Disclaimers: The characters of Inuyasha do not belong to me and are being used without permission.

Because of You

I loathe myself.

Hate myself for what I have become. Feel disgust for the lies I've let myself fall prey to. And through it all I've kept my mask in place. And never once have you wondered, have you doubted that I am more than what I appear. You took me at face value and left it at that.

Your mistake and my damnation.

I am nothing more than an empty shell. A speck of what once was a woman whose sole duty was to guard and aid. I remember the way I was, and as I look at my reflection now I can barely tolerate to stare myself in the eyes. Eyes that once held life and hope are now dead and empty. I am not who I once was. Hatred has permeated my bones. And the soul I hold within me is but a flint, not the raging fire that rests within the one that's now by your side.

Yet you still pursue me, and I've let myself believe that things can go back to the way they had been all those years back, but I know deep down that I am only fooling myself, and in the end I will once more be put to rest. All I can hope for is that in the end I can find peace. A peace you seem to have found with that girl.

Don't think I don't know where your heart lays now. Even though you yourself may not admit it, she has taken my place. Your heart is now hers. Maybe it always was. I don't know anymore. I was never meant to roam the Earth in this husk of a body, stealing others souls just so I can continue my search for retribution.

That girl. My reincarnate. I don't know what to make of her. At times I find it hard to claim that we share a soul. We are mirror images, yet so different as night and day. I see the differences in our faces, they scream out at me. Are we one and the same?

I have a feeling you've asked yourself that question more than once, and come up with the same answer as me.

No.

We may share a soul, but our spirits… our spirits are not the same. And in the end that's what it comes down to.

So, I will keep on walking, note I don't say living. I, Kikyou died fifty years ago. I will keep going until the day my vengeance is met. And on that day I will try and take you to Hell with me. But you won't come. Because by then you will have realized what I already know. Inuyasha, my Inuyasha, died with me fifty years ago. You are not he. His memories remain. But the heart? Nay, the heart has been healed. And in my leaving you will find peace.

AN: I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I don't hate Kikyou and this is what came out. I seem to only be able to write short vignettes, if you wish to leave a review feel free to do so