A/N:

A few have hounded me to update this story, and while it makes me infinitely happy to see that so many of you think this is a good story, it was never my intention that this story would be anything but something I'd write on when I experienced a block on my other stories.

Therefore, this story will only have sporadic updates, and I need you to accept that. Okay?

Title: Three's a Crowd

Author: MarieCarro

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Bella and Rosalie are roommates and best friends. When the third friend of their BFF trio moves out to live with her boyfriend and her newborn baby, the girls need to find someone new, and it appears that someone just happens to stumble into their laps.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER 5

Bella couldn't blame Edward for his reaction. She had teased him heavily despite knowing that he had a thing for her, and while she had gladly, had they had a different living situation, continued kissing him, the rules were still very much in place.

So, she pushed on Edward's shoulders until he released her lips, but he remained on top.

"Don't get any ideas, pretty boy," she told him with a smirk, but she was serious. "I was just playing with you."

He huffed and mumbled something that sounded like "Yeah, you do that quite a lot" and made the move to stand up from the couch, but before he had the chance, Rose walked through the door cheerily.

"Damn, am I interrupting something?" she giggled. "What are you doing?"

Edward blinked and said the first thing that came to mind. "Uuh, I'm selling self-help books to Bella."

Rose immediately burst into loud laughter. "Yeah, that was going to be my exact guess."

Bella grinned up at Edward because she knew the best way to keep Rose in the dark was to start teasing the hell out of him in front of her. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

"You bet!" he exclaimed and stood up. "I do need someone to practice on, though," he continued thoughtfully.

"Practice on me," Rose immediately said. "Your sale's pitch looks like fun!"

Being the little hypocrite she was, Bella cleared her throat when Rose reached for Edward's hand. Contrary to herself, Rose had lost her interest in Edward but it didn't mean she'd have anything against rolling in the hay with him either.

Rose knew why Bella made the sound, and she smiled widely at her best friend before giving them both a wink and heading to her room to drop off her things.

When they were alone again, Edward turned back to Bella. "Look, I know what those rules mean to you, but let me off the hook here," he pleaded. "Or throw me a bone or whatever."

Bella leaned over and stroked his cheek tantalizingly. "Yeah? What kind of bone do you want?"

"Am I stupid to believe there's something between us?"

For a moment, Bella stayed silent because she knew she was facing a choice. She could lie and tell Edward he was imagining it all, or she could tell him the truth and risk giving him hope. She opted for the latter.

"You're not stupid, but that doesn't mean we can act on it." She stood up from the couch and started toward her room.

"Why not?" Edward asked and with displeasure, dramatically threw himself back down on the couch. However, the big crack told him that hadn't been the best idea.

Bella gasped. "Did you just break the couch?"

"Uuh, I don't know," Edward replied, and the next second, the entire bottom gave out, causing him to sprawl down on the floor.

"Oh man!" Bella whined. "We can't afford a new one."

"Afford what?" Rose asked as she came back into the living room, and she only had to take a look at Edward and the couch to know what they were talking about. "Oh man!" she echoed Bella.

"Hey, don't worry about it." Edward struggled to get up from the broken couch and when he was finally back on his feet, he tried to play it off as if he hadn't, just the second before, flopped around like a fish on dry land. "We'll just flip it around, see what's broken and fix that. No need to buy a new one."

Rose gave him an annoyed look. "For your sake, I hope that's true."

~~TAC~~

Bella used all her strength with the staple gun while Rose held the fabric taut. The entire bottom board of the couch had to be replaced, and now the girls were finishing the project by dressing the bottom in fabric.

"Alright," Bella declared when she thought she'd put in enough staples on that side. "Let's pull now."

The two girls settled on the other side and started to pull on the fabric, but a few of the staples popped back out and they ended up on their asses.

"Dammit!" Bella cursed just as Edward walked through the door, his basketball in hand. He'd obviously been away at practice.

"I see you guys are taking it easy," he teased them because he could see they weren't exactly slacking off. "Unbelievable. As soon as I turn my back you find a new way to loiter around. Every time."

Bella glared at him from the floor. "Unless you want a surgeon to remove that ball from your rectum, I suggest you shut up."

"Where the hell have you been?" Rose asked and stood back home. "You were supposed to help us with the couch, not run around after some stupid ball with a bunch of sweaty dudes."

"I'm running around after that stupid ball for your sake," he replied, and Rose looked surprised because she hadn't expected that retort. "Because if I run around after a stupid ball," he continued. "It gives me a big and strong body that I can defend you two with." He threw his bag and ball into his room before he started posing and tensing his muscles to show off.

Both girls rolled their eyes at him, but it didn't deter him.

"You can sleep soundly," he said. "Knowing you have such a skilled man in the house." He straightened out and then held out his hand for the staple gun. "I broke the couch. Me, man. I fix," he said like a caveman and hit himself on the chest. Maybe he even did it a bit too hard because he had to fight the urge to cough after that.

"If you think you can do it by yourself, by all means." Bella handed him the gun and then sat down on the futon. "I guess I'll just sit here and loiter."

It didn't take long for Edward to fix the rest of the couch and he had Bella and Rose turn it around while he instructed them on where to put it down.

"A little to the right … no, not that much. And back it up now. Kidding, go back forward. Actually, you were good from the start."

"Edward!" the girls said in unison.

He laughed. "Just put it down right there. That's perfect." They did as he said, but he immediately felt a sharp pain in his foot. "Up again, up again. You put it on my toe. Pick it up now." Once he had his foot freed from under the heavy furniture, he massaged his tender toe.

"Sorry, Edward," Rose hurriedly apologized.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked.

"I'm great," he replied somewhat sarcastically. "Who needs the luxury of ten toes?"

Bella gave him a light stroke on the cheek and he immediately felt better. Rose sat down on the couch with a wide smile.

"It's like new. Actually, it's better than new because it's already been broken in," she stated happily.

"What did you expect?" Edward asked and puffed up his chest. "You don't think Edward Cullen is capable of fixing a couch?" He joined Rose on the couch, but as soon as he sat down, it broke again.

Bella immediately started laughing. "Great craftsmanship there," she said and reached for the discarded tools again. "You'd better get up. Your hammer is waiting for you."

Edward groaned. "You're such a taskmaster. I bet you tell the daisies in the shop to do pushups before you water them."

"Can't we just forget about this for the night?" Rose asked. "It's Saturday. Let's go out."

"No, we can't," Bella said firmly. "All of us agreed to use this night to fix around the apartment. We can't back out of that now just because we had a little setback." The other two grimaced and Bella immediately defended herself. "C' mon now! I wasn't the only one who wanted that."

"Yes, you were," Rose insisted.

Bella refused to back down, though. "Well, if you don't want to continue with this, we'll just start with the wallpaper then." She handed Edward a roll, and he looked at the plain white color skeptically.

"A little boring, don't you think?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "That's the backside, stupid."

He turned it around and the large print assaulted his eyes. "Have to say, I preferred the backside."

Bella threw out her arms in frustration. "Then make the backside the front, or whatever. At least you have options. Or we can continue with the couch, finish that and then start with the wallpaper."

"Or we can go to Murrey's!" Rose said again, and this time, Edward fully agreed with her.

"That suggestion has my vote. We'll go right now."

"But we said—"

"Last one down there is a rotten egg!" Rose exclaimed as she ran through the front door, Edward close on her heels.

"Guys!" Bella called after them, and then, defeated, got up on her feet. "Wait for me!"

As the three of them entered Murrey's, Bella felt obligated to remind them that they couldn't stay too long.

"Remember that we're only taking a break, okay?"

"Chill out, Bella," Edward reassured her while Rose started looking for a table. "We'll just have one beer each, and then we'll go back home and work our asses off, alright? You can take the wallpaper, and Rose and I will take the couch."

"This table here is the least dirty one!" Rose called from the other side of the bar to get their attention, and Bella went over there while Edward went to order.

It wasn't Felix behind the bar, and the bartender was new, so he had to tell them exactly what he wanted, compared to when it was someone who knew exactly who the three of them were.

"Three Pacifico bottles, and three sandwiches."

"Ain't that two bottles too much for a little stick-figure like yourself?" A man, easily twice Edward's size and clearly drunk, came up behind him and stood obnoxiously close. Another guy joined him, and from their getup, Edward guessed they were in some gang. It made him very nervous because Edward wasn't a fighter.

He let out a scared laugh. "Only one is for me. The other two are for my friends," he said, but he didn't show that he meant Rose and Bella. However, the two men had obviously seen who he came in with.

"Two babes with one sissy, huh? You'd better take it easy so you don't hurt yourself."

"Yeah, you'd better cut in, Al. He looks disgustingly flaccid," the other man chimed in, and his breath told Edward he was equally as drunk as his friend.

The man named Al grabbed two of the beers in front of Edward and immediately started toward the table where Bella and Rose sat.

"Hello there, Mademoiselles," he said loudly, and Bella and Rose gave him a weirded out look. "You look thirsty," he continued and plopped the two bottles down on the table before inviting himself to sit down at their table.

"Look, man," Edward tried behind him. "I bought those for them, and we were here together."

Al looked over his shoulder at Edward. "Scamper off, will you? I'm showing these two what a real man is like." He was closest to Rose and started to lean into her personal space. "And what do we have here? A real smasher just waiting for the right man to slide into her life, isn't it?" He grinned as he put his beefy arm around her shoulders. "Sweetheart, I have my Harley just outside. What do you say about taking a ride with me?"

"I definitely think you should take a ride," Rose replied through gritted teeth. "Alone."

Al grimaced. "Are you a lesbian or something?"

"I'm here with him," Rose continued and pointed at Edward.

"That one?" Al asked incredulously.

Once again, Edward smiled nervously when Al pierced him with his small, beady eyes. "Kind of, yeah. I'm here with both of them."

A moment passed as Al looked between all three of them and then started laughing. "Good one, man. That was really funny. Now, get off. Can't you see I'm busy?" He turned back to Rose who tried to squirm away.

Edward grabbed his shoulder in pure instinct and pulled him off of Rose. "Knock it off. Can't you see she's not interested? Or are you blind?"

Al immediately grabbed the front of Edward's shirt and pulled him up on his feet as he stood up. "I'm warning you, buddy," he said darkly. "You don't want to mess with me. People who do ends up in the ER with their teeth knocked out of their face."

"Really?" Edward asked, losing his nerve and bravado. "And I who was bullied throughout elementary school for my braces. It would be a shame if that was all in vain, huh?"

"Wouldn't it?" Al agreed with narrowed eyes.

"Hey, Al!" the friend yelled and came up to the table, phone in hand. "Eli is on the phone. He says the cops raided his house and he's in county."

Al sighed but kept his hold on Edward's shirt. "Guess I have to go but don't worry. I'll be back tomorrow," he threatened, then turned to Rose and Bella with a wide smile. "Same time. You'd better be here, but don't take this wimp with you." He released Edward and pushed him down into his seat before lumbering off with his friend.

Bella looked after the two with a disgusted grimace before she put a hand on Edward's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm perfect," Edward replied shakily. "That went smooth-sailing and exactly how I planned it. I kept a low profile. I didn't want to start a fight."

"You did the right thing," Bella encouraged without pointing out he had been only seconds from pissing his pants. She wasn't about to emasculate him when he'd done what he could. She had a feeling that Al wasn't a fair fighter.

"Yeah, I mean it wasn't like I was scared or anything," Edward continued, and Bella shook her head.

"No, I didn't believe that for a second. It's cool. You stood up for Rose."

Rose was a little less forgiving, though. "Yeah, and then you sat back down because you didn't want to start a fight." She gave him a look as if he'd betrayed her while she put quotation marks around the last part of her statement.

The waitress came over to the table with their sandwiches, but the one she placed in front of Edward was just plain bread.

"What's this?" he asked sourly.

"I thought it was fitting for you." She grinned. "Nothing that might make you want to start a fight."

"Go ahead! Mock me. Do that because I didn't want to take on a man twice my size. While you're at it, you might as well bring me something non-alcoholic because apparently, I'm too weak to handle anything else!" Edward exclaimed, not at all hiding that his pride had been severely wounded.

The waitress scoffed. "Take it easy," she said and then exchanged his plate with one of what he had actually ordered. "I was just joking with you."

~~TAC~~

Edward laughed to himself as he read the comics of the day's paper. "Bella, look at this. The little guy is being bullied by the big buy, but the little guy's holding the lever that's keeping the safe in the air, and when he lets it go, the safe smashes the big guy into the ground." He let out another laugh but then sighed. "Why didn't I do something like that yesterday?"

"Because you didn't have a lever or a safe dangling in the air above that garbage of a man," Bella pointed out and sat down next to him to drink her morning coffee. She saw Edward's downhearted expression and cupped his cheek. "Can't you stop dwelling on what happened at Murrey's?"

"I should have done more. I didn't stand up for you as I should have," he said and clenched his fist angrily. "I was like that small little package of 100 percent whole wheat bread that no one wants."

Rose couldn't hold in her laugh, but she had cooled down since the night before and was no longer angry that Edward hadn't done more to defend her honor. "I hate all sorts of violence," she said. "My dad always preaches on how all guns and knives should be melted down and remade into something more useful like threshing machines."

"Threshing machines?" Edward questioned skeptically, and when Rose nodded, he scoffed. "Then you can tell your dad that if I had been David, Goliath would've still roamed about like the cocky fucker he was."

"Sorry for trying to make you feel better," she said, and he groaned.

"What I mean is I should have made him stop groping you." Edward was quiet for a moment and then shot out of his chair. "I'm gonna go back to Murrey's tonight."

"What?" Bella exclaimed. "Are you nuts? That 'Al' dude will kill you!"

"I have to do it," he said determinedly.

"Fine, but Rose and I are coming with you," Bella said and completely ignored Edward's protests.

Later, in the evening, Edward put three beers down on their table and continuously looked toward the entrance.

"Edward, let's just drink up, and then we'll leave," Rose insisted. "Please! I don't want to see you hurt."

"No way," Edward stopped her, and then downed the extra shot of Jagermeister he'd ordered with his beer. "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

"Have you binged all the Die Hard movies again?" Bella asked exasperatedly, recognizing the quote.

"Yeah, are you insecure about your masculinity, or something?" Rose asked, but Edward didn't answer her that question.

"Look, that Al acted like a dick yesterday, and I just think someone has to make sure he apologizes. I've simply concluded that someone has to be me."

At that moment, Al and his friend entered the bar, and Rose nodded toward them. "Here's your chance, Ed. They're here."

Edward tensed up momentarily, feeling all of his false bravado melting away in less than a second.

Al found them as he stood by the bar and yelled out his greeting, just as obnoxiously as he had the night before. "Hello there, beauties!"

After taking a deep breath, Edward braced himself and readied to stand up, but Rose stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"Don't! He only said 'hello'."

"He said 'hello, beauties' as if his approval of your looks is necessary for you to know. That's enough invasion for me," Edward insisted and tried to stand up again.

"No, you're gonna sit down," Bella said, got up from her own seat and pushed Edward back down. "I'm gonna get us some peanuts."

"Bella, I don't want you going up there alone," he said and once again tried to stand.

"I said, sit!"

Without waiting for his response, Bella sauntered up to the bar and placed herself between Al and his friend.

"Damn, you're looking mighty fine," Al said and appraised her up and down.

Bella smiled at them. "Thanks. I'd like to talk to you about my friend."

Al grinned. "Yeah, she's a real knock-out, ain't she? And you're quite sexy yourself. I believe the four of us can have a real good time."

"I'm sure we could," Bella said and fought off the disgust she felt.

"And hey, if you want me to punch that little dweeb you're with, just say the word," Al continued while his friend just stood and nodded silently.

"Actually," Bella started. "It was the dweeb I referred to before as my friend." Al and his supporter looked confused and didn't say anything so Bella continued. "Yeah, I just wanted to warn you that you should be very careful about pissing him off."

The two brawny men started to laugh and snort, but Bella grabbed the lapels of their jackets to regain their attention.

"I'm serious. Listen..."

"Okay, that's enough!" Edward declared and stood up again.

"No, Edward, they're just laughing. You know how funny Bella can be."

"No, Rose. This ends now." Edward walked up to the trio by the bar. "Is there a problem here?"

Al looked at him and shook his head. "No. No problem at all, right Pete?"

The friend, Pete, shook his head with wide, terrified eyes. "No problem."

"You're sure? Bella, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Bella said.

"Okay, good, but they were dickheads toward you and Rose yesterday. I just think they should apologize."

Bella nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

Edward glared at Al. "You were real jerks last night. Imposing yourselves on girls who didn't want anything to do with you. Being rude to the staff and all of that. I'm afraid I can't accept that."

Al held up his hands in surrender. "Look, dude, I don't want any trouble, okay. If you say I was wrong, then I was wrong, and I'm sorry. I'll go. C'mon, Pete. We're not welcome here anymore."

In total confusion, Edward watched the two men run out of the door as if the devil was chasing them, and it took him a moment to realize Bella must have said something outrageously scary about him, and he crossed his arms and waited for her to admit.

"What?" she asked and shrugged as if it was nothing.

"What did you say to them?"

"Nothing," she replied and took a sip of her beer, but he didn't relent and continued to stare at her. "Nothing! I didn't say anything. Your levelheadedness must have just made them realize they were assholes, that's all."

Edward didn't believe a word, but he understood he wouldn't get a word out of her. "Fine, then. Excuse me while I got to the bathroom to change my underwear."

When he was out of earshot, Rose leaned over to whisper in Bella's ear. "What did you say to them?"

Bella grinned mischievously. "I told them that Edward's the son of Sonny Barger's godson."

"Who's Sonny Barger?"

"Oh, no one important, really," Bella replied and took another sip of her beer. "Just the co-founder of the California chapter of Hell's Angels."

"I knew it!" Edward said and pointed an accusing finger at Bella as he came back around the corner he'd been hiding behind. "Are you crazy? How can you say that to two guys like that?"

"I just wanted the make them think twice before they beat you to death," Bella defended. "If you haven't noticed, I kinda like you, and don't want you to die."

"Thank you, Bella. I truly feel the love right now," Edward replied sarcastically. "Now I feel like a fraud."

"But why?" Rose asked. "You actually stood up for your beliefs this time. You gave him a piece of your mind and I thought you were great."

Edward straightened his back. "Really?"

"Absolutely," Bella agreed. "You were definitely my hero tonight."

A/N:

Poor Edward. It's not easy being a man when other men belittle you for actually not being an asshole.

I think this chapter can be relevant to what some men have to endure right now. Just like women, they have loads of societal standards they have to live up to, and if they don't … well, they're bullied by other men (or women) for not being manly enough.

Some men are insecure about their masculinity, just like some women are insecure about their femininity. I think we should all just try to sympathize more with each other instead of throwing horse shit around.

That was just my two cents ;-)