Blothar Meets Wendy

By Shadowgate

….

After finishing a cross country tour of the USA the rock band GWAR was very pleased but also starving. They wanted to find a restaurant to eat in.

Blothar yelled at the tour bus driver "hurry the fuck up and find us a restaurant or we'll eat you!"

The bus driver picked up speed eventually going 95 miles per hour. The whole band started cheering because they loved going superfast.

15 minutes later a police officer pulled them over.

The bus driver opened the door and the police officer yelled "how fast do you plan on getting this bus up?"

The bus driver responded "I had a direct order from the band to go fast."

The police officer demanded the bus driver's license and registration. The bus driver pulled out a 357 magnum and blew the cop's head off.

After killing the police officer the tour bus driver started up the bus and kept moving on.

30 minutes later

The bus driver yelled "look there's a Wendy's restaurant up ahead!"

Gwar cheered and the bus driver pulled into the Wendy's parking lot.

The band got out and they were fucking starving.

When they entered the restaurant they saw a red headed girl behind the counter.

Blothar and the red headed girl met eye to eye and it was love at first sight.

She said "hi my name is Wendy and I'm the daughter of the founder."

Gwar's lead singer announced "I'm Blothar the Berserk and I'm the lead singer of the band GWAR! We're all very hungry!"

Wendy started crying.

Beefcake yelled "where's the beef?"

Wendy laughed and said "well that was the classic commercial that paid off but sadly we've no beef at this location. One of our delivery trucks got hijacked. They sent a second delivery truck but the driver of that truck was pulled over and arrested for possession of child pornography."

All the band members groaned except Blothar.

Blothar yelled "guys let's not whine like little pussies. We must help her out."

Beefcake asked "how the fuck do we help her out?"

Blothar replied "do you remember the Cannibal Corpse Shredded Humans that we listened to the other day?"

Beefcake nodded and growled happily.

Blothar said "let's run through this whole community and get some meat."

Wendy said "oh a few years back there was a rumor that our competition McDonalds was putting the flesh of missing dead children into their food. It turned out to be complete bullshit. If you get me human meat and a rumor starts with us people will dismiss it on the spot."

Blothar yelled "you're brilliant and I always fall for brilliant girls."

Wendy smiled and said "in spite of Wendy's Incorporated having a family restaurant image I just love loud vulgar rock bands."

Wendy and Blothar stared deep into each other's eyes.

Beefcake yelled "we'll get to the human slaughtering."

Wendy shouted with excitement "I'll fire up the grill and fryer."

30 minutes later GWAR murdered 100 people in the community and their bodies were used as hamburger meat not frozen just postmortem condition and later well done.

THE END