"Murphy!"

Bellamy called out his name as soon as they entered the house.

"Up here!" came the response.

Bellamy hurried up the stairs, Clarke right behind him. They turned at the top of the stairs to find Murphy sat on the floor, his back against a door, knees up with his elbows resting on them and his head resting on clenched fists.

He raised his head when he heard them approaching and Clarke could see straight away that his eyes were rimmed red.

"Bellamy" Murphy's voice sounded slightly croaky as Bellamy strode forwards, pulled the younger man to his feet and they hugged.

"She's in the bathroom, she wont tell me what happened but - what is she doing here?!" Murphy interrupted his own sentence as he pulled away from Bellamy and glowered at Clarke.

"Murphy..."

"She - she shouldn't be here - she's not Lula's - she's doesn't know - is that her fucking puppy?"

Clarke stayed where she was, halfway down the hallway, with Heda in her arms.

"Murphy I told her. She knows enough."

Now Murphy rounded on Bellamy.

"You had no right!"

Bellamy took the anger in stride.

"Murphy she can help- "

"No she can't! Lula doesn't know her!"

"That might be the best thing." Clarke spoke up hesitantly "Sometimes, the best person to talk to is someone you don't know very well. Plus Heda can help."

"Your fuckin' dog?" Murphy scoffed.

"Heda's training to be a service dog. Specifically for ptsd. She's learning quick and even if not, you'd be amazed how much dogs can get people to open up."

Bellamy chimed in;

"Put it this way Murphy; is she talking to you?"

All the fight seemed to leave Murphy and he visibly sagged.

"She won't even let me in the door."

"I'm no good at this, so we may as well let Clarke try. She knows what she's doing. C'mon man."

Murphy took a deep breath and levelled his gaze at Clarke.

"You upset her, I'll kill you. Understand?"

"I understand."

Murphy stepped to the side and allowed Clarke to get to the door.

With her free hand, Clarke knocked on the door.

"Lula? Lula, it's - it's Clarke."

Silence from the other side of the door.

"Lula, I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through. But I know a thing or two about hiding from things when it hurts."

More silence.

"I'll tell you what, I'm gonna sit out here for five minutes. You can let me in, or you can choose not to, it's up to you. But I'm here as a friend. And I'm here for whatever you need."

Clarke sat down, taking Murphy's place against the door and stroking Heda's fur.

She had been sat there for a few minutes when she heard the door creak behind her.

Getting to her feet, Clarke shot a reassuring half smile at Murphy before slipping into the bathroom.

As the door shut behind her, Bellamy clapped Murphy on the shoulder.

"C'mon man. Nothing we can do for now. Why don't we go and - "

"As long as she's in that bathroom, I'm not going anywhere." Murphy said flopping down onto the top stair and putting his head in his hands, as Bellamy sat beside him and and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Lock it."

Clarke did as she was told and then turned to face Lula.

The redhead was sat on the floor, her arms around her knees leaning against the bath and staring straight ahead.

"Can I sit down Lula?" Clarke asked and Lula jerked her head once in affirmation.

Clarke sat cross legged besides Lula, but made sure she was not too close.

She wasn't 100% sure what to say.

So she just started talking and let her heart lead her mouth.

"You know, after Lexa - Madi's first Mom - died, Madi was a mess. So was I." Clarke said, just looking straight ahead and storking Heda's fur. "The last thing she asked of me was to look after Madi. So I pushed everyone away. In my head, Madi was my responsibility, no one else could help her or look after her, it had to be me, I'd made a promise."

Lula didn't speak.

"The thing was, I wasn't in any state to be making decisions for a child, or even myself. We were still in TonDC, so I didn't know many people, and the ones I did know I'd pushed away. I was either sleeping all the time or staying awake for days. I was drinking. A lot. I started neglecting everything. Work, chores, painting, eating... even Madi."

Clarke knew her face must be the picture of guilt. She hadn't spoken to anyone about this since they arrived back in Arkadia. But Lula needed to hear it.

"Finally my Mom flew over. She took one look at me, threw me in the shower and ripped me apart."

"You were grieving. Didn't she care?" It was the first thing Lula had said.

"Of course she did. But my Mom has experience with the unholy trinity; grief, PTSD and addiction. She went through it all, when my grandmother died, when my father died. So she knew what I needed. And it worked. I saw what I had let happen."

Lula looked at her, a silent plea to explain.

"We were living in a temporary shack, but I'd let it go to ruin, it was filthy, a mess. The fridge was empty. Almost thirty empty bottles all over the place. And Madi..."

Clarke let out a shaky breath.

"She was so skinny, so dirty. She was covered in bruises and I found out later she'd been stealing food from the market. Only she kept getting caught, hence the bruises. I did that. I let that happen to the most important person in my life."

Clarke swallowed back the bile that had risen in her throat at the memory of what Madi had looked like when she finally woke the hell up. Then, she turned to Lula, and carefully took one of her slender hands.

"What I'm trying to tell you, trying to show you, is that when things happen to us, a lot of the time, most people's instinct is to shut everyone else out. I did that because I was hanging on to my promise to Lexa that I would look after Madi. But I could've killed her if it had carried on, all because I shut everyone out to try and protect what I loved."

Clarke squeezed Lula's hand and tucked a red curl behind her ear, like she would with Madi.

"That's what you're doing isn't it? You're pushing Murphy away because you want to protect him. And you're scared that if you talk to him, you'll hurt him. Am I right?"

Lula looked up at her, silent tears trickling down her face and she nodded.

"I know Jon" she said in a whisper "Even when we were kids, if someone upset me, he'd either get angry at them or himself. I just want..."

"... to keep him safe. To keep him happy."

Lula nodded, and Clarke pulled the younger girl into a hug as she started to cry in earnest.

"Shh, shh, shhhh. It's okay."

As they embraced, Heda, clearly feeling abandoned, wedged her nose between the two young women and shoved and wiggled her way forwards until they were forced to separate. Clearly satisfied, Heda settled in Lula's lap, leaning back against her chest.

Lula hiccuped a tear filled giggle.

"What's she doing?"

Clarke laughed.

"It's the only command she's really mastered. She's trying to ground you, help you feel less anxious. We're training her to be Madi's service dog."

As Lula stroked Heda's fur, Clarke smiled softly at the pair.

"Lula?"

She looked up at Clarke.

"I know it's hard. I know it feels like you should just stay in here and lock yourself away to protect him. But trust me when I say that feeling like he can't help you is making him hurt more than anything you could say to him. Now I can be here and help you as a friend always, but from what I've heard? No one knows you better than him. Talk to him. I'll hold your hand and be there the whole way but... just talk to him."

Murphy was on his feet in a second when he heard the bathroom door unlock, Bellamy right behind him.

The door opened and Clarke came out.

Then Lula, with Heda in her arms.

Murphy wanted nothing more than to rush over to his girlfriend but he held back.

"Hey" he said in a slightly strained voice.

"Hi" Lula said.

Then there was a silence.

"Why don't we all go downstairs?" Clarke said.

"Heda needs some water and I think Lula wants to talk."

Okay so;

I let one of my friends read this before I posted it and the one thing she asked was "why would Lula talk to Clarke who she's only known for a few weeks?"

My answer:

My logic is that sometimes it is easier to talk to someone you dont know as well but who still has insight into what you're going through and how to help. This is why people go to therapists etc. who are basically strangers you tell your issues to in hopes that they will help. I know that's what I did. I met my therapist once and the next time I saw her I spilled my guts.
So that is why I thought that Lula may talk to Clarke. Because clarke is still somewhat a stranger but she clearly understands how she feels at least to an extent.

Is that ok?

Let me know what you think. Love hearing from y'all.

More soon.

Geronimo xx