DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own Love Hina. Do I LOOK like Ken Akamatsu? 'Sides, if I DID own Love Hina, well...

Let's not get into that. The following was something I requested to do for two good author friends online. I believe it will be relatively easy to figure out exactly who they are, though ^_~

Black Satin

Andrew Joshua Talon

A Wedding Present Fanfiction

**********

The Black Cathedral was a menacing, imposing structure among the great works of the Author Realm. It's sheer size and darkness dwarfed any of it's contemporaries, a shrine to a goddess of darkness.

It marginally resembled the French Notre Dame, only easily ten times bigger. It's jagged pillars, graceful windows, and awesome towers made it look as organic as a frozen obsidian hydra.

However, thanks to it's sheer size, it was also a difficult place to navigate to the initiated.

"Helllloooooooo?" Cried Silver Raye Adams, a young, attractive Chinese-American girl, with blue eyes and dark brown hair in a waist-length ponytail. She was dressed in a somber but elegant black dress, spaghetti straps holding it to her lithe form.

"Hellloooooooo?" Silver scowled at her echo, seemingly mocking the lost authoress. Sighing, she pulled out her trusty lighter, clicked it once or twice, and finally ignite a small, cheerful flame. Silver looked around: The blackness of this place seemed almost alive, and accordingly to shrink her small fire. She narrowed her eyes.

"Geez, what's wrong with a little lighting, Kana?" She grumbled, narrowing her eyes at her lighter. At once, the flames leapt up and grew, taking the form of a large phoenix hovering above her. Silver smirked: Mutant powers definitely had their advantages.

[That they do,] purred a voice inside her head. Silver blinked, then scowled.

"Kanako, could you stop poking around my mind?" The Californian authoress complained. A telegraphic chuckle answered her.

[Don't take it personally: I do it to Talon all the time.]

"Yeah, but he can block it." A snort.

[In his wildest dreams, maybe. If you're lost, I can simply guide you to the main hall. Would that suit you?] Silver nodded, knowing that the powerful dark telepath had heard her desire.

[Alright, you're going to want to head down the hallway for-Hm.]

"What?"

[One of the twins just kicked.]

"Sheesh, demon kids grow up fast..."

[Oh, believe me, dearie, you have no idea...]

********

"Alright, let's see: Invitations?"

"Check, Kana-san."

"Blood-red roses?"

"Check."

"Ritualistic daggers?" Andrew Joshua Talon blinked, then looked up at Kana Himekazi, who was giving him an expectant look.

"Well?"

"Erm... No, YOU were supposed to get those, remember?" Kana sighed, shaking his head. The two were in the grand, central hall of the Black Cathedral, eerie candles floating above their heads in the foreboding space. Kana and Kanako were getting married: And, of course, they had insisted on a wedding that suited their tastes. Other's tastes were irrelevant, to them at least.

"Kanako thought you wouldn't have the nerve."

"Have you MET the people at that store? They're just like-Well, you two, actually, only without proper hygiene and heart. At least you and Kanako have the decency to show the right amount of modesty." Kana shook his head again, rolling his eyes at his hopelessly human friend. The average-looking young man, with hair as white as dry bone and pupils black as night, took up the list from Talon and folded it up.

"I guess I'll have to go get it." Talon rolled his eyes.

"Kana-san, dude, you're joking. Kanako would KILL you if you were even a few milliseconds late for your big day. Look: Keitaro's serving as best man, and you've got the ring. I'll go get the-The daggers, and be back in an hour-Just in time for the ceremony to start, kay?" At that moment, a breathless Silver and a smirking Kanako emerged into the dark sanctuary. Kanako came up and pulled her husband-to-be into a kiss, while Talon shot Silver a bemused smile.

"Got lost, huh?" Silver scowled at him.

"Shut up." Talon shrugged, then raised an eyebrow at Kanako and Kana.

"Isn't there some superstition that says you can't see each other before the wedding?" Kana broke the kiss for a moment, before shooting Talon a glare.

"To those who are ruled by fear? Yes."

"Talon, you should know by now we rule by fear," admonished Kanako as if he were a child. The two grinned again before going back to kissing. Silver and Talon exchanged looks, then sweatdropped with simultaneous sighs. Those two...

"I'll be back in time. Don't wait up!" And with that, Talon ran out the massive double doors of the Church of Kanako. The Dark Couple nuzzled, oblivious to their surroundings.

"Ahem? Guys, maybe we need to, you know... Get ready?" Kana and Kanako reluctantly broke apart.

"Aw..."

"Cheer up, baka. We'll have plenty of time after the ceremony. And I heard that thought, Silver."

"Oi! Telepaths..."

**********

"So, you're getting these daggers for-A wedding, was it?" The greasy, black haired scum behind the counter inquired. Talon looked around at the Satanic shop of horrors he'd gone into, gulped, and took a deep breath.

"Yes sir. Is there an extra charge for that?" The scum grinned darkly, exposing rotting teeth and gums. Talon tried very hard not to flinch.

"No. Still, these are our best," he murmured, fingering the graceful blades, each at least five hundred years old, "it's difficult to let them go to one of the Light. Mayhaps they would overpower you..."

"'Those who fear the dark have never seen what the light can do,'" Talon retorted, hoping he quoted Kana correctly. Kanako was ever-so-finicky in her pregnant state. The scum raised an oily eyebrow.

"You of the Church of Kanako?"

"I'm... An ally of the CoK, yes sir," Talon answered truthfully. The owner pondered this, before smiling again. He handed them over to Talon, as reverent to the daggers as possible.

"For the Goddess of Darkness, I hope she enjoys them. Give her my regards, won't you?" The shopkeeper asked, giving Talon a respectful look. Talon nodded, smiling. The shop seemed to brighten considerably...

"Thank you sir, I will. See ya," Talon said as he turned and walked out the door, putting both daggers into a black bag.

On the street, about a block away. Talon sat down in an abandoned alley and held the two blades upon his lap. He took a deep breath, before closing his eyes in concentration.

Zzzzzzzmmmm...

A small orb of blue light, swirling and sparking like a thing alive, appeared upon his index finger. Opening his eyes, he moved the orb toward the nearest blade.

"K... A... N..." Talon was tracing onto the silver metal-in Kanji of course, though he just said the letters aloud in English out of habit. He paused when he heard a noise. He blinked, and stretch out with his esper sense. The mutant could feel nothing. Odd... Talon shook his head free of distractions, and continued the work.

"A... K... O..." The sound again. Talon looked up from his work, doing a thorough search of the alley with his esper sense and sight. Nothing still. Talon sighed, before turning to the blade's mate.

"K... A... N... A..." His esper sense screamed at him: Danger!

KABOOM! A blast of flames shot into the alley, encompassing all of the refuse, plus Talon, in a sea of fire.

Under the onslaught, Talon had raised a quantum flux shield, protecting himself from the super-intense temperatures. He shoved the daggers into his pockets before running, keeping his shield up until he was clear.

"HOLD STILL, DAMN YOU!" Screamed someone from above. Talon lit out into the street, past shocked pedestrians, as blasts of volcano-worthy flames rocketed after him like missiles.

FWEOOM! FWEOOM! FWEOOM!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"Why does this always happen when I help out with a wedding?" Talon growled to himself as he raced as fast as he could, his assailant right on his heels.

*******

"Hello, Kanako!" Kanako blinked, and stared dully at the glasses-wearing Japanese woman who had just entered. Kanako was in a room used to fit the wedding gown. Fitting comfortably over her expanding belly, the black silk was modest, yet flattering to the goddess of darkness. An obsidian crown decorated her head, while a veil was flipped casually over her head. She was elegant, beautiful, and deadly-Like a black cobra sunning herself.

"Hm? Oh-Tori Ichimura, was it?" Tori nodded, smiling at the dark lady. She herself was dressed in a plain red and black kimono, though it was comfortable and elegant upon her.

"Yes. I just came by to say hello. And... Um... Sheesh..." Kanako allowed herself a small smile.

"Can't think of anything to say?" Tori shook her head, scowling despite herself.

"No. I get, well... A bit flustered at events like these. I mean, oi! A wedding! Talon-kun has a way of getting involved in these things," Tori said thoughtfully, pulling off her glasses and carefully sliding them into her kimono. Kanako raised an eyebrow.

"He's not back yet?" Tori sighed, shaking her head. Kanako rubbed her chin, her eyes narrowing.

"He'd better not be slacking off on getting the daggers." Tori shook her head, a slightly superior smirk growing on her lips.

"Unfortunately, Talon attracts trouble like hentai attracts fanboys. The last time, he was late, but only because he had to fight a rather menacing villain." Kanako pondered this. Who could hold a grudge against that overly-sweet baka at a time like...?

"Uh oh..."

******

"Forget to invite me to HER wedding, will you?!" Seethed Naru Narusegawa, throwing flames at the hapless Talon. The American had kept deflecting the fire shots from the enraged woman thanks to his quantum flux shields, but all this defense was going to make him late. Not to mention that his shields couldn't last forever.

"Naru! Calm down! Kanako and Kana didn't want you to come! It's not MY fault!" Naru screamed in rage, sending more heat at Talon. He sighed as he rolled to the side, keeping his shields up.

"YEAH?! WELL YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE AROUND WHOM I CAN TAKE MY ANGER OUT ON! DIE!" And, in typical Naru fashion, she closed in and threw a Super Punch right into Talon's shield. It shattered under the impact, blowing the American mutant across the street.

"OOF!" Talon groaned, rubbing his head. Naru approached, breathing flames. Talon shook himself clear of his daze, and noticed a large piano suspended by wires above them. Thinking quickly, his eyes began to glow bright blue.

Talon's mutant powers basically allowed him to summon and control large amounts of quantum energy, letting him manipulate the probability fields around any target. He could thus set flammable things on fire, block energy blasts or projectiles-

And age or decay organic or inorganic materials to dust.

A burst of seething, blue energy shot from Talon's eyes, hitting the piano's support cables. A nanosecond later, they simply evaporated, and gravity took over from there.

"Wah-?!"

KLA-TANG! Naru vanished underneath the piano, now crushed and shattered against the pavement. Taking a deep breath, Talon heard the tell-tale sound of sirens approaching. He allowed himself a bitter smile: Police always took too long to get anywhere, even on the imaginary plane...

"Uhhhh..." Moaned a certain someone underneath the piano's remains. Talon froze, his esper sense confirming it. Naru was still alive... He was going to be late...

"Gah... Compassion, compassion, compassion," he muttered to himself, firing shots of quantum energy into the piano and turning it into dust as well. Naru lay under this dust, moaning. Talon was surprised at how little she had been injured: Guess she had more than fire going for her...

"Sheesh, cockroach, you're pretty heavy," grunted Talon, hefting the psychotic girl

onto his shoulders. The sirens got closer. Talon pulled out a remote control, pressed a button, and waited.

SSSSSHHHHHHH... A small, sleek black jet maneuvered into position above the two. Talon pressed another button, and the craft lowered a retractable platform. Tossing the cockroach upon the platform, Talon leapt to it as well, and pressed a final button. The aircraft lifted off, the platform retracting as it went. Talon couldn't help but smile like a boy who'd gotten the best Christmas present out of his siblings.

"Ah, I'll have to thank Kanako-sama again for loaning me this jet..."

******

The sanctuary was full, people bustling and talking amongst themselves quietly. Kana waited at the podium, the Anti-Pope in full regalia. At his side stood Keitaro Urashima, the best man, looking only marginally nervous in his simple black suit. Opposite him, Mutsumi Otohime, the Maiden of Honor, smiled cheerfully in her gorgeous light-green dress. Along with a small crown of green leaves in her hair and she could easily be mistaken for Demeter, goddess of nature.

At the back of the church (or front, depending upon your point of view), Kanako tried to keep from telepathically strangling a lowly fool in frustration. By her side stood Haruka Urashima, serving as the "father" of the bride, who took a long drag off her cigarette.

"Great. The baka's going to ruin the ceremony at this rate," she snarled, causing a mouse nearby to die instantly from exposure to Kanako's powerful mind. Haruka nodded, blowing more smoke.

"If he's here after the next five minutes, I'll hold him and you can torture his mind. Fine?" Kanako nodded, a furious smirk on her face.

"Oh yes, that would do-" Rushing in through a hidden side-door, Talon, looking charbroiled and filthy, staggered in, hurriedly wiping the daggers off with a white handkerchief before handing them to the bride.

"Sorry... I'm... Late... Traffic... Was..." Before he could complete the age-old cliche, Talon's eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed on the cold, hard floor below. Kanako couldn't help but smile.

"Baka. Good work. Perhaps I'll tell you after the ceremony, when you're conscious," she purred, handing one of the daggers to Haruka and tucking her own under her sash. She took up her bouquet of blood red roses and, with Haruka as her escort, headed down the aisle with "Here Comes the Bride" playing on a malevolent looking organ. Tradition was tradition...

***********

"... You may now kiss the bride," Seta proclaimed quietly, at the podium in front of the now-husband and wife. Kana smiled, lifted Kanako's veil, and the two kissed passionately. The crowd behind them, deciding to throw caution to the wind, cheered wildly. Wolf whistles were thrown in as well, as the two smiled at each other and proceeded to walk up the aisle. Keitaro wiped his brow with his sleeve, breathing a sigh of relief. Mutsumi and Shinobu stood near, watching the newlyweds head out the huge door frames.

"Wow... That was neat," Keitaro breathed. Mutsumi nodded, as Shinobu continued to toss black rice.

"Ara... Yes. Will you do this for your wedding, Kei-kun?" Keitaro shrugged, unable to keep himself from grinning as his sister headed out.

"Well... I've always liked small weddings, myself. But hey, I've got plenty of time to worry about stuff like that!" Kanako, at this moment, threw the bouquet. In an amazing demonstration of good reflexes (for once) Urashima caught the flowers. He stared at it, before staring at a number of single females whose eyes were now focused on him.

"WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Keitaro began to run, Mutsumi, Shinobu and a few other giggling ladies right behind him.

From the back, Talon (having come out of his daze) watched Kanako and Kana head out to a parked black jet with the words," Just Married" spray painted onto it's hull. Woozily, behind him, Naru Narusegawa appeared, covered so thoroughly in dust she couldn't be recognized.

"So, they're married?" Talon nodded, watching the sleek X-Jet take off. Naru sighed.

"Why did you want to see it so bad, though?" Naru looked down at the ground, forlorn.

"Well... I always wanted to catch a bouquet, you know?" Talon blinked, then stared at the infamous Red Cockroach in complete disbelief.

"All of that destruction, for a BOUQUET?!" Naru nodded. His eyes rolling back into his head, the "Keitaro Urashima" of fanfiction authors fainted, Mutsumi-style. Fortunately for him, Tori Yuki Ichimura managed to catch Talon in time. She looked at Naru with a slight smile.

"You'd better go, before Kanako realizes you're here. There's an extra jet one level down." Naru nodded, smiling a bit, as she headed into the shadows once more. Tori sighed, and began to drag Talon to a bench, mumbling something or other...

********

"Are you sure we shouldn't have held a wedding banquet or something?" Kana asked, handling the 'borrowed' X-Jet's controls effortlessly. His new wife was behind him, in another cabin.

"We did. Everyone else is at it right now." Kana raised an eyebrow, keeping his eyes on the controls.

"Really? Then... Why aren't we at it? It might have been nice."

"It, however, would have kept me from something far more important," the Dark Goddess purred into Kana's ear. Quickly setting the plane to auto-pilot, he turned around. His jaw fell to the floor. His wife, wearing little more than a seductive smirk, stood before him, almost shyly.

"Will you take me to bed, Mister Urashima?" She asked in an innocent tone, belying her smile. Kana felt his IQ drop by one hundred and ten points...

And there were no more words after that.

*******

Well... I hope the newlyweds don't kill me... R&R, please! And be sure to read Kana Himekazi's and Kanako Urashima's fan works! They are easily some of the best writers on Fanfiction.net, if not the Internet. R&R, please! ...Ara, I already said that, didn't I?