Let's Fall Apart, Then Fall Back Together

She'd been angry at first, at herself for giving him a veiled ultimatum that she knew wasn't plausible (or fair, for that matter), and at him for - well, she hadn't figured that out yet. She was just so damned angry when she hauled her duffel bags out of their house and into her car that it was a miracle that the glass windows didn't shatter with the force of the slamming door. When she retold that moment to her diary, she decided to leave out that the door only slammed because her vision was obscured by tears.

It turned to concern about two days later, as she was sat by her cell at three in the morning as he talked through the phone to her voicemail brokenly, unaware that she was on the other end, trying not to pick up and take it all back at the sound of his cracked and alcohol-soaked voice. He told her that he forgot she wasn't there for a moment, told her how he called out for her and broke all over again when Jarvis reminded him that she wasn't there. That was the first night that she drowned her sorrows with a bottle of wine and an odd mix of spirits that she found in the back of her cupboard, and ended the night by removing herself from the Stark Secure Server. She woke in the afternoon, heart pounding as she realised what she'd done, pouring her remaining alcohol down the sink as she tried not to think about what damage she'd do if she ever got that drunk again.

There was a brief period of relief when she watched his MIT speech. She knew she was torturing herself, watching his face fall almost invisibly as she saw his eyes read what she knew was on the teleprompter. Tears clouded her own eyes as she remembered writing it, his arms around her waist and lips on her neck as she laughed, telling him that they had to get it finished. She had tried to pry his arms away half-heartedly, but he only tightened his grip and she quickly typed an introduction for herself, deciding that she could take over and improvise for the remaining time, before spinning around in her chair and giving in to him. Now, thinking about that, it gave her a pain so sharp that she had to catch her breath, but she was glad that he was showing up to those events. Her mind flicked back to a moment a month or so ago, when the sun hadn't yet risen and they were curled into each other, and her soft inquiry as to why he went to those events nowadays was answered by a soft 'I want to make you proud'. She stopped thinking so much after that.

The worry started when his messages stopped. She hadn't actually spoken to him in well over a week, but the messages he left and her brief chats with Rhodey assured her that whilst he wasn't okay, he was coping to some degree. So, when the voicemails stopped, she panicked. They'd been physically apart before, during his missions or her work trips. She knew how to handle that, how to function without him actually next to her, and though it hurt, she could pretend that he'd be back soon. What she didn't know how to handle, though, was not hearing his voice. Whether it was a grainy call from his helmet, or an hour long chat when they just needed to hear each other's voice after a long day, they were always in some kind of contact. The only exception was Afghanistan and, she supposed, the week that they were in. So, when he stopped leaving her messages, it felt like she was losing him all over again. Like she had lost her last shred of composure. She made herself leave the situation alone for a day and a half, and forced herself not to stare at her phone the whole time. It was around 7pm when she finally cracked, allowing herself to call Rhodey to question what Tony was doing. She waited, hearing the ringing tones before, "This is Rhodes, leave a message, and I'll get back to you." She frowned, all too aware of the fact that Rhodey had nevermissed a call. It had become a sort of joke between the group, with Tony often calling at the most ridiculous times he could think of, just to see if Rhodey would answer. Worried, she changed tactic, phoning Happy to find out what was going on.

"Hey, Pepper, this isn't a great time..." Happy answers, the sound of traffic somewhat obscuring his familiar voice.

"What? What's going on, Happy?"

"Haven't you seen the news?"

"No, not in a few days, why?"

"It's a long story, maybe it's best to wait -" Pepper cut him off, "Happy. Tell me if he's okay."

There was a moment of silence, then, "I don't know. All I know is that he's fighting with Cap. Almost all of the Avengers are involved. It's bad. He wouldn't tell me. Maybe try Coulson."

"Oh, God." She breathed almost silently, eyes tearing up as she thought about what could be happening.

"I'm sorry, Pepper. Do you want me to get Coulson on the line?"

"No, no. It's okay. I'll do it. Thanks, Happy."

She ended the call, holding the phone close to her chest for a moment as she tried to calm down. Wiping her eyes, she entered Phil's number, mentally preparing herself as best she could.

"Phil?"

"What can I do for you, Miss Potts?"

"Phil, I've been here for both of your lives, I think we're on a first name basis." She spoke, attempted to keep the mood light.

"Okay, Pepper, what do you need?"

"What's going on with Tony and Steve?"

There was a beat of silence, then a careful, "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Phil, please. Just tell me what's happening."

He softened a bit at her desperation, saying more gently, "It's very high level information, and you know I can't disclose it to people outside of SHIELD."

"I could just get JARVIS to hack you." She sniffed.

"I'm getting the sense that you're not joking." The silence on Pepper's end of the line confirmed his thought, and he sighed as he said, "I suppose you would hear it anyway."

"Thank you, Phil."

"I can only tell you the basics. And this can never happen again."

"I understand."

"It started as a disagreement over whether the Avengers should answer to the United Nations. But now... I presume you know of the existence of HYDRA?"

She furrowed her brow as she replied, "I thought HYDRA was ended years ago."

"So did we. They created a sort of super soldier, someone that the Captain used to know. The Captain is trying to protect him, but it should be the role of the Avengers to bring him in. Some agents have intercepted footage that we believe to show the super soldier committing the murder of Mr Stark's parents." He stopped talking when he heard Pepper's gasp, feeling sympathy for the woman he had grown to know and like over the years, waiting for a minute before continuing, "I know it must be hard to hear, but we're doing everything we can."

"Do you... do you know where he is now? If he's okay?"

Regretfully, Coulson answered, "We don't, not exactly. The footage was found on the server of a Sokovian scientist, but we're yet to identify the location."

"Oh, God."

"He'll be okay, Miss Potts."

She didn't reply to that, saying instead, "Thank you, Phil."

Pepper didn't know what to do with herself. She couldn't keep calling Phil for information every five minutes, though it was a tempting thought. She had logged back in to the Stark Secure Server but found that JARVIS had almost no new information, informing her that both Rhodey and Tony's suits were unable to be accessed. She hoped that it was to prevent hacking, but a little voice in her head wondered if someone else had made them inaccessible. Terrified, she turned off her mobile JARVIS for the moment and sped to the mansion. JARVIS unlocked the door automatically once she was on the premises, and greeted her with his familiar friendly tone. She smiled despite the circumstances, glad to be back in what she had come to consider home.

Pepper decided to busy herself with moving back in. After making both JARVIS and Happy promise to alert her if there was any news, she had quickly run out of things to do, and decided that the only reasonable thing to do was put her things back in their rightful places. She didn't want to overwhelm Tony by moving back in by the time he got home, but the thought of staying in her old apartment whilst he slept in the mansion alone broke her heart. Besides, she reasoned, after everything he seemed to have been through, he'd need someone he could trust by his side when he returned. And, selfishly, she missed him. She missed him more than she anticipated, and, frankly, she couldn't face spending any more time away from him.

Shortly after unpacking all of her things, Pepper gave into the exhaustion she felt and damn near crawled into the bed, burying her face into his pillow as she instructed JARVIS to wake her if he knew anythingnew. She drifted in and out of a fitful sleep, mind still racing with worries about Tony. She gave up trying to sleep after an hour or so, changing into one of his shirts and some sweatpants before settling down on the sofa, asking JARVIS to turn on the TV in an attempt to preoccupy herself. Around four episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashianslater, she finally shut her eyes, letting herself fall to sleep once more.

"Miss Potts?"

Pepper awoke disoriented and slightly panicked, before realising where she was and who, or, more fittingly, whatwas talking to her.

"What is it, JARVIS? Is there news?"

"Mr Stark should be landing in roughly twelve minutes. It is expected that he will take his usual route, entering through the roof."

She smiled immediately, tears springing to her eyes as she heard the information.

"Have you got his vitals available? Oh, and what's the time?" Pepper inquired, still slightly disoriented after everything that had happened the previous day.

"It's 3:56am, Miss Potts, and Mr Stark's vitals are regular and stable."

She rubbed her eyes and let out a relieved sigh, replying, "Thank you, JARVIS."

"Happy to help, Miss Potts."

Her legs seemed to move on their own accord, propelling her downstairs to the workshop faster than she could even process. She almost laughed - half awake, barely functioning, yet she could still run to him. That's how it always was, how it always would be. It could be a fundamental law of the world. The sky was blue, the sun shined, and Pepper Potts would always go back to Tony Stark. She keyed in her password to the workshop with shaky hands, trying not to think about the possibility that he may have changed the passwords, locking her out of his most protected place. Pepper let out an almost inaudible sigh of relief when she heard the familiar click of the door opening, and she smiled softly as she inhaled the familiar scent of oil and metal and something that she couldn't put into words, something just so Tonythat she couldn't help but feel at home. She went through her familiar routine then, pulling out the first aid box and setting out the contents on the worktop. Busy unpacking, she distracts herself from the impending landing of her... of Tony.

She hears him before she sees him, jilting upright from her position on the couch as she heard the familiar sound of him landing on the roof. For a moment she just listens, the sound of him talking to JARVIS relaxing her in ways she didn't expect. She hesitated as she heard the footsteps, unsure of exactly howhe was going to react to her being there. As long as she'd known Tony, she'd never seen anything like this happen. For the first time since she started as his personal assistant, she had no idea how he would react.

All doubts left her mind as soon as she saw him walk into the workshop, limping and bruised. It wasn't the physical effects that threw her. She'd seen them before, seen his dented metal armour and cleaned his wounds. No, what made her freeze was the way his head hung down, the way his eyes lacked the light she had come to adore. She leaped up, finally catching his attention as she watched something she couldn't quite identify fill his face. If the situation wasn't so serious, she probably would've laughed at the double take he did, trying to work out if she was really there.

"Oh my god." The words left her mouth without her permission, hands flitting up to reach for him unconsciously, before she drew back and held her hands by her side, unsure of their boundaries now.

"Are... are you okay? Do you need anything? Can I - Do you want to talk?" She cut herself off there, trying to stop rambling so that he could rest.

He doesn't respond to her worries, shaking his head briefly to gesture that yes, he was okayand no, he didn't want to talk tonight. He watched her for a minute, letting himself smile briefly as he saw her almost reach for him again as she tried to compose herself.

He sighed half-amusedly, shaking his head as he pulled her in to him tightly,

"God, I've missed you, Pepper."

"I missed you, too." She replied softly, shifting slightly to run her hands through his hair.

He pulled back for a moment, gazing at her before he spoke, "I'll give up being Iron Man."

She blinked at him, the look in his deep brown eyes assuring him that he wasn't joking. "What?"

"I'll give it all up, if that's what it takes. I love you, Pep, more than anything, and I -" he paused, frowning briefly before continuing, "I can't lose you like that again."

She tilted his face towards hers, smiling softly at him before saying, "You dont need to do that."

He tried to protest, interrupt, but she cut him off, "I'm not leaving, ever. Iron Man is a part of you, and it wasn't fair of me to ask you to stop, but we don't need to get into it tonight. Let's just get you upstairs and into the shower, okay?"

She turned towards the stairs, but the tug on her hand stopped her, and he pulled her to him once more, locking her lips with his. She leaned into him, letting herself relax for the first time in weeks before she pulled away to rest her forehead on his.

"Are you back for good?" He almost whispered, and her eyes flickered shut at the hint of desperation in his voice.

"My things are all back upstairs. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good. I needed my social security number a couple of times. It was a real problem." He leaned in again, smiling into her lips.

"Oh, so you don'tknow it." She smirked, tugging him up the stairs.

"That's what I've got you for. We've been over this, Potts."

"I suppose I'd better stick around, then." She turned briefly on the stairs to grin at him.

He tugged her hand once again, turning her slightly and backing her against the wall. Resting his hands on her hips, he let himself reach her lips once again, slightly unable to believe that she was actually in front of him again.

"I love you." He muttered between kisses.

Her smile became too big to continue his kisses then, and he moved his focus to her neck as she said, "I love you too."

He pulled away with her words, brushing her hair away from her face gently as she grinned at him, "Now stop distracting me and go and get a shower."

He followed her up the stairs once again, pouting as his intentions went unfulfilled. "Are you going to join me?" He asked suggestively.

"Depends if you ask nicely." She sing-songed, sauntering up the last few steps.

"Oh, I can think of a few ways to ask." He smirked, scooping her up in his arms as she let out a squeak of surprise.

"You better get started, then. We don't have all day."

He stopped for a second, smiling lazily at her before saying, "We've got a lot longer than that."

Fin