Chapter 3: SUGOI~!

I woke up slowly, rubbing my face as I awoke. I looked over at the beeping alarm and scowled at it. It shone '5 AM' in bright red letters at me, mocking me. Quickly turning it off I got out of bed and performed my morning rituals. Go pee, take a shower, put clothes on, leave the bathroom, realize I forgot to brush my teeth, go back into the bathroom, brush my teeth, leave the bathroom again.

I decided to forgo the bizarre detached sleeve things that 'I' usually wore when getting dressed. They didn't serve a purpose. It wasn't like it was cold here, and they looked stupid. I also didn't style my hair, letting it hang loose around my head. I would never get used to having black hair and eyes, but I could at least make them work without looking like an edgy middle-schooler. I picked up my bag-o'-bentos and took off for the training ground at a light jog.

Once there I looked around. I was early again.

'Well, shit.' I thought to myself 'It looks like I'll be waiting even longer than I had hoped. At least I won't be starving.' I smirked to myself. I walked over and sat against one of the three poles in the middle of the field and relaxed. Just as I was about to drift off to sleep I heard a shrill voice from across the field.

"Good morning Sasuke-kun~" Sakura greeted me. She was tired, but still annoyingly upbeat and fake.

"Good morning Sakura-chan~" Naruto greeted her. His pleasantly joyful attitude being maintained despite the obvious sleepiness on his (beautiful) tired face.

"Ugh, hi Naruto." Sakura rolled her eyes and avoided eye contact with Naruto.

(She must perish for her transgressions.)

"Good morning Sakura-san, Naruto-san." I waved at them before sitting down next to one of the posts, trying to remain all business (despite how sexy Naruto looked when he was tired.)I grit my teeth; these interruptions were becoming more frequent. Either old-Sasuke was reemerging, or the continued mingling of our souls was causing our personalities to merge as well. Of course, this was all hypothesizing. Maybe there was no 'old-Sasuke' and 'me-Sasuke.' Maybe I was old-Sasuke and I got new memories from someone and had just assumed I was actually that someone in Sasuke's body. What if-

"Sasuke-kun, what happened to your hair?" Sakura asked once she got close enough to see me properly. She looked shocked, "And your cool sleeves are gone too!"

I turned to look at her, was it that big of a deal? Although I suppose in a world where everyone wore the same outfits all the time it might be.

"I didn't feel like doing my hair today." I shrug, trying to be friendly but distant. I wasn't sure if I was doing it right. I had always been more of a loud-mouthed smart-ass than a cool emo-kid in my past life. "It's not a big deal."

"Yeah, I know, I just..." She paused and looked at my loose hair. She pouted softly. "nothing, never mind."

(That bitch only liked me for my hair!)

'That bitch only liked me for my hair!'

Finally, both sides of my brain/soul agreed on something. I looked at Sakura and shrugged. If she stopped liking me because I changed my hair, then that was just another pro to not do my hair like an ass. Besides, I wouldn't want to date someone shallow enough to not like me for changing my hair anyway. This was a win-win situation as far as I was concerned.

Then I saw her lick her subtly lips.

'Shit!' I swore to myself 'I misread her; she thinks it's hot!'

I tried not to panic as she sat next to me. "So, what do you think the test will be about Sasuke-kun?" She asked as she rubbed shoulders with me. I simply shrugged in response, looking over to Naruto to see that he was hovering off to the side, clearly wanting to be next to Sakura, but afraid that one of us would react badly if he tried to join us. "He said it was survival training, right? So, does that mean campfires and gathering food and stuff?" She continued.

"Don't know, he'll be here soon anyway, so we should get ready." I lied, standing up.

"Hey, Sasuke, why'd you pack 3 bentos? What, are you trying to get fat?" Naruto asked. I glanced over to see him looking under the flap of my bag. Part of me wanted to be upset, but I couldn't stay mad at Naruto.

(Oh, I want him to look under more than just my bag's flap)

'Now you're just fucking with me. That doesn't even make sense.'

"Kakashi said we're doing survival training, that could mean anything, and who knows how long it will last. They're rations in case we're out here a long time." I said, brushing him off.

"But then why did you bring three?" Naruto asked, still looking through my bag. I smacked him on the top of the head gently, not enough to hurt him, but enough to let him think I was 'upset' with him.

"Because we're a team now, and I know you two don't take this shit seriously enough to think ahead. So, I packed one for each of you as well. I don't want to be held back by starving teammates." I said, I wanted to bridge the gap between the three of us as soon as possible, but I didn't want to make a complete 180 personality-wise. In a world where genjutsu is a thing, the heir of a multi-billion ryo estate suddenly acting strangely would raise suspicions I didn't want to deal with.

I grabbed a bento and handed it to Naruto. "Eat up, Kakashi's late and lunch just became breakfast."

"But Sasuke-kun, didn't Kakashi-sensei say if we ate breakfast we'd throw up?" Sakura interjected.

"He also said he'd meet us here over half an hour ago. Besides, you're acting like you've never worked out until you puked before." I said, trying to hide a smirk. Sakura needed to be whipped into shape ASAP, and if she 'loved' me as much as she said she did, then some minor shaming tactics would go a long way. She blushed and I pretended to look shocked. "You've… never worked out until you've puked before, have you?" I asked and she blushed harder.

I stepped away from Naruto, who was watching the interaction with a look of confusion. I grabbed another bento out of my bag and handed it to Sakura. "Eat up, if you puke, you wash your mouth out with water and keep going, ok?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. She nodded and took the bento.

I took the last bento for myself and began to eat. It wasn't anything big, I was never much of a cook in either of my lives. Just two riceballs, some cherry tomatoes, and a bottle of water. It was large enough that we wouldn't be starving but small enough that odds are they wouldn't throw up. I remember the 'survival test' in canon was pretty laid back, so long as we showed teamwork we would pass, but I still didn't want to risk them puking mid-combat if I hadn't already managed to botch the timeline. I needed to play as cautiously as possible. I dug into my small meal silently, urging the others to do so as well.

(⌐▨_▨)

"Yo, wazzup," Kakashi said as he finally entered into the clearing.

"You're late!" Naruto and Sakura screamed. I just shrugged.

"Yeah, sorry about that, I was getting catcalled by a bunch of construction workers and I had to teach them how to behave like proper ladies," Kakashi responded

I couldn't help but cock my head at that excuse, that definitely hadn't been part of canon. At least, I didn't think it had.

"Anyway!" I said rather loudly before Naruto and Sakura could call him out for lying. "Now that our glorious leader has arrived, what's this test you were talking about?" I ask.

Naruto and Sakura both glowered at Kakashi as he began explaining the test. He explained that he had two bells and that only the two that managed to get one from him would pass, with the other being sent back to the academy.

"And if none of you can get a bell before noon, then I'll tie you to those posts over there, and make you watch me eat my lunch in front of you. Muahahaha-huh? Why aren't you scared?" He asked when none of us freaked out over the ultimatum.

"We already ate," Naruto explained with a smile. "Your lies won't trick us Kakashi-sensei!"

"Are you saying you disobeyed a direct order from a superior officer?" Kakashi asked, giving Naruto the evil eye.

"Sasuke's the one that brought the food!" He shouted, trying to avoid punishment.

'Not cool dude.' I thought to myself.

Kakashi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Whatever, it's not a big deal."

(We can't blame Naruto, he's like a fragile dove. He's broken, and we must fix him with some sexual healing.)

'Fuck you.'

(Fuck you.)

'Fuck you.'

(Fuck Naruto.)

'Fuck you!'

(Maybe you're right, don't fuck Naruto.)

'Fuc- oh. Well, maybe you're not so-'

(Have Naruto fuck us.)

'FUCK YOU!'

I was drawn out of my inner conversation to see Kakashi snapping his fingers in front of me. "You know, ninja usually try to attack their target, not just stare at them."

I stood up to look around, it appeared as though the battle for the bells had begun while I was monologuing with myself. Although was it technically monologuing if there were two of me? Duologuing? Was that a thing? Snapping back to attention I look at Kakashi and shrugged.

"You outrank us severely, there's no way one of us could take you on singlehandedly. However, I can tell that my teammates are watching nearby, which means if I attack you, we'll all get a better understanding of your abilities so we can devise a proper plan when we regroup later.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, apparently having bought my excuse. "Oh, so you'd weaken yourself and give your competition more of a chance to seize the prize?"

"We're not competing against each other until you've been taken out of the picture." I bluff, "You're our primary threat, so until you're defeated, we're still a team. We can squabble over the bells later."

Kakashi raised his one visible eyebrow and I really hoped he was buying my bullshit right now. I turned around and shouted out to the tree line. "You hear that guys!? Still a team for now!" I scream before turning around and rushing Kakashi. I knew that I didn't have a chance to beat him, but I had bluffed that I was testing his abilities, so that's what I had to do.

I dashed towards him and old-Sasuke's instincts took over. I activated my Sharingan and pulled 2 kunai out of my pouch. I threw one at Kakashi in an attempt to throw him off balance before thrusting with the other one. Of course, he masterfully dodged both attacks and managed to leg-sweep me so I landed flat on my ass. I quickly jumped back up and began to perform hand seals.

"Fire Style: Great Fireball no Jutsu!" I shouted as I felt the burning sensation of chakra spiraling out from behind my navel and filling my whole body, the chakra ran to my lungs and I had the sudden urge to breathe out. It felt amazing. If using chakra felt like this, then it was no wonder so many ninjas went power hungry. This was the best I'd felt in my life, I felt like I could jump over the Eiffel tower if I wanted.

Of course, Kakashi dodged out of the way of my fireball as well. I hadn't expected anything different. I blinked and looked around to see where he had gone.

"You may possess the Sharingan, but you still don't know how to use it." I heard him whisper from behind me. I turn around as quickly as possible but before I could react I had received a swift kick to the back, sending me flying across the field where I skidded across the grass before coming to a stop near the treeline. I got up and scowled at the man before falling back into the safety of seclusion.

I made my way through the woods as quickly as I could in search of both Sakura and Naruto. I knew they had to be nearby, but I had been disoriented by Kakashi's kick and lost my sense of direction.

"Naruto! Sakura!" I whisper/yelled. "Get out here!"

After a moment Naruto dropped down from above. He looked me dead in the eyes and squinted. "Did you mean what you said? We're still a team?" He asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "we need to focus on taking out Kakashi-sensei, once we get the bells we can fight over them, but for now we need to focus on him," I explained

He looked at me for a moment longer before nodding. "Ok, that makes sense, y'know? Do you know where Sakura-chan is?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm all discombobulated from Kakashi-sensei's kick earlier."

"Disco-combo-bilated?" Naruto asked, cocking his head.

(He's fucking adorable!)

"Dizzy, let's just say it means I'm dizzy," I say, softly dumbing it down for him.

Naruto blushed, "Oh… I knew that." He grumbled before pointing further into the woods. "I think Sakura-chan's down there somewhere-"

"Eeeeeeeeek!" A shrill voice pierced the silence of the sky from where Naruto was pointing.

"Hurry!" I shout to my (sexy) teammate before sprinting towards the scream.

I and Naruto dash through the woods in silence as quickly as we can towards the scream. I didn't know what Kakashi was doing to Sakura, but it probably wouldn't look very "teamwork-y" if we let one of our teammates get knocked out without backup. Then again maybe Kakashi would fail her and let me and Naruto pass. We could be a two-man cell. (Just me and Naruto… alone.)

(After hard training sessions we could give each other massages to relax. On long missions, we could share a tent. Of course, I would 'forget' to pack the proper sleeping bags so we'd have to cuddle together for warmth. I would look longingly into his eyes as we pressed together and slowly lean in before-)

'FOCUS DAMNIT!'

Breaking out of the tree line me and Naruto came across a rather curious sight. Sakura was making out with a nearby oak tree and was grinding against it suggestively. She moaned loudly as she ran her tongue up and down the bark of the tree.

"Mnnng, Ohhhh~ Unf~ Sasuke-kun~, OF COURSE, I'll marry you~" She moaned as she continues to molest the innocent tree.

Me and Naruto just looked and stared in horror for at least 5 minutes as Sakura tried to make sweet love to vegetation. If I thought Sasuke needed therapy, that tree was going to need a friendly tree police officer to ask it to point on the stuffed teddy bear where the mean lady had touched it.

"It's called Angelic Illusion: Heavenly Viewing no Jutsu." A voice came from behind us. It was Kakashi, he too was staring at Sakura in a slight sense of confusion. "I didn't think I put that much chakra into the jutsu though; I guess she's just extra sensitive to genjutsu.

Me and Naruto both turned to look at the man, then to each other, then back to Sakura, then back to Kakashi.

"You should probably go help her." He hinted softly.

"Not it!" Naruto shouted before I could even think to respond. I frowned at him but sighed and nodded before making the long journey out into the field.

I placed a hand on Sakura's shoulder and ran a pulse of my chakra through her system, breaking her of the genjutsu. She blinked several times before stepping back and looked at the tree. She frowned and began to make "Pteh, pteh!" sounds as she spat any traces of bark off of her lips and tongue. Placing her hands on her knees, Sakura bent over. "Oh man, that was bad, thank the gods Sasuke-kun wasn't here to see tha- aaaaah! Sasuke-kun! W-what are- how long have you been standing there?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Long enough, you must be really hungry if the genjutsu made you want to eat a tree," I said, trying to help her save face.

"Y-yeah, hehe! G-guess that bento didn't fill me up as much as I thought it would, ha!" She tried to laugh it off, although her face was as red as a tomato.

"Whatever, never mind that. Let's meet back up with Naruto and make a plan." I said, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.

"Yahoooooooo!" Me and Sakura heard from nearby. We turned around to see Naruto dry humping another tree, and licking it. "Ooooh~ Unf~ Sakura-chan~, OF COURSE, I'll marry you!"

The sound of my palm hitting my face was most likely audible from the other side of the multiverse. I let out a loud sigh.

"Hold on a second," I whispered to Sakura before I walked towards Naruto.

(⌐▨_▨)

Author's Note

Sorry it took so long to update this thing, but I wasn't kidding when I said that UN:PoA was going to be my priority. However, since I'm still waiting on my beta for that story I decided to push out something for this one too. That being said I still hope you enjoyed this chapter.