Swinging Detective. Chapter 1.

This story was inspired by a number of things, not the least of which was Bayonetta, various martial arts action movies, my deep appreciation for jazz music and the swinger culture of the 40's, my love for the story and cast of Skullgirls, and the fact that Naruto is just a fun character to try new ideas out with.

As usual I'm accompanied by my brother in all but blood The Swordslinger, and I hope you all can enjoy this number. Without further ado, let's swing baby!

This story is second to both Life is Cosmic and Kamen Rider Ittune. But it'll probably comfort some of you, the ones who care at least, that this story is also very much near completion, so after the initial chapters are posted, the following ones will no doubt come soon.

We hope you enjoy this story and its ensuing chapters, which will be uploaded en-masse with little commentary from us.

I do not own Naruto which is owned by Masashi Kishimoto( unfortunately), Skullgirls by Lab Zero Games, or any jazz songs, they're all owned by their respective owners.

As a general warning, for the sake of story writing, I'm bumping up the ages of several characters, the Skullgirl incident that we all know from the game didn't take place until roughly two to three years after it did in canon.

You'll see what I mean as we go.

Ages for those of you who care. Relevant age changes will be listed, others will not.

Naruto: 25.

Ms. Nadia Fortune: 23.

Cerebella: 22.

Peacock: 15.

Marie: 15.

Feng: 22.

Bold for demon speech, Painwheel speech, or similar characters talking.

Bold and Italic for attack names.

Italic for thoughts and flashbacks.

Recommended listening.

Black Cat Zoots - No Swingin' in your walkin'.

Bunraku OST: Puttin' on the Blitz.

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy: Jumpin' Jack.

X-X-X-X-X

Cinders are a beautiful thing for some people, their color can bring a soothing peace to them. But when cinder is all there is as far as the eye could see to the cackling of a madman laughing down at the burnt carcasses of the innocent, such things were not something to enjoy.

A single boy was standing between the madman and his goals. Like all tales with a hero, this one had the villain enjoying his moment of triumph as he towered over the only person to oppose him. Determination flashed in the kid's eyes as he marched forward.

But that story did not have a happy ending. He failed to defeat the madman under his own power and was cast into darkness as the last of his world burnt down to ashes. His failure marked the death of an entire civilization which he was the last of. And so, dust to dust, ashes to ashes, he and his story were forgotten.

Yet, he lived on. Tossed into the abyss from which there was no escape, this simple boy defied fate and managed to cling desperately to life. In the dark waters in which he fell, he woke up one day at death's door, met a simple girl, became her dearest friend, and from there a story of luck and pluck unfolds.

X-X-X-X-X

A phone rang, bringing life to one man. From the depths of a couch bed, covered by little more than bundles of unwashed clothes and a makeshift pillow created from a rolled-up jacket. A tanned hand shot up and clumsily reached for a phone that was right nearby a worn yet sturdy coffee table, where a cup filled with lollipops of various flavors rested.

"…Yeah, this is Detective... Naruto Uzumaki speaking. Who calls at seven thirty in the morning?" despite his tiredness, he possessed a mature voice. A soothing calmness to it provided by years of many, many events that changed a child into a man. Better explained: he sounded so tired he was out of damns to give and accepted the good and bad of the world. Or just lazy, as others would say.

The figure that emerged from the messy bed had a head of wild blond hair worn in a style best described as a mop top, his bangs hiding his ears. With a body bearing dozens of scars, ripped yet relatively lean, and with tan from a life under the sun. He cut a handsome picture as he got out of bed in little more than a pair of froggy boxers.

He listened to the voice on the phone, it sounded as grotesque as a pile of talking meat, or so the dozy detective thought as he listened to it. "I have need of a detective's service, yes. Can you look out for a pale girl in a maid outfit? She's important to me, which is me Aeon! I want you to protect h-"

"Sorry Miss, I do rescue and discovery jobs, bodyguard stuff just ain't my thing anymore, even more given how those that ask for the job haven't been trustworthy. Bye."

"Wait!" He hung up just as the voice tried to tell him to stay on the phone, then walked over to a record player and turned it on. He grinned as he heard the upbeat and wild music he so adored play.

"Lessee, should I run the Medici gambling den dry or go by Little Innsmouth? I've got that case regarding that missing Carol girl to take care of… Decisions, decisions… River King Casino it is."

Humming to himself as he made up his mind, he went into his one room shower and toilet, then begun cleaning himself up. He looked at an old newspaper on a desk at the other end of the room. It had a picture of a blond boy with whisker-like birthmarks found legally dead on a river bank. He loved reading the bit where said kid gave the guys at the morgue a scare when he tore through his coffin before he got roasted in the incinerator.

After finishing his daily routine, he slipped on his work attire. He bandaged his hands, which had the most scars, including two jagged stripes that traced their path all the way up to his elbows. He then placed black gloves over his fingers. Happy with that he slipped on a dark orange dress-shirt and adjusted a red tie.

With a grin he pulled on a black business coat and flipped a black trilby with an orange band into the air before it landed on his head at a jaunty angle. He kept the coat open, letting it flutter along his loosely tied up tie. Finally, he put on a pair of black dress pants, buckled them up, and slipped into a pair of two-toned shoes. Relishing his final item, he unwrapped a glimmering red lollipop and slipped it into his mouth with the stick hanging out from his lips in a manner akin to a cigarette. As he was about to leave, he paused, as if remembering something.

Whirling on his heel, he opened his desk drawer, and yanked out a pair of knuckle dusters that had metal knives attached to them, the blades could be removed by undoing the magnetic clamps that attached them to the knuckle dusters. Which in turn allowed for multiple avenues of attack, all at the tips of his fingers. Said knifes were colored a deep black with orange stripes running down their length. The brass knuckles themselves were colored a steely grey, and had pointed ends. Stashing them into his suit pockets, he was finally good to go.

The detective slid open his window and looked out from the high rise his office slash apartment was at. It was a three-story drop to the ground below, so he merely leapt out. His coat fluttered wildly in the gust that followed his movement. Spinning like a top, the detective let out a wild whoop of excitement as his body gathered momentum mid-air and then blasted forward. The rush of wind sent him flying like a rocket due to the torque he gathered.

With as much grace as a ballerina, he landed perfectly on a roof top nearly fifty yards away, his hand on his trilby while his whiskered cheeks spread into an amused if lazy foxy grin. "Well, I'm feeling lucky today, may as well see how good I am playing at the Medici's place."

He leapt off again, his entire body dashing through the air again. The only sign of his movement was a blur that very few residents noticed.

X-X-X-X-X

"You boys ain't getting too riled up, huh? I'm no slouch in gambling." Looking down at his royal flush then how the mafia around him were growing irritable with his constant winning, the detective stood up and took a small number of chips, just enough to pay for his rent, leaving most of the chips untouched.

With a whirl he took his coat which rested on his seat and put it back on, then exchanged the money he won for hard cash. Placing a thick but not massive wad of bills into his wallet, the detective hummed in an upbeat manner when he heard swing music get played on the radio. Jazz music had grown on him, and it would on anyone who visited New Meridian.

Until the music was abruptly stopped with a scratching noise that made him turn south. He was ready to leave but came face-to-magic-hat with a young woman looking irritated up at the much taller man. With a flourish he bowed down low to the young lady. His lazy foxy grin spread slightly yet remained calm as he took out the lollipop stick from his mouth while bowing. In doing so he avoided the attempted chokehold from one of the staff members. Quickly, he stood back up and flicked his lollipop stick.

The unusual projectile ricocheted off a roulette table, bounced off a few slot machines, then flew to stab the club radio dial, switching it back to on. The return of the tunes had the detective stand up and offer his lazy but genuine smile to the irritated woman tapping her foot at him.

"And how can I help you?" he asked while keeping his distance, studying the situation. He chuckled from seeing how his laidback demeanor irked her, "I didn't win too big. I just need enough money to pay this month's rent. Surely you can spare a couple hundred?"

"It's not that you won and didn't take a lot of money. It's that you steal from us when you do win big. Plus, you never come on a day when I'm not working. I don't mind you visiting me at the Cirque or when I've got my free time, but you better start planning it better Mr. Detective."

He talked to Cerebella, best described as utterly ravishing even on a bad day. Wearing an odd hat with a skull emblem and two flaps that went down the sides of her head, she wore a tight uniform that hugged the contours. It was best described as a jester's outfit, with a shoulder less orange dress with seemingly detached white sleeves, black thigh-high boots with pointy tips and skulls on the front where her foot and ankle met, and a diamond motif. The diamond in the rough theme she had fit her perfectly, but like many diamonds there were many who would take any measures necessary to use them for easy money.

He chuckled, taking a moment to talk seriously as he stared at her while putting another lollipop in his mouth, "I've been here long enough to see it's every man for himself in this city. But of course, you're not going to listen to me and will just pummel little old me out, will you not?"

Soon the hat morphed into a strange monster resting on the green haired lass' ponytailed head. Two huge arms with the same diamond motif sprouted from the sides, hanging inches from the ground yet not even bothering the girl or changing her center of gravity. She wasn't wearing the jester outfit for anything, she was an acrobat whose skills for walking on ropes were as natural as her large D-cups.

Her hat cracked its knuckles as she spoke, "You know me too well. I can't just let people think they can steal our money without proper retribution."

"Steal, me? That's rich considering this place. Heck, that's a fortune of yuks." He said with a lazy grin, put a hand on his hat to adjust it and his hands in his coat's pockets, "Ok then… let's dance ourselves to death.

Cerebella charged forward, her hat throwing a fast punch that was met with Naruto's right jab. She wasn't surprised to see him keep his left fist still in his coat's pockets, or that he had punched the air with his fist. His knuckle duster from before already equipped over that fist. They stepped back, Naruto put his hand back in his pocket while Cerebella posed casually with a bottle of champagne in hand.

The green head grinned, "A bottle of the best champagne to whoever brings me his hat."

Naruto instinctively turned his head to the side when a chair flew past him, brushing his hat. In that same instant he had thrown his left elbow back without pulling his hand out. Keeping his cool demeanor like a dancer in a stage, he twirled as he rammed his joint in his attacker's stomach, getting a direct shot into the man's liver and sending them flying into a poker table, snapping it in half.

Taking a moment to see what happened, the detective turned to the acrobat, "That's on him, right? No? Shoot." he asked with that lazy grin, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly but he really hadn't a care in the world.

A pair of goons came in from the side, trying to punch him and take his hat from him. With a quick spin akin to that of an energetic swing dancer's, he sent his right leg up. Its heel instantly connected squarely on their jaws, sending them flying back and impacting a wall. Then he had to duck a powerful punch that made the air thrum with force. Cerebella hadn't stopped fighting him either and was getting into the fight herself if her body's gyrating back and forth in excitement was any indication.

Before things got too messy, Naruto spun like a top, wind chakra gathering around his knives as the swing music kicked up almost as if timed with his moves. The moment the goons trying to attack him were two feet from him, he pulled out both knives and spun like a stop. He became a literal tornado, the blades of wind slashing the air and getting Cerebella's skirt to flutter wildly along with her heart. The wind's speed picked up, sending cards, men, tables, and chairs flying back with a quick combo that'd make two green clad shinobi proud. Cerebella slammed one of Vice Versa's massive limbs into the ground when the men started flying at her, using her other arm as a shield while also stabbing a pair of blades with her human hands into the floor to resist being blown away as well.

Once he stopped, twirling the knives between his fingers before pocketing them, he gave everyone a bow with his lazy Cheshire Cat grin, tipping down his hat, "I'm gonna level with you guys, I'm a couple steps above any random thug. You best go all in or all out because this can get wild. Go for broke or home, if you get me."

The acrobat's eyes widened in delight when she saw what happened next. When the wind stopped, Naruto stood in place while the goons rained around him like confetti. His eyes were glinting a deep blue that made Cerebella's blood pump wildly.

The days Naruto said were good were rare, so rare most of the time when he came around all she had to do was sic the mooks on him after he outwore his welcome and he'd high-tail it out of there after the place got roughed up a little. Never anything serious since he was well-liked for his big losses where he paid everything back in triplicate, occasionally even giving extremely valuable things to pay off his gambling debts.

One of the things he offered to pay his debt was an extraordinarily rare looking scroll he claimed was a gift from his dead master. All she knew about it was that it looked fantastic in Lorenzo's office, with its exquisitely painted script and symbols that seemed to glow bright red in the dead of the night.

When he woke up on a good day though… She could count on one thing more than any other, the fight they'd have would be enough to put her in a good mood for a week or two. He swore he only paid off his debts for her sake though. Something that warmed her heart when she was all by herself and thinking fond thoughts of the detective. Not that she'd ever admit she did such things to anyone.

"Alright, scratch that boys, I'll take care of him myself." She placed the champagne bottle on the ground and licked her lips slowly.

Naruto was just getting into the battle's rhythm as the swing music went into full overdrive, "Ready? If not, you could give me a kiss and I'd gladly drop down to my knees for you. Swear to the stars above girl." He offered with a wink.

She just grinned, "Keep dreaming."

He returned the grin, albeit still lazy, "Had to try, just wanted to see if you'd say yes."

With a wild swing his arm released a wind blade that moved faster than the naked eye could see. Cerebella had to dodge it just by sensing the air pressure change, which wasn't easy in the slightest as a cut opened over her cheek from the sharpness of the wind itself.

Licking the blood off her face when it came near her lips, Cerebella felt her blood pump so wildly she felt like a girl in love again. She didn't hate Naruto; in fact, he was one of the few guys she really liked. She enjoyed going out for a night to do battle with him when she was off the clock.

What really got her pumped, what made her like him so much, was the fact that they could fight so openly and with no real malice. She was usually business all the time which got tiring some nights, having a friendly rival like the detective really made her enjoy her job more.

She had even offered to take him out on a real date at least once. Only if he paid for dinner. She was still waiting on him to get off his lazy hide and coordinate something for them. She was a pricy girl and only the best would be appropriate for their date.

"Now we're talking." She said, getting ready, "It's not fun to fight you unless you put up a challenge, that's when slamming you around the dance floor feels the best."

The blond sighed, "History of my life, all dames I like seem to have it in for me. Well, let's see if we can end this soon, I don't want to ruin my suit by keeping this up for longer than needed."

Bobbing his head slowly, his body moved to the rhythm of the music playing. Its beat increased in speed along with his body. Cerebella licked her lips again, this time in some nervousness as she knew Naruto was going to show her what happened when he really got going. But even through that nervousness, she felt her heart beat as fast as it ever did. A blush came to her dark cheeks as she watched the blond detective's body blur out of sight.

Cerebella could only laugh loudly, her eyes taking in the sight of Naruto's body seeming to multiply due to sheer speed. "Let's dance, baby!"

She had to admire how Naruto flowed to a rhythm all his own, there was no one who could tell him what he could and couldn't do. And he did that just for fun. When he fought it was akin to a dance, every hit timed to the exact rhythm he was playing mentally. And right now, his rhythm told her he was going to blitz her. Slamming Vice Versa's hands in front of her body, she prepared for the coming hailstorm of blows she knew he was leading up to.

"Too slow, just too damn slow…" His smooth and relaxed voice came right from behind her and she could only spin about with a curse, yet to him it seemed like she was traveling through molasses. No matter how fast she tried to move, she saw his shoe already meeting her face.

In her eyes, all she saw was a gigantic demon fox towering over her. His heel stopped right in front of her nose, a huge explosion of force and air blowing her hair until it stopped. A drop of sweat rolled down Vice Versa's shocked expression while her face was a little slack seeing Naruto's free-spirited grin as he gently lowered his foot then flicked her nose.

"That was a great fight Cerebella." He said as if talking about the weather, "Let's go get some lunch at Little Innsmouth. I'm feeling in the mood for their deep-fried salmon and some soup..."

She growled at him, "Don't mock me!"

He side-stepped Vice Versa's punch with a soft smile, and then avoided the following combo by dancing around the large orange fists, "Had to try. Well then, see ya, girlie."

He waved cheekily but lazily at her as his body disappeared with a whirl of wind and leaves, leaving her to collapse in a heap on the ground. Her hands angrily pantomimed wringing the blond man's neck while she laid on the ground for a few seconds, Vice Versa pushing her body up as she could only sigh. Sweat poured down her face, back, and arms. All this fighting with nothing to show for it made the dark-skinned beauty feel like she got knocked around pointlessly.

"He didn't even have the courtesy to knock me out too. That damn lazy wannabe cop's looking down on me again." She steadied herself with a groan.

With a halfway muttered order, her fellow mafia got around to clean up the messed-up casino which quickly saw a return to business with virtually no diminishes. She on the other hand collapsed in a bathtub after everything was back in order. Warm water poured down her naked form, bubbles covered what wasn't already exposed as she could only sink down into the warm water and let it wash away her tired body.

Groaning to herself as she looked up at the white ceiling above her, Cerebella muttered out, "That guy is such a bastard keeping such a laidback façade… Next time he comes here and I'm off the clock, he can go jump off a bridge for all I care… Serves him right for doing this to me… And he can pay for dinner, a flick, an' a show too…stupid jerk…"

Her mutterings trailed off as she let the warm water wash away her aches, pains, and frustrations.

X-X-X-X-X

"Where's my favorite kitty...? Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

Cheerfully but calmly – almost tiredly - singing out, Naruto walked into a busy restaurant. A delicious smell of fried fish, noodles cooking, and seafood wafted through the air and filled his nose with their scrumptious aroma. A fist impacted the side of his head in a friendly clip.

The blond detective let out a good-natured ouch as a feline body rose up from a seat. "Keep trying to be cute and I'll be using you as a scratching post." Said a woman with dark skin, a white bob with evened bangs, and a very, very revealing outfit.

Her clothes were a blue sweater top, a choker, and tight short shorts. There was little to nothing left to the imagination on her curvy figure. Although not as endowed as Cerebella she was a lovely sight. Some even found her to be an exotic sight with her sharp eyes, sharper nails and toenails, and black cat ears and tail. Add to that the scar collection on her cheek and limbs, and Nadia "Miss" Fortune was ready to be the life of the party when all eyes landed on her.

Letting her see an almost sleepy smile, he replied casually, "You can, so long as I get to rub your belly." he chuckled good-naturedly.

She kept a grin, "Thanks for the offer, but these abs could grind meat." She smugly aimed her fingers to a six-pack people ogled almost as much as her curves.

He shrugged, "I forgot I was talking to one of the guys." He chuckled when getting a punch to his arm, his laidback grin returning, "You hit like a girl."

"Care to put your money where your mouth is?" she teased, getting into a battle-ready stance, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

He contemplated the idea, but in the end waved it off, "Nah, I got enough money from teasing Cerebella."

That got her to smile, albeit somewhat forced, "The busty bruiser? You really are a glutton for pain."

"Only if I get hit, Nadia-chan." He beamed lazily.

"You'd like to get hit on, wouldn't you?" she gave him a lopsided playful grin.

Playfully following her flow, he raised his hands in mock-surrender, "Guilty as charged, officer. What'll you do, take little me to the slammer?"

She mock-thought on it, "Nah, officer Fortune doesn't have the fearsome ring I'd like to strike on the heart of my enemies."

Throughout their entire conversation both parties couldn't help but smile at their little banter. It was a sign of the odd friendship between a private detective that had had enough shit beaten out of him by the world to fill every cereal bowl to exist, and a sneaky cat girl with a love for bad jokes and potato chips as big as her hate for eating seafood.

The two met when he was fished out of the river and promptly awoke in a coffin about to be shoved into an incinerator. His screaming and all but naked body scared the life out of the crematorium workers, and what happened shortly thereafter was a wild run through the city as he was overloaded with sensation after sensation.

Eventually collapsing in Little Innsmouth, the young teen was found by a young Nadia Fortune, the cat girl at the time had taken him in out of the kindness of her heart and helped nurse him back to health. From there the two had a lifelong friendship that saw many bumps and hurdles, the worst being when she disappeared for a while only to get back with multiple scars and, as she put it, a curse. He never asked what happened to her and didn't know why came back the way she did. She got in trouble with the Medici's, and he didn't ask about that either. Whenever she was ready to talk he had his listening ears strapped on and tight.

Having no knowledge of her past made being her best friend at times hard. She was surprisingly reluctant to open about herself or what she had went through. The most he ever got from her was that she was from the bad part of New Meridian, and with that he was silenced. He had come from a bad place himself, and he still knew the backways of this city like the veins of his hand. Been to one seedy part of town, been to them all.

"You still won't let me help you?" he asked once they finished joking around.

She smiled sadly, crossing her arms, "Nah, you're a good guy. This is my problem, but thanks."

"Yet you still have to deal with the Medici." He said calmly.

"You know I don't like you going near those guys, especially after everything they've done." Nadia said with a nasty scowl.

"Personal, I see." He said with a slightly more serious look in his eyes yet kept the carefree, sleepy grin.

"You haven't told me the full story of how you got those scars of yours." She said with a grin.

He sighed, "Touché...But I still worry about you. And right back at you."

"You know I can handle myself," she was right, Naruto wasn't exactly up to arguing over it, but he still felt worried for such a friendly girl. "Someday I'll settle the score."

"I know they're nothing but scum, which is why you need to be careful." He sighed as he popped a lollipop in his mouth like it was a cigarette, "Word on the street is that those crooks got something big planned. With a few rumors I've heard here and there and how some kids have been missing lately, I can't be too careful around their turf even if I may get a few laughs outta my favorite acrobat."

He sat down right next to her. Nadia gripped a glass of milk tight enough for it to threaten to crack.

"I hate them, and I hate that you're even playing around with one of their no-good worthless leg-breaking thugs. That Cerebella is a mafia woman through and through, you know that." And there it was, one of the other reasons she really hated him going to the River King Casino, "You can make excuses of how they got plans, but you're still being friendly with those monsters."

Naruto closed his eyes with a grimace at how Miss Fortune was getting worked up again. "Tell you what, those bastards are going to pay, but killing them is giving them an easy way to escape facing that. Even if it was a slow, painful death, they deserve to rot in jail like the scum they really are to see how everything they did was for nothing... At least that's my inner sadist speaking."

Miss Fortune's fanged smile made his heart warm right up, her hand placed itself onto his and grasped it tight, which was something he responded to with earnestness.

"I always love hearing that come from your lips, Fishcake."

"Shouldn't have told you what my name meant." He sighed with a tired smile. Her cheeky salute and extension of her tongue made Naruto laugh softly, the blond detective slammed his hand down with a loud cheer, "Okay, you got it. Anyway, hey boy. Give us your best salmon noodle and chicken noodle. Me and my pal here want to eat big."

The catfish chef gave a gruff chortle before going to fulfill their orders, Minette passing by with a bright smile. "You always make Nadia smile there Naruto, keep doing that and she might fall for you mo-"

Whatever Minette's smiling face was about to say was zipped by a rocket fist launched by blood. Nadia held her free arm out with a deep blush and irritated look.

"Hey! Don't go giving this private dick any ammo, Minette, even if it's a joke!" Naruto just looked bemused if still almost sleepy as he knew Nadia was fond of him.

She didn't just talk to him for no reason. He was just the one person she could talk about what she suffered, because she knew he hadn't been smelling roses all his life either. She was the only one who saw just what he had been like before all his wounds healed up.

One of the most horrific was how he had a gigantic burn over his back, a massive white piece of skin that just peeled off when he was still recovering with her, leaving only seared black muscle underneath. She had never asked once what he went through, although she had always suspected the Medici had a hand in what happened. He denied them even having a thing to do with his sorry state, only confessing to her when he had been at his most vulnerable that the man who did that to him got what he deserved and wouldn't bother him ever again.

Their food arrived without much further complaint, and the two old friends and more ate in friendly silence. With a gentle and soft grin, Naruto slapped down his own money to pay for the tab. Miss Fortune walked next to him with a hum of thought, her clawed hands held behind her head.

"Hey Fishcake, what're you planning to do now? The days still long and I… well, hey! I know, I wanted to ask if you'd like to go hang out with me!" Nadia noticed Naruto's gaze turning to her when she opened her mouth, and with a quick grin and a shrug she asked him that.

"A date with Miss Nadia Fortune, huh? Sure, count me in. We could liven up this joint." His cheerful and relaxed grin made the cat woman grin herself, with a laugh both ran out to have fun in the sea-side town.

X-X-x-X-x-X

And that was the first chapter, the next one will pop up shortly. Neither of us will add much commentary for the mass upload of chapters. Thoughts, criticisms, commentary, reviews, all are welcome.

Here's my big brother's-tired thoughts.

The Swordslinger here: After I worked on Loser, my own Naruto/Skullgirls fic, The Lord Of Pages couldn't hold himself and did this... Nah, in truth, he was working with this idea before I even had a concept for Loser. You're practically reading what inspired me to do that fic. Long story short, he had this idea for a while, struggled with it, redid it several times with my help, and as we went along we also did Loser. Over time, he finally got into the mood to do this and now here it is.