A/n: Someone had to do it and no-one was doing it so I'm happy to oblige! Logical story progression: I did it! So happy! Time to play!

This story follows after the events from the DuckTales Season 2 Episode 16 episode "The Duck Knight Returns". If you haven't watched that, it is awesome and the 2017 DuckTales crew's love for Darkwing Duck is beyond any trace of doubt. I could keep ranting here because I'm a nutty geeky DW fan but I'm sure I'll do that elsewhere. I seem to be writing onomatopoeia a lot lately... Woo-Hoo!

Your Heart is in My Lunch Box

Woo-Hoo!

"I am the master of... uff!"

By the sunny daytime side walk, the purple caped mallard struggled getting the over-sized letters into the thin slot of the mailbox. "Mail! Get in th-! Wait a minute, what's this handle really for?" He yanked the jammed envelope out from the slot and tried lowering the handle. "Aha!" Triumphantly, he piled the letters up onto the slippery inside and raised the handle, dropping the letters safely into the box for departure. "I am the terror that flaps in the night! No mere mailbox can out-manoeuvre me! I am Darkwing Duck!"

Job done, Drake sighed, staring at his latest 'nemesis'. Play-acting was only good until it was over and then he was back to reality. "D'oh, I want a real case! I'm better than posting payslips and protocol permission passes. It's not like I haven't studied to be a superhero, I'm wa-ay better than this!" He grumbled as he turned, stubbing his toe on the raised edge of the side walk. "Argh-! Easy, you got this..." He cringed through the pain and after a few moments the pain was gone. "It's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine..."

Drake gazed along the tree-lined street back to the building he was now working at. It was an unmarked government justice building rendered in classic sandstone. There were no signposts or plaques declaring this as St Canard's S.H.U.S.H. central building. He should be pleased with himself to have found it, because boy, these guys took 'hidden in plain view' to a whole new level.

The ecstatic feeling he'd had to be accepted onto the payroll however was starting to erode with all the seemingly menial tasks he'd so far gotten. Agent Terri Smith was giving him the same treatment as he'd gotten as a fresh faced work experience kid down at the court office. On the other hand, it was a career change and that meant he was lucky to get in though the door at all. There was nothing in his employment agreement that said he couldn't get out in the field on his own time.

Along with the money to pay the bills, the other good thing was it was a day job; he was free to dedicate his evenings practicing his 'Darkwing Duck the real life crime-fighter' routine. He'd even managed to stop a criminal this week. Though that criminal was only a street thug, he had been the only criminal Darkwing Duck had laid eyes on.

One major thing he realised was that he needed to work on his detection skills; learn the lay of the land, determine where the criminals liked to hang out. It was one of those things his predecessor didn't need to worry about as an actor on a TV set.

Drake walked back in to the office, smiling at the receptionist at the front desk as he passed. Agent Sam Derwell smiled back. Drake had managed a lot of information out of Sam... on toddlers and drama teens. Parenthood was a fascinating conversation and Sam's family life resonated a slight envy in Drake, however none of this was really useful for work. All Sam could tell him were the corridors that Darkwing's pass card had been given access to and where the exits and fire extinguishers were located along his available routes.

There wasn't a fire right now though, and boy, were his fingers itching to put one out. He needed excitement. He needed an opportunity to 'be' Darkwing Duck.

At first his supervisor had seemed the most boring of drab monotones, a bland, everyday 'suit'. At-a-glance she would easily be taken for a standard private sector corporate employee. However, Drake's persistence had uncovered Agent Smith's sweet side. A mother of five, she liked wearing big earrings, a hair band, and could give a play-by-play on any 1980s action movie.

Perhaps the most remarkable things about Agent Terri Smith was, firstly, that she never seemed to mind any of his occasionally backwards talk, and secondly, she hadn't asked for his previous work experience or resume in his S.H.U.S.H. job interview. Clearly they didn't need anything more from him than a signed employment agreement, though, because he'd gotten his first pay-check yesterday.

His boss was also a kind of receptionist like Sam. Drake figured Terri was a more 'mid tier' sort of receptionist, although his own wishful thinking could be interfering with that conclusion. Two weeks into this job, there was one thing he now knew for sure. That was that Agent Terri Smith certainly wasn't in charge of sending out field agents.

From the impression he'd gotten from Smith and Derwell and the other passerby agents he'd queried in the cafeteria, it seemed that S.H.U.S.H. was a rather antiquated many level hierarchical organisation. Darkwing was lost two feet in the door and without a doubt right on the bottom rung with the janitor.

On second consideration, the janitor would be higher since he had access to the entire floor plan. Drake found it disconcerting not knowing which door led into a room or yet another corridor. It was a rabbit warren and it felt intentional. A criminal wouldn't last very long uncaught in this building. 'He' wasn't going to last very long in this building. He needed to get access to the janitor's floor plan.

Once Drake had committed himself to becoming a superhero, it was suddenly very hard to not notice these things. Like his distinctive lack of knowledge of alternative escape routes.

Drake approached the brown haired terrier's desk situated at the end of a cul de sac with more doors leading off from beside and behind her desk.

"Agent Smi-."
"Ah, Darkwing, you're back. I'd like your help with the filing situation."
"F-filing?" Drake was dumbstruck once more by her indefatigable complacency and followed in a stunned silence. Mopping for mapping was important but filing meant he would get his hands on some actual crime cases!

"You've never gotten me to do filing before."
Agent Smith turned around at a door in the corridor, eyeing him with a hint of something crafty. "Uh, yes, and I'll take the opportunity to remind you of the confidentiality clause in your employment agreement."
"I'm dressed in a cape and a mask; you can be confident I've got the concept down."

Secrets were for important reasons. The less people who connected Darkwing Duck to his real name Drake Mallard, the fewer master criminals would hunt him down and corner him in his apartment when he was trying to chill out. The same could be said for the untold amount of data in the S.H.U.S.H. data-bank system. "And I don't plan on turning evil a-anytime soon." He waved his hand, clearing the issue from in front of him.

"Heh." Agent Smith chuckled, "True. You're far too young and sensible for that." She swiped her access card. The door opened and she gestured for him to go in first.
Drake shrugged and trusting her, walked in.

The windowless room was dark but for the glow from the electronic equipment.

Agent Smith flicked on the light behind her. Huge stacks of manilla folders were bursting out of wall shelves. In the centre of the room was a burly looking photocopier, a basic wooden desk and a sitting room chair. A lone computer screen boasted a workstation.

"Here at S.H.U.S.H. we are dedicated to reducing our impact on the environment. We take full advantage of the technology available to us." Terri sighed, "However in our rush to advance we've been left with a slight backlog from our previous system."

"No problem!" Drake smiled at her, feeling a quiet buzz of excitement. "Just tell me the protocols. I'll get these stacks sorted and safely saved."
Agent Smith smiled at him. "I know. You've shown me you have good attention to detail and that's why I'm confident giving you this job. It's very important it's done well."
"Yes." He answered in a small voice."I mean, I plan on doing everything well in my life-."
"Oh, I don't mean 'you' won't be thorough. There is a reason these files are still out here." She gestured to the room.

She walked him through the scanning process for the first case folder.

"I may not have explained everything. Some cases get shall we say 'unusually bizarre'. However there's always another case file equally as bizarre, so just check back and you'll see how it's done."
Drake nodded emphatically. "These folders are as good as filed, Agent Smith."

"There's no particular hurry, Darkwing; just be thorough. And don't forget to close the door when you come and go. I've updated your access codes so your pass card will get you back in here. Oh, and most importantly, don't forget to keep yourself hydrated. It's nearly lunchtime; don't forget that either. I wouldn't want to come back to a corpse sitting in here. Especially not over a few musty old files."

"Certainly not, Agent Smith." He smiled at her through his momentary embarrassment. "I will keep an eye on the time... this time."

She left him in the quietly buzzing room.

"Ye-es!" Drake gazed at the stuffed shelves in a full buzz of contained excitement. "This is so-oo cool!" He grabbed a folder from the shelf, dashing it onto the table. "Real crimes. Real locations, real times! This is exactly what I need! I'll be foiling felonies everywhere I go! Ha ha!"