Author's Note: This time features bloopers from the infamous 'false confession' scene. I'd like to explain I have nothing against NaruSaku... just that scene...

Sakura Confession I

"So, Naruto... you can forget your promise to me... You can stop chasing Sasuke..."

"Eeeeh? I haven't been doing that for your sake for years!" Naruto grinned broadly. "Thanks for telling me you're no longer in the running, though! Sasuke-tan will be mine!"

Sakura fainted.

Sakura Confession II

"Sasuke doesn't mean anything to me anymore! I was totally wrong to ever like him in the first place."

Naruto's whole face lit up. Sakura smiled hesitantly-

"I WON!" he yelled, looking straight past her and jabbing a finger at the other ninja. "She admits it, Kiba! Told you so, Sai! You both owe me super-sized ramen bowls at Ichiraku's! Oh, yeah, and don't forget you owe Lee five hundred push-ups each. Have fun with that."

"THAT'S HOW YOU REACT TO MY CONFESSING MY FEELINGS?!" she shrieked.

He gave her an annoyed look. "Sakura... you're a terrible liar, you know? Half my incredulity wasn't over your words, it was over you thinking you were convincing at all." He brightened again. "But the terms of the bet weren't you meaning it, it was 'that admission ever passing her lips'! Hehehe... Victory is mine!"

Sakura Confession III

"Of course I'd come all the way here! You're always talking about Sasuke this or Sasuke that, and chasing after Sasuke-"

"Ohhh... is that the way it is?" Naruto began to chuckle; Sakura stared at him in confusion. "Oh, I get it now. The Pervy Sage was right! All I needed to do to get you interested and force a confession was make you jealous!"

"Eeeeh?!"

"That's right!" he cackled. "You think I can't see through all this?! Me turning into a decent guy, my saving the village - you don't care about any of that! You just can't bear the thought of me leaving you for Sasuke!"

A silent moment passed, and then Sakura facepalmed.

Sakura Confession IV

"Naruto... I said, I love you!"

"You..." His eyes shifted to the side. "Oh... that's awkward."

"Wh...why?"

"Because I already accepted Hinata's confession."

"H-Hinata?! That-" Sakura checked herself. "I mean... she's never seemed the sort to... When?!"

"After Pain resurrected everyone. Yeah, she's shy, but she'd already made a pre-death partial confession, so the way had been eased." He braced his hands behind his head. "I don't have many feelings toward her yet, but I'm willing to try. It's such a novelty to be someone's first choice, you know? Never thought it would happen to me." A goofy smile spread across his face. "And she likes ramen!"

"She... she does?" Sakura echoed faintly. She couldn't fathom a shy, demure clan heiress like Hinata indulging in some common meal like ramen... Maybe she just went along with it for Naruto's sake? Yes, that had to be it. Probably forced herself to take a bite and threw it into the nearest potted plant while Naruto blindly gulped his down. Sakura knew what it was like to bend yourself out of shape to impress a guy-

"She actually beat me at a ramen-eating contest, can you believe it?! Forty-six bowls! It was the most awesome thing I ever-"

He was cut off by a thump as Sakura fainted.

Sakura Confession V

"What's happened to you, Sakura? You just suddenly start liking me..."

Sakura sighed. "It's Sai's fault," she admitted. "He showed me a classified experimental jutsu that enabled me to glimpse the future in a dozen years or so."

"And... we were married?" Naruto ventured. Sakura let out a crazed, mirthless laugh, then regained control of herself.

"I wish! I'd married Sasuke-"

"Sasuke comes back?"

"Oh, screw him! The bastard hadn't even kissed me, and we had a Genin-aged daughter together!" Sakura slammed her fist into her palm. "She hadn't even seen her father since she was a toddler! You'd better believe I have no feelings for him, after seeing what a deadbeat he grew up to be - always abroad 'for the sake of peace', my foot! I bet he had a wife in every village, that little..."

"And I take it I was better?"

She gave a great sigh. "Meanwhile, you were happily married with two children, and your children's sole complaint was that Daddy only sent a small army of shadow clones to dote on them at home because he was too busy at the office to show up in person. Your wife wasn't complaining... Naruto, I never knew you... I mean, I suppose it's to be expected from Jiraya's apprentice... but, I mean... I didn't realize... that sort of creative... Uh..."

"Eh? What are you talking about?" Naruto asked obliviously as Sakura turned redder and redder. "And - wait, back up there a minute! How'd I end up in a office?!"

"Where else would the Hokage work?!"

As Naruto gawped, Sakura grabbed him by the collar. "Look, you wanted an answer to your question?" she demanded. "I can have a deadbeat scumbag that leaves me a kissless near-virgin stuck raising his ingrate kid, or the responsible covert-ultra-pervert Hokage who's always there for his family, even if he has to do it through his proxies, and led the village into an era of unprecedented peace and prosperity! Who do you think I'm going to choose? Hell, that woman who was your future wife - you can marry her too if you want! Start a harem! Heaven knows you had enough Shadow Clones for one!"

Sakura Confession VI

"I can't continue to love a rogue shinobi, a criminal. I'm not a child anymore... I can separate reality from fantasy."

There was a cough from the side.

There Sasuke stood in all his radiant bishonen glory, his garments falling open to reveal his chiseled physique. "Sakura... I'm sorry for everything," he sighed dramatically, the motion causing the flimsy cloth to expose even more of his creamy skin. "But I'm too far gone into the darkness... I can't find my way out on my own. I can only be redeemed by your love..."

"KYAAAAA! SASUKE-KUN!"

Her tackle-glomp dissipated the Shadow Clone. After collapsing face-first into the snow and pushing herself up, sputtering, she turned to glare up at Naruto. "That wasn't funny. At all."

"Neither was the stunt you just pulled," he responded, arms folded in front of him. "Did you think of that?"

Sakura Confession VII

"I just told you I like you instead of Sasuke. You know the saying, right? 'Women are as fickle as autumn weather'."

"If that's what you truly believe... why should I accept your confession? Why should anyone accept your confession?"

"What? Because... well, I like you!"

"Let's pretend I believe you," Naruto said curtly. He jerked his head at the other ninja awkwardly watching the scene. "Why shouldn't I be expecting you to confess to Kiba this time next week, because your heart was moved by his animal magnetism? And Lee the week after that, because you were touched by his dedication to hard work? And Sai after that, because... uh... some reason. There's got to be something a woman could see in him."

"My enormous penis," Sai said cheerfully. Everyone looked at him. "What's that expression? Do you all want to take a look?" He opened his cloak and began undoing his belt.

"Uhh... we'll take your word for it, really." Naruto returned his attention to Sakura. "Point is, if your only explanation for your change of feelings is your own fickleness... why should I believe there's any merit to your feelings at all?"

Sakura Confession VIII

"What... did you... just say, Sakura?! Did I hear you right...? ...Maybe say it again...?"

"Naruto... I said, men have disappointed me for the last time, so I'm running off to be a lesbian with Ino!"

Sakura Confession IX

"What... did you... just say, Sakura?! Did I hear you right...? ...Maybe say it again...?"

"Naruto... I said, I love you! Sasuke doesn't mean anything to me anymore! I was totally wrong to ever like him in the first place-"

"Hey, what's going on?" a voice called from behind the assembled ninja. "Did another Konoha squad come to meet with you, Naruto?"

Naruto froze, then dispelled the group of disguised Shadow Clones. "I - this isn't what it looks like!" he said frantically to the real Kakashi, Yamato, Sai, Kiba, Lee, and Sakura, who had just walked up and were regarding him with quizzical expressions. "I- I've just been thinking really hard and needed to unwind, all right?! Nothing weird about it! H-how much did you guys hear, anyway?!"

Sakura Confession X

"As for why I fell in love with you, it's obvious..."

"...you realized that I am the current Official Chairman of the Uchiha Sasuke Fan Club," Naruto concluded, nodding.

"Yes - WAIT, WHAT?!"

"Oh, I'll admit we went through a real rough patch there, after his defection," Naruto went on obliviously. "People leaving the club right and left... dark days, I tell you. But then my cousin Karin contacted me out of the blue and offered to help me bring us back to our days of former glory. I wouldn't have been able to kickstart the revival without her unique placement to gather resources." He solemnly placed a hand on her shoulder. "For a limited time, if you rejoin now, we'll send you a free starter kit for your official Sasuke Starter Shrine, with real hair, blood, and skin samples, and a lifelike life-size body pillow of the one and only Uchiha Sasuke in the pose of your choice. For a paltry membership fee, she'll even send you an authentic piece of his clothing within three weeks, though she notified me that deliveries might be delayed right now due to personal commitments. You can't get this absolutely anywhere else, Sakura. Accept no imitators. There is only one true Uchiha Sasuke Fan Club, and you're looking at the head of it."

"That's - that's so gross! Blood samples?! And a b-body pillow?! Wh-what sort of girl do you think I am? And furthermore-" Her voice dropped. "How high is the membership fee?"

"Starts at 500 yen, goes up according to just how... intimate you want the garments to be. You can also opt for our monthly installment plan, where every month is a new-"

"And, as I was saying, you're all incredibly sick and disgusting people and I can't believe anyone would be depraved enough to pay for such a thing," Sakura said, just loudly enough to cover the jingle as she deposited a bag of coins into Naruto's outstretched hand.

Sakura Confession XI

"But it's weird!" Naruto exclaimed. "You came all this way here just to say this to me?!"

"Just...?! Just?! You think it's so easy for a girl to profess her love?! And what do you mean, came all the way here?!"

"Well - what about them?" Naruto demanded, pointing to the others. "What are they all here for? Why do they need to be here for this?"

"What do you think, Naruto?" Sai said with a creepy smile. "Because we all came to profess our love."

As the blond ran screaming into the distance, Sai met his comrades' unamused gazes with the same unnerving smile. "Didn't we?"

Sakura Confession XII

"I came here because I want you to return to the village! That's all!"

For several seconds, there was silence. "It just sounds like an excuse," Naruto said finally. "I mean, I get where you're coming from, Sakura."

"You... you do?"

"Yes," said Naruto, nodding solemnly. "I too plan to go find Sasuke and get him to return to the village by confessing my love."

There was a thump as Sakura fainted.