THIS STORY MENTIONS RAPE AND SOME SCENES MAY BE GRAPHIC OR UPSETTING SO IF THAT TRIGGERS YOU THEN THIS FIC ISN'T FOR YOU.

All mistakes are my own and I do not own grey's anatomy unfortunately

Chapter 1

It had been a year and two months since the plane crash that claimed the life of her best friend and it might of well have claimed the life of her wife the way things were going between the two of them. Arizona may as well be a shell now; she didn't act, move or talk like Arizona, hell she didn't even really look like her. Her eyes are more sunken into her head than before as well as having lost their usual sparkle and her cheeks have lost their usual rosy tint and are now more defined due to her lack of eating.

They barely spoke any more and when they did it was it was almost always a fight which nearly always end up coming back to Arizona's amputation. There had been a few times that she thought they'd moved past it with the help of Arizona's therapist and the occasional sessions she'd been allowed to attend to support her wife and try to work through their feelings towards the amputation. However, this hadn't been the case and the blonde still clearly held lots of resentment towards her wife. Callie could understand why her wife was upset and depressed about the loss of her leg, but now matter how hard she tries to get Arizona to understand that without the amputation she would have lost her life instead and that the loss of the leg didn't mean didn't love her any more or that she was repulsed by the lack of the lower half of her left leg but it fell on deaf ears. No matter how much she tried to get her believe her words and talk to Arizona without seeming too pushy or preachy as she knows that that will only make matters worse than they already are between them.

After the crash, Callie had hoped and prayed that Mark would make a full recovery but after things seemed to be looking up, he made a drastic change in his health and then he slipped into a coma. After what seemed to be the longest month of her life and at Mark's request, they turned off the machines and she watched as her best friend took his last breath as she held his hand and tears ran freely down her face as a part of her heart broke.

When she got home that day she'd put on a brave face for Sofia when she tried to explain to Sofia that her daddy was gone but as she was so young, she didn't understand, and that made Callie feel even worse than she did already. A tear had slipped down her cheek and Sofia had noticed that lone tear and had hugged her mami as tight as she could with her chubby little arms and that had eased the pain slightly.

She'd cried that night, and many nights afterwards as she slept on the sofa with nothing but a blanket and a pillow for comfort. Arizona knew that Mark had passed on but she didn't say anything or offer any form of comfort and Callie could hear her moving to the bathroom, so she must be able to hear her sobs, no matter how hard she tried to muffle them; yet she did nothing to comfort her. The brunette could understand why her wife might not want to offer comfort towards her in regards to the plane crash but she'd lost her best friend, someone who she considered to be like a brother to her, obviously ignoring the times they'd had sex. She'd thought that Arizona could understand how she was feeling as she had lost her brother due to the Marines though not quite the same situation, but the feelings are definitely similar. As she cried herself to sleep, all she wanted was for Mark to be alive and as she knows that can't happen, she wants Arizona's arms wrapped around her to offer comfort.

Ever since Mark had passed away, Callie had felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Without Mark and Arizona, she had no one really. Sure, she had friends at work, but no one she could discuss deep and personal matters with and she didn't have time for a therapist other than the mandated therapy she had to receive from work after the crash. The only one who had some idea about what she was going through was Owen, as Cristina had also become a shell of who she once was, but she didn't really have time to sit down with long discussions about how they felt with each other as they were so busy but did check in with each other at least once a week.

Asking for help at work seemed impossible without feeling like everyone was judging her. She wasn't the one who was in the crash or the one who lost her leg, so she'd feel like everyone would think that she wouldn't need counselling. So instead, she suffers in silence, mourning her best friend and becoming the sole carer of her daughter who used to have three doting parents, but with Mark gone and Arizona in the clasps of depression and self-doubt, she was the only one looking after her baby girl.

Whilst having to look after her daughter, Callie was almost a full-time carer for her wife when she decided she didn't like the nurse who had been sent to help her or the physical therapist who was helping her to walk, as well as working at the hospital full time. To say she was stressed would be an understatement. She had no time to look after herself and practice self-care and it was showing every time she looked in the mirror. Each day she plastered on just a bit more make up than the day before, hiding each dark bag under her eyes and the stress induced spots and rashes on her skin. She had definitely put on weight as one of her main forms of exercise had been sex with Arizona and before the crash they had had an extremely healthy and active sex life, but without even seeing her wife some days and with all her other tasks, she had no time to exercise; so her current exercise consists of chasing Sofia around the apartment, especially at bath and bed time which was less than ideal. She was anxious and tired all the time and it had been affecting her work, though not enough for anyone around her to notice that she was struggling.

It was quarter past nine and Callie was in Joe's Bar, just across from the hospital nursing her third glass of red wine. She was late for picking up Sofia, but she'd texted the nursery to let them know that she would be late in picking up her daughter. Leaving her daughter in the care of the nursery made her feel worse than she already did but she had had an awful day and was in need of a drink and some time to herself. Usually, she'd go home to drink but she couldn't face going home just yet, so she was sat in the corner of Joe's hoping that no one from work would see her.

Having almost finished her drink, a man comes up to her table "How are you doing beautiful?" he says as he slides into the seat opposite her. She recognises him as she's seen him in Joe's a few times and he's tried multiple times to try to chat her up, regardless of however many times she tells him she's not interested.

Quickly finishing her drink, she stands up "I'm just heading off" she says as politely as possible, not liking the vibe of this man.

"Oh come on baby, don't be like that" He says, making a grab for her wrist which she swiftly moves away from him. "I've only just got here"

"And I said that I was just leaving, I have somewhere I need to be" turning around quickly and holding her bag under her arm, she heads out of Joe's towards the hospital down the alley.

"Oi" She hears the man from the bar call after her, his voice course and harsh, followed by a wolf whistle. "Where do you think you're going lady? I thought we could have a nice time". She picks up her pace, her heart pounding so loudly she can hear it in her ears.

She really regrets having more than one glass of wine as she can't walk as quickly as she would like. Just when she thinks she's managed to get away from him, she feels an arm wrap around her neck as it squeezes tightly making it hard for her to breathe. She tries to get away, trying to use her self-defence training and attempts to throw him over her hip "What's the problem baby, we're just going to have some fun. You've been tempting me since I first saw you. But I'm fed up of you playing coy with me cause I know you want me". Shaking her head at his words just angers the man and he grabs at her tighter which makes it harder for her to breathe.

Yet again she tries to get away, kicking her legs and trying to pull his sweaty arm off her neck, panicking more as she feels his one of his repulsive hands feel its way over her body as the other covers her mouth so any scream she tries is muffled.

He rips open her shirt, buttons scattering down the alley as he roughly touches her breasts, her skin crawling at his touch. Her heart sinks as his hands move further down her body and start fumbling with the button and zip on her trousers. He someone gets them done with only one hand and with his hand now around her throat, he turns them around, so they are now facing. Backed up against a wall, she feels the cold brick through her shirt with jagged bricks digging into her skin.

As he runs his hands down the curves of her body, she once again hates her curves and the negative attention they bring. Though she loves the way Arizona used to worship her body, making her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. When she dances in her underwear, she feels confident in her body and it's one of the things that makes her the happiest as she feels so care free. However, when she gets attention for her body instead of her work or without fail, every time she goes out, someone always tries to hit on her; regardless of who she is with which just makes her feel unclean and uncomfortable in her own skin.

One of his grubby hands reaches her vagina makes its way into her trousers, cupping her roughly. Callie is now frozen with fear; her usual badass, no one can hurt me attitude is shattered and no matter how much her brain wants her to, she can't move. Her mind takes her back to being seventeen years old and walking home from a party having just dropped a friend off at her house before continuing down to the end of the street, which was only twenty houses at most. Out of nowhere a hooded figure had grabbed her by the wrist with one hand and covered her. She'd been raped against a tree only three buildings away from her home at two in the morning. After he'd finished with her, leaving her broken and sobbing, she somehow managed to drag herself home where her father had been waiting up for her, angry that she'd been home so late. But when he'd seen the state of his daughter, with tear stained eyes, ripped clothes and bruises already starting to show, he had instantly engulfed her in a hug as she cried into his shoulder. He had been surprisingly ok with her getting the morning after pill and going to therapy which had both been thought of as negative things in her parents' eyes, but they'd been by her side every step of the way through her healing.

Her legs, now bare as her trousers and underwear are around her ankles, are spread by the man as he looms over her. Try as she might, but she can't find the strength to try and shut them and cover herself. The next thing she knows is him crudely entering her and all she can do is cry out in pain into his palm and squeeze her eyes shut so she isn't looking into his eyes as he violates her. Memories of being seventeen and against that tree fill her mind and she starts to relive that at the same time as the man moves himself inside her, grunting in her ear as he does so, the pain ripping her apart from the inside.

As he cums inside her, all she can think is that she is glad it is finally over. As he slides himself out of her, he strokes her face as if they had just spent a romantic evening together instead of him forcing himself inside of her. With a smile on his face, he kisses her roughly, "I'll see you later" he whispers before turning and walking away, leaving Callie slumped over on the floor half naked with tears streaming down her face and her knees clutched to her chest, unable to move and everything goes black.

The next thing Callie is aware of is her phone ringing loudly. Checking who it is, she sees that it's the nursery and they've been ringing her on and off for half an hour. Hastily, she answers "Hi Callie, it's Sarah from the nursery"

Struggling to find her voice, she barely manages to get out her words "Um… Hi"

"Is everything alright? I just wanted to check that you're still coming to pick Sofia up. She's asleep at the moment but was wondering if you were coming. No pressure if there's been an emergency or surgery or anything. Just need it for the records and to pass onto the next staff when they come in soon."

"Errrrr… I'll be late" she rushes, not wanting to get into details. She knows she needs to sort herself out before going to pick up her baby girl.

"That's fine, Callie. Just come whenever, see you!" The call ends and Callie wipes away the tears that stained her face and ponders what she should do. Knowing that she has two options; ignore it like she did last time or go to the police and report it. When she was seventeen, she wasn't brave or strong enough to report it and though her parents had tried to get her to report it, they had accepted that if she couldn't bring herself to go to the police then that was her choice. She couldn't bring herself to go through the process of reporting it and having seen stories in the paper about her local police department handling rape cases poorly and humiliating the victim only solidified her not wanting to go to the police and face the shame they'd put on her.

However, when a friend from school, Tania, got raped in extremely similar circumstances and she assumed it to be the same man who attacked her a few months prior, she had always regretted not coming forward. Her therapist had told her that it wasn't her fault that Tania had been attacked but no matter who told her that, she still blamed herself. And when her friend had committed suicide a couple of months after her attack as she had been unable to cope with that had happened as she hadn't had any support from her family and they had shamed her, nothing could shake the feelings of guilt that Callie held.

After thinking about her high school friend, there was no real consideration needed to be made about her choice. She would go to the police but she couldn't risk feeling the same feelings of guilt happening again as she doesn't think she'd be able to survive those feelings again and she certainly doesn't want to risk someone else being attacked by the same man. She doesn't want to be responsible for anyone else's pain; her Tania's and Arizona's is too much for her as it is. Taking a deep breath, she closes her eyes and quickly saying a quick prayer, aimed at Tania, she asks for strength for what she is about to do and asks for her forgiveness for not reporting the man who attacked them both.

Pulling up her underwear and trousers, Callie picks up her bag and bravely heads towards the police station, her heart pounding so loudly she thinks it might burst, her legs and whole body shaking so much she can barely stand and her lungs struggling to breathe as her anxiety levels continue to rise.

Standing outside the police station, Callie spends ten minutes getting her thoughts together and trying to make herself feel brave enough to enter. The wind has a chill to it which causes her to shiver with cold and is the final boost she needs to get her to enter the police station.

Entering the police station, she is greeted with a welcome blast of warm air from the police station heating. "Can I help you?" A woman behind the desk asks.

"Um… Can I report an assault?" She stutters, whispering so quietly she wonders if the woman can even hear her.

"Of course. Would you prefer to speak to a man or a woman?"

The thought of another man looking at her downstairs makes her feel physically sick "A woman please"

"That's alright, I'll be with you shortly as I'm the only woman in today so if you could just take a seat and I'll come and collect you, so we can talk. Is that ok?" Callie nods.

Luckily, she wasn't waiting for long; only five minutes at most. The bench was uncomfortable, she couldn't sit still and her legs were jiggling so much that the rest of the bench was shaking which got her a few dirty looks from the other people in the bench. When she saw the police officer come to get her, she almost bolted, but the reassuring smile on the officer's face made her think about Tania and that gave her the confidence she needed not to run.

She told the officer everything that had happened, from the man pestering her for weeks at Joe's until the events that occurred later tonight. As she spoke, tears streamed once again down her face and but talking to the officer was surprisingly easier than she had imagined it would be, which made the whole situation easier.

With the rape reported, a rape kit performed and the officer promising to call her with any updates of how her case was progressing, Callie walks out of the police station with a handful of leaflets about counselling services she could access that specialised in cases of rape as well as a few support groups that she was told are helpful to discuss what she is feeling with people would understand what she was going through. Nevertheless, she decides she's going to try and move on with her life as she can't tell Arizona about what happened, and she doesn't have the time for counselling or support groups; she has no time to look after herself. Out of sight, out of mind is the method she's decided to take towards dealing with this as since the crash she's gotten so good at repressing how she's feeling and putting everyone else before her. She knows she needs to look after her family, even if they don't necessarily want her help.

When she makes it to the nursery to pick up Sofia, having avoided the alley and walking a way that took fifteen minutes longer than it should have. As soon as she sees Sofia, she rushes too her and picks her up, sniffing her hair. "Mama" Sofia sleepily says, clinging to Callie which makes her relax at the touch of her daughter's chubby hand to her face.

"Hello there Little Miss. Are you ready to go home?" Sofia, her eyes still heavy with sleep just nods and closes her eyes and rests her head on Callie's shoulder. Thankfully, she didn't have to talk for long to the nursery staff and managed to get herself and Sofia home quickly.

When she opens the front door, she is greeted by Arizona who is clearly frustrated based on the look on her face. She doesn't say anything though, just turns away and wheels herself into the bedroom that they used to share. At this point, Callie doesn't care; all she wants to get Sofia and herself into bed so that this day can be over.

Once Sofia is tucked into bed with an extra cuddle and a kiss, Callie heads towards the shower and carefully strips down, turning the water up so hot that it almost burns her skin. She picks up a flannel off the towel rack and under the almost boiling water starts to scrub at her skin so hard that her usually smooth skin is now red, raw and almost bleeding, but she still doesn't feel clean. She can still feel his hands on her skin, and his length inside her. No matter how much she scrubs, she can't get rid of those feelings.

Water streams down her face, accompanied by her tears as she sobs, almost throwing up as she does so. Her legs giving way results in her sitting on the floor of the shower with scorching water pelting her nearly bleeding and raw body, hurting her skin as it hits her. Feelings of shame, embarrassment and disgust washing over her, as her emotions hit her all at once, stopping her from moving so she just sits, knees clutched to her chest and even once she has no more tears left to cry, she just starts to dry cry.

After over an hour of crying out her emotions in the shower, Callie emerges from the bathroom in her pyjamas feeling numb all over. She climbs onto the sofa, her bed since the crash, and pulls a blanket over her body and takes one sleeping pill too many to ensure she'll pass out and won't be awake with her thoughts. The last thing that she is aware of before her induced sleep claims her is the feeling of letting her family down. She needs to be strong for her family but at this moment in time, she feels anything but strong.

Thoughts?

If anyone would be interested in being a beta for this story (and can cope with my extremely inconsistent writing schedule then please PM me! :)

I have posted another chapter of another story (Clear Blue Sky) at the same time as this, and I want to know which one you guys would prefer I spend more time writing first. I'm going to write both of them, I would like to know what you'd be interested in reading more.