a/n: see bottom author note for more info. please don't sue me, i'm broke and own nothing. content warning for torture, sexual situations, swearing, blood, ptsd, and probably a bunch of other stuff. don't like, don't read.

The sounds of his footsteps echoed through the empty dungeon hallway as Draco sulked through his rounds. He hadn't wanted to return to Hogwarts after the war. The corridors held too many ghosts of his past and no hope for the future. He'd only returned to the castle so he could avoid more time in Azkaban. The holding period before his trial had been enough to drive him to the edge of insanity, he knew that any more time there would be the end of him. He could still hear the hopeless screaming in his sleep, regardless of whether or not he'd knocked himself out with the dreamless sleep potion.

McGonagall had given him his position back as prefect to "help him have some sort of purpose", as she said, or, as he thought, to keep a better eye on him. All the teachers and students held him at a distance, some too scared to approach the former death eater, some visibly disgusted by his presence. None of his friends had returned, half were dead anyway and the rest either in hiding or living off their families names elsewhere in Europe. He huffed heavily, expelling a puff of fog in the cold air.

"Stupify!" Draco's body hit the floor with a sickening thud. His vision faded to black as he saw a pair of Mary Jane shoes approach him.

"Ennerverate" a soft voice murmured in his ear.

"Ughhh what the fuck" slurred Draco, squinting against the sudden light. He tried to bring his hands to rub his eyes, but found his wrists bound above him. A figure stood before him, a wand pointed dangerously close to his throat.

"Granger, what in the name of Merlin's hairy left bollock is going on. Point that thing elsewhere and get me down." He scowled, pulling at the magical cuffs which refused to let him go.

A dreamy sort of half smile came across her face. "I don't think I'll do that Malfoy. I've worked very hard on this little plan of mine. It would be a real shame to ruin my fun now."

"What? Let me the fuck down! You're acting like you've been hit by a fucking Impirius" Draco spat, struggling again but getting nowhere. Hermione burst into an almost manic laugh that chilled Draco to the core. It was just too close to the dark lord's, too close to the nightmares'.

"I assure you Malfoy, I'm very much under my own control. Just as much as you are now" she growled, snapping fully back to seriousness. "I've had to live with everything you did to me for too long"

"Look, I'm sorry, alright?' he said, becoming more and more panicked at the way things were progressing. "I was a real wanker to a lot of people for a long time. Now would you let me down so we can talk like rational people?"

She laughed again, circling him predatorily. "The time for petty apologies and conversation came and went a long time ago. Now is the time for you to feel everything you ever did to me"

Raising her wand, his body floated several inches off the ground. "It's time for you to know the humiliation you caused me every day for years" she said, flicking her wand in Xes across his body. His robe, button-down shirt, trousers and boxers fell from him in ribbons, leaving his pale skin exposed to the chill of the room.

"Merlin, what's wrong with you?" Draco screamed, his face flushing an ugly red. "You've totally lost your bloody minrft!" his lips sealed together with another flick of the witch's wand.

"Now" she said, drawing in the air with the tip of her wand, gathering bits of shadow and frosty mist into a wicked-looking dagger. "Where should I start?" she said, eyes roaming across his flesh.

Draco struggled more, eyes wide with fear. "Should I cut out your heart like you did to me?" she said, running the very tip off the dagger down the center of his chest gently. The smallest of scratches followed in its wake, a bead of dark blood collecting along the wound. Hermione traced the edge of her blade with her tongue.

"No, that would be too soft of me. I should make you suffer. After all, I suffered for years from your cruelty. Being called a mudblood daily, being treated like Drooble's on the bottom of your shoe, that incident with the teeth in fourth year…" she trailed off slightly, eyes coming unfocused before snapping back to reality

"I should never fallen for you, but I did. Guess I've always been a bit of a masochist. Every horrible thing you said drew me more to you. I was a moth to a lantern and I got fucking burned. I knew you were fucking around with other girls the whole time. You hid me behind the stupid excuse of protecting me. I should have known better. I knew you never loved me like I loved you but I still kept coming back. Even after you got that fucking mark, after you joined Him, I still came back to you." Her eyes sparkled with angry tears. "Why do i still love you after you left me!" she screamed "Why do I love you when you could watch your bitch of an aunt torture me on the floor of you own fucking pretentious-ass drawing room?!"

The tears streamed down her face as she fell to her knees. The knife clattered to the stone floor as her hands came up to claw at her own face.

"I hate this" she murmured, eyes flicking back and forth erratically, "I want to make you hurt. I want you to hurt as much as i do every time i see you or even think about you, but I can't do it. I can't bring myself to do anything but love you. I'd rather live with the abuse, with the infidelity, with being hidden, with knowing that you'll never feel the same towards me that I feel for you than to lose you again."

a/n

this story was very much a way for me to release some stuff through writing, but I have no idea where to go from here. please, please, please leave a review/comment to let me know what would be a good direction for this. Does she go through with the torture? Does she let him go? Do they make up? I'm super torn here and want to finish the story but can't figure out how. Thank you! ~halfbloodroyalty