Chapter 1: The best part of waking up, is PTSD in your cup!

I groaned as I rolled around in bed, stretching a bit. I couldn't remember what happened last night but it must have been something big. My everything felt like it had just been run through a wood chipper, stuffed into a small box, and run over by a soccer mom repeatedly in her SUV as she talked on her cellphone about global warming and how great she was for separating paper from plastic.

I kept my eyes shut and made myself comfortable. My alarm hadn't gone off yet, so that meant I managed to wake up early. I always loved waking up before my alarm, it was like finding an extra $20 in your wallet that you didn't know was there. I would have loved to lounge about a bit more if it weren't for the fact that I came to a rather disturbing realization.

These aren't my sheets.

My eyes shot open and revealed that not only was this not my bed, but this wasn't my house. Ok, don't panic! Don't panic! Nothing to worry about, there's nothing to worry about! Wow, did I always breathe this loud, or this fast?

Sitting up in bed I looked around the room rapidly. This room was weird. I mean, there was a very obvious Asian-ish design choice to the room, but that's not what was weird. What was weird was that everything looked like it had been made about twice as large as it normally would have. The walls were far too tall, and the doors were much taller than normal to match them. However the nearby desk was also rather large, and even the bed I was laying in was big enough to fit me without my feet hanging off or bumping my head on the headboard like normal.

'Ok,' I thought to myself, getting out of bed as quietly as I could 'either you're having one of those 'I went to heaven, and this is what I saw' experiences or you have been kidnapped by a giant, a weeb, or a giant weeb. Not that kind of giant weeb!'

I focused on breathing slowly, calmly, that was supposed to help with anxiety right? I think I read that in a book somewhere. I made my way to what I assumed was the bathroom. This may not be the best time for it, but I had to pee really bad. Just like every morning. Pissing yourself wasn't exactly the best way to put on a strong face in front of your captor. If he/she ever show up. You know for being kidnapped I was allowed a lot of freedom, I always expected there to be more chains involved for some reason.

Once I finished relieving myself I went to the sink, I washed my hands and turned to leave but I caught a glimpse of something in the mirror. Something that looked very different than it should have. I stared into the mirror, black eyes turning red, with 2 little tomoe marks swirling around the pupils. A flood of memories rushed into my mind. Memories that weren't mine, or were they? Itachi. Mom, dad, he killed them. He made me watch. Over and over again. In the hellscape of the Tsukyomi. He killed all of them. My family.

Some cosmic fuck-up had occurred. My soul had been uprooted and placed inside the body of Uchiha Sasuke. I was 12 years old. I was now an official genin of Konoha. I had just passed the academy exam yesterday, and I needed to report the academy to get my team assignment in a few hours. As these memories filled me, became a part of me, the hate and anguish became a part of me as well. The soul-crushing loneliness weighed heavy on me, knowing I was the last of my clan. No wonder Sasuke had been such an emo little twat in canon. This dude needed a therapist. I looked into the mirror and spoke aloud to myself, wondering just one thing.

"Why the fuck am I still white?"

Author's Notes

Shoutout to u/Raesong from reddit for issuing this little challenge. For anyone who's worried I'll ditch my other fic for this, don't. "Uzumaki Naruto: Patriarch of Ash" is the priority, and I won't be taking this one NEARLY as seriously. I'm not even going to waste my beta's time with it, I'm just shipping it raw. It's gonna be a fun side project I work on for kicks and giggles. I've never done a self-insert story before and am immensely uncomfortable writing in the first person, so please bear with me. However, the best way to get better at something is to do it, so here I am.

Future chapters will be longer, this is just a setup.