"Actually, I don't think I can do this, Yang," I told my older sister while we stood in the kitchen.
Yang put a hand on my shoulder. "You've been putting this off all week, Rubes. The longer you push it off the more unnecessary pain you're going to have. Just go in there and tell him," She tried to encourage me.
We had been planning this for a long while. At least three months worth of discussions and crying on my part. All of it leading it up to Yang and I standing in the kitchen while I was dressed up fully in an outfit that Yang helped me pick out. Unfortunately, I was stuck leaning on her sense of style to help me for now as I had spent a lot of my life in things like big hoodies and loose fitting jeans. Anything that helped keep everyone from looking at me intently. The outfit I had now was the opposite of that. It popped and I was not used to that.
"I don't know Yang. I feel like playing dress up like some little kid," I complained.
Yang looked me over. "Oh please. You look cute as hell in this get up. You rock skirts better than I do, seriously."
Her comments didn't help my anxiety. "What if he laughs? Like I'm just making some kind of weird joke?" I asked my sister.
Yang didn't like that attitude. "Listen to me, Ruby. You are not a joke. You're my sister and I'm behind you one hundred percent no matter what. And once you tell him, so will Dad. You just have to toughen up a little bit and get through the hard part. I've got your back."
Yang's eyes locked into mine for what seemed like forever before I finally groaned. "Fine! I'll do it… " I told her. "You have to be right there with me though or else I'm going to run!"
Yang laughed. "No problem, Sis. I ain't going anywhere."
After that I took a deep breath and started for the kitchen door that lead into the living room. As I reached the door frame I hesitated a little but felt Yang give my back a little push encouraging me to keep going. On the other side was our Dad watching the local news on the couch. He had just got back from a week long mission that involved him and three other hunters from the area. Dad didn't enjoy when he was asked to go out because he was always worried about leaving me and Yang alone at home but he did it because he knew it would make the world safer for us. Now it felt like I was pushing that love.
We had stood there for a bit while I got my courage to say something. Finally, I took a deep breath and called out to him. "Dad?"
"Yeah man?" That response gave me a hurtful pang in my chest. He didn't even turn his head to look at me. Yang wrapped an arm around my shoulder to keep me encouraged despite that.
I tried again. "Dad," I said with a more firm tone than before.
He finally started to turn to look at us. "What'cha need, Ry…" He finally saw me and what I was wearing. He took a moment to look at me before switching his eyes between Yang and I. My brain was yelling at me to run off but Yang's grip was still holding strong on my shoulder. "Isn't Ryan a little old to be dressing him up in outfits, Yang?" Dad asked.
"It wasn't Yang…" I tried to push out. It only came out as a whisper though.
"Huh?" Was all Dad asked.
I worked up some more courage and managed to get my voice up louder. "Yang didn't make me wear this… I mean she picked it out but I wanted to wear it…" My eyes were on the floor after that. I didn't want to see the face he was potentially making right now.
I heard a noise of thought come from the couch he was on. "I'm not sure what's going on Ryan. Is everything okay?" He asked. He had said that name again. Every time it happened it was like a stab into me. I couldn't stand it anymore.
"Stop calling me that…" I said louder than I should have.
"What are you talking…" He tried.
"She's trying to tell you. Just listen," Yang interrupted.
What Yang had said pretty much let everything out of the bag. I looked up to see Dad's face looking deeply concerned. It was only a matter of time before I was sure it would be replaced by either him getting angry or shutting me out in disgust. It was such a long silence that my instinct to run just kept growing larger and larger. I looked up at Yang hoping she could offer something to help.
Dad's voice interrupted my silent prayers to my sister. "Rya… Sorry. Just tell me what you're thinking. I'm your father. You can talk to me," He said softly, finally pulling himself off the couch.
Yang squeezed me for a second. "This is your chance. You've got this." Her smile was so warm.
I decided I couldn't push it anymore. "I don't want to be called Ryan anymore. It… it bothers me."
"Okay," was all Dad said.
"Also…" I started again. "I'm not… I'm not… " I was stuck for second but Yang gave me another squeeze. "I'm not your son…" I could feel tears building up in my eyes making me squeeze them shut. The feeling to run turned itself into a full on body shake to the point where even Yang's comfort wasn't helping. "I'm… " I tried again but it wouldn't just come out.
Another minute of this was met with the feeling of a hand on top of my head. "Hey, hey… look at me," I heard Dad's voice trying to calm me down. I opened my eyes and saw him drop to a knee. "It's okay, kiddo. Just talk to me. You know I'll always listen," he comforted. His face had the softest smile I'd ever seen on the man. I couldn't hold it in anymore and fell into him wrapping my arms around his neck so I could cry into his shoulders. His arms wrapped around me and I could feel a hand slowly rub my back. "It's okay. Let it out," I heard him say through my sobs.
It took a minute but I managed to hold back a sob long enough to talk. "I'm your da… your daughter," I squeaked out as another sob pushed through.
Dad's hand kept slowly rubbing my back as I went into another fit. His voice was trying to sooth me again. "Of course you are," he said calmly. "You wouldn't lie to me. I'm just happy you finally told me."
We were like that for minutes on end as my crying ran through its course. I had even felt Yang join in on the family hug. Her presence helped calm me down before I completely soaked Dad's shirt. Things were going so much better than I expected. I just couldn't believe it.
Once my crying stopped Dad pulled me away to look at me. "Do you feel better?" He asked with a warm smile on his face. I only nodded while trying to wipe my face clean of any tears. At this point I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Dad gave me a quick moment to compose myself before talking again. "So, I don't know how these things are… " he started. "What do you want to be called then, kiddo?"
Yang chimed in for me while ruffling my hair. "She's kinda settled on the name Ruby. That's what I've been calling her for the last few months when it's just us."
"Ruby huh," Dad said, testing out the name. He looked me over and nodded. "I think it suits you perfectly. My little Ruby," he said with a wide smile. He pulled me back in for another deep hug that didn't involve crying.
"I love you, Dad," I said. I was just too happy that I couldn't help it.
He gave me an extra squeeze. "I love you too, Ruby."
This was just a feel good piece I wanted to write for a little while as it hit close to home for me. Nothing fancy or dramatic or especially. Just a fluff piece that makes me feel better and hopefully others who read it.