EPILOGUE

HereIAm guessed E (Vernon was punched by an elephant) and IChangedMyName990 guessed C (Vernon got a phone call from Harry!)

Sadly, neither of those was planned so they are both incorrect but WHATEVER! I added them both to this chapter after I read those reviews anyway!

So THANKS GUYS! Beware: I WILL monologue at the end of this.

"What's wrong, Vernon?" Petunia fretted. "What happened?"

"It's nothing, 'Nia." Vernon grunted. And that's when she realized something was truly wrong. Vernon NEVER called her Nia unless he was feeling too dumb to pronounce the three syllables of Petunia.

"What is it? Tell me!" Petunia demanded. Vernon looked up at her and sighed, long and loud.

"First!" He rattled off. "This morning, I got a letter from old Colonel Fubster, Marge's neighbor...he said she died this morning! My sister just died of a heart attack! There won't be a funeral because the government thought she was insane, idiots.

Second! I got fired from Grunnings. Something about a rumor they heard! So now we will earn no more money!

NUMBER THREE! At lunch, I got a phone call from OUR FREAKY NEPHEW! He apparently sends his 'dearest regrets' for Marge's death-ha, he probably caused that death, the freak.

AND THE I FOUND OUT WHAT THE RUMOR WAS THAT GRUNNINGS FIRED ME FOR: APPARENTLY, I CHEATED ON YOU WITH A WEIRD WOMAN NAMED MARIA REYNOLDS AND THEY WANT ME TO PUBLISH A LOT OF ESSAYS ABOUT IT! Only an absolute git would cheat on his wife with a woman named 'Maria Reynolds' and then publish an essay about it!"

I'm looking at you, ALEXANDER...I hOpE yOU buRn!

Petunia gasped, her eyes welling with tears.

"Oh, Vernon!" She gasped, throwing her arms around him.

Suddenly, Petunia frowned, looking closer. There was a...strange bruise...on his face.

"What's that bruise, Vernon? Be honest."

Vernon looked terrified but sighed and put his head in his hands.

"The ruddy elephant punched me!"

"Wait, what was that last bit?" Vernon and Petunia looked up.

Mr. Poppy and Alexandra the tea shop owner, Mrs. Figg and Mrs. Next Door were all standing in the doorway, mouths hanging from the conversation.

Mr. Poppy.

Scott Poppy wasn't quite sure what to believe anymore- he had resented being the muggle brother, while his brother was a muggleborn WIZARD.

But Lucas Poppy had kept Scott in touch with events in the Wizarding World and that was how Scott found out who Petunia and Vernon's strange nephew really was.

But now? PUBLICITY TIME! Just let it be known at Hogwarts how Vernon and Petunia think of their nephew.

Scott figured they wouldn't like it...and having a storm of wizards thunder down on your house, your sanctuary? That seemed more damaging than a hundred lightning bolts.

Alexandra

Alexandra Taylor was perfectly sure what to believe. An over-worked Ministry official, the Half-Blood witch liked to spend her weekends at the calm tea shop in Little Whinging.

She didn't look like much, with her brown hair that was dyed blue or her sad height of 4'8. But Alexandra was a force to be reckoned with.

Petunia's eyes widened as she realized who, exactly, Alexandra was: the former student at Little Whinging Public School and the daughter of Lily Evans-Potter's best (muggle) friend.

So...yeah! She was only a year older than Dudley and Harry and had been brought up with tales of the former.

Alexandra had made it her duty to look out for the boy-who-lived...and she had been in Gryffindor at Hogwarts, so while they had never been friends, Harry was aware that she existed and yeah, Ron and Hermione had never even heard of her from him but, well...they liked to keep it under wraps.

Alexandra had first become his acquaintance because she had taken an immediate antagonistic view to Dudley.

And now? She was here to take revenge.

Mrs. Figg. and Mrs. Next Door

Arabella Figg just liked bashing people's heads in- and also, Petunia annoyed her. Mrs. Next Door, who was actually named Aileen Saffron, owned the elephant who had punched Vernon.

So, yeah...eventually, they didn't publish it in the wizarding world but it WAS on the muggle telly for a day.

"RUINED!" Petunia screeched. "OUR REPUTATION HAS BEEN RUINED FOREVER!"

Vernon fainted and went into a coma for ten minutes.

Vernon fainted on the spot.

AND DONE! Thank you to EVERYONE who reviewed, favorite-d or followed this story.

This would NEVER have been possible without you guys and you helped me bring my story alive.

I still remember my FIRST fanfiction. I got only ONE review and, surprise, I discontinued it and have no intention of picking it up again.

But this? This has had SO MUCH encouragement that I've wanted to scream.

I barely believed my eyes when I saw my 100th review.

So thank you all. Thank you SO much.