A/N: Thanks to my amazing readers for all the lovely comments and support. I love reading all your thoughts and kind words.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Sam asks as he and Kensi wait for Aubrey to be brought into the interrogation room. She'd been put back in holding for the time being. Kensi ignores him, not feeling like discussing any of this yet again. "You know, you could have stayed back at the mission."

"Then I wouldn't be doing my job," Kensi replies tightly, warningly.

"So you're telling me you're not going to have any problem listening to her describe exactly what went down between her and Deeks?" Kensi bristles at the implications of Sam's question, resisting the urge to snap at him. It would only prove his point.

"Deeks already told me. Or at least enough. Besides, this isn't the first time and it probably won't be the last." She hopes Sam hears the clear request to stop talking about this. Aubrey Crews is not the problem, she never was. It doesn't mean that she wants keep rehashing the seduction repeatedly.

"Still, it's gotta be hard," Sam says, leaning against the wall with a reminiscent smile. "I remember what it was like with Michelle when I had cases like this. Especially when I was undercover with Jada. Or when Michelle had to seduce someone." Despite herself, Kensi's curiosity is sparked. Sam rarely talks about Michelle, and Jada even less.

"So how did you deal with it?" she asks and Sam smiles again. She's noticed that when he does mention Michelle, it's not quite as tainted by sadness as it once was.

"I'm not saying that it's the best way of dealing with things, but we agreed that whatever happened on the job, didn't count. We didn't ask questions and above all, we didn't blame each other." It sounds easy, and on the surface far more desirable than hashing out all the gory details, but it also sounds a lot like the kind of behavior she and Deeks have been trying to avoid. The last thing they need is to encourage hiding things from each other.

"And how did that work out for you guys?"

"Even though she never asked, Michelle always knew when I was with Jada. Or another woman," Sam explains. "And sometimes we, maybe me more so than Michelle, didn't always deal with the jealousy so well. It's hard when it's the person you love most."

"I'm not jealous," Kensi says. "It's…" She pauses, trying to put words to her thoughts. "It feels like Deeks doesn't trust me." And there it is. That's what's been bothering her so much, and now that she's finally realized it, she's furious.

"Did you tell Deeks that?"

"No. Because he keeps shutting me out and acting like I'm going to divorce him or something," she says, making a frustrated noise. Sam doesn't respond right away and when she looks at him, she could swear he's smirking at her. "What?"

"Nothing, you just remind me a lot of someone I used to know," he says, straightening up and coming to stand next to her again. "Do you really think that Deeks thinks you'd leave him?"

"No." Kensi rolls her eyes at him. "Of course not. But he definitely thinks I'm jealous, and so do the rest of you."

"Jealousy is a perfectly acceptable response, Kensi."

"But I'm not jealous. I didn't like what happened tonight, but I'm not the same woman who blamed Deeks for a fake relationship. It's unfortunately part of the job sometimes. I've grown since then and I trust Deeks. And the fact that none of you can see that is insulting," her voice grows louder as she speaks and she jabs her finger at Sam, shaking her head.

"It sounds like you two have some serious talking to do," Sam observes mildly.

"I wish we could, but every time I try Deeks pushes me away or gets defensive. He's acting like I've never seen what he's capable of doing for this job. Or like I haven't had to do questionable things either. It's infuriating!" She's practically shouting and she glances at Sam, letting out a long breath. "I'm sorry, you didn't need to hear all that." He rolls his eyes and says,

"Kensi, I've worked with you both for years. I've watched you fight over who ate the last protein bar, heard conversations that I wish I could scrub from my memory and seen more PDA's than any coworker should have to see. This is nothing."

"Still, it's unprofessional and it doesn't exactly reinforce my claim that I can 'handle it'," she says, annoyed with herself.

"Hey, what else is family for?" Sam reaches over and squeezes her shoulder and then directs his attention to the two sided window. A female officer leads Aubrey to the interrogation table, accompanied by Callen and a detective. Aubrey is thankfully dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt now and looks for all the world like she's at a spa and not currently facing murder charges.

If she hadn't seen it herself, she wouldn't believe the same woman had been kicking and spitting at Deeks just a few hours ago.

"Let the fun begin," Kensi murmurs darkly.

Three hours later, Kensi, Sam and Callen return to the mission. Sam and Callen go to debrief Hetty while Kensi grabs her bag and completes a couple reports. From the moment she'd walked in Deeks had noticed a difference in Kensi's demeanor. She's more subdued and has an exhausted set to her shoulders.

He's supposes that's fair given that it's one in the morning, but it still worries him.

"You wanna drive?" he asks her and she shakes her head.

"Riley Paulson gave a full confession with the understanding that he was solely responsible for the murders," Kensi tells him as he drives. It feels like a week had passed since this morning.

"They're not letting Aubrey go, right?" he asks, growing a little angry at the thought. Despite his strong desire to never come in contact with her again, he would march right down to LAPD and find a dozen reasons to charge her.

"Oh no. She's been charged with unlawful possession of illicit drugs, attempted manslaughter of a law enforcement officer and once the lab tests and forensics come through, I'm sure there will be several more charges. Hopefully some of them will even link her with the murders."

"Well, at least there's that." They were silent for a couple more minutes and then he asks, "Why did they do it? Did Paulson say?"

"Apparently he got sick of seeing men mistreat women on a daily basis. He said no one was doing anything about it, so he took matters into his own hands," Kensi explains with a deep sigh. "We're still piecing together exactly how Aubrey got involved."

"Maybe she felt the same way as Riley Paulson."

"Or maybe she's just a messed up woman who gets a kick out of hurting people." Something about her tone makes him sit a little straighter.

"What did she say, Kensi?" he asks quietly. Kensi chuckles bitterly.

"Oh, she was very chatty. Went into great detail about your night together."

"Kensi–"

"I don't really feel like talking anymore right now," she says quietly and his stomach drops. He drives the rest of the way home, pushing away increasingly steady waves of nausea. Kensi remains silent, looking out the passenger window. What he can see of her face is not encouraging.

She looks angry and this time it's directed at him.

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really." The silence grows between them until it's stifling. "I think I'm just going to take a shower." It's incredible how much distance a single set of stairs puts between them. How had so much gone wrong in a single night? Even though he'd been trying so hard to push her away, it suddenly occurs to him that it's the last thing he wants.

The house is way too quiet and he feels full of restless energy so he takes Monty for a walk. Monty seems to enjoy it so at least there's that.

A part of him wonders if he should go somewhere else for the night. Sam is definitely out of the question since he'd likely sit him down for a lecture. Or send him right back home. And he's not camping out at the bar because he doesn't feel like running into Callen either.

After wandering around downstairs, aimlessly putting away spare dishes and straightening up, he finally goes upstairs. He finds Kensi in the bathroom, dressed in an old t-shirt and shorts, combing her hair. She catches his eye in the mirror, but doesn't say anything. There's something cold and slightly removed in her gaze and again he feels a sinking feeling.

"Before you said you didn't feel like talking, what changed?" he asks. "Was it what Aubrey told you?" Kensi bites her lip, shaking her head.

"No, Deeks. It wasn't anything that she said. It was the realization that you don't trust me."

"What? Of course I trust you! I trust you with my life," he retorts, astounded by the accusation. Kensi turns around, anger and hurt blazing in her eyes. She jabs her hairbrush towards his chest, stopping just short of making contact.

"Sure, you trust me when there are bullets flying and–and bombs exploding all around us," she says, her voice growing louder as she continues. "But not with this. You expect me to be jealous and blame you for something that none of us had any control over. How does that equal trust?"

"It's not because I don't trust you," Deeks insists. He reaches for Kensi but she pulls back, shaking her head and brushes past him into the bedroom.

"We promised to not keep things from each other," she says with her back towards him, sounding desperate. "I understand that you weren't ready to tell me everything that happened while you were with Aubrey. Or if you never wanted to tell me anything. But I don't understand why you thought pushing me away was the right answer." She trails off, turning around with her arms crossed.

"Kensi, the way I reacted had nothing to do with you." Kensi just stares at him for a minute, then shakes her head, a certain hopelessness to the action that concerns him even more.

"You keep saying that, but you forget that everything you do affects me, even if you don't mean it to. That's what marriage means, that's what our partnership means. If you feel I can't handle what happens during cases like this now, what happens in ten or twenty years? You can't just shut me out and shut down every time something you think I won't understand happens."

"Ok, then what do you want me to do?" he asks desperately. "Whatever it is, I'll do it." Kensi sighs then, dropping her hands to her thighs as she sinks onto their bed. Deeks hesitates a moment before he closes the space between them, sitting a few inches away. He takes it as a good sign that Kensi doesn't move away.

"Babe, I don't want you to say whatever it takes. I want…I want you to be honest with me. No matter what's going on," she says. She rubs her hand over her face, reaching for his hand. "Tell me what you're thinking. Why this case is so different than the others?"

"I don't know," he answers honestly and when Kensi starts to sigh again, he hastily adds, "Not because I don't want to tell you. I mean, yeah, I'd love to never talk about this again, but I don't really know why this hit me so much harder when we've done similar things a dozen times before. Maybe it's because it's been a few years. Maybe I just didn't have my head in the game like I should." He shrugs. "All I know is I've never felt this guilty or terrible–and believe me, that's saying something."

"But that still doesn't explain why you thought it made sense to treat me the way you did," Kensi points out.

"I promised myself I would never be like my dad…and tonight I think I ticked most of the boxes. Hell, if there was a kid around I'd have probably hit them too," he says, throwing in a painful smile. Kensi ignores his purposefully harsh language, focused on something else he'd said.

"Your dad cheated on your mom?" she asks. She doesn't know why the revelation surprises her, it's hardly the worst of Gordon Brandel's sins, but it does. When he just shrugs again, Kensi she squeezes his hand, the gesture both a prompt and show of silent support.

"I don't know for sure, but I remember hearing a few arguments when I was about 8 or 9. My mom seemed to think there was another woman. And my dad was always making terrible comments about the ladies in the neighborhood. I guess I don't have any real proof, but it seems pretty likely."

"Deeks, you are not like your father," she says. She's told him dozens of times before, but there always seemed to be something that renewed the doubt in his mind. "Not in any way, shape, or form. And the way you feel right now, is just further proof of that."

"If there's any chance that I am like him, you know I don't want you around me," he murmurs. "And today, it felt like I was. So I pushed you away." Kensi leans forward, crowding in on him, forcing him to take full notice of her. Slowly, he begins to feel his resolve crack and he leans his head against hers. He notices Kensi's slight intake of breath, the way she grips his hand even harder.

"But you don't have to, Deeks. I keep telling you that." Her voice is soft, softer that it's been all night. It gives him hope. Maybe he hasn't messed things up beyond complete repair.

"I don't know how to stop–I don't know how to stop hurting you and I don't know how to stop myself from feeling like a horrible person."

Kensi is silent for several minutes before she speaks tentatively.

"I talked with Sam. About us." She glances at him apologetically. "I know I shouldn't have brought him into our personal business, but I needed to talk to someone." Which was necessary because Deeks wouldn't. His guilt notches back up a step.

"No, it's ok. What did he say?" Deeks is actually curious and if anyone has tips for dealing with relationship stuff, Sam's their best bet.

"He mentioned that he and Michelle were in a similar position. Especially with the cases that involved Jada and Sidorov," Kensi explains. "They had a sort of don't ask, don't tell policy."

"Oh." Deeks feels somewhat disappointed. That isn't nearly as helpful as he was hoping for. "I guess that makes things easier," he says and Kensi snorts.

"Sure. But it's not what I want for either of us. Pretending that it's not affecting us or that it never happened doesn't fix anything. I don't want to have any part of our relationship rely on lying or keeping things from each other. Every time we aren't honest and up front with one another, that's when we run into trouble."

Ruffling his hair, Deeks sighs in frustration.

"Well, then doesn't that leave us exactly where we started?" he asks.

"Sam also said that he and Michelle never blamed each other for what happened on the job. Or at least that they tried. And that made a lot of sense to me." When he doesn't respond for a minute, she adds, "You can tell me anything. Always."

"What if you don't like what I have to say?" Deeks asks, looking down at their linked hands.

"I'm a big girl, I think I can take it," she responds, injecting a little humor into her voice. Deeks nods; he wants to laugh, but it would be forced. Clearing her throat, Kensi straightens again, holding his gaze. "We're never going to completely agree with each other, but I promise I'm not going to get mad or blame you for whatever it is." He pulls in a big breath and blows it back out slowly.

"I don't think I can do this anymore," he sighs. He gestures between them, not needing to spell it all out. Kensi smiles and grips his hand a little tighter. "I don't like what it does to me and I can't just shake it off anymore."

"I feel the same way" she says, surprising him. Deeks just stares at her for a minute, unsure what to say. Limiting their NCIS duties has always been a point of contention between them, even at the best of times.

"You're willing to give undercover work up?" he asks, astounded. "It's a huge part of what we do."

"I mean, maybe we don't have to give it up completely. Just the ones where we have to hurt each other or seduce people to achieve a positive outcome. But the ones where we get pretend to be ridiculous newlyweds or you call me weird things like Fern?" She looks up at him a little shyly from under her eyelashes and he smiles genuinely for the first time. It feels good. "I actually enjoy those."

"I always knew you liked it when I called you 'Fern'." He knocks her shoulder with his and she rolls her eyes at him again, but he notices she doesn't lean away.

"Shut up." In direct contrast to her words, she leans her head on his shoulder and wraps her hand around his bicep.

"Hetty's not going to like it," he says and Kensi shrugs against him.

"I don't really care," she answers, looking up at him. She reaches out and runs her fingers through his hair. Before she can drop her hand, he presses it against his cheeks and sighs. "It's what's best for us. And that's what's most important right now. If someone doesn't like it, that's not our problem."

"Since we're talking about being honest here, can you promise me something?" Deeks asks, pressing his lips to her hair. "If I ever scare you, or you don't like something I do undercover, please tell me. Even if you don't realize it, that kind of thing leaves its mark and builds up over time."

Kensi turns, rising up on her knees to face him and carefully cups his jaw between her palms. She spends a minute slowly stroking his beard and the last remnants of stress leave his body. As she settles over his thighs, she presses a gentle kiss to his lips.

"You have never scared me, baby. Not really. But if that times ever comes, I will let you know. I will always be here to protect you, even if it is from yourself," she tells him, her voice filled with such conviction that tears immediately fills Deeks' eyes. It never ceases to amaze him that she has such faith in him. Clutching her against his chest, he lets out a shuddery breath and whispers,

"I love you."

"I love too." She rests her forehead against his and he holds onto her as tightly as can. Kensi kisses him as she pulls him down onto the bed with her and fiercely says, "We'll get through this, Deeks. We'll be ok. As long as we keep trusting each other."

A/N: As always, thanks to mashmaiden/Phnxgirl for her invaluable advice, suggestions and proofreading.

We should just have the epilogue to go. Thanks for reading!