddenly felt hard to breathe, like the air was thick and heavy. His mom, who always seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to his well-being, was looking over at him with her brows furrowed, book still open in her lap. Will could tell that the "is something wrong?" was just on the tip of her tongue.

Will put down his pencil. He looked down at the clean, blank, white sheet of paper in front of him and said, "Mom?" in a small voice.

"Yeah, honey?" his mom asked, already placing her book aside and turning towards him.

"I…" The words were stuck in his throat but he could tell that they were building up like a dam about to burst. "I'm… I think I'm. Wrong."

"Who said that to you?" his mom asked, suddenly looking angry.

"It's not just what people say to me," Will said, looking down, his voice still weak.

"Then what is it?" His mom's face softened, eyes widening as the concern returned. Will didn't answer. He felt sick with himself for being the reason that the expression was on her face so often. It was his fault. "Will, you can tell me anything."

The dam overflowed, just a bit. "You know what happened to me! That's not normal, it doesn't happen to people. And I can't get past it. I- I- I'm always scared that it'll just happen again, that something will pull me back there or that the Shadow Monster is out there somewhere, still watching me. Normal kids don't worry about that kind of stuff. I'm not normal. I'm wrong. And- and I-" Will cut himself off. He suddenly wanted to tell her, so bad, the words had almost escaped right there and then. He didn't, though. He was scared of what she would do if she knew. If he told her all of the ways that he was unnatural.

Will paused for a few moments and it was only then that he realized that his mom was right next to him, silently rubbing his back. His binder had been set aside. He took a deep breath and then he knew he couldn't hold it in any longer. "Mom, I think I'm queer," he choked out. He felt a tear slide down his cheek. No wonder his vision was all wobbly. "I don't like girls like I should. Like normal boys do. And I- I have these feelings that I shouldn't. I th- think I'm… Mom, I'm gay."

Saying the words out loud like that was a relief, in a way. He felt lighter, just a bit. Faintly, it also felt like a death sentence. There was no way to go back now.

"I know, sweetie." His mom pulled him into a firm hug, then pulled back just enough to kiss the top of his head, before tightening her arms around him again. Will froze, unsure of what to do. She pulled back after a moment, her hands firm on his shoulders, and smiled. Her smile was strained at the edges, her eyes almost sad. But the dissonance didn't make it seem less genuine. "I'm so proud of you for telling me."

"You're not… mad?" Will asked, foolishly, a lump in his throat.

His mom squeezed his shoulders. Her smile faded, morphing into a look of determination. "Of course I'm not. I love you, you know that, right? And there's nothing wrong with you."

Will vaguely remembered his father shouting, saying, "What, are you happy that our son is going to turn out twisted, that he's a goddamn queer?" and then his mom's voice rising in response. Will remembered her holding him afterwards, running her fingers through his hair and telling him that there was nothing wrong with him. He'd thought that it was a reassurance that he wasn't what his father called him, that he wasn't queer, but now he realized that she may have meant something completely different.

Will let his mom pull him into another hug and he melted into it, feeling warm.

Things started to feel a little different after that. There was still a feeling of isolation, a fear of others finding out the truth, but Will suddenly felt a lot less alone now that his mom knew. Now that he'd said it out loud and finally accepted it as the truth about himself and been so wholeheartedly accepted as a result.

A few days after Will told his mom, she'd gently suggested that he could tell Jonathan. Will had balked at the idea. "Jonathan would be the last person to react badly," his mom had told him knowingly and Will knew that she was right. He didn't quite feel ready, though. Maybe one day. Maybe soon.

Will's feelings for Mike still hurt, a little, but it became more of a distant ache. He fell back into his easy friendship with Mike and hanging out with him and El started to feel less painful. He was happy for them, even. He hoped that he could be as happy as they were someday, although he didn't know how likely that really was for someone like him.

Will arrived late to math class one day, shuffling in with apologies and trying to get into his seat while attracting minimal attention. He scrambled to get out his notebook and supplies onto the desk only to find that his pencil wasn't in his backpack.

David, the shy kid who sat next to him, seemed to notice Will's predicament and passed him an extra pencil silently with a smile. It wasn't a cruel smile. It was small, but nice. Will felt something rise in his chest. It wasn't hard and cold, it was warm and a little nervous. It was terrifying but in a way that was also a little exciting.

Oh, Will thought, and smiled back, his cheeks a feeling a little warm.

He thought about that small moment intermittently throughout the day. It was hardly anything, really, but it was also the first time the way he felt about boys had felt nice, not like it was something wrong and abhorrent.

Will felt… happy.

Hawkins was quiet. For months, and then a year, and then a year and a half, nothing out of the ordinary happened. Will went to school, he spent time with his friends, and Hawkins stayed quiet.

Then Will felt it. It was subtle, just a prickle in the back of his mind. An inkling of something. It made his blood run cold. He went about the rest of his day but he couldn't shake it.

Then, it happened again while he was with his friends. It was still a small enough feeling that someone else could dismiss it but he knew that he couldn't. Will knew what it meant and he knew that it wasn't just in his mind. Something was coming. Hawkins would be in danger once again, and soon.

Will sat there for a moment, frozen. Mike, Lucas, and Dustin continued to cheer on Max on as she played a game. However, El, seemingly sensing his unease, looked over at Will. Will looked back at El and her eyes widened in understanding.

Will wanted very badly to hide. He wanted to bolt right out of Mike's basement, lock himself in the bathroom or bike straight to his own house. He wanted to hole up in Castle Byers, where it was small and cramped but safe. He didn't. Will looked back at El, then his gaze slid over to the rest of his friends, and he took a deep, centering breath. Then he straightened his shoulders and exhaled.

Hiding was what had kept him alive when the Demogorgon was after him. It was what he'd needed to do back them and he had survived until now because of it. However, now something else was threatening the people he cared about, the people who had cared about him. Will would not hide this time.