A/N: Welcome, my dear Lucifans! I am happy to present to you this new, little story of mine. It is very content heavy and bursting from the touchy-feels. Be prepared to read about the story of Samael. It's an emotional ride, so you might want to keep your tissues at hand. The story functions as a standalone, but also provides more information to those of you, who have read my big story "The Shallow Deep". I hope you'll enjoy the loads of connections I drew towards it. In case you read THIS story before "The Shallow Deep", you will most certainly have a great time as well :)

A massive THANK YOU to my beta Mango Supreme who helps me with this project. Your suggestions and corrections are absolutely out of this world and I am so grateful that you take your time to support me. We both know how much work this chapter needed from the both of us and the few paragraphs that had countless of rewrites. I am honoured you feel positive to stick along for the ride! Cheers to you, my friend.

Now, to everybody, hold onto your tissues and enjoy the read!

Recommended Songs for this chapter:
Freedom - Anthony Hamilton & Elayna Boynton

The definition of freedom:
Freedom - The absence of necessity, coercion or constraint in choice or action.

He believed freedom meant being able to do whatever he felt like doing.

That was an absolute bliss to him, especially since he had the expanse of eternity on his side. And because of this infinity combined with his curiosity, Samael was far from ever being bored. He was content in his freedom, or just about. Curiosity was a funny balance of wanting and searching, and in one moment, Samael felt for something particular. He just couldn't put his finger on what it was. He gave it a good few moments to ponder on it, but eternity inevitably let the mind wander and soon he lost interest. There was time to figure it out later - He had a thing to do.

His Father's order had been plain and simple: Let there be light. Not that this gave Samael any idea on how to execute his Father's wish. However, as he drifted through the darkness of the freshly created universe, he felt it. The divinity rushing through him, tingling in every fibre of his being, the anticipation of the "next step" just at the tips of his fingers, waiting on him for direction. It felt truly marvellous.

Wings spread and arms raised, Samael channelled his divine energy forward. Feeling the gases connect, melting together and beginning to gleam from an immeasurable force. At his palms the heated mass formed from his will into a gigantic ball of blazing light. Joy began to fill each cell of his being as he watched, lowering his hands, the new creation ease into a steady glow. The smile on his face was equally brilliant.

Now there was light.

The first light in a sea of darkness.

"I did it Father!" Samael gasped in surprise and stared at his work, overwhelmed.

"As I had requested." God responded calmly, His presence humming in the space around Samael. "This is the Morningstar. The first star to shine its light into this realm."

"The Morningstar…" Samael breathed in utter fascination, watching as the star pulsated and he could have sworn it reacted to his own heart's rhythm. Or did it react to his will to pulse? Perhaps it was just his excitement and imagination playing tricks on him, but about one thing he was fairly certain:

The Morningstar was special.

And he had been the one to create it.

"Stop that, Samael!" his Father's voice echoed, sending spine-chilling vibrations through his body. "Your work is of purpose, but the star is not special and not yours. Continue with your task, until the universe is bright and ready for what is to come."

Completely tensed up and shaken, Samael felt his excitement dimming, his joy reduced to a small, helpless spark that threatened to be extinguished by another chiding.

"Yes, Father," he quickly muttered, blinking away tears. "Forgive me…"

And so Samael continued to create stars, effectively, yet with hardly the same excitement and joy than with his first creation. They were all perfect, but none of them felt as special as the Morningstar.

For a moment of his existence - it might have been months or decades or even millennia, no one could really tell - he had been busy wandering on his latest work. A rock tucked into a stars orbit, called Earth by his Father. And although his brother Michael had provided him with the material to built it, Samael considered the overall construction of Earth as his personal masterpiece. Because what would have been so special about a ludicrous mass of plain dirt, without him shaping it into something more?

He loved working on Earth. It was not at all like the Silver City, with its smooth edges and curved structures. The perfect example of static, constant and firm. Everything looked clean, tidy and… dull. But Earth was different. It was breathing. Living. Changing. He had to admit, his Father's wish on creating this natural cycle had seemed rather odd to him at first. Why would there be the need for things to wither, if new ones would replace them just the same afterwards? Why not have an immortal, everlasting nature?

He had asked his Father about it, but He had shooed him away. Vexed, Samael had left and decided to find the answer to his question about Earth himself.

So he travelled along his creation. His painted canvas. His artwork. The planet's surface was blue water with a green, massive continent embedded in it. The planet was capped the at lowest latitude with ice and snow, where he had shaped massive glaciers like abstract sculptures, towering over the freezing seas. A bold, neat piece from afar, but the charm was when you got up and close to see the details.

He soared along the highest peaks of rough cut stone and the thick, humid hills of endless green in the mid of the continent. Attentively he passed by some of the places he had made bare, with nothing left but a covert of warm, ocherous sand. Only a few spots he had sprinkled with water here and there, making the surface shimmer from the constant heat of his sun.

He took his time, even though the idea of time was hardly a logical construct to him. Observing this nature, as his Father had called it, he came to an interesting understanding of his surrounding: It was the cycle of life and death that ironically made nature immortal. Growing and dying, re-growing and dying once again, over and over within fascinating intervals of warm and cold periods. His creation was perfect, as was everything made in his Father's name, of course, but still it filled him with a sense of pride to know that he had been the one to create such beauty.

"Again with the pride, Samael." God's omnipresent, harsh voice rang from above and pulled him out of his thoughts.

Samael's body shivered as he passed by a mountain ridge. A heavy tremor rang through his wings, moving all throughout his bones and into the tip of each of his feathers, the power of God's voice overwhelming and causing his wing muscles to stop working. Spiralling downwards he hit into patch of rough plates of stone that cracked and crunched from the impact. He grunted and shook from the strength of his Father's power, but managed to carefully push himself back onto his feet, dusting off his robe.

"Have I not told you often enough to swallow and drown it? You are not to have it strike roots and cloud your perception."

God's Voice reverberated through Samael's core, anchoring him to the ground. A sudden urge sparked inside him, slowly crumbling his blind obedience towards God, and causing a rush of protest in his veins.

"Why not enjoy my work, Father?" he called into the skies, "It felt good! And it's my creation! Just like the stars are mine!"

"Guard your tongue, son!" His voice thundered, making the ground beneath Samael shake. "You do not own a single piece of dust and your pride is making you arrogant! Get back to the Silver City and watch over your younger siblings."

Samael stood to the grounds rumbling, his confusion apparent. How was it arrogance, when he was enjoying the fruits of his labour? His brows narrowed, an angry resistance building inside him. "You didn't answer me!"

"I do not need to explain myself to you, Samael! Now go home, or else."

"But… ," He felt one more burst of energy course through him, vibrating through his body and words. He braced himself, the rest of his words tumbling out quickly, "I don't want to watch over the fledglings now! I want to-"

"SAMAEL!"

His Father's voice roared inside his mind, forcing him to his knees. He watched as the rocks beneath him began cracking and breaking off at their edges, and for a brief moment he felt a sharp pinch of hurt inside his chest upon seeing the surface he had shaped break apart in his Father's might. Swallowing down his protest he complied and slowly rose to his feet, head hanging low. His strength for resistance gone.

"As You wish... Father," he sighed quietly and pushed himself off. Ascending, he gave Earth one last mournful look before bursting into the void to transition onto the realm of the Silver City.

He did not stay in the Silver City. Not for long anyway.

The ceaseless chores and obedience alongside his siblings had him drained of any joy and excitement. Even playing his pranks on his siblings couldn't keep him entertained for long. Especially knowing that, no matter what he did, it always seemed to anger his Father, ending up in him being reprimanded. Though at least that small amount of attention was better than nothing.

Instead, he rather spend his time on Earth, even though he knew he would be taken back through the power of his Father at some point. Here at least he could pass the time with his curiosity rather than feeling stuck all the time.

He would watch as Earth would turn through its nature cycles on and on. He'd marvel about the beauty of his creation that had found its ways to perfect itself with each spin it made. Although he did feel something missing. Not on Earth in particular, but a feeling he had towards it. It wasn't truly his anymore. The once so raw chaos of Earth had now calmed down all on its own. The cycle of life and death he had implemented by his Father's wish, caused nature to be a fully independent force on its own. The pride he had once felt at its moment of creation had dimmed and Earth wasn't making him happy like he wanted to be.

It didn't help when his Father had shown off His latest project and plopped the lifeforms on the planet, displaying to Samael how they perfectly fit into the natural cycle and began to develop on their own. He spoke in length of these creatures, with such affection and delight, and said nothing to Samael on his work with the planet. The conversation left him with a odd feeling, an uncomfortable yearning that came out of nowhere.

Omniel, one of his younger brothers assigned to watch these new creatures, said they're evolving. He told Samael about the lifeforms having become massive creatures by now, dominating land, sea and air. They were very impressive to look at once Samael stood face to face with them. He found them to be enjoyable companions to observe and play with, even though they seemed to be more interested in eating rather than playing with him. But he didn't mind, as he was aware their rows of sharp spiked teeth could not harm his skin. The ones he particularly enjoyed to play with were the big flying creatures Omniel called Ornithocheirus.

He had watched them as they travelled all over the ocean onto the other side of the planet, in order to find a place to perform a special mating ritual. Calling out for female partners, ready to impress them with their size, strength and, amusingly, their colourful ridge on their long beaks. Apparently the rule was "the bigger the size and brighter its colour, the better" in order to succeed at finding a mate.

He took his time, once, to follow one of the male creatures on its journey. Watching from afar as it fought its way over the stormy sea, snapping for fish without stopping, pressing further towards its set goal. He could see the creature becoming weaker on its journey and it went to its absolute limits, but it never caved in. It always continued to travel, only taking breaks were absolute necessary and never was it dawdling, driven by its inner compass and programming to procreate; To become immortal by creating life.

It was fascinating. Seeing such endless determination, the will to keep on going onto this bizarre and ruthless journey, even when the creature was old and fragile and close to dying. It was taking the risks, no matter what. It would die without regrets, having taken the journey to get the chance to create offspring one last time.

Nobody forced it to make the journey. It simply felt the unwavering need to do it, no matter what. Pushing on and on with a seemingly endless amount of willpower, free from disapproving looks and demeaning judgements.

He knew that feeling. That Curiosity: like an invisible force it was his engine, pushing him forward, upward. His path to joy and fulfilment. His freedom… But he was not allowed to be curious. To ask questions and to explore. In fact, he was reprimanded for exactly that by his Father.

No… I'm not free, he realized with a wave of bitterness. And neither are my siblings.

Then what was this freedom he was following this entire time? This feeling that sparked at his lighting of the universe? He felt the craving to embrace it ever since he could remember being created. He craved to know, to understand.

He was aware that his Father knew everything, which was the reason why Samael continuously sought his presence. However each time Samael tried to approach Him and ask for guidance, God dismissed him. Reminding him to continue his duties and if he was in need of comfort, to seek it from his Mother instead. But Samael was sure that his Mother wasn't the right person for his questions, as he was looking for information and not coddling. By that point Father would end the conversation and disappear to his study. He and his siblings heard less from Him and it was a rare sight to see Him out of His study nowadays.

His Mother tried to make up for God's absence, but Samael could tell She was heartbroken from the neglect. He went to Her one day with his soul hurting and in desperate need for a healing embrace. But when Her presence, bright with warmth and love, tenderly enveloped him, it felt harsh and bitter to touch and left him stinging. Her soothing words were tinged with grief and rage, and he realized just then, that even his Mother was not the comfort he needed or wanted.

So Samael continued to persist in his Father's company. He had made it to the study and quietly snuck into the room to catch a glimpse of God's newest project. He was noticed right away, which didn't surprise him as God was omniscient, but he noted gleefully he made it in two steps more than the last try. Progress.

As he was pushed out the room by his Father, Samael managed to take another peek at the project. From what he had observed so far, the creature God was relentlessly working on looked rather similar to Samael and his siblings. But it was far less graceful in its movements and even without wings, with no possibility to fly. Always walking... The idea of the little creature not being equipped with wings truly made Samael wonder.

"Why did you not give him wings, like you did to us?" he asked, as his Father continued to guide him out of His study.

"You really do not give up on your questioning, do you, son?" God muttered as Samael turned to face Him, both standing at the threshold. "He lives a different life than you. And Earth is not like the Silver City. He does not need wings. They would limit him."

Samael tilted his head to the side, looking puzzled.

"Limit him? But… that makes no sense." Samael looked back into the study before turning to his Father and continued, "Without the wings he is less agile, cannot pass a distance in a short amount of time and will be hindered from so many obstacles in his way. How would a set of wings limit him?"

Thinking about it, Samael pitied the little thing. This creature didn't know the pleasure of warm winds ruffling your feathers, pushing you higher through the sky, and how it brushed over your skin as you cut through the clouds.

"It's not always about the physical possibilities, Samael. It's also about the emotional experiences when your body is at its breaking point. Especially the emotional burdens." God explained cryptically, looking down at His son. "The human has something else that expands his boundaries and makes up for the missing wings."

"Human..." Samael repeated the creature's name with a new spark of curiosity and tried to catch another glance around his Father. "What does he have? What did you give him?" he asked, biting his lip. His dark eyes expectantly travelled upwards to look at his Father's expression again, the height of Him easily forcing Samael to crane his neck back to see better. He stared expectantly.

God's aura pulsated and a moment of quiet tension spread between them. "Free will," was His answer.

There was a small shimmer in God's eyes with the words that Samael immediately caught, but wasn't sure what to make of it. Amusement? Irritation? Sorrow? Samael couldn't decipher it, but he was intrigued. What did His Father mean? Instead of wings, He gave the human creature free will? Was free will making the human mobile, he wondered. Before he could ask, his Father took an effortless hold onto his robe's neckline, and carried him into the adjacent hall, opposite of the study.

He knew there was no point right now to ask more questions, for now. His Father had certainly picked up on the countless questions buzzing in his mind, but he was confident that he would get his answers from Him. He would not stop until he'd understood everything he wanted to know. Samuel was shaken from his train of thought as God released him, feet making soft contact with the floor. He watched, adjusting his robes, as his Father turned back towards the study. Suddenly a thought formed and Samael's final question echoes into the room.

"Did you give it to us? Free will. Do we have it?" Samael hesitantly called out, but God continued to step deeper into the study. "Father!? Answer me! Do we have it?" He started to run after Him, his body trembling from the growing realization. He frantically called out for a response. "Will you give it to us after the human!? Will we get free will from you?" The archway to the study began to glisten with a transparent film at first, but then abruptly shifted into a smooth marble wall as he was in fingers distance, sealing the study and effectively shutting him out.

"FATHER!?" Samael slapped his hands against the cool surface, the sound echoing in the hallway. He knew the conversation was done, but a small part of him held out for a response nonetheless. He stayed in the hallway, hands braced on the wall, waiting for an answer he knew wouldn't come. The only result from his lingering was the growing yearning inside him, and it was suffocating.

Anger crept up inside him. Why was it his Father hadn't answered? Had he been right? Had they truly not been created with free will? With freedom? Because, he was sure, if God had, He would have said so. His conclusion was rather simple. God decided for His immortal children to not be truly free, but instead gave freedom to the wingless little human. And it seemed that his Father never even intend to give him and his siblings free will either. It felt unjust. But did He not always say He was just?

Had He lied to them all?

Samael took off, confused and hurt. In silent suffering, he returned to his sanctuaries on Earth. He enjoyed the changing temperatures of night and day, the humidity and sounds created by the wind rushing through the forests and across the sheer mountain peaks. This was a much more pleasant place to be in, than the endless boredom of the Silver City, with its corresponding chores attached to it and, of course, Father's harshness, anger and neglect towards his curiosity. Here he actually experienced joy. His illusion of freedom. Until he'd be forced to return. As always.

God continued His work on the humanity-project and eventually had put two specimen on Earth in a secluded garden in the middle eastern hemisphere of Earth. Samael had yet to figure out where this garden was, it was nowhere near his usual haunts, but was pretty sure it was in one of the newer landmasses that had ripped itself off the main land. Samael, yet to be deterred in his curiosity, found God in his study and asked about the two humans. God looked at him with an almost askance expression, but answered his question. He explained that the male now had a companion, which was very different in form from the other. When Samael persisted, God gave him a wary glance and clarified.

"A female… I know you want to see her, son, but you may only watch from above. Do not interfere."

"I wouldn't dream of it... Father," Samael quipped back with a dark look, flaring his wings to fly away. Before he could push off, God turned fully to face him.

"You are to love the humans, Samael," God's voice suddenly rang inside the study.

Samael flinched, quickly recovering with a quiet scoff.

"Love them?" He ground his teeth, his hands curling to shaking fists at his sides. Had his Father no decency? No idea about what He was demanding of him? He, who never had shown a single drop of affection towards His children, especially not him. And now He had the guts to order him to love something that would not even love him back.

His own thought process suddenly made him freeze and his eyes began to water, a painful thought nestling in his mind and slicing into his heart. The humans might not be the only ones who don't love him back.

"Yes. Love them. You and your siblings are to love them more than you love me. You are to be kind to them, guide and help them on their way to greatness."

Samael's jaw locked - He couldn't respond. His chest and throat had tightened to the point it hurt and so he turned away from his Father and took off without another word.

Heaven wasn't the same for him after that. The thought of his Father having granted this new species actual free will, something he hadn't given any of his angelic children, gnawed at his thoughts. Until it buried into his immortal soul, and settled like a blight on his essence. Samael's inner distress showed in little things - his speech became sharp and scorning, his posture less open. His very light twisted from a soft warmth into a bitter heat, but his family was oblivious to his deterioration and suffering.

In fact, as obedient and loyal children, Samael's siblings reacted with similar contempt to his rebellious behaviour as their Father. They shunned and ostracised him from their gatherings, ignored him in conversations and even berated him to his pranks. Samael was soon forced to linger at the edges of the Silver City, where he could rest from the constant scorn. All the while bound to watch his brothers receive their fair-share of attention and affection from Him.

Samael knew that he was crumbling under the loneliness, but he was for sure not going to apologize for his curiosity. It would mean nothing in the end. But he wanted his brothers attention back, so he decided to take baby steps and offer to assist his brothers with their assignments. With one exception; Michael was an ass and Samael knew he'd be losing more then his sanity trying to get that brothers affect back. So for the rest of his siblings he ended up doing boring things like training the fledglings or writing down transcripts of God's words. The tasks were endless and growing in complexity. Designing the process of transcending souls to heaven was the most recent project he helped in, but it left him troubled.

The assignment had led him to retreat to the outer corners of the Silver City. Feet dangling off one of the outermost towers, he stared into the celestial distance. Wondering if his Father planned to bring the mortals into the realm of light, once they passed away. Would He grant them an eternal afterlife amongst angels? After they already had their life of free will? How exactly did the humans make use of their free will anyhow? What was a female human? And what was it, that had his Father so obsessed with these little, insignificant creatures to whom He gave so much more than His own children!?

He didn't know. And that just made the pain worse, because he felt that there was no way he could appease his siblings or his Father, not in a way that felt right for himself. The Silver City didn't feel like home for a long time and so Samael disobeyed. All of them. Pulling himself away and out of heaven's confines, descending to Earth and seeking out the answers himself.

Dipping through a set of fluffy clouds he aimed for what his Father had named the Garden of Eden. At once he felt the protection around the garden, not giving him the possibility to simply fly inside from above. Skimming the area he spotted what seemed to have been marked as the entrance and landed gracefully. In front of him was a broad ornate golden gate, crested with images of petals, vines, and grapes. Atop of the gate, Enochian runes were carved delicately into the metal frame and gleamed with divine light, reading: The Garden of Eden - Humanity's Paradise.

He licked his lips in nervous excitement. This was the only place he could think of where he could get answers to the buzzing whirlwind of questions swirling back and forth in him. And he was determined to get what he came for.

A/N: So here we are, at the end of the first chapter of this story, with a big section of Samael's early existence displayed. I know A LOT happened in here. How do you feel about it all? I hope I got the hurt/angst feels right and that you do feel a bit heavy-hearted. Not that I'm a sadist, but I honestly tried my best to let it feel as if you looked directly over Samael's shoulders, feeling the pain with him. :) Lemme know your opinions, your thoughts, your feedback, your criticism. All is most welcome!