I sincerely have absolutely no idea why I'm writing this shit. I will never ever send you this letter or even dare hand it to you personally. I think that the alcohol finally got to me. But even that can't erase you off my mind. I've got zero clue why. You're just there, appearing in the most unlike situations. Like when I went on patrol alone this morning or when I was at this pub the other day, drinking my misery away. Surprisingly enough, thinking of you brought greater comfort than the one I expected and than the one any sort of drink could possibly offer. And you know, I shouldn't be feeling this way about you because you're my boss, for crying out loud! This is so, so inappropriate. Maybe it's my way of coping with my past, who knows. But for someone who tries to forget, I sure as hell recall our first meeting extremely well, details and everything.

You had set me up. Of course you did. I'll be foolish enough to believe you hadn't been orchestrating the whole thing for months. You kept an eye on me for Gods know how long. You came in alone. No backup whatsoever. I thought of you as foolish. I could destroy all of your bones with one punch but you still came alone. You caught me like a predator catches its prey. And instead of trying to run away, I stood there and listened to you because, fuck me, but what else was I supposed to do when a damn cop, a sheriff that is, went into all this trouble for my sorry ass? And you spoke to me and I realized your speech wasn't predetermined. I'm still not sure if you had prepared one before and decided not to go for it or hadn't even bothered in the first place, but if want to be honest, I'm pretty convinced the first scenario happened. But you spoke to me with sincerity and for some odd fucking reason, you admired me. You admired me for doing what I thought was the right thing. As if I needed to be praised for something so simple. It seemed simple to me back in the day. But now I understand better. I understand why you were so surprised by me.

But I still fail to understand why I'm so infatuated with you and why I'm writing to you something you'll never going to read. Ever.

Yours, Vi