Magician's Note: Greetings, T2M clan! This idea popped into my head while I was at work, and that happens to be where I wrote the entire thing. Bear this in mind when you come to the realization tat there is no plot, substance, or redeeming quality of any kind contained within. Peace!

In no particular order…

Andrew Joshua Talon as the techno-gothic cyber Superman, NEO

TaroMD (aka The British Punisher) as the silver-clad, supercool VIRII TWINS

Tori Yuki Ichimora as the vinyl-wearing queen of the hackers herself, TRINITY

Christopher Magician as the only villain capable of looking badass in an ultra-lame grey suit, AGENT SMITH

Silver Raye Adams, (despite being a girl) for no reason aside from me not being able to think of someone else to play him, as MORPHEUS

Iruka Yuywell as the tasty temptress of the Internet, Persephone

And without further adieu…The Matrix: Regurgitated!

(Andrew and Tori sit on the couch of the Nebbua…um…Nebakinez…erm…shit, I have no idea how Morpheus spells the name of his ship. From now on, it'll just be called the Lollipop. Anyway, Andrew and Tori are sitting on the couch playing a game.)

TORI: You're way too slow.

ANDREW: (Losing) I'm The One! I'm not too slow, you're cheating!

TORI: You're only The One inside the Matrix. And how can I cheat at Pong?  (wins)

ANDREW: FUCK!!!

SILVER: Well, there goes any chance of a PG-13 rating.

TORI: For the movie or the fanfic?

SILVER: Both. Anyways…um…there's some bad stuff going on with the machines and Zion, and all that. We should really do something about it.

ANDREW: What's going on with Zion?

SILVER: Something about drilling to it, I think. I can't say for sure, the movie doesn't come out for a couple weeks yet.

ANDREW: Oh. So…what do we do, then?

SILVER: Jack into the Matrix? I don't know. I'm only playing Morpheus 'cause Chris couldn't find anybody else.

TORI: If we jack in, can I wear some black vinyl?

ANDREW: O.O

SILVER: For no reason except that I want to see Talon's face…yes.

ANDREW: …so happy…

(We cut to an extremely stylish and awesome scene where everyone enters the Matrix, backed by some swanky techno music. Once inside, we get a nice view of the highly fashionable clothes everyone has on.)

TORI: Sa-weeet…I didn't think they made anything but raincoats out of this material.

ANDREW: Vinyl…form-fitting… (passes out from too much bliss)

SILVER: Uhh…yeah. We'll just leave him here and go find ourselves some bad guy ass to whoop, kay?

TORI: Tight. (They walk off, leaving Talon unconscious beside the phone.)

ANDREW: (three hours later) Uggh…huh? Where is everybody?

CHRISTOPHER: Mr. Anderson!!!

ANDREW: Huh? (whirls around, the Bullettime catching his spin very nicely) Chris! What's up, man?

CHRISTOPHER: Dude, I'm not me. I'm Agent Smith, remember?

ANDREW: Right, my bad. Uh…oh shit! An Agent of the Matrix!

CHRISTOPHER: Surprised to see me, Mr. Anderson?

ANDREW: No, not really. You're in all the previews and stuff.

CHRISTOPHER: (face in his hand) Dude, you are RUINING my cool entrance.

ANDREW: Oh, gimme a break. You don't have the right to say the word 'cool' in that outfit.

CHRISTOPHER: …As much as I want to argue with that…you're just too right. Can we still fight?

ANDREW: Yeah, sure.  (They proceed to beat the ever-lovin' snot out of each other in one of the most wildly spectacular battle scenes ever generated by a silicon graphics computer.)

CHRISTOPHER: …huff…huff…can we be done now? I'm…huff…pretty tired..

ANDREW: pant…wheeze…yeah…but I won, okay?

CHRISTOPHER: No way! I SO beat you!

ANDREW: I beat a hundred of you. I think that qualifies as winning.

CHRISTOPHER: Again…can't really argue. I'm gonna go get a burger. (translates himself into the body of a nearby hooker and goes off to find a McDonald's)

ANDREW: Well, that was fun.

(crickets chirp)

ANDREW: Stupid Tori, beating me at Pong…

(Meanwhile, Tori and Silver are cruising along the highway in a mouth-wateringly cool BMW Z4)

TORI: Hey, this car is really nice. Did you upload this from the Construct when we jacked in?

SILVER: What? Uh, yeah, sure. Hey, turn on the radio.

TORI: Kay. (turns it on and flips through the channels. She stops a moment later, frowning) Hey, how come this will only play eighties music?

SILVER: Well…to tell you the truth, I kind of swiped it from 'Grand Theft Auto: Vice City'.

TORI: Oooh. So we can only listen to eighties?

SILVER: Yep.

TORI: Gotcha. (pulls out a HUGE gun and aims it at Silver's head) Prepare to be chunk3d, bitch.

SILVER: WHAT THE FUCK!!! (swerves wildly and nails a log truck, which goes on to star in Final Destination 2. The girls end up on the side of the road, watching as the Z4 goes spiraling off the freeway and lands on the Olsen twins)

TORI: Uh…truce?

SILVER: (Has an even bigger gun aimed at Tori) I'll tell you in a few seconds.

(Someplace off in the city, Andrew has entered a random building. He goes into a room and finds Iruka waiting for him, looking very seductive)

IRUKA: Hello, Neo…

ANDREW: O.O Wow. I'm about to pass out again, and there's not even any vinyl around.

IRUKA: (moving in a way that would have any man's attention) So…how's about you ditch that Trinity chick and run away with me?

ANDREW: Ahh…nah, I'm good, thanks. Great outfit, though.

IRUKA: Hey, thanks. It's kinda hard to wear, though. I feel like I'm gonna fall out.

ANDREW: Really? Can I…uh…hang around a while?

IRUKA: ~_-;  …No.

ANDREW: Nuts. Okay, seeya. (He leaves, walks don an alley and runs smack into

TARO-1: Well, hello Neo.

TARO-2: Smashing day, isn't it?

ANDREW: Taro? Why are there two of you?

TAROS-1&2: I'm playing the Virii Twins. There has to be two of me.

ANDREW: Well, whaddya know, That means you're one of the bad guys, right?

TARO-1: Hell yeah. Prepare to face my l33t silver trench coat, beeyatch!

TARO-2: I heard that!

ANDREW: Yeah, whatever. (waves a hand, and a pair of matching pianos fall on the two Taros) L33t that, suck4s.

IRUKA: Oooh, that was cool! Nice job, Talon!

ANDREW: Thanks! ^_^

IRUKA: Hey, do you think you could— (Doesn't finish speaking, because at that moment, her costume gives way)    O.0   …Eeep.

ANDREW: Holy SHIT!

TAROS-1&2: Yowza!

TARO-1: Now that's something you don't see every day.

TARO-2: (Holding a camcorder) Maybe you don't…

(At that moment, everything goes black. Talon, Silver, and Tori wake up in the Matrix-chair thingys on the Lollipop. They exchange confused glances.)

SILVER: What happened? Why did we jack out?

ANDREW: Maybe the machines found Zion and destroyed mankind?

TORI: (looking at a message on one of the Lollipop's many screens) It's worse than that…

SILVER: Why? What's happened?

TORI: We're out of special effects money.

ANDREW: …

SILVER: …

ANDREW: We're in a Matrix movie, though…can that happen?

SILVER: Apparently so. I guess this means we don't have to worry about saving humanity any more, then.

ANDREW: (Scratching his head thoughtfully) Did we ever actually do that?

SILVER: Er…I suppose not. Huh.

TORI: Well, not that we have some free time, any body up for Pong?

ANDREW: Ach. No WAY.

TORI: Oh, come on. I'll put on some…vinyl.

ANDREW: (dies from joy)

Magician's Note: There it is, everyone! My stupidest, most utterly pointless fanfic---ever!!! It was a great deal of fun to write though, and I do apologize that most of us are so completely OOC. It dos make for a bit of entertainment though, ne? Everyone take care, and watch out for Agents!

(puts on his Agent Smith shades and vanishes)