FALLING FROM GRACE

Author's Note: Please note that english is not my mother language but I'm passionate about the language :) . I hope you enjoy this story and comment if you like it or have any critics to make!

Chapter 1: What we need

A dark shadow was kneeled in the center of command room. Golden dice disappeared from his hand. His father's dice. The girl, the Scavenger, Rey…. he saw her closing the Millenium Falcon's door after boarding the last members of the Resistance. This picture was too familiar to him and saddening at the same time. He couldn't count how many times he saw this door closing when he was young. The look she gave him was full of determination. He could almost taste her disappointment through their bond. It was like an aura weighing on him and he felt weak….again. He asked her to rule the galaxy with him, to set a new order and it was with sheer resolution that she refused his offer. She was strong with the Force and would have been without a doubt a great ally to rule with. However, he wanted her not only because of her strength but because she was the first one to really understand his conflicted mind. He has never trusted anyone for a long time, she was the first in many years. He should have known better. His former Nemesis might become his downfall.

The Millenium Falcon was now in hyperspace. Rey was fixing BB-8's antenna with a smile when a man appeared in front of her.

"Hi, I'm Poe, Poe Dameron" the man said.

"I'm Rey" she responded.

"Yeah, I know" Poe said with a smile on his face that Rey returned to him.

She sat on the bench watching Finn pulling up the covers on a girl and smiled. It seemed like Finn found someone he deeply cared about.

Someone he cares about…., she thought.

Her memory of Ben materialized to her mind. Ashes...burnt flesh….his proposal to rule the galaxy with him. The sadness and the pain she felt at that moment. It was all coming back to her like waves crushing on her body. She was convinced she could bring him back and it seems she failed to do so. Her eyes were getting wet as she remembered the last Force meeting they had, how disappointing his behavior has been on Crait. Leia walked toward her and sat by her side. She looked at the broken saber in the young woman's hands and placed both of her hands on hers. Rey felt comforted. Leia was the closest she had of a mother.

"How can we rebuilt the Rebellion from this?" she asked, concerned.

"Don't worry, we have what we need" the old woman calmly said.

Rey raised a smile but it didn't last long. Leia was observing the concern of the young girl whose eyes let down tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I thought….I could bring him back….I was so convinced I could…" she said, trying her best not to sob.

"My sweet child, you've already done so much for us, you bring us hope"

"I...I wanted him to…."

Leia gently wiped the tear on her cheek and gave her a considerate smile.

" Why is it that important to you dear?"

" I haven't told you yet but...Ben and I...we…"

"I know. You two are bonded through the Force. I had flashes from Luke's mind before he went back to the Force. However, it seems to me that there is something more, am I wrong?"

Rey's eyes widened out of surprise and she then shook her head.

"What do you mean? No! There is nothing else. The bond there is between him and I won't affect my loyalty to the Resistance, I swear th-"

"I have no worries about that my dear . That wasn't what I was implying here" she said as she got up and paced a bit with a soft smile.

Rey was staring at the old woman's back, puzzled.

"You're exactly like me at your age. Falling for the bad guy. How can I blame you?" the old woman said with a sigh.

Rey instantly turned red and before she could even answer, Leia hold up her hand to stop her.

"You don't have to justify anything. However, please be careful. This is a dangerous path you're going through"

"I...I…"

" You should get some sleep Rey. I've arranged a room for you. Take a shower and sleep, you need it after all you've been through." she added as she exited the room.

"I don't mind sleeping in the storage room with the others you know…"

" I know that. However, you're our last hope, I need you to be well rested. We have a lot that awaits us. Follow me."

Rey obeyed and stood up to follow Leia through the corridors. She stopped in front of a white door.

"This door is blocked. I've tried to open it but didn't succeed." Rey said.

Leia put her hand on the fingerprint scanner. Small beeps followed and the door slowly opened to enable access to the room. She then put Rey's hand on it.

"That was my room back then. Only Han and I had access to it. Now that the Millenium Falcon is yours, that room is yours too, take a good care of it."

"This is too much, I can't-"

"This room holds too many memories . I'm giving it to you. I'm sure Han would totally agree with me" Leia said with a sad smile.

Leia entered the room followed by Rey. It was narrow but was very well decorated. White and gold mostly and with lots of plants in it. A small bed took centre stage in the middle of the room over which a canopy was hanging. The sheets were white and the pillow cases were golden. Leia sure does have good taste. The left side of the room was lain a dressing table on top of which one could see various items and plants. The mirror on the wall was made out of carved wood ornamented with crystals and stones. She walked towards the open door on her right to discover a refresher for the room. The sink was made out of what seemed to be some sort of stone and lots of perfumes and lotions were placed on it.

"This is so beautiful. I don't know what to say. I'm quite embarrassed to sleep here while the others sleep in dorms"

Leia smiled at her and took her hand.

"I've already spoke with everyone and they agree with my decision. Don't you worry. Now, enough speaking, go to sleep"

The General closed the distance between them and gave her a tender hug.

"Alright"

Once Leia was gone, she undressed and got in the fresher to take a shower. The hot water was running on her skin. It was warm and comforting, just as Leia's arms . The water, scented soap….it was almost a luxury she didn't have on Jakku. An arid planet, an improvised bed, lonely days and nights...she had no one and was…

"You're nothing"

She felt tears in her eyes remembering Ben's words.

"...but not to me"

A strange feeling seized her stomach. She couldn't fathom who was talking there. Was it Ben Solo? or Kylo Ren? If that was Kylo, she knew he needed her power but if that was Ben….

She suddenly felt a lump in her throat and froze. If that was Ben, then what was the meaning of his words?

As the steam enveloped in mist the glass door of the fresher and the memory of their hands touching in the hut brushed her mind , she blushed and felt her heart rate skyrocketing. She closed her eyes and almost felt his touch again. It was unlike anything she had felt before. All the lonely nights of Jakku almost felt like a distant memory. She felt belonging…. purpose, and didn't feel alone for once in her life. She remembered being trapped in the depth of his eyes in that cold hut. His eyes were so expressive. The young girl shook her head, came back to her senses and stepped out of the shower. She wrapped the towel around her body and looked at her face in the mirror. The mirror in that cave….on Ahch-To...she hoped to see her parents but only saw her reflection. She couldn't possibly decipher the meaning of her visions there.

Ben was resting in his quarters, sat on his bed, a cup of R'alla mineral water in his hand. He was remembering Rey's face as she closed the Falcon's door. She just left him without an ounce of regret. The only person that made him feel less alone, left him. Everything was perfect, he killed Snoke….she could have ruled with him and yet….

All of a sudden, as he rose the cup to his lips ,a familiar and delicate scent of gingerbell teased his nose. He froze.

"Mother?" he thought for a moment.

Rey was staring at her reflection in the mirror when she suddenly felt a shiver running down her spine. She knew that feeling too well. Her eyes widened as in the mirror the face of Ben appeared. She let out a shriek of surprise and turned around .

"BEN!"

As the young girl appeared in front of him, wearing only a towel around her body, Ben choked and spat out the water. Instinctively, he turned around, embarrassed.

"Rey" he said between coughs, trying to breathe.

"Just….stay like this….don't look...please" she said as she grabbed the nearest robe she could find and put it on her.

She paused for a moment and had a look on his back. It was so huge.

"I'm done you can turn around"

Ben obeyed. He looked at her from head to toes. She was stunningly beautiful in that white silk robe and he tried his best to hide his awe but his lips parted slightly. His eyes then met hers. She had the same look on her face she had during their last connection and she didn't say a word, arms crossed. With a sigh, she turned around and start organizing the lotions on the sink. He was the one to broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, I don't control it. It just occurs randomly" he calmly said.

Again, not a single word from her. She folded the towel and put it back on the towel rail. She was now looking for slippers without giving Ben a single glance resulting in rising his annoyance.

" How long are you going to ignore me?" he said.

He slowly walked towards her. From behind, she looked so small, and fragile, just like a delicate flower. He wanted to make contact, especially after Crait. He wanted her to know he wasn't angry, that she meant so much to him. He was sad and desperate but it was a part of him he wasn't willing to show and especially not to her. Somehow, at times he reasoned like his father and he hated it. Dark Side users are supposed to be seeking absolute power and have no weaknesses but that ideology was meant to fail because of the inherent essence of living beings.

"Rey"

His voice resonated in her chest. She felt him approaching from behind. Her heart started to flutter no matter how much she tried to calm it down. His scent…..his scent was intoxicating.

His gloved hand reached out to her shoulder with a tenderness that was foreign to her at this point of their relationship. At his contact, her whole body shivered and she promptly turned around.

"Don't…." she pleaded in a whisper, eyes on the ground.

Ben took a step back.

For a moment, Rey swears she saw a glimpse of hurt in his gaze.

He looked at her in the eyes and frowned.

He didn't get it….of course he didn't.

"I offered you the galaxy! You could have had everything and not feel alone anymore." he said, trying to meet her gaze unsuccessfully.

"What the point of having a galaxy if I can't even have -" she said out of anger before stopping herself. She then sighed and sat on her bed.

"Argh!Nevermind!"

Then, silence. She finally allowed her watery eyes to meet his. He saw disappointment,sadness and he could barely bear seeing her like this knowing he was the one responsible for her feelings. He opened to her in a way he never did before with anyone. He felt understood but this rejection was more than he could handle.

"I don't want to rule anything. And certainly not with Kylo Ren"

"Kylo Ren is part of who I am and I cannot change that"

"I know. I'm accepting you as you are, past and present but I couldn't accept your offer because I'm not willing to fight against my friends…. I want to follow Ben, not Kylo"

She paused for a moment then frowned.

"You should have let Snoke killed me, it would have made things easier for you" she said with a hint of disdain.

"I couldn't do that"

"Why?" she spat.

"You know why" he said firmly.

Her face softened and relaxed. His eyes were the same as those when they touched hand. It was as if something in him was awakening but it felt like he was resisting it. Somehow she was able to bring Ben Solo back, at times, but it was quite short and Kylo was always taking over eventually.

" You are aware I just can't go back and ask everybody to forgive me for all the terrible things I've done, aren't you?"

Somehow, Rey knew he was right. Her mouth opened to say something but then immediately shut. As she rested her hand on the silk sheets, the neckline of her robe slightly widened revealing more of her cleavage, catching Ben's eyes.

A part of him wanted her to cover it and another part was driven crazy by this ethereal sight. He felt that burning heat in his body for no other woman before. Being closed to her was sharpening all of his senses and he felt powerful and vulnerable at the same time. He focused on her eyes again, trying to ignore the light blush on her cheeks. It was not the time for such frivolous thoughts. He couldn't let his guard down, he couldn't let his body dictating his acts, not now. However, it would have been easier if the Force wasn't involved because he could feel his burning desire for her getting stronger with each Force bond they had. He was craving for her touch since Ahch-To, it felt like a dream, it felt almost surreal.

He moved towards the young girl then kneeled making sure his eyes were locked on hers.

Rey's heart started to race realizing their proximity. Her whole body became aware of her surroundings.

As his hand approached her chest, her breath was taken away for what seemed like an eternity. She couldn't move and was wondering why she didn't stop him. How could something feel so right and so wrong at the same time?

Her eyes studied his. His gaze was so intense that it was destabilizing. So many emotions captured in those eyes in which she could drown. Both of them was caught in the moment when Poe's voice was heard from behind the door.

"Rey?"

"Poe" she whispered.

She stared at the door, then back to Ben.

"What does this bastard want so late in the evening?" Ben thought, anger rising in him.

Ben slowly pulled her bathrobe to cover her cleavage. Rey froze and felt a warm sensation going through her body as his fingers brushed against the skin of her chest.

" You might want to cover that. I've been in this guy's head. Who knows what he's capable of."

" Stop your nonsense. Poe would never hurt me. I'm his friend" she said before walking towards the door.

Rey took a deep breath and opened the door. Poe was standing there, smiling, an arm resting on the frame of the door. The archetype of the smug and handsome pilot.

Ben remained in the back and started to see Rey's surroundings but it remained quite blurry. As if she let her guard down.

" Oh Force, you look really stunning in that robe!" he said with wide eyes.

Rey blushed and thanked him for the compliment with a shy smile.

" I hope I didn't wake you up. I just wanted...you know... to wish you a good night." he said with the most natural charming smile.

"Thank you Poe, good night to you too!"

"Thanks Rey"

She watched Poe walking away in the corridor. As soon as she closed the door Ben spoke.

"Pathetic"

"Excuse me?"

" He's hitting on you, it's obvious. Seriously, coming in your room that late just to say "Good night"... " he said with a bitter tone. " You're so naive"

"Yeah I'm naive and I'm no one and nothing; you made it very clear. Are you done belittling me or do you have more in stock? He was being nice, you could try that one day."

She heard him mumbling something intelligible.

"I beg your pardon my lord? I can't hear you"

The sarcasm made Ben's irritation palpable through the bond even though he tried hard no to let it transpire.

" Kriff! I didn't mean it that way Rey. You're not nothing"

He looked at the entrance of the room lost in thoughts.

"That man, he clearly had something in mind when he knocked on your door"

"You're imagining things Ben"

"He's a man and you're a woman. What do you think would happen in a bedroom so late at night? He certainly didn't want to drink some Tarine tea…."

Then she understood what he meant.

"Wait what? Oh no no no! I can't… NO. What makes you think that? Besides why..." she said embarrassed to notice what he was implying.

"...why on earth would he want something like that with me? We've just met."

Ben walked to her and stop at just few inches from her body. She could feel his warm breath on her face. Her cheeks suddenly flushed when she realized how close he was. His eyes plunged into hers and she could see in them something different than usual. It was like he was looking at something he really wanted. It was the first time someone was looking at her like that. The intensity of his gaze was troubling her to the deepest point causing shivers through her whole body.

"Well….looks like there is a still a lot you need to learn, scavenger. The man told you that you looked stunning. Isn't it obvious enough for you?"

"He said that to be nice that's all. I'm a nobody, remember?" she said with a sarcastic tone.

Ben slowly pulled a wild lock of her hair in his hand, examined her face with attention as if he was burning each of her freckle in his memory, then put it back on her shoulder. Rey couldn't move a muscle, her body was not responding overflowed with feelings.

"As much as I don't like it….I have to agree with him on that" Ben calmly said before disappearing.

The connection ended, leaving Rey, whose face was bright red, filled with a myriad of emotions.

In the First Order ship, Ben was in his room, angry at himself for letting his emotions take over his mind.