AN: This is a covid-inspired angstfic snippet featuring Lily. It bears no relation to the To Skin a Cat story, I just wanted to share it.

(trigger warning, angst)

Let Their Windows Open (to Air Out the Terror)

The uncertainty was the worst part, Lily thought. They had muddled through their Hogwarts years preoccupied with childish worries like exams and relationships, but that was in the past.

This was the real world now, and it was terrifying.

There would be good days, when they laughed and learned and lived like a normal family.

Then there were days of news. Numbers of the dead, listed on the front page of the Prophet. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was waging a war of explosions, of blood—

—of never-ending terror.

Every day when James left for training, a piece of her was ready for that fateful floo call. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Potter. Please, we should sit."

And between the news days, You-Know-Who would leave a lull in the attacks. Enough to cradle them into a feeling of increased security. Let their windows open to air out the terror. Let the children play in the streets.

Let their hearts break all over again with the next Daily Prophet.

They had become numb to it all, Lily realised one day when the numbers didn't even warrant the first page of the newspaper. What were three hundred people, really? What did it mean, so many lives snuffed out from one moment to the next? She couldn't wrap her head around it, and it left her feeling empty. Bereft.

She couldn't picture a thousand dead muggles. She couldn't mourn them. There was nothing to be felt but for a narcissistic urge to embrace her loved ones, clutch them tight to her breast and sense the life in them, feeling lucky, lucky, lucky they were still safe.

Every morning she got up, fed Harry, fed herself, cleaned, worked through Filius' latest batch of Charms notes, cared for Harry, put away the laundry—watched the baby screaming as the unwashed dishes piled up beside the sink.

It was all she could do to stop herself from drowning, listlessly swinging from one day to the next. She felt like a child hanging from the monkey bars, a moment away from letting go.

It was all so grey and pointless. The next day would just bring more laundry. She almost hated Harry for soiling yet another onesie.

She let the matter go with a sigh. She didn't have the energy to get upset.

The paper on the kitchen table caught her eye. A black-and-white photo of a man with patched clothes, bags under his eyes, and a gauntness to his frame. He was grinning and waving wildly, but even his joy at winning the Galleon draw couldn't erase the signs of war.

They were, all of them, suffering.

Lily knew she should feel grateful for her family, for James' inheritance, for their relative safety. It could all be so much worse.

But it was hard. Staying at home with the baby was making her feel caged, trapped in a life she'd fallen into. She missed her friends, her teachers, having a sense of purpose—

There were so many things to feel.

It was all congealing together into one pot of grey.

When would it end?

A thousand dead muggles. A family of five, killed in their beds. Eighteen captured and tortured. A ship carrying two hundred hijacked, the prisoners presumed dead.

Every day brought more news, but the never-ending uncertainty stayed the same. Would this day would be their last? What was the point, then?

They had to keep fighting, keep treading water lest they drown.

If only there were an end in sight, anything to give them hope.

Harry was gurgling at her; she only had a minute before he'd start screaming.

Lily felt her tiredness in the marrow of her bones.

She heaved herself to her feet and put on a smile for her baby.

AN: I am legitimately sorry to disappoint those of you who were expecting the sequel already. I'm still writing as time permits (time doesn't often permit. I have the (mis)fortune of not being one of those people who can work from home).

You can tentatively hope for my next story/sequel coming September this year.

Stay safe. Be kind. Take care of yourselves. (Please review! I love every one.)