p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"span style="font-style: oblique;"'How could you let this happened?'/span/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Frankie's voice was still ringing in her head hours after the revelation of her affair with Ray. She can erase her friend's disdainful look from her memory. To be honest, Susan felt like a child caught doing something forbidden. The look in Frankie's eyes did nothing to help her feel better about it. After all, it's not like she was in peace with what happened between Ray and her. She fought against herself from their first night, since she woke up next to him in the morning, his arm around her waist. Their first morning was something else that she can't really describe. It felt weird, to be that close to him, yes, they slept together, but waking up in his arms was something she didn't excepted. His warmth against her skin, his breath on her neck, the way his hold her … she didn't plan it. She never expected him to stay the night, she believed that he was part of those who don't stay until the morning. She was wrong. Like she often seemed to be when it came to /Anyway, she knew it was a mistake, she shouldn't have slept with him. Even though she knew it, even if every fiber of her being yelled at her that she was making the biggest mistake of her life, she went back to him. Again, and again. She was looking for his arms around her, for his lips, for those little details on his body that she had memorized. It was nothing, she told herself times and times again, each time she called him, each time she opened her door to let him inside her apartment, letting him get closer and closer to her without even wanting it. Each time, she told him the same thing, repeating that it meant nothing, that she doesn't like him, it was just sex./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"It wasn't./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She found herself waiting for him at night, looking at her phone to see if he sent her something that day. She was anxiously anticipating the moment when he was going to push the door of the Dead Drop, announcing a new mission for them. Even knowing this, Susan fought against that feeling in her chest, not wanting to let him know how she felt. She wanted to keep it a secret forever, she wanted to wrap those moments with him in hermetic bubbles far from the real world./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She couldn't./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Because now, Frankie knew and the look in her eyes haunted her in ways she couldn't describe. The CIA operative was right, though, nobody would believe that Ray was responsible, nobody would believe that she wasn't the one who choose this. He was Ray. That oblivious guy who doesn't seem to understand what's going on half of the time. She knew better. He wasn't clueless or stupid, he just acted that way, some sort of defence mechanism to make people lower their guards around him, it worked with her. Hell, it worked more than she expected./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'Penny for your thoughts?' She raised her head from her glass of wine, looking to his face, seeing that adorable smile of his playing on his lips. Lips that she wanted to taste again, knowing exactly how they felt on hers, how warm they felt against her skin./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'Something about missing my nephew's birthday with what happened after … you know, edgy Will.' She lied, dropping her gaze on her hands again as she felt him study her as if he could read her like a book. He was not. It's Ray! That guy is the less perceptive person she even knew./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Ray said nothing, his gaze on her, waiting for something else, but she didn't say anything else. She wasn't able to. She couldn't tell him that she didn't think their relation wasn't just a fling, something meaningless. She couldn't give him hope on that when she wasn't sure of her own feelings, giving the impression she was just a teenager experiencing love for the first time. It wasn't love, she told herself, it was lust, physical attraction, nothing else. It was him who broke the silence./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'Teach him how to drive or something.' He said, shrugging his shoulders as if it were the most obvious thing./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'He's ten.'/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'Okay, and ….? ' Susan shot him a dark look before raising a brow, waiting for realization to wash over him. 'Oh. Right.'/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"And the question came to her again; how could she fall in love with him? But she was not in love with him. That she was certain. She allowed her to relax next to him, yes, but she never allowed herself to feel anything remotely close to love for Ray. Susan couldn't deny that she liked those nights with him, but not him. She liked the impression of feeling alive, that was it. She just took comfort in him, nothing more. Yet, the way Ray acted at this moment, the realization on his face, the childish smile on his lips, made her heart skip a beat. The last time she felt like that was when she met her ex-husband, years ago, and it didn't end well. The psychiatrist thought that her last experience with relationships would have made her careful in that kind of situation; instead, she found herself diving headfirst even if she knew the waters were infested by sharks./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Are you being gross again?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Susan jumped at the sound of Frankie's voice behind her, noticing how she observed at Ray for a long time now, not saying anything. He seemed to notice to, looking at her with an eyebrow raised in a question mark. If he was going to say something to her, the spy's interruption was enough to changed is mind./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I'm always a bit gross," said the FBI agent before walking towards the door, far from them and its amused Susan that even after so many months, Ray was still mildly scared of Frankie. She watched him go, in silence, taking all the time in the word to turns toward Frankie./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It was just one night," she finally said, lowly, knowing that it was a useless lie./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""17 and a half, according to him"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It meant nothing Frankie. We already talked about it." She put a little bit more effort in her lies this time, not sure it was worth the effort anyway. Her friend was now the other side of the bar, a beer in her hand, and the look in her eyes was enough to make Susan understand she didn't believe her at all./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"' Yeah, I know, ' Frankie said, her tone light. 'I don't want to talk about it either. Wanna play pool ? ' The spy didn't wait for an answer, making a move towards the pool table and Susan waited a few seconds, a bit shocked by her friend's reaction. Of course, Frankie doesn't want to talk to her about it, it's part of the conversations she doesn't want to have in any case and at this moment, Susan was glad, because she didn't have words to describe her feelings for Ray./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Standing up, she looked a few seconds toward the stairs, where she can still hear Ray's voice coming from upstairs and she choose to join Frankie, because after all, her relationship avec Ray meant nothing./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Frankie's voice was still ringing in her head hours after the revelation of her affair with Ray. She can erase her friend's disdainful look from her memory. To be honest, Susan felt like a child caught doing something forbidden. The look in Frankie's eyes did nothing to help her feel better about it. After all, it's not like she was in peace with what happened between Ray and her. She fought against herself from their first night, since she woke up next to him in the morning, his arm around her waist. Their first morning was something else that she can't really describe. It felt weird, to be that close to him, yes, they slept together, but waking up in his arms was something she didn't excepted. His warmth against her skin, his breath on her neck, the way his hold her … she didn't plan it. She never expected him to stay the night, she believed that he was part of those who don't stay until the morning. She was wrong. Like she often seemed to be when it came to /Anyway, she knew it was a mistake, she shouldn't have slept with him. Even though she knew it, even if every fiber of her being yelled at her that she was making the biggest mistake of her life, she went back to him. Again, and again. She was looking for his arms around her, for his lips, for those little details on his body that she had memorized. It was nothing, she told herself times and times again, each time she called him, each time she opened her door to let him inside her apartment, letting him get closer and closer to her without even wanting it. Each time, she told him the same thing, repeating that it meant nothing, that she doesn't like him, it was just sex./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"It wasn't./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She found herself waiting for him at night, looking at her phone to see if he sent her something that day. She was anxiously anticipating the moment when he was going to push the door of the Dead Drop, announcing a new mission for them. Even knowing this, Susan fought against that feeling in her chest, not wanting to let him know how she felt. She wanted to keep it a secret forever, she wanted to wrap those moments with him in hermetic bubbles far from the real world./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She couldn't./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Because now, Frankie knew and the look in her eyes haunted her in ways she couldn't describe. The CIA operative was right, though, nobody would believe that Ray was responsible, nobody would believe that she wasn't the one who choose this. He was Ray. That oblivious guy who doesn't seem to understand what's going on half of the time. She knew better. He wasn't clueless or stupid, he just acted that way, some sort of defence mechanism to make people lower their guards around him, it worked with her. Hell, it worked more than she expected./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'Penny for your thoughts?' She raised her head from her glass of wine, looking to his face, seeing that adorable smile of his playing on his lips. Lips that she wanted to taste again, knowing exactly how they felt on hers, how warm they felt against her skin./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'Something about missing my nephew's birthday with what happened after … you know, edgy Will.' She lied, dropping her gaze on her hands again as she felt him study her as if he could read her like a book. He was not. It's Ray! That guy is the less perceptive person she even knew./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Ray said nothing, his gaze on her, waiting for something else, but she didn't say anything else. She wasn't able to. She couldn't tell him that she didn't think their relation wasn't just a fling, something meaningless. She couldn't give him hope on that when she wasn't sure of her own feelings, giving the impression she was just a teenager experiencing love for the first time. It wasn't love, she told herself, it was lust, physical attraction, nothing else. It was him who broke the silence./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'Teach him how to drive or something.' He said, shrugging his shoulders as if it were the most obvious thing./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'He's ten.'/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"'Okay, and ….? ' Susan shot him a dark look before raising a brow, waiting for realization to wash over him. 'Oh. Right.'/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"And the question came to her again; how could she fall in love with him? But she was not in love with him. That she was certain. She allowed her to relax next to him, yes, but she never allowed herself to feel anything remotely close to love for Ray. Susan couldn't deny that she liked those nights with him, but not him. She liked the impression of feeling alive, that was it. She just took comfort in him, nothing more. Yet, the way Ray acted at this moment, the realization on his face, the childish smile on his lips, made her heart skip a beat. The last time she felt like that was when she met her ex-husband, years ago, and it didn't end well. The psychiatrist thought that her last experience with relationships would have made her careful in that kind of situation; instead, she found herself diving headfirst even if she knew the waters were infested by sharks./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Are you being gross again?"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Susan jumped at the sound of Frankie's voice behind her, noticing how she observed at Ray for a long time now, not saying anything. He seemed to notice to, looking at her with an eyebrow raised in a question mark. If he was going to say something to her, the spy's interruption was enough to changed is mind./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I'm always a bit gross," said the FBI agent before walking towards the door, far from them and its amused Susan that even after so many months, Ray was still mildly scared of Frankie. She watched him go, in silence, taking all the time in the word to turns toward Frankie./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It was just one night," she finally said, lowly, knowing that it was a useless lie./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""17 and a half, according to him"/p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""It meant nothing Frankie. We already talked about it." She put a little bit more effort in her lies this time, not sure it was worth the effort anyway. Her friend was now the other side of the bar, a beer in her hand, and the look in her eyes was enough to make Susan understand she didn't believe her at all./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"' Yeah, I know, ' Frankie said, her tone light. 'I don't want to talk about it either. Wanna play pool ? ' The spy didn't wait for an answer, making a move towards the pool table and Susan waited a few seconds, a bit shocked by her friend's reaction. Of course, Frankie doesn't want to talk to her about it, it's part of the conversations she doesn't want to have in any case and at this moment, Susan was glad, because she didn't have words to describe her feelings for Ray./p
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Standing up, she looked a few seconds toward the stairs, where she can still hear Ray's voice coming from upstairs and she choose to join Frankie, because after all, her relationship avec Ray meant nothing./p