"Please, Will, I need to have it back!"

Will touched his wife's shoulder reassuringly. "Elizabeth, love, you mustn't let yourself get upset like this."

"I rather second that," Jack added. He leaned over the infant boy lying in Elizabeth's lap and poked at his nose. "You're quite scary when you're angry."

"I need that stamp back!" Elizabeth slapped at Jack's hand. "Don't touch my baby, Jack."

"Love, the Becketts claim the stamp is now theirs," Will said helplessly. "And the government backs them up. I wish I could get it back for you. But I don't know where they keep it!"

"Will, that stamp is very important!" Elizabeth was close to tears. "It's the last thing I have from my father!"

Jack leaned over to Will. "Let's just go and get it, mate," he whispered loudly. "There's nothing worse than an angry woman which fury hell hath no."

Will shoved him away with a sigh. "All right. I'll go and get it. But there's to be a lady's party today and tomorrow at Beckett's house. How are we supposed to get in?"

"I'll get Henry will take care of that bit," Jack decided, picking up a fan from the table and fluttering it daintily. He turned to Elizabeth. "Don't worry, darling. I will go in undercover."

"What do you mean?" Will asked sharply. "Jack, what are you thinking?"

Jack favored him with a beaming smile as he fluttered his fan faster. "I've always wanted to try on one of those fluffy gown things."

~o~o~o~

"I cannot believe you talked me into this," Will hissed at Jack behind his fan as the butler led them through the opulent house. He stumbled slightly over the oversized dress he had taken from Elizabeth's wardrobe. "I cannot believe you talked me into this!"

"You're the one who insisted on coming," Jack whispered back, the high blond wig on his head swaying merrily as he walked, the many petticoats rustling beneath his own dress. "You said you didn't want me to go in by myself."

"I can't trust you to!"

"Well, that isn't my problem," Jack pointed out. The butler left them standing outside the sitting room door and entered.

"Oh, let them come in," Will heard a voice sigh. The butler returned and led them into the sitting room.

"Madam." The butler clicked his heels sharply. "May I present Ms. Wilhelmina Turner and Ms. Jacqueline Sparrow. Ms. Sparrow, Ms. Turner- Ms. Mary Beckett, Ms. Gertrude Holds, Ms. Eleanor Formant."

Will curtsied. Jack attempted to curtsey, stumbled over his dress, and fell into a heap on the floor. Will hauled Jack upright and deposited him in a seat.

"Really, how nice." Mary did not look very pleased. "How do you do, Ms. Turner? And you, Ms. Sparrow?"

"Very well, thank you," Will replied, falsetto.

"I'd be a lot better if not for this dress. How do you stand these itchy abominations?" Jack inquired, lifting the hem of his gown and scratching enthusiastically at his leg. "And these corset things. Terrible; very bad for the digestion."

"Jack," Will hissed from behind his fan. "Would you please behave yourself until Henry gets that stamp?"

"Speaking of digestion," Jack continued, unperturbed. "Would there perchance be vittles lying about anywhere?"

Eleanor passed him a dainty crystal bowl of mixed nuts. Will reached in for a few. Jack slapped his hand, causing him to drop the nuts with a barely-concealed yelp.

"My peanut," Jack muttered, grabbing the nut in question, then seizing the bowl and upturning it into his open mouth.

The ladies stared. Will fluttered his fan awkwardly. "It's quite chilly out today, isn't it?"

"Rather, Ms. Turner," Gertrude replied. "Why, on promenade this morning, the wind was so very strong it nearly lifted the fan from my hand!"

"Enough of that twaddle," Jack interrupted. "Though goodness knows you need the walk. And a tighter corset, dare I add. You'd be positively ravishing if not for that thing on your face. Let's talk about something interesting, says I."

Gertrude was offended. "And just what, pray tell, would you consider interesting, Ms. Sparrow?"

"Rum," Jack sighed. "Glorious, glorious rum! Would any of you overstuffed and overdressed beauties happen to have a cask or two or twelve lying about?"

"Why, Ms. Sparrow!" Mary looked scandalized. "Rum is a heathen drink! How could you even talk of it?"

"Hang talking about it, I just want to drink it," Jack declared, flapping his fan animatedly, the wind ruffling the curly blond wig on his head. Will nudged him sharply.

"Well, ladies, I must say, those nuts were disappointing," Jack sighed. "They get absolutely everywhere. I think one even-"

He reached up to his wig, dropping his fan and beginning to riffle through the blond curls. "I know it's in there somewhere...!"

Will was extremely gratified to see Henry slide out from a pillar and give him a wink, patting at a lump in his pocket.

"Will you excuse us a moment?" Will gritted through a beaming smile. He seized Jack's upper arm and dragged him to his feet. "I'm afraid Ms. Sparrow and I need to have a quick word with our- uh- driver."

Gertrude sniffed. "Very well. Shall you be returning?"

"No, we shall not!" Jack was adamant. "I have had quite enough weather talk, and more than enough enduring this torture device you call a dress. And this wig!"

He reached up and snatched it off his head, flinging it into Mary's lap. Mary shrieked and slumped over backward in her chair.

"Time to go," Will managed as Jack tossed his fan into Gertrude's face, blowing kisses as Will dragged him from the room. "Very nice to have met you all."

"Capital!" Jack yelled, kicking his way out of the numerous petticoats. "Many thanks for the nuts, Eleanor darling. Perhaps one day we shall meet again..."

Will just managed to get Jack out of the parlor before the staff came.

~o~o~o~

"Thank you, Will, Henry," Elizabeth said gratefully as Henry dropped the stamp into her lap and Will collapsed on the couch. Jack sat down too, still wearing the half of the dress that hadn't been torn off when it got snagged under the carriage wheels.

"It was quite an adventure, Lizzy," he sighed. "And not a drop of rum to be had."

"How was it?" Elizabeth asked, ignoring the captain.

"Jack," Will informed his wife through gritted teeth, "did not exactly conduct himself like a lady."

"And the dresses were too tight," Jack added helpfully.

"I got the stamp, though," Henry pointed out. "It was sitting on a side board. The Becketts didn't bother with hiding it, apparently."

"Thank heaven for small mercies," Will grumbled, taking the baby boy from his wife.

"That is not a small mercy," Jack retorted, looking at the baby. "It near bit my finger off yesterday."

"Serves you right," Elizabeth yawned. "I knew James would make me proud."