Hey everybody! I'm back, but in a whole new corner of the fanfiction archive, because this time, I'll be sporking xxMoonlitexx's equally terrible Avengers fanfiction, Evva: Agent of Shield.

Oh, what's that, newcomer? You don't know what a spork is? Or xxMoonlitexx? Or why I'm having a one-sided expository conversation with no one? Well, allow me to explain!

xxMoonlitexx is a fanfiction author who, without a doubt, must either be the greatest troll or the dumbest human being this side of FourChan. Her magnum opus is the 72 chapter long "My Immortal of Percy Jackson" Suefest "Moon Daughter". I finished sporking that a few days ago. Sporking, by the way, is a method of review wherein a lazy, uninspired author inserts sarcastic comments into someone else's troll fic, because they (the sporker) are not creative enough to write their own, original material.

Disclaimer: if the normal Marvel Comics Earth is Earth-616, then this story must take place is Earth-666. Prepare for OOC characters, poor grammar, and general Sue-ness!

Note! I am takin a little brake form Moon Daughter(but only a short one dont worry) Nooooo- I mean, take as much time as you want. You should take a break, preferably, that lasts at least twenty years. mean while I write this kick ass story about Loki an also my oc. Hooo boy, everybody. We got us a relationship Sue. Poor Loki, why does this always happen to him?

1... The Rune of Power

Flash back a very long time before the story starst: And by a "very" long time she means about a decade and a half. Because the author has the attention span of a goldfish.

It was the 1990 century, The 1990th century?! Woah, apparently I was wrong! This doesn't take place in the 90s, this takes place in the 198900s! That's, like, so far into the future Marvel 2099 is ancient history! And yet, everything is happening like it takes place in the modern era... my theory: the world suffered an apocalypse, and then we rebuilt from the ground up, and so it's like those stories where it's like, medieval times, but it's actually the future. Look, I know it's insane, this whole story is insane just work with me here, people! Nick Furry was walkin down a street in a dark alley in NYC city Ah, yes, the lovely New York City City, the Big Apple inside the Big Apple! The Capitol of the Capitol of the World! The City So Nice, they literally Named it Twice! listenin to his Walk Man in the rain (this is like an ipod but for old ppl) *thousands of Generation Xers around the world are suddenly offended and they don't know why* but suddenly he heard a sad mone. It sonded like a baby but he didnt beleve this at first. Cause he was a careful man, an also bald. What if it might be an alian empersonatin a bab cause alians can do this. 2014 (when this was published)- Seriously, xxMoonlitexx? How could you possibly come up with this random little factoid?! 2019 (Post Captain Marvel- and the Skrulls)- OHMYGOD XXMOONLITEXX IS CLAIRVOYANT! Anyways he pulled a shotgun out from his pocket A shotgun. He pulled a shotgun. From his pocket. An over 2 feet, 2 inches shotgun. From his pocket. People, it's comfirmed, Nick Furry is a Timelord! an started to sneak by the wall consealed by teh mightly embrace of shadows. Furry: *runs around doing random kungfu moves* Colson: "Nick, what are you doing?!" Furry: "Quiet Colson. I am consealed by teh mightly embrace of shadows!" Colson: "... Sir, I think the Flerken venom's going to your head."

Suddenly he saw a baby! "Omg is that a baby" Said Captain Obvious Nick Furry, he loked closer an it was indeed a baby. But it was a very special baby, she was pale an had long dark trusses that winded saductively around her face Ewww! Sexualizing infants, that's so gross! I feel dirty just reading that sentence!, but most importantly her skin was... blue! I thought you said she was... pale! An her eyes glowed redly an she felted like an ice cube but sculptered magickly. Okay, Why TF is Evva so speshul looking?! We've seen baby Frost Giant Loki, he just looked like a normal baby, but blue. "Sculptered magickly"?! I don't think so!

"This is cleerly a demon we must destroy it" Said Colson an he pulled a electro gun out an pointed it at the crib. JEEZUS, Colson! Itchy trigger finger much?! I mean, yeah, it's a baby Sue, but it's still just an infant! And I thought Rhodey was the only down for child murdering Avenger...

"No fool" Nick Furry knocked the gun out "this is a baby ice giant, it must have been dropped here or abbadoned I know this because, um... because Hecate! Look, whenever a Sues around everyone suddenly has knowledge of all the plot stuff they need. Screw having mysteries or discovering stuff at a natural pace!"

"Ice giants are evil" Snitted Colson. I mean, he's not wrong... they tried to invade Earth in the middle ages, and they're civilization appears to be made entirely of evil looking mooks and barren Ice Fortresses. We never actually see any Frost Giant civilians, and all they did for their brief screen time was try to take over Asgard... looks like pre-Character Development Thor had the right idea after all!

"Why are you always a hater Colson" Asked Nick Furry "we must keep this ice giant cause she is a key for teh future when the 9 relms collide, like the prophacy I obviously know about despite not even learning about Asgardians until 2011 when Thor happened says" he took something from off the baby's neck!

"Whats this" Said Colson askfully.

"Its a amulit" Explaned Nick Furry wisely "there is a rune of power on this amulit, it means she is a powerful mutent. Well well well, will you look at that, some actual punctuation in the dialogue! Also: how can some be a Frost Giant and a mutant?! Mutants are an Earth only thing! And they're not even legally allowed in this universe! But we cant tell her this yes, its a secret" He said. He picked up the baby an took it to Sheild. Ah, yes, "Sheild", the Strategic Homeland Enforcement Intervention, and Logistics Division. The have their top men working on getting the name to spell out an actual word, but they just can't seem to crack to code."Im adoptin this baby" He explaned to all the Sheild agents, because, since he was such a careful and also bald man, he saw nothing wrong with showing off his adopted alien daughter to literally everyone in his shady spy organization. Clearly, he could trust these people with his secret weak spot! It's not like any of them would turn out to be, say, Hydra later. "Her ice giant name is acutely Saga but she will need a earthly name, I will name her Evenesca" This is how Evenesca also called Evva for short joined the Sheild. Let's just ignore the fact that, with the prolonged lifespan of Frost Giants and Asgardians, by the time Evva is old enough to start saying her first words Nick Furry will be an old man. But then again, Samuel L. Jackson is an immortal vampire, maybe Nick Furry is too... *gasp* Maybe that's how he knew about all the space/prophecy mumbo jumbo!

Note! I am taking a little "brake" from Sporking bad Percy Jackson fanfics (but not forever, don't worry). Meanwhile, I'll be bashing this "kick ass" story about an Ice Giant/Mutant/Shield Agent/Mary-Sue who enters the Avengers universe and creates a black hole of stupid.

I'll also be experimenting a little, by ending each chapter with a short review of an MCU Movie. Why? Because A) I want to remind myself that good media does, in fact, still exist, and B) I'm hoping to start a flame war in the comments section. (BTW Spoiler Alerts for all reviews!). I'll be going in order of release date so the review might not necessarily line up with what's going on in the chapter.

Iron Man- The film that started off the MCU with a bang! Despite being over ten years old, Robert Downey Junior's comeback movie still holds up splendidly today. Despite the plot being nothing particularly new or innovative, just a pretty standard origin story/ heroes journey, it stills feels fresh because of clever writing (and equally clever improv), and some truly amazing visual effects. Ironman's looks so realistic, and the process of creating the suit is super fun to watch, even though it's nothing but technobabble and quips for the entire second half of the movie. If I had to point out one flaw with this film, it's that Obadiah Stane, while well acted, is not a particularly interesting villain or well developed character.