Disclaimer: I do not own My Hero Academia and never will. This is just a story I wrote because I'm a fan of My Hero Academia.

Also, the title is taken from a lyric from the song "This is Gospel" by Panic! At the Disco. I don't own that, either.

A/N: So... this was written almost two years ago, and I only posted it to AO3 lol. At the time I thought I'd abandon FFN but I decided against it, so... now everything is going to be posted to both sites, I guess. (I've seen other people do that, but if it's not allowed let me know.)

Anyway, enjoy~

the fear of falling apart

"Shouto, I'm okay," Izuku reassures, laughing lightly in an effort to ease the tension. "R-really…"

Shouto doesn't respond. For the past few minutes, he's been silently staring at Izuku's limp, bandaged arm, his one hand tenderly holding it by the wrist while the other traces along the length of Izuku's forearm.

Once again, Izuku had shattered the bones in his left arm after using his quirk against a villain. Recovery Girl managed to heal the injury at the cost of his stamina, warning him to be more careful in the future. Guilt weighs heavily in his chest as he lays on the grassy hill, resting his weary body while Shouto examines his wounded appendage.

His boyfriend's face is unreadable, as per usual. And that worries Izuku now more than ever. Shouto's mismatched eyes are vacant, his face rigid. Izuku can barely feel his nimble fingers dragging across every ridge and textured patch in the gauze covering his wound, back and forth, from Izuku's knuckles up to his bicep.

Is he mad? Upset? Concerned? Izuku can't tell, and he's afraid to ask.

"I wish you'd take better care of yourself," Shouto says suddenly, breaking the unbearable silence.

Izuku closes his eyes. "I know…"

"Why do you do this to yourself?" The wavering of Shouto's voice causes a piece of Izuku's heart to break off. Another fragment crumbles and falls when his love's hand slides down his bandaged arm to interlock with his own hand, squeezing it lightly to avoid hurting him. "Why do you continue to use your quirk when you know it does this to you…?"

Izuku sucks in a breath. "I-" The words catch in his throat, but he swallows and utters out: "I just want to prove myself-to prove I'm… worthy of becoming a hero." His grip on Shouto's hand tightens as memories of his childhood-the scrutiny from his peers for being quirkless, of being told he was weak and useless and incapable of ever becoming a hero-flash by like projections on the inside of his eyelids. "I want to be useful to everyone. I want to help others… especially those who have supported me all this time. My mom, you, Uraraka, Iida, All Might, Mr. Aizawa, Tsuyu… I don't want to let anybody down. I… can't let any of you down." His eyes begin to burn with oncoming tears, his chest constricting. His facial features form a grimace as he squeezes his closed eyes tighter.

He hears Shouto heave a sharp sigh before all falls silent again.

"You know, you're not gonna be too useful if every bone in your body is shattered." There's an edge to his voice that makes Izuku's eyes snap open. "You can't be a worthy hero if you're paralyzed. And…"

Shouto's voice cracks on the last word, and Izuku realizes that it wasn't anger in his voice, but… something else. An emotion he can't describe.

Izuku jerks upright into a sitting position. Wide green eyes meet a mismatched pair of irises that are clouding over with tears, but only for a moment before they're casted downward.

"Shouto..." He tenderly places his hands on either side of Shouto's face, forcing him to meet his gaze again.

"Izuku, I… I'm sorry…"

"What are you sorry for...?" Izuku's thumbs wipe away the flowing tears as he awaits Shouto's answer.

Slowly, Shouto's hand reaches up to hold onto Izuku's hand, nuzzling his cheek against his calloused palm, savoring the feeling of his touch. "A lot of people-everyone you mentioned-they'd be devastated if you were to-"

His breath hitches, abruptly ending his statement, but Izuku nods in understanding. If I were to die… from being so reckless. "I know…"

He knows, but he doesn't consider it too often. In the heat of a battle, the images of everyone he cares about flashes in his mind as his body springs into action. He doesn't have time to picture the consequences of his behavior-and how those consequences would affect the ones he loves.

If Izuku were to die saving Shouto from a dangerous situation, for instance, the trauma would likely weigh on him for the rest of his life. His dire need to be useful and protect others could leave a heavy emotional toll on those same people.

Izuku swallows the lump in his throat. Irony is cruel in that way, huh?

"Izuku…" Shouto's wavering voice breaks Izuku from his dreadful thoughts. "I-I'm sorry, I know it's selfish of me, but…" Tears are now trickling down his cheeks and colliding with Izuku's hands. "Just the thought of losing you kills me."

Izuku's arms instinctively move to surround Shouto's neck and pull him close, allowing him to bury his face in his shoulder and soak his hoodie with tears. One hand rubs his love's back in comfort as the other strokes his silky, two-toned hair.

He can now identify the emotion he heard in Shouto's voice before: fear.

"Shouto," Izuku whispers, his heart hanging heavy in his chest. "I'm… so sorry. I'll be more careful with myself from now on."

"Is that a promise…?" Shouto's voice is hoarse, almost a soundless breath.

Izuku breaks their embrace for a moment. His hands remain on the nape of Shouto's neck as his lips tentatively brush against his in a quick kiss, green eyes locking with a mismatched pair.

"I promise."

A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read my story, dear reader! Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts and feelings!

And if you'd like, feel free to check me out on AO3 as well: lost_soul_of_silver

~Hayley