Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess with long flowing golden locks named Reela. No, not Reala, REE-la. Totally different. Anyway, this princess was an angry fucker; she was demanding as hell. Servants carried her on their back wherever she wanted to go anywhere; she barely lifted a finger to feed herself, but not a soul spoke against her. After all, she would fuck you up. She has a PhD in kicking your ass. The last guy who tried got defenestrated.

She, however, was nothing compared to her mother or brother. Her little brother was an absolute tyrant; he called himself god over everything, and his name was The Ostrich. He was noisy and even more demanding than his sister, but unfortunately, he's still working on getting his bachelor's in kicking your ass, so no one takes him seriously. He's just loud enough to make up for it. Also he got ostrich legs in a magical accident a couple years ago. It's how he got his new name. Have you ever been kicked by an ostrich? It's the worst never try it. hurts like a bitch, and The Ostrich has gotten good at it.

Their mother, meanwhile, made them look like perfect little angels. Her name was Mommy Sceil. Now, Mommy Sceil was a good mother: She made her children loving gifts, kept the house spotless, and put anyone who threatened them even remotely through excruciating torture. she had another son once, but we don't talk about him. He just couldn't see the love and affection Mommy Sceil so clearly showed when she murdered his friends' parents and set their house on fire with them still in it. "If you can't escape a house fire, then you're not good enough to be my son's friend," that was her motto.

It's been said the long lost son met up with an expressive artist with a fascination with nitrogen and bailed out on a van trip across the country with him and his bibliophile boyfriend. Nerds. Who even reads anymore. Not you, I hope, because wow what even is this I'm writing. Bullshit to fill in a daily write, that's what. I'm not even giving myself a full hour tonight because damn I'm tired.

Anyway, one day, The Ostrich was crushing skulls in his mighty toes when a great scream echoed all throughout the castle: "SOMEONE PUT GUM IN MY HAIR." Let me tell you bout my resume; it's so cray and no one gave a fuck. Except for the unlucky servants who got in Reela's line of sight and needed to cover the gum in peanut butter because that shit works, right?

WRONG.

It didn't. They had to cut off Reela's luscious locks, and Mommy Sceil and her daughter had great bonding time making nooses out of the lost hair to kill the servants with.

Once they were nice and dead and a little bloaty, Reela cut off their head to put them on pikes and take them outside with all the others. And that was when she saw him.

Green mohawk.

Leather jacket.

An adorable puppy.

Mommy Sceil would hate him,

She fell in love instantly.

Throwing herself into his arms, she cried, "TAKE ME I'M YOURS."

He just raised an eyebrow and asked, "Who the fuck are you?"

"OH STRANGER TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS PLACE."

"Nah."

Rejection? Reela didn't no rejection. She froze and looked up at the handsome stranger with a face like this: 8C

Elsewhere, Mommy Sceil's mommy senses were tingling. "One of my children is emoting!" Quick as a whip, she was off, flying through the halls to impale him on a spear. and she did.

Reela and Mommy Sceil shared a long and loving parent/child hug as the blood drained from the body, and everyone live happily ever after.

The end.