breath, darling (your lungs were made for this)

A Katekyo Hitman Reborn Fanfiction

Female Sawada Tsunayoshi

Disclaimer: I do not own KHR. Credit for title goes to lostcap at Tumblr

Warnings: typos, grammatical error

CHAPTER 1

Tsu don't remember that day in great detail.

She remembers being held by her mother as she presented her to everyone in great hall, gods and goddesses however great or minor. Immortals, every single one of them.

They left their post and gathered here today to attend yet another party. Only this time to honour her, Iemitsu's firstborn, daughter of the sky god, for this is when her parents, the ruling couple of the heavens, present their child to their court.

Halfway through the party, Iemitsu produce his lightning bolt. Tsu doesn't remember what he said, too engrossed with the apple slices in front of her. Her mother Nana turn on her seat so Iemitsu can see Tsu who is seated on her lap. Her father crouch in front of her and present the lightning bolt.

Tsu remember how shiny it was. She reached out and pressed her tiny palms against the lightning.

It burns.

All laughters died that day. Only her cries of pain echoed through the palace halls.

Her parents don't bring her out again until years later.

Iemitsu don't visit her room or come eat with her and Nana for even longer. There was even a time when Tsu don't see her father for a whole year.

The lightning bolt burned her so badly that it left its mark on her palms. A set of golden scars shaped like lightning bolts. No amount of magic and medicine can make them go away. Tsu will bear this marks for the rest of her immortal life. Nana's eyes would water every time she sees her scar, so Tsu bandage her hands. Nana got better later on. She grimace instead of tearing up. Tsu pretend not to notice this.

Of course, Nana couldn't stay at her side all the time. She is the queen of the gods. Not to mention the patron goddess of marriage, family and childbirth. Nana must perform her duty to her king husband, her subjects and the rest of the realm.

So to keep herself occupied, Tsu spend her time in her mother's garden. It's more of an orchard than a garden, really. Groves of apple trees grow here. They produce the mystical golden apples, one of a kind, Nana told her. Iemitsu gave it to her as a present on their wedding day.

The apples obviously are not made from actual gold but it was an easy mistake it as one when the fruits give off such lovely sheen. They taste as good as they look like on the outside. The golden apples never rot, so there is no need to discard them. Once picked, a new bloom will emerge. It will take a few days for the fruit to mature.

"These apples are the reason why we live as long as we did, darling," Nana told her. "We make ambrosia from the fruits and nectar from their blossoms. We can stay young forever and ever and ever. All thanks to the golden apples."

"Where do they get their magic from, Mother?" Tsu asked.

Nana shrugged. "They just are."

That answer is hardly satisfying but Tsu don't press. Instead she ask how ambrosia and nectar are made.

Nana brought her to the workshop. The place is too humble for someone with Tsu's status, let alone Nana, but they went anyway.

The nymphs explained to young goddess the distilling process of nectar, let her take a small taste of a freshly cooked ambrosia and one nymph gifted her a crown of apple blossoms.

It is easily the loveliest thing she's ever seen.

Tsu have three secrets.

One, Tsu can talk to birds.

Doves, to be exact. There are no other kinds of birds in the orchard. The doves entertain her with their pretty songs and bring her news from the outside world. Tsu never once step outside the palace. The orchard is surrounded by walls so high Tsu thought it would touch the sky.

Tsu have spend so much time with the doves that they will come to her if she whistle a certain tune. Tsu sneaked bread from her breakfast to share it with her feathery friends.

Two, she has a friend who is not a dove.

Reborn the sun god passes through the orchard everyday on his burning chariot. He is even older than Iemitsu and Nana. He never once step a foot on the orchard, preferring to stay on his ride. Reborn is always polite with her but Tsu get the sense that he doesn't think much of her. Which is fair enough. Tsu don't know what her domain is yet. She never showed up in court save for that one time where she got her scars.

It was also Reborn who told her about that day in detail. And what follows after that.

"Your father mistook your burning as proof that you are not his child," He said.

"How could he think that?!" Tsu raised her voice in outrage. Mother would scold her if she's here to witness this but she's not. "My mother is the goddess of marriage and family! She wouldn't!"

"He gave her the cold shoulder for awhile," Reborn continued. "Your mother swore up and down that she is faithful to him. Iemitsu didn't believe her. He only relented when she brought forward the evidence. He apologised and Nana forgave him at once."

"He shouldn't have doubted her from the start," Tsu says darkly.

"No, he shouldn't," Reborn agrees.

"My father-" Tsu stopped. She must not say it, must not think about it.

A daughter must not challenge her father.

"Your father is wrong," Reborn said in bored tone. He smirked when her eyes go wide. "The king of the gods is not perfect. There. I said it. Are you going to tell on me?"

Tsu shakes her head. She won't tell anyone. Not even to her mother. She doesn't want to see Reborn punished.

"I can take care of myself, Princess," His tone switched to almost gentle. "Don't worry about it."

"I can't help it," Tsu wrung her hands. She never have to hide them around Reborn. "I don't have anyone else but you. You're nice."

The sun god laughed at that. She can't tell if he's genuinely humoured or it's something else altogether. "I can't remember the last time someone told me that to my face."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Believe me, Princess, if I want to make fun of you, you'll know."

Three, her powers have awakened.

It happened on a hot summer afternoon. Tsu sit underneath her favourite tree- which is also the biggest tree in the orchard coincidentally- working on her flower crown when a flower begins to change shape. Tsu watch in fascination as it morphs to a golden apple. She sought more flowers to see if she can replicate the feat.

She can.

Tsu put her apples in the basket just in time when the nymphs show up.

She decided that she doesn't want to tell others just yet. The truth will come out eventually but she wants to keep this to herself for a bit longer. She never had a secret before. It made Tsu feel that she has a control for once in her life.

Tsu practise when she is certain no one is watching. The doves keep a lookout for her mother or Reborn or the nymphs.

Her apples started out smaller than the ones grown on trees. It took her awhile to practice until her apples are exactly the same size. It's impossible to tell the difference. After she got bored with the flowers, Tsu slice open an apple and took out its seed. To her excitement, she can turn the seed to a golden apple. It's fun to watch the process. Did the gods of old felt the same joy when they create this world?

When someone did saw Tsu turning a flower to a golden apple, it was her mother.

Nana told Iemitsu the good news that evening. The very next day, Iemitsu visit the orchard.

"Show me," He commanded.

Without saying any word, Tsu pick up a flower. She willed her magic into it. Iemitsu's eyes grew wider and wider as the flower morphed before him. The flower in her hold is replaced with a perfect, shiny golden apple.

Iemitsu pick it up and bring it close to his face for inspection. Tsu and Nana waited with bated breath. Tsu dug her nails into her palms in anticipation.

Iemitsu take a bite of the golden apple. The sound makes her wince for some reason.

"Very well," The king of gods says.

Nana sigh in relief.

Tsu smiles.

Her scars tingles.

Her new dress felt soft under the touch, the colour the same pink that would appear briefly on the sky when day turns to dusk. It's an appropriate colour for a young girl like her. A wreath of apple blossoms rest on her eyebrows. The nymphs sing her praises as they prep her.

"You look like Her Majesty," says the nymph who is doing her hair.

She doesn't say that Tsu will be the prettiest goddess in the can't. To claim yourself to be more beautiful than the queen of the gods is courting danger. But that's okay. For the first time in her life, Tsu feel beautiful.

"Milady?" One of the nymphs hold up strips of silk, "Would you like to start cover your hands?"

"There is no need for those," Tsu says with conviction. When the nymphs looked worried, she quickly adds. "The daughter of the king of the gods must not hide. I cannot afford to make myself look weak. Everyone already knows. Let them have their look. Let them turn their head. These scars are part of me."

For the first time in her life, Tsu feel that she truly is a princess.

Reborn has a scar on the back of his waist. A memento from the previous war. He never looked ashamed of having it. He sees no need to cover them. Tsu envies him. He didn't turn away the first time Tsu showed him her bare hands. That's when she decided that Reborn is her Best Friend Forever.

Iemitsu is undisputedly her father. Tsu is the princess of the heavens. She may be younger, but she is not less than the rest of them. She wants to be unashamed like Reborn.

The door opens. Tsu turn to see her mother enter the room in all her regalia. Nana smiles at her. Tsu about to return her smile when she spots the fabric in her hands.

An undefined feeling struck her in the chest. "What is that, Mother?" Tsu dearly hope her voice doesn't sound shaky at all.

"Why, it's your mantle, daughter," Nana unfurls it in front of everyone. The mantle matches the pink of her dress. It looked long enough to cover her entire upper body. "Tsu, don't forget to cover your hands." Nana tsked in disapproval.

"I thought-" Tsu swallowed. "I thought I won't need them for tonight."

"Oh, Tsu. Don't be silly. Listen to your mother," Nana pass over the mantle to a nymph. "Why on Earth would you want to show your hands for everyone to see? They are embarrassing!"

Embarrassing

Nana left after giving the nymph a few more instruction. The nymphs looked at each other.

One of them speaks up, "Milady, we could-" But she can't come up with anything. Dare she go against the orders of the queen of the heavens?

"Give me those," Tsu says in flat tone. "I'll do it myself."

She handed her the silks.

No one said anything until a nymph in Nana's service come to fetch her.

In the great hall of the gods, in front of everyone, Iemitsu declared her the goddess of the golden apples. Tsu now hold responsible for the care of the sacred groves, oversee the production of nectar and ambrosia and be new cupbearer for the gods.

The audience clapped politely when Tsu demonstrate turning a blossom to a golden apple. She can see from their faces that they are not exactly impressed. Only Reborn give her an encouraging smile from the end of the table, approval in his gaze.

They handed her a pitcher and told her to get moving.

Tsu pour the nectar for her father first. The king of the gods don't even spare her a glance. Seated on the lower dai, Nana stare at the food in front of her. She won't look at Tsu either.

One of the younger gods, a war god named Mochida, shouted from his seat to tell her to hurry up. The gods and goddesses who share his table laughed.

Iemitsu didn't comment on it. He is in deep discussion with another god.

Nana picked at her food.

'I must not cry,' Tsu reminded herself as she make rounds. The gods barely look at her as they lift up their cups for her to fill. No greeting or a word of thanks after.

I am the daughter of the king of the gods. I mustn't cry. They will not see my tears.

Tsu repeat those words over and over again in her mind like a mantra.

When she got to the end of the table, Tsu is at her limit. She braced herself when Reborn move.

To her surprise, Reborn stood up, turn around to face her and give her a deep bow. "Congratulations on your appointment, Princess."

"Are you making fun of me?" It's a wonder that her voice still doesn't crack.

Reborn lift up his head. His pupils are shining bright like a pair of suns. "Do you hear or see me laughing?" He asked. Tsu shook her head. Heck, he is no longer smiling. Reborn pat the empty spot next to him. Tsu took his cue and sit down. He gives her a cup. He waits for Tsu to pour hers first before giving him his share of nectar.

"To my little friend, the new goddess of the golden apples," Reborn raise his cup for a toast.

Tsu smiles, and lift up her cup to meet his.

When she looked over the dais once more, she saw Iemitsu watching them with a frown on his face.

Her palms stings.

Her days are spent with her tending the groves and workshop, her evenings pouring nectar for the gods. Each night she returns to her room with her head held high and disappointment in her heart.

Nana refused to look at her for weeks after that banquet. Tsu haven't seen Iemitsu at all outside the great hall. He never once spoken to her and Tsu is fine with that.

She will no longer hold onto the dream that Iemitsu will acknowledge her as his daughter. As the true princess of the heavens. Did his resentment to her mother truly run that deep? Does he mistrust her still? Is he still angry at Tsu? For unable to hold the lightning all those years ago?

The thought of Iemitsu cause her palms to ache, so Tsu decided not to waste time and energy over the mere thought of him.

She has so much work to do. Apples to harvest, nectar to brew, ambrosia to be sent to the kitchens, barrels to be stored, nymphs to consult, and more. Nana have given her total control over the groves. Her mother no longer come over to visit.

That bothered her, but Tsu will not admit it to anyone anytime soon.

She doesn't leave the groves or the palace. The world below is a mess, her doves told her. Humans fight against each other over the smallest things. The gods play tricks on mortals for their own amusement. Sometimes they get involved with the petty squabbles.

Princesses are above such things.

Clearly, if they have time to mess with the mortals, these gods aren't doing their jobs properly.

What about the mortals then?

If they can be rude to her and got away with it, Tsu wonder how bad it is down there. What if there is a mortal who followed the rules to a T and still got cursed over practically nothing?

If the gods won't protect the lives they are sworn to protect, what is the worth of an oath then? Why give gods their domain if they are not going to step up to the responsibility in the end?

'The gods aren't perfect.'

Fear gripped her heart as the thought crystalised. Yet Tsu don't want to deny it.

There is a yellow leaf on the ground.

Why is there a yellow leaf here? Where did it come from? Is this a joke?

Tsu bend down to pick up the fallen leaf. Upon a closer inspection, it also have brown on the edges. The leaf feel coarse and flaky under her touch.

She looks up to see more of these yellow leaves on the tree.

Tsu climb onto the tree to get a better look.

There aren't that many yellow leaves but the fact they existed in the first place make her worry.

This has never happened before. What is going on?

Her first thought is to ask Nana but she stopped. No, Tsu will not tell her. Her mother would think that Tsu have been slacking off when in reality she is anything but.

Reborn? No, Tsu will not involve her friend in this. She is the freaking goddess of the freaking golden apples. She will take full responsibility. There will be no sick trees under her watch.

A dove landed on the branch she is sitting on, "Milady, the nymphs are coming!"

Tsu scrambled down.

She is back on the ground just in time for a pair of nymphs enter the groves.

"Milady, the party will start in less than two hours."

"I know, I know," Tsu hurried to the entrance. "Tell everyone not to enter the groves until my say so."

The nymphs look at each other in confusion but complied.

It takes all her focus to pretend everything is normal later that night. Tsu didn't meet anyone in the eye, afraid that they can read her mind and find out. For once, their indifference towards her is welcomed. Tsu couldn't afford to let her guard down, however. The likes such as Mukuro the trickster god are the ones she must watch out for.

Tsu take her time to wait until Mukuro got into another quarrel with Kyouya before she fill their cups. Those two always clash whenever they see each other. Mukuro is the direct foil of Kyouya the god of order. It's only natural for them to be at odds with one another. Tsu have no idea why Kyouya would attend the party when in reality he dislike crowds. Maybe he decided that the opportunity to beat up Mukuro is too good to pass up. Everyone likes a good fight and they never disappoint their audience.

Those two provide the perfect distraction for her to fill everyone's cups.

Nana barely pay her any attention. Iemitsu even less. Meaning, none at all.

Which is fine by her.

Getting attention from her parents is the last thing she needed right now.

Tsu quietly slip away. A task made easier thanks to Kyouya and Mukuro. She hurried to her room. She changed her formal wear to a plain dress with shortened length to allow her more freedom in movement. The groves is practically deserted when she got there. Not even a single dove is spotted.

She ran her hand over the bark of the sick tree. Nothing seems to be wrong with it. The flowers are in good shape so the sickness haven't got to them yet. That leaves the roots.

Tsu take up the spade and start digging.

To her horror, the roots have rot on them. She takes out her dagger to remove the rot.

Only there is one problem.

The more she dug, the more rot she found.

There seems to be no end of the roots. Tsu's digging doesn't cease even when her hands bleed and skin crack.

She didn't even notice it's already daylight when Reborn grab her on the shoulder. He climbed down the hole she dug.

"Tsu," He takes in her dirt covered form. "What happened?"

"Reborn," This time, her voice cracks. "This tree is sick. I spent all night removing the rot but there are so many of them!" She showed him a root. It is covered with ghastly black fungus. "I have no idea how far this root goes- I don't- I have no idea how to fix this. I'm supposed to take care of this place! I have to know! I-"

"Breathe," Reborn put his other hand on her shoulders. "Take a deep breath. You need to calm down."

The next few minutes is spent with Reborn coaching her to breathe.

"Now tell me from the beginning."

Tsu told him.

Reborn's expression turned grim once her explanation is over.

"Don't waste your time digging up the roots. It goes all the way down to the Underworld. I'll help you cover the hole-"

"The Underworld?" Tsu cut him off. "This is the first time I heard about this."

Reborn clicked her tongue. "Your parents didn't tell you a lot of things. Come on. We don't have much time. Give me your hands."

Obediently she put her hands on his. Reborn's hands start glowing and Tsu watch as her wounds heal. Not her scars though. Nothing can fully heal them. "I didn't know you can do that," Tsu mutters.

"There is a lot that you don't know about, Princess," Reborn let go of her hands. "Now give me your shovel. I'll-"

Tsu cut him off for the second time, "You can't tell anyone about what happened here."

Reborn studies her. His pupils lit up. "You can't possibly think to keep this matter hidden forever. Your parents will find out eventually."

"They won't if I solve the problem first."

"The nymphs under your employment will talk."

"They are loyal to me," Tsu reassures him. Or is it her that needed convincing?

Reborn certainly doesn't look convinced. "Are they?"

"I will ask them to not say anything, until my parents specifically ask them about it," Tsu retracts. "I will take the full blame. With this, no one else will-" She doesn't dare to finish that sentence.

No one else will get hurt.

"You will not come over or talk to me until I fix this," Tsu hold his gaze. Reborn will not be collateral damage in her mess. She wouldn't allow it. She can do this much for her Best Friend Forever.

"Your father will not let you off that easily," Reborn warns her.

A daughter must not challenge her father.

But a father, the king of the gods at that, can do whatever he wants.

Tsu smiles ruefully. "All the more reason to fix this then."

She looks down on the roots once more. "Tell me about the Underworld."

The ban is still in place weeks later.

Tsu doesn't let anyone to enter the groves. The nymphs didn't report her to her parents just yet. Tsu will make sure to see them rewarded once everything is over.

The sickness has spread to other trees. The fruits have dimples on them. The worse ones have rust spots.

Tsu gather as many healthy blossoms as she could to turn them to apples.

She poured her magic into the trees to stave off the sickness. It worked, for a while, but in the end it only slow down the rot. It got to the point when each evening Tsu tire herself out from using so much magic.

At this point, the nymphs have picked up that something is definitely wrong.

They have yet to say anything. Instead they work harder in the workshop. Tsu no longer go there, too busy with the groves. Her nymphs patch her up as much as they could before she attend to her duty as cupbearer. They leave out food and water and bandages for her after Tsu finish tending the trees after midnight. The nymphs don't ask why Reborn never come to visit anymore.

Tsu wish she can spend more time with them but she couldn't afford to. They are running out of time. Tsu have exhaust every method she could to save the trees. She has three options left.

One. Seek the help of a nature deity.

Two. Tell her mother.

Three. Go to the Underworld.

Number Two is the least desirable option. Tsu want to put it off for much longer.

Number Three is just as dangerous as Number Two. Reborn told her that the Underworld is a lawless land. They cast the old gods to the deepest level of the Underworld to suffer for all eternity. The mortals would wander aimlessly until the end of time. The sun never reach there. Whoever enters never come out again.

Number One then.

Nana found out about the situation before Tsu can enact her plan to slip away to the mortal realm.

She goes to Iemitsu straightaway.

Tsu stand at the centre of the throne room. All eyes are on her. Her faithful nymphs are at her feet. Tsu wishes nothing more than to hold them and wipe their tears but she could do nothing. She can't even tell them everything will be alright because that would be a lie. The heavenly court have gathered here today to watch. Reborn is present as well. Tsu resolutely did not look at him.

The king sit on his golden throne. Her mother sat next to him on a smaller throne. She refused to meet Tsu's eyes.

It happened so quickly.

Mochida and cronies barged into the workshop. Tsu surrendered without a fuss. Told her nymphs not to resist. Who knew that these band of villain would go as far as to wreck the workshop? In the ensuing chaos, they ruined batches of ambrosia and nectar. Tsu only screamed in outrage when they took the opportunity to grope her nymphs. She suspects that they try to grope her too if it weren't for her status as a princess.

Not that her position will be any help now.

Mochida throw a sack to the floor. Misshapen golden apples spill out.

The entire hall gasp.

Iemitsu's eyes narrow dangerously. "What is the meaning of this?"

Tsu straighten her spine. "The trees are sick, Your Grace." She says in a matter-of-fact tone. "The roots have rot on them. I was able to stave off the rot from advancing further with my magic, but it didn't solve the problem."

Lightning flashed in Iemitsu's eyes. Thunder roars in the background. "I gave you one job. One. And you can't even do it properly."

She knows that if she tries to defend herself, they will think that she is making excuses. So Tsu continues on with more facts. "I was on my way to ask Lord Bovino for word of advice when Mochida and his followers brought us here. They wrecked the workshop as they do so. I wasn't able to see the full damage but I can only hope they don't touch the stocks." Here, she paused to shoot a glare at the war god. "If we stop having parties-"

"Stop the parties?" Iemitsu growls.

"...every night," Tsu look at the king in disbelief. Is he truly that upset at the prospect of not holding parties everyday? "If we are careful, we will have enough golden apples to sustain us until I find the cure."

"We won't have this problem from the beginning if you do your job right," Iemitsu said through gritted teeth.

"The rot have spread long before I was appointed, Your Grace." The progression did not happen overnight. If it truly originated from the Underworld, then it would've taken years, decades, maybe even centuries for the rot to make it all the way to the heavens.

"You have failed," Iemitsu declares. Tsu's scars start to ache. "Not only you have failed at being a goddess, you humiliated me." His eyes are cold like ice. "You are to be removed from your position. I will have no failure walk within these walls."

The entire hall grows silent.

No, no, no! He can't do this. He can't!

He can.

"Your Grace," Tsu fell on her knees. "The trees are still alive. We can still save them. Please!" She choked back a sob. "I can't do this on my own. But- But if everyone work together, we can-"

"Silence!" Iemitsu shouted. "I've heard enough. You are to be stripped of your position and your power. We have no use for a girl who could only grow apples."

Someone from the audience laugh. Tsu don't turn around to see who it is. Her eyes fixed on the imposing figure on the throne.

"Father-"

Iemitsu look at her in contempt, "You are no daughter of mine."

Silence filled the hall once more. Reborn stand to his feet. He send Iemitsu a glare so fierce Tsu wonder if Iemitsu's divinity is the only thing that prevented him from turning to ash.

"Really, Iemitsu? You will disown her over something like this?" Reborn didn't back down even when Iemitsu glared at him. "You never saw her working before. Tsu take her position as the goddess of the golden apples seriously. It's not like she did this on purpose. For all we know, she is the only one who can save the apples."

Iemitsu's face darkened, "A useless thing like her?"

"You can't look past that ego of yours you won't even let her explain herself."

"Are you telling me how to do my job?"

"I'm telling you that you are being stupid."

While the two gods exchange barbs, Tsu looked at Nana. The queen of the gods look down on her lap. She has not say anything since this whole farce of a trial begun.

Suddenly Iemitsu stood over her. Before Tsu can say or do anything, his hand grabbed her by the throat.

"Fa-" Tsu begin to plead.

Iemitsu tightened his hold, cutting her off. His hand started to glow bright. The light reminds her of her golden apples.

She can feel her strength leaving her. Something vital is being sucked out from her body.

Tsu clawed at the offending hand. Iemitsu tightens his grip until she can't very well breath.

She can hear the nymphs screaming. Reborn is shouting but she can't make out the words. Tsu forced her eyes to stay open. She looked at Nana who spectate the whole thing from her throne. Her mother's mouth is wide open but she made no move to help her. When she noticed that Tsu is looking at her, Nana turn away.

Tsu collapse when the whole thing is over. Her whole body is numb. But she still have enough strength in her to lift her head up. Mochida and cronies have drawn their weapons. They are pointed at Reborn and her nymphs.

No! Not them! Please!

A weak whimper is the only thing she can manage. So she begins to crawl instead. If they are to die here, at least Tsu will be able to accompany her nymphs. But Reborn-

The floor beneath her suddenly crumble. Tsu let out a silent scream as gravity pull her down. Reborn jump to save her but Iemitsu block his path. A bright light envelop her.

Tsu is falling.

And falling.

falling

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