Author's note: This was super hard for me to write. For one the finale gutted me. I personally found Clare's ending disrespectful to the characters and to the fans. Also, as someone who had fought for the past year to save the show, I felt lied to and used. The show runners/writers/directors all promised us a love letter and that we would all be happy and I get that some liked the ending but they had to know that not all of us would. The other reason this was so hard to write was that, in my heart, the other characters are completely OOC but I honestly feel it's what the show runners left us with! It appeared in the flash forward that everyone just threw up their hands and said "Oh Clary said if we did anything it could get worse...ok let's do nothing!"...leaving Jace to fight alone and grieve alone. Don't even get me started on Simon telling him to move on! So I felt I had to write this with all them having acted that way. In the end it was cathartic for me. The ending still guts me and I hate it but at least now I have this in my head.
This is unbeta'd. Please read and review. I don't own them I just needed to make myself feel better after the finale.
As Clary reached to touch the rune on his neck she smiled and Jace was sure he was going to come undone. For a year he had dreamed of her seeing him again, of her talking to him, touching him and it was finally happening. But all too soon her face started to change. She yanked her hand away from his collarbone and grabbed her head, hunching over as if in pain.
"Hey are you okay?"
"I don't know...my head...there are all of these images...memories?...everything is jumbled...OW! Why is the alley swirling?"
With that Clary collapsed, unconscious, into Jace.
"Clary! CLARY! No no NO...CLARY! Please wake up. This is my fault. I did this. Raziel take me! Take me!"
Not sure what to do Jace picked her up bridal style and started walking towards her apartment. For two hours he watched her sleep...all the while fighting with himself over whether or not he should leave and never come back. But he couldn't leave her...not like this...not ever. She saw him, she remembered him...it had to mean something. He had to see his thru.
When she finally started to stir Jace could do nothing but hold his breath. As she opened her eyes she looked straight at him and for the second time that night he could see his Clary looking back at him.
"Hey stranger, why are you sitting over there?"
Jace sat there stone quiet...not sure what the appropriate response should be.
"Wait...where are...this is my apartment...I live here...but you...I haven't been able to...how can I see you right now? Is this real? Are your real?"
Jace was up and heading towards her once she started to cry. He sat beside her and wrapped his arms as firmly around her as he could.
"I'm here. This is real. I'm real. Shhh...shhhh"
Clary's faint sobs filled the room as Jace continued to sooth her. So lost in each other neither one of them noticed Jace's runes lighting up or the fact that Clary's runes were reappearing until Clary felt an all too familiar sting where her angelic rune used to be.
"Wait...by the angel...Jace look...my runes...they are back."
"How...I don't understand..."
"Jace, your eyes, they are gold...did you...maybe you did it..."
Before Clary could finish there was a bright flash of light and before them stood an angel.
"It was all of us my child. I am Michael..."
"Why, how? Raziel punished me."
"Raziel can be bitter and temperamental at times. He thought your gifts were dangerous..."
"I only ever used them to help..."
"I know my child. Raziel just needed some convincing."
"And you did that? You convinced him to give Clary back her gifts?"
"Me, my other brothers and sisters and you Jace Herondale."
"Me? How?"
"Your constant prayers...you look surprised. Did you think we could not hear you?"
"I don't know...I mean Raziel...he took her gifts away...took her away...I guess I figured I was being punished too."
It was then that Clary looked at Jace again. She placed her hand on his check and moved their foreheads together.
"Why would you be punished too? It was me Raziel was angry with."
"Clary I lost you...after everything...all we fought against...you were gone and I was alone...I thought this was my destiny because of what I did as the owl..."
"No one blames you for the deeds of the demon Lilith. You may not see us but the angels are always watching. Most feel you should be commended for all you have done for this world. Ithuriel spoke highly of both of you..."
"He died because of me."
"Again, the actions of the Lilith are not your fault. You have both fought for this world...for all of its creatures and for that you are heroes. Your memories have been restored and your runes our back in place. I do apologize for the year that has past and there is nothing I can do to erase that for either of you. Just know time moves differently in all the realms. I came as soon as I could."
"I don't know what to say. Thank you doesn't seem to cover it."
"Live Clary. Continue to do good in this world. And you Jace...continue to fight for her and with her. The two of you together are a powerful tool for good."
"Will I...am I...what happens if I create a rune again?"
"Nothing...your are the creator Clary. No harm will come to you or anyone you love for doing what you are meant to do."
And as quick as he had appeared he was gone. For a long time Clary and Jace just sat there...wrapped in each other's arms as they tried to wrap their minds around what had just happened. It was Jace who finally broke the silence.
"You still smell the same..."
"Is that a good thing?"
"Yes. In the beginning your scent was all over my room and yours. It was comforting like you were still here but after a few weeks your room was given away and your scent just faded away from my room. In so many ways that was worse then when I read your letter. It felt more permanent."
"I'm so sorry Jace. He warned me...I knew what I was doing when I killed Johnathan...I never wanted to leave you..."
Jace shifted so that he could grab cup Clary's face.
"It wasn't your fault. You heard Michael, Raziel can be hasty. I never once thought you wanted to leave me. We had to stop Johnathan...who knows how many he would have killed...you saved everyone...you are always saving everyone. It's who you are. It's one of the reasons I love you."
"I love you too...even this past year...I knew something was missing...my heart...it felt incomplete...and it wasn't these runes...the minute I saw you at the gallery...it was like my world snapped back into focus...I knew I loved you before a single memory or rune came back."
Their lips came together in an instant and before long so did their bodies.
After, as they cuddled in bed and sleep was threatening to take over it was a Clary who broke the comfortable silence. Lifting her head off his chest to look at him Clary asked...
"How did you know where my apartment was?"
Jace, for maybe the first time ever, looked embarrassed.
"You've been keeping watch over me...that's why you were at the gallery tonight...all those times...all those times I felt like someone was watching me...I could never understand why I wasn't scared...it's because it was you...somewhere inside I knew it was you watching me."
"I had to know you were ok. I was always glamoured. Even the times I tried to stay home. I couldn't...you were out there and you were alone and I had to make sure you were safe."
"My own personal heroooooo...sorry I feel exhausted...today was a lot."
"Yeah me too. I'm just so scared that if I close my eyes I'll wake up and find you gone again...like all of this was just some dream."
"Jace Herondale I am never going to leave you again."
They both smiled before readjusting themselves and happily falling asleep.
It was hours later, the sun glowing brightly thru the window, that the pair were awakened by Jace's phone. Jace groaned as he rolled over the stop the offensive sound.
"Who is it?"
"Better question is who is it not? I've got multiple messages from Alec, Izzy and Simon. They are worried I didn't come back to the institute last night. I should call Izzy."
Clary nodded as Jace left the bed to call his sister.
"Jace, by the angel, where are you?"
"I'm fine Iz. It's a long story though. I'll be back later."
"Jace what's going on...Alec said he feels different...are you really ok?"
"Yes Iz but let me go. I'll see you later."
"Jace wait...Jace..."
Jace could hear Izzy still talking but he hung up anyway as he headed back to bed.
"Do we have to get back to the institute?"
"No. Besides I'm not ready to share you yet."
"I can definitely stay in bed a little longer but I can't wait to see everyone again. I can't imagine what the last year has been like for all of you trying to figure out how to get me back."
"You're back now...that's all that matters."
And then he kissed her. Last night had been a rush of emotions that at times made it feel like they could devour each other but now...now was about cherishing each other...about relearning each other's bodies...they knew they had all the time in the world but they weren't going to waste a single second.
They spent the rest of the day talking and laughing. They made sandwiches and watched tv. They simply were Jace and Clary. Neither could remember the last time they were this happy. But as the sunlight died they both knew they would need to leave the cocoon they had created and head to the institute.
"Are you sure you are ready to see everyone?"
"Of course. They are my family."
Jace smiled and Clary could swear he seemed a little sad but he quickly grabbed her hand and they headed out of her apartment.
"You seem really quiet. Is everything ok?"
"Yeah...Yeah...I'm just taking it all in. I can't believe I'm holding your hand again. I dreamed about this for so long. Clary I want you to know that I never gave up on you...on us...when I wasn't checking up on you I was in the library here and in Alicante. I prayed everyday you would come back...my heart...it was shattered and the only way I could get thru a day was to spend it trying to get you back."
At some point while Jace was talking they had stopped and were now facing each other.
"Jace, I can't imagine what hell this year was but I'm here now...everything you did brought us here. Michael said he heard your prayers. Your runes lite up as mine came back...I think you did that...I think you brought my runes back...but no matter what...you...our love...brought me back. Our love is stronger than any bitter angel, or crazy brother..."
"Or power hungry father or evil demon..."
"Or anything that anyone will ever throw in our way again."
With that they both smiled and continued walking. Clary could feel Jace tense as they approached the institute but he just turned to her and smiled as he opened the front door.
"Jace...where have you been. I can't believe you hung up on me to...by the angel! Clary?! Jace what did you do? You know we can't contact her...Raziel could punish her worse..."
Clary stepped up to Isabelle and rolled up her sleeve...revealing her angelic rune.
"Relax Izzy. It's ok. It's me. I'm ok."
"Your runes...how?"
"It's a long story. Can you call Alec and see if Magnus can portal them here...and maybe see if they can pick up Luke. I'm assuming Simon is here already."
"Yeah. Sure."
Izzy rushed to hug Clary.
"I'm so happy your back Clary."
"Iz we are going to go to your office and wait there."
"Ok. I'm sure Magnus will get everyone here in no time."
As they walked into Izzy's office...the head of the institute office...Clary looked at Jace.
"Guess I missed some stuff while I was gone."
"Yeah...um...let's see...so ahhhh Iz is the head of the institute. She and Simon are still dating. He all but lives here now. Alec is the inquisitor so he and Magnus moved to Alicante...where Magnus is the high warlock. And Luke works for Alec on a joint task force with downworlders which allows him and Maryse to basically travel the world."
"Wow! I really did miss a lot. It's amazing anyone had any time to search for a way to help me."
Jace went to answer but was interrupted by the door opening and Simon speeding in.
"Oh my God Fray...it's really you."
And soon enough everyone else started to trickle in as well.
There were rounds of hugs before they all sat down to hear their story. When it was over the room was silent.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you what was going on but Johnathan was gone...we had the wedding that night...I couldn't bare to burden any of you with this. I know now that was a mistake. I lost a year because I couldn't ask you guys for help. I'm so sorry you spent all this time trying to help me. Just know I'm forever grateful for everything you did."
Everyone in the room seemed to move their eyes from Clary to Jace.
"What did you tell her Jace?"
"Nothing. I couldn't...I don't think it's important Simon."
"Tell me what, Jace...Simon? What's going on? You are freaking me out."
Everyone was still staring at Jace...whose jaw was tense.
"What? I'm not going to be the one to hurt her like that. She knows everything I did."
"Hurt me...now I'm getting pissed. What is going on?!"
"Biscuit we are all so thrilled to have you back. It's been terrible not having you here but your letter said to stay away or else we could make things worse. So..."
Magnus looked around the room hoping someone would help him explain.
"So what Magnus, so what...what did you do? I don't understand. Jace said he was always searching for an answer...I just assumed you were all helping him...you were helping him, right?"
"Kiddo, we were too scared to do much. Raziel could have killed you on the spot. Your letter said...we couldn't take that chance...not with your life...we couldn't do anything..."
"You couldn't do anything?! So what...you just went on living your life while Jace searched every book, followed every lead...did any of you ever even check up on me?"
The silence around the room was deafening but what was worse was that none of them could make eye contact with Clary or Jace. To Clary it was like the air had been knocked out of her chest and she faltered, stepping backwards into Jace's arms.
"Only Jace...for a year...it was only ever Jace I could feel...none of you...I don't...how could you? How could you leave me alone? Even worse, how could you not help Jace? You let him suffer with this alone? I don't..."
"Clary, sweetie, we were all trying to protect you...your dad, my kids...all of us made ourselves be happy that you were safe..."
"While Jace, suffered...did any of you try to help him?"
"We tried to make him stop Clary...we begged him to move on. I offered him a post in Alicante. He wouldn't take it. He didn't want our help."
"Do you hear yourself Alec? What ever happened to 'impossible just means try again'? You...I don't know any of you anymore...maybe I never did."
With that Clary bolted from the room. Luke went to go after her but Jace stopped him.
"No I'll go...I don't think she wants to see any of you right now."
Jace wasn't exactly sure where Clary would go but he had a good guess and as he opened the door to his room he saw Clary sitting on his bed. It took everything in him not to cry...how many nights had he prayed to see her in here again...to touch her her...and here she was but she needed him to be strong right now. It would do no good for them both to be in tears.
"Hey. You ok?"
"No. How could they? I thought we were family? And they left you to deal with all of this on your own. Why? I don't understand."
"I wish I knew Clary. I wish I could make this better...but I don't know how. People grieve in different ways. All I know was that I couldn't just go on. I had to find a way...I knew there had to be a way...I knew our story couldn't end like that...you are my world Clary Fairchild and I knew I would move heaven and earth if I had to in order to get you back."
Clary collapsed into his arms sobbing. Jace's heart broke for her. She had saved the world countless times. She had saved their family even more and in the end none of them saved her. None of them even tried. Jace had been dealing with that betrayal for a year but to Clary it was still a fresh hurt. He rubbed her back and kissed her head until he heard her sobs stop and realized she had fallen asleep. Carefully he scooped her up in his arms and rearranged her on his bed and under the covers. He moved around to the other side and gently stretched out next to her, staring at her and praying she could find some peace with what had happened.
It was only a knock at his door that caused him to look away. Jace got up and opened the door a crack to find Simon on the other side.
"She's sleeping."
"Oh...um...ok...can I...can I talk to you for a minute?"
Jace sighed, looked back at Clary's sleeping form, and went out into the hallway with Simon.
"I can't believe you really did it. You got he back."
"We did it."
"I didn't do..."
"Not me and you Simon...me and Clary...we did it...our love did it...the strength of that women's character did it."
"And to think I told you to move on just yesterday..."
With that the bedroom door swung open.
"You told him what Simon?!"
"Clary I...it was so hard to see him like that...I just thought you would want...that maybe he could go out...meet people...I never dreamed we would get you back..."
"Simon you have been dating Izzy for a year now...you have known about the shadow world even longer. Shadowhunters love once and it's forever. I get that you were thinking like a mundane but to tell him to move on is probably the most insensitive thing you could have ever said to him."
Simon stepped back dropping his head in shame.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make your pain any worse."
Clary and Jace just stared at him and eventually Simon simply walked away.
"I don't want to be here anymore."
"Ok. We can go back to your apartment. Let me just pack some stuff."
"Jace I don't know when or if I will ever want to come back here..."
"I know. It's ok. You are my home Clary. Wherever you go I go."
And go they did. For the next year Jace and Clary travelled the world. They went back to Paris and Prague. They visited London and Brussels. They went to California and Alaska.
They would touch base with their friends. Send pictures of their adventures but what they discovered was they were each other's family...and they were happiest when it was just the two of them.
They spoke of going back to New York eventually of trying to mend the riff that had been carved by their friend's inactions but it was always a far off plan...a plan for another week or month. For now it was Clary and Jace's turn to be selfish and with each day their love...the love that had proven more powerful than even the angels...grew stronger. Nothing would come between them ever again and they would never take for granted the sacrifices that each had made for the other.