Dimitri POV:

There were many thoughts circling through my mind, the morning after the Equinox Dance. But only one played on repeat…I was too late.

If I closed my eyes images and memories flashed before me, flooding my brain: Strigoi Natalie Dashkov tearing the neck out of a guardian, Princess Vasilisa, drenched in blood and Rose… in that dress. I can't remember a time when Rose hadn't invaded my mind. Since the moment I first saw her I thought she was beautiful but as I got to know her, I realised just how beautiful she really is. Her image infected my mind slowly at first but now I see her everywhere. She's like a ghost, haunting me with whispered promises and fantasies that I could never achieve…I was too late.

I was in a dark place when I first came to St. Vladimir's Academy. I had just lost my friend and charge, Ivan and came to America to serve as the Princesses Guardian and escape the painful memories that still lingered in my hometown. I dove into the case of finding the two runaway students and bring them back to the academy as a distraction from my wallowing in self-pity , but everything changed once I saw her…I was too late.

I had been watching her for a while before that night before the night we had met. Standing in the shadows, watching Rose out in the wild. Laughing and smiling with others in the daylight but keeping a watchful eye on the princess and their surroundings at night. She had intrigued me from a far. I wanted to meet this wild girl I had heard so much about and she didn't disappoint…I was too late.

Her first smart ass comment and sassy remark, had me hooked. She made me forget my pain whenever she was around and opened me up to the joys of a world filled with Rose Hathaway…I was too late.

I was falling for her long before I realised and by then it was too late…I was too late.

I was head over heels in love with Rose Hathaway, my student, my guarding partner to the princess. It was impossible, but I couldn't stop it. As much as I lecture Rose about self-control, mine was faltering whenever I was around her. I managed to keep my feelings in check, for the most part. There were a few accidental slips during our training sessions and when she fell, but nothing happened. Until last night…I was too late.

For the sixth time tonight, I read the report on the situation. Prince Victor Dashkov attempted to kidnap Vasilisa so she would heal him. He hadn't expected guardians to follow Princess Vasilisa from the dance and so he was trapped and now he is held in a cell. Natalie Dashkov turned herself Strigoi under the order of her father and attacked the princess. Christian Ozera interfered, throwing himself in front of the princess. Natalie stabbed him in the stomach and went after the princess. Christian, dying of blood loss, used the last of his energy to set fire to Natalie allowing me to come in and stake her before she could reach the princess. Rose and I had entered the scene just in time…I was too late.

Vasilisa held Christian in her lap, his blood drenching her. The rest I can see without the report to remind me. Rose tossed her beautiful ebony hair to the side exposing her neck to Vasilisa, allowing her to sink her teeth in and drink. Rose collapsed, and the princess used her magic to heal the stab wound and bring Christian back to life. They were all taken to the infirmary, but everyone was fine, physically at least…I was too late.

I should have been there to protect the princess, but I was too busy doing something else, with Rose…I was too late.

Now, as I stare at the fresh crimson spot on my rumpled sheets, I can't help but see the images of what happened only hours earlier. Rose, naked and beautiful kissing me as she had in my lonely fantasies…I was too late.

I couldn't push her away and I didn't want to. We ended up on my bed entangled together. She was about to take the necklace off, but I told her to keep it on. A voice in my head told me to keep the necklace on her and I couldn't argue with it. Rose gave herself to me and I happily accepted. I took her virginity that night and now lies the lingering souvenir of her blood on my sheets…I was too late.

During the heat of our passion, the clasp had broken and when we finished the necklace fell to the floor awakening us to reality. I threw the necklace out the window explaining the lust charm it had held to Rose…I was too late.

I saw a flash of horror invade her features as she realised what we had done and what I was already destroying myself over…I was too late.

We didn't have time to discuss what had happened as Rose was sucked into the bond and told me what was happening. We both got changed as quick as we could. All Rose had to put on was that distracting black dress that made me relive the events of what had just happened. We sprinted out, meeting the princess just as Christian had set Natalie on fire. I staked Natalie quickly and the rest still replayed through my mind now…I was too late.

I was too late to stop Victor from attempting to kidnap the princess. I was too late to stop Natalie from becoming Strigoi. I was too late to save Christian from being stabbed. I was too late to save Vasilisa from the horrors she had witnessed. I was too late to Stop Rose from being bitten and I was too late to stop her from me. I should have realised sooner, maybe if I could have stopped her from entering my room, maybe I had stronger control, maybe if I took off that damned necklace then none of those things would have happened. We went too far too fast. Maybe if I didn't love her like I did, none of these things would have happened and she wouldn't have lost her virginity against her will. How violated must she feel? She didn't get the chance t experience her first time because it was all under the influence of magic.

Neither of us had a say in what happened but it was still my fault. I am the adult, a guardian, her mentor. I should have done something. It's my fault for thinking about her this way. For loving her and for wanting her. It was the wrong way for her to lose her virginity and experience her first time. She should have had a choice. I will forever hate Victor Dashkov for what he inflicted on us and what he forced us to do against our will.

I have to find her today and talk to her. She should report what happened between us. it might cost me my job and my reputation, but it is the right thing to do. She is innocent in all this and I shouldn't affect her future because she will be an amazing guardian and I will make sure she goes on developing her potential.

It was early morning, the time I usually leave for our training sessions. I knew Rose would come and so I felt to go meet her still wearing the clothes from the night before. She was already there when I arrived, with her gloves on punching a bag in the corner of the gym. She stopped punching when she heard me approach but didn't turn to look at me.

"I didn't think you were coming" she said striking the bag again. I walked slowly towards her.

"You shouldn't be here. You need time to heal after what happened." I told her as I got closer to her.

"Doctor gave me a clean bill of health," she said striking once more. Her stance still needed work, but she had improved tremendously since returning to the academy.

"You need more than just physical healing." I said coming to stand next to her. Silently I rearranged her position. "A lot of things happened last night that affect your mind as well as your body."

"Doesn't matter," she said quickly and turned to look at me with those gorgeous brown eyes. "They come first," she said, repeating the same guardian mantra drilled into us from infancy. She turned away quickly and resumed punching, but I was lost in the pool of her brown eyes. I recovered and grabbed the bag before she could punch it again.

"Not always," I said. She looked at me with a surprised expression. I was the one who followed the rules and obeyed the guardian code, but Rose needed to know that she was still important and as a guardian she needed to learn how to take care of herself, so she can take care of Princess Vasilisa. "Come," I said and led her to the mats where many of our sparring sessions took place.

I sat in the middle and she followed sitting opposite me. "Your job is to protect Vasilisa but to do that you need to take care of yourself. An injured or traumatised Guardian isn't going to me much use against a Strigoi. As guardians, we sacrifice so much for the Moroi, but we also deserve our own lives with our own choices. You deserve that, Rose." She shook her head.

"No, Lissa matter more than anyone. I need to keep her safe and alive."

"Not at the expense of your own health." Her head dropped to her lap.

"I owe her so much, Dimitri. I need to keep her safe, happy and alive. I owe it to her family. I promised them, the day of the funeral, that I would protect her with my life. That I would keep her safe from all the dangers of the world," she said still not looking at me.

"You will, when you are a guardian. Now, you have more freedom. train and prepare for the day you do become her guardian but do not let it rule over you." She was silent and when she finally spoke, I almost missed it.

"I owe her so much. I owe her my life," she whispered.

"No, you don't-" Rose's head shot up.

"Yes, I do. She saved me. She saved me. She brought me back to life. The accident, the report was right, I should have died. I did die, and Lissa brought me back to life. Like how she healed Christian. She brought me back and that created our bond. Christian was not dead, he was dying, she healed him. I was dead, gone and she brought me back not her family, me. With spirit."

"What?" I asked confused.

"Spirit, the forgotten fifth elemental magic. Lissa has it. That's why her compulsion is so strong, why she can heal and apparently bring the dead back to life. She brought me back using Spirit-"

"How do you know this" I cut in, recalling a time when she told me about the accident. Her eyes grew wide with realisation of what she said. She was hesitant, but I gave her a look and she sighed accepting she needed to answer me.

"Victor Dashkov told me," she said.

"You can't trust a word that man said. It was all to lure Vasilisa into his trap." I said. Rose shook her head.

"He didn't tell me this before. He told me last night."

"What?" I asked.

"After I was discharged from the infirmary, I went to where he was held to talk to him. He told me everything."

"And you believe him?" I asked.

"His plan failed, he's locked up. I see no reason for him to lie. He told me I am Shadow Kissed. That I came back from the land of the dead because of Vasilisa and it forged our bond."

"He could be lying," I said.

"It matches my findings from my research on St. Vladimir" She said. "There's more" she started. "He told me about the lust charm."

"What did he say?"

"He told me that it wouldn't have worked unless we had feelings for each other, that you had to…want me too." I was frozen for a minute. Do I lie and claim that it was all a spell, or do I tell her the truth and admit how I feel for her? I went with option two.

"Yes, Roza. He's right. I do feel for you." Surprise and hope filled her eyes and her lips raised into a small smile. I didn't want to break her hope, but I had to. "But we can't be together." Her face fell.

"What? Why not?"

"Because it's not right," I said taking her hand, forcing her to stay locked on my eyes. She had to know.

"Because of the age difference, right? Because you're seven years older than me and my mentor."

"Yes, but it's more than just that."

"Tell me," she whispered, like a plead, as if I had all the answers in the world.

"We are guardians. It's our job to protect the Moroi. To protect Lissa. We can't let anything get between our duty to protect her."

"I know that. Of course. Lissa is my first priority, always."

"She's not mine," I said honestly. She looked confused but then realisation took over. Her eyes widened. "You are."

"So, you're scared that if she were in danger, you wouldn't protect her. You would throw yourself in front of me." She knew me better than so many people. It's one of the reasons I love her.

"Yes." Rose nodded solemnly and tried to pull he hand back but I stopped her. "There's one other problem. As Dhampir we are expected to protect and obey our Moroi and our duty." Rose nodded. "It is our duty to further our race" Rose sharply looked at me. "A Dhampir can't have children with another Dhampir. Our relationship would be frowned upon by everyone in the vampire world, Moroi and Dhampir alike."

"Who cares what they think?" Rose burst out.

"I do. We have a reputation as guardians, Rose. You will be a guardian. I am a guardian. I have always been a guardian and I will only be a guardian. I don't have a choice. We don't have a choice." Rose was silent for a moment.

"I understand." She said at last. "Thank you, Guardian Belikov. Practice is over." She stood up and moved to leave. I stood up just as she reached the door.

"Rose." My voice boomed. She froze. "About last night." She tensed.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"you have to tell them. You have to report me." I said approaching her. She turned around faster than lightning.

"What? No. I can't. I won't. Dimitri, they will fire you."

"I know" I said coming to stand next to her.

"You'll lose your guardian status," she fought.

"I know," I repeated. "It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter? What about what you just said about our reputations as guardians? Your reputation will be destroyed," she exclaimed.

"It's not my reputation that I care about." Realisation hit her quickly. "What I did was wrong, and I deserve the punishment. They can banish me, strip me of my rank. I don't care. But you should not be affected."

"Dimitri, you did nothing wrong. You are just as innocent as I am. There is nothing wrong with having feelings. It was that damned necklace."

"It's wrong for me to feel this way about you," I said closing the gap between us. "And yet, I can't stop feeling this way for you. You need to tell, and I need to leave. You should hate me," I said looking deep into her eyes.

"I don't."

"You Should. I destroyed you. I took something that wasn't mine to take. I took it from you against your will, without consent."

"Did you see me pushing you away?" Rose asked with a hint of humour.

"That's not the point. You might as well have been drunk; you didn't know what you were doing."

"Neither did you," she said placing a gentle hand on my cheek. "You didn't rape me Dimitri. Sure, it wasn't the way I imagined my first time. But it was with someone who I love and trust. As victor said, the spell wouldn't have worked if you had no feelings for me. I'm not traumatised or destroyed. Actually, I'm glad. I'm glad it was with you. I just wish it were in other circumstances, but I've realised something. The place doesn't matter. The person does. I never expected my first time to be in a guardian's dorm whilst my best friend's life was on the line. But, with someone you love, you could be anywhere, and it would be incredible. Being in the most luxurious bed in the world wouldn't matter if you were with someone you didn't love." I was speechless for a moment. I let her words settle in my mind as a small smirk grew on my lips.

"When did you become so wise?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"I guess I have a good mentor," she beamed in response. Her smile lit up my world and turned everything that once looked grey, to colour. "So, what happens now." She asked.

"That's up to you," I said.

"I'm not going to turn you in." She said defiantly.

I sighed but a small smile sat on my lips "Always so stubborn," I muttered.

"Yup, you'd better get used to it."

"Oh, I am," I said and with that I closed the gap pushing her up against the door and kissing her deep. I broke away for a moment, giving her the chance to push me away. I was never going to do anything against her will again. She didn't. instead, she wrapped her arm around my neck bringing me back down to meet her luscious lips. She was undoubtedly late now and if we didn't stop now, I feared we never would. I pulled away and she groaned in frustration.

"We have to be careful," I said.

"'We'?" she asked trying to raise an eyebrow.

"Yes, Roza."

"What happened to following the rules?"

"Rules are over rated. Plus, I've broken a few too many to care anymore. We're both going to hell anyways," I said.

"I don't believe in hell," she said.

"Then where do you think we will end up when we die?" I asked.

"I don't care. If I'm with you, I'm in heaven." She raised up on her toes and kissed me deeply and it felt as if the last puzzle piece was put in place. Maybe what we were doing was wrong, but to us it was completely right. I'm not her teacher. I don't grade her and once she graduates, I will find someone else I can guard. Rose will have someone else to help her guard Vasilisa and we can be together. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks or says. Still, we need to be discrete on campus, at least until she is eighteen and graduated as a full guardian. I pulled away first but kept a tight hold on her hand.

"I have to get ready for class," she said still smiling. I nodded, and she turned to leave but I didn't let go of her hand. I pulled her back to me so there was only an inch of distance between us which I quickly closed.

"Meet me at the cabin, at the edge of the woods, at sunrise." She looked confused and unsure. "Trust me," I quickly kissed and when I released her, she smiled and nodded. She left through the door and I released her hand slowly, so I hold her to the last possible second. My skin still burned with her touch as I watched her running across the academy grounds.

I felt a stab of regret hit my heart like a silver stake, but I quickly pulled it out and threw it away as I remembered her smile. I knew I could never regret anything that makes her smile. The rest of the day seemed to go by in a blur. If anyone tried to speak to me, I didn't notice. I just walked around, following my schedule.

Whenever Rose appeared, my eyes would stick to her like glue. I would follow her, watching her with her friends and while she trained with her fellow novices. She rarely noticed me but when she did, her eyes would stay on mine and she would smile, the same glorious smile filled with so much love from this morning. I would give a small nod which she would reciprocate and turn her focus back onto the task given.

Before I knew it, the sun was beginning to rise. Classes were over, and it was time for dinner. I went back to my room and grabbed a few things we would need later. I also made sure to stop by the dining hall earlier and swipe two chocolate covered doughnuts for, Rose. I had never really liked them, they were too sweet for my taste, but Rose was addicted to the sugary chocolate delicacies and I knew she would appreciate the gift.